I'm a much better hero than the Immortal. I've slept with you plenty of times and I've never died. Batmanuel to Captain Liberty after she literally screwed a fellow superhero to death, Fox's The Tick (Thursdays after Family Guy, check your local listings, and then watch or I hate you)

1.Finally an event has occurred that forces me to comment. The Ayatolla of Rock and Rolla reigns. Truly his much waited heel turn has been lukewarm thus far (pinned by a DDT? in a tag match? WTF? WTf'nF?). But now, clean victories or not, your party host has united the titles. True the odds of him keeping the friggin title past the Royal Rumble are about the same as my actually making it as a writer, but hey! Enjoy it for now. Kane sucks.

2.Poor Kurt. A heatless face turn (Invasion), a heatless heel turn(before Survivor Series), another heatless face turn (at Survivor Series), followed by ANOTHER heel turn (joining Vince McMahon who also turned heel rather predictably and heatlessly). Aichewawa, thassa lotta turns Maaaario! Note to you:Last night one Stunner beat me. Two months ago, three couldn't. The WWF has all the continuity of DC Comics circa 1980. And if ya don't get it, look it up.

3.Unbeatable heel Austin *coughHogancough*, is chased by babyfaces, such as the one who should STAY heel Kurt*coughGiantcough*, the tall guy Undertaker*coughNashcough* who was on his side in the WWF *coughWolfPaccough* (a faction that was heel but turned face), and the mega face succesor all the fans assume could beat him Rock*coughGoldbergcough*. Now Austin hates McMahon, people are pissing on each other, the bookers are pissing themselves to avoid putting Rock and Austin against each other, Jerry Lawler is screaming about puppies rather than getting on Jim Ross's nerves, and DX will likely reform when HHH and X Pac join Hall/Nash/Michaels. So, my complaint changes from "I'm watching WCW 1998" to "I'm watching WWF 1998". Is this supposed to be an improvement? Jesus Christ it's a good thing Y2J's champ.

4.Vince asks "why are ratings down?" Hey Vinny, maybe if ya'd stop devoting segments to kissing your ass or Undertaker's pointless heel turn or that God-Damned-God-Awful-Creed song and LISTEN to Paul Heyman your show wouldn't suck so much cock! *BREATHE, BREATHE* At least Stephanie is gone. Until HHH gets back. Shit, talk about your double edged sword.

5.I miss Heyman already. To illustrate my point I present this announcement of my proceeding Reality Check starring Heyman, Ross, Lawler, Cole, Schiavonne, Tenay, Stevie Ray, Tazz, and Mark Madden.

Schiavonne:This will be the greatest column in the history of Sports Entertainment!

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Cole:This will be the greatest column in the history of Sports Entertainment! Hey, we have a similar style!

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Heyman:Except Tony WAS a good announcer at one point.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Madden:And you couldn't announce if Gordon Solie possesed you.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Tazz:No doubt, heh heh.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Ross:Apparently, Johnny doens't like Kurt's turns any more than Austin likes McMahon. You know...

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Heyman:That's it, I'm cutting your mic cord.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Ross:(talks about Austin for rest of column, pauses to call Test a stud halfway through)

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Stevie:Suckas got to know, who's booking this Attitude rehash?

Heenan:(Walks up and takes mic from Stevie) The real question is, who made you a color commentator? Peon. (breaks mic, walks away)

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Cole:We could have a new champion!

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Tazz:No doubt. Heh heh.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Heyman:This isn't even a match! Are you braindead?

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Schiavonne:What an exciting match this has turned out to be!

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Cole:Daddy?

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Schiavonne:Reunited! Let's get ice cream. (leaves with Cole)

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Tazz:Ratings are down, like, uh, that, uh, whoa! What about those ratings?

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Heyman:I used to know a guy named Taz who could wrestle.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Tazz:I'll tell ya if Joey Numbers or me sees him! No Doubt. Heh heh.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Tenay:Johnny ain't the only one who misses ya Paul, and I'm still here!

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Heyman:Why haven't you spoke up?

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Tenay:Well with Stevie, Tony, Cole, and Tazz anouncing my brain almost exloded resisting the urge to kill myself.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Madden:Well now Tony and Cole are gone...

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Tazz:No Doubt. Heh heh.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

Madden:We can discuss other interesting things like the Hardyz breakup and uh... wow. The WWF realy does suck now.

Lawler:Puppies! HAHA!

THE END