A CURE FOR THE COMMON FAN
I suppose the recent concern in the diminishing quality of wrestling has overshadowed a far greater problem heretofore unmentioned by many: the diminishing quality of the internet mark. To test my hypothesis, I entered the Yahoo chat pretending to be a fan who hadn't watched wrestling for a while. Here are the results. The names have been changed to protect the unknowledgable.
Me: hey, i haven't watched wrestling for a while. anyone want to catch me up on what's been going on?
UnsuspectingVictim: well where was wrestling at when you last tuned in
Me: let's see. it was about the time the berzerker started out.
Me: that was the viking guy, right?
UV: who is the berzerker
Me: wait, you have to know the berzerker.
Me: how about skinner?
UV: dude i have no idea who you're talking bout
UV: don't know skinner either
Me: papa shango?
UV: heard of him but not really
Me: max moon?
Me: everyone loved max moon. now he was going places.
UV: the most recent wrestlers now days are The Undertaker, The Rock, Triple H, HBK, etc.
Me: yeah. i remember the undertaker.
Me: i've heard of the rock, maybe triple h, but who's hbk?
UV: hbk is the heartbreak kid Shawn Michaels
Me: shawn michaels? the rocker?
UV: yes shawn michaels the former rocker
Me: marty jannetty could kick his butt any day of the week
UV: well marty janetty didn
UV: oops didn't last
UV: The Rock is the current Undisputed Champion
Me: undisputed champion?
UV: yes undisputed champion
Me: i think wcw would dispute it
UV: sorry kingleo the wcw is no more
UV: yes king leo the wcw hasn't been for a while
Me: they had hogan fro crying out loud
Me: koko b. ware was my favorite. anyone know where he
(End of transmission)
Troubling, isn't it. As a side note it's plain to see that UV has a severe case of Brethartitis whose symptoms which include preceding the acronym WCW with the definate article "the."
Another chat had even more disturbing results.
Consider the following:
Me (after about 5 requests): won't somebody pleaaaase tell me what's happened in wrestling? my cable went out so i haven't been able to watch lately.
Mark: rocks undisputed champ thats all you need to know
Me: ok. that's a start.
Me: but i kind of want to know about my favorites
Mark: matt hardy smacked jeff with a chair
Me: ok. never heard of him. what about repo man. what's he been up to?
Mark: who in the blue hell is repo man
Mark: u sick freeeeeeek
Me: last i saw repo man was hanging british bulldog with his tow chain
Me: u have to know repo man
Mark: bulldogs dead my friend
Mark: so is owen
Me: wow! that sucks.
Mark: and yokosuna
Mark: and andre
Mark: and brian pillman
Me: well, i guess it has been a while
Me: what about skinner? does he still chew tobacco?
Me: vince mcmahon always said on superstars that he'd get gum cancer if he didn't stop
Mark: no he made love to ric flair
Me: who made love to ric flair?
Me: that's nasty!
Me: so where's koko b. ware?
Mark: half way up ur ass
(End of transmission)
Not to mention the so-called 15 year old "lifelong
fan" who, when I explained why 1991-1992 was such a
good year in wrestling told me I need to get a life.
Man, she sounds like my MOM.
So there you have it folks. The future of wrestling fans.
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