JUST A FEW IDEAS
Hello, my name is Leech. Oh, ok, not really, but for the purpose of this column, that's who I am. Some of you may know me from Weinerville as LeechOfTheNight but I figured it's probably better that I keep that name short for the purpose of this column. All those words running together can't be a good thing. OK, enough with the introductions, I'm here for one thing and one thing only: to save the WWF!
I know, I know, everyone hates fantasy booking and that's really not what I want to do here. I'm just going to toss around a few ideas I have that might make things a little better, at least in my eyes. There's been a lot of talk lately about how the WWF is just a mere shadow of what it use to be and that it'll be out of business before we know it. Personally, I still enjoy the hell out it. While some of you may be off watching Survivor or Friends on Thursday nights, I'm watching Smackdown from start to finish. Why? Because I love the WWF!
Lately, though, I have found it less enjoyable than I once did and I can blame it only on one thing: the writing. They've got the talent to make Raw and Smackdown two of the greatest shows on TV, but they're just not using it right. So, here's what I think needs to be changed:
PPV Buildup: Remember the good old days when we knew what the main event for the next PPV would be the night after the current one? Nowadays, we're lucky if we know half the card prior to the Smackdown before it. I thought that this "brand extension" thing might fix that seeing how everyone's TV time has been cut in half, but that isn't the case. Honestly, where the hell did Billy and Chuck vs. Rikishi and a mystery partner come from? And then Trish vs. Stacy? I know, it's only a chick's match but that came way out of left field, too. I mean, it's interesting and all that D-Von and Bubba will be on opposing sides, but that's not gonna make anyone buy the PPV. Then, there's Wrestlemania. the biggest buildup to any match on that card involved a feud over shampoo. Hell, it was still a good show, but at the same time, it was strangely disappointing. I think a friend of mine put it best when he said "It just doesn't feel like a Wrestlemania". Now, to put that into perspective, we were on the floor of the Sky Dome mid-show at the time he said it. Although the main event delivered just about what we all expected it to, it wasn't enough due to the buildup which pretty much involved the fact that HHH was out for 8 long months and that he had recently split up with Stephanie, who was in the corner of some random wrestler HHH was facing. Jericho was a non-factor in that match's buildup. Hell, they could have thrown Christian in there and the results would have been practically the same. On top of that, they put the match on after Rock vs. Hogan so everyone in the crowd was pretty much spent by that point. It's a strange feeling sitting there watching HHH's entrance with almost no crowd reaction whatsoever. Of course, I'll pin a good chunk of that on Drowning Pool. God damn, they suck.
All These New Faces: Let's see, in the past couple months, we've seen the debuts of Rico, Brock Lesnar, Randy Orton and Deacon Idontknowhathisnameis. Well, I can firmly say that all four of them suck. OK, maybe it's not their faults, but I have no interest in any of them. Let's look at Brock. Sure, the guy's jacked, but he's really only about the size of Val Ven...excuse me, I mean the Big Valboski. You can make anyone looks like an unstoppable monster when you have them beat up the Hardyz every week. To top it off, his gimmick is that people think he has a real bright future. Oh, and he likes to hang out with Paul Heyman. Wow, great work coming up with that one. Then, there's Randy Orton who keeps getting these fluke victories, making people like Lance Storm look like bigger pussies than they did already. And Randy's gimmick? His daddy use to be a wrestler. Then, we have Deacon and Rico. They like to hang out with other wrestlers and not really do anything but interfere. That's right: they're managers that don't talk. Actually, I kind of like Rico's gimmick, but it's gonna be really hard to break away from that one. When Billy and Chuck split up eventually, I predict not seeing Rico for at least a month afterwards. Deacon might have a better chance of breaking away from his gimmick later on down the road, but what the hell are they gonna call him? Personally, I think they shoulda kept his name as Leviathan like it was in Ohio Valley. That's such a badass name. I remember that one Magic card called Leviathan that was 10/10 trample but you had to like tap all this mana before you could untap him...I mean, uh, what the hell's a Magic card? Oh yeah, I kinda remember some kids playing it back in like 7th grade, but I wasn't one of them. Nope, not me.
All these Old Faces: Since the Rumble, we've seen the return of quiet a few old faces return, and I'm not talking about the nWo. I mean guys like Goldust, Val Venis, D' Lo Brown, Mark Henry, and a whole helluva lotta Alliance guys that suck. And since then, whose become the most successful? Why, Goldust of course! Bare with me now because I'm judging success on involvement in angles and overall TV time. Unfreakingbelievable, isn't it? I mean, who the hell ever thought we'd even see Goldust again after he was fired three years ago? Oh well, good for him. At least his little backstage segments with Book have been pretty funny. I just hope they're not over after what happened on Monday(I'll get to that later). OK, so what should be done with all these people? Well, let's get D' Lo on Raw on a more permanent basis. He deserves it a lot more than fucking Planet Stasiak. I would have loved to have seen D' Lo vs. Regal on Sunday, but I guess that ain't gonna happen. Maybe next month, though. As far as the rest of these guys go, I don't know what to do with them. Mark Henry's boring. Val Venis either needs to get his old gimmick back entirely or find something completely different to do. Keep Justin Credible on Heat because he sucks. Same with Steven Richards. I liked that video with Tommy Dreamer they showed on Monday so maybe he can go somewhere. And please, for the love of God, just fire Shawn Stasiak already. I hate this Planet Stasiak crap and he's wasting so much valuable time on Raw each week. I don't get what they're trying to pull with him either. He keeps getting killed by heels each week. That's his new gimmick. He's some fucking nutcase that gets killed by heels each week on Raw. Is he even suppose to be a good guy because everyone seems to hate him? Is he getting over with this? What's the point?
Raw is Austin: What would Raw be like without Steve Austin? Honestly, what would they do? Let's say, Steve decided to take a week off or was hurt. How would they possibly book Raw? Let me tell you right now, I guarantee that the main event would be Bradshaw vs. the Undertaker. Not that I'm saying it would be a terrible, terrible match (no, I'll leave that to you), but why the hell would I want to see it? Every week, Raw is all about Austin, and it's only going to get worse now that they're playing up the Austin vs. Flair thing. Now, I like Austin, but my God, how about we see something different on Raw sometime. The problem is, Austin is the only top face on the show. Well, for now anyway, Hogan's on it, too, but he's not doing much, despite the fact that he's got a championship match on Sunday against Raw's top heel, the Undertaker. Let's take a brief look at that feud, shall we? So far, they've talked some trash, then Taker beat up Hogan with his weight belt, then there was more trash talk, then Hogan ran over Taker's bike, then finally Taker dragged Hogan around with his bike. Right. I think it may be time to elevate RVD.
The nWo: What a group, huh? X-Pac, Big Show, and now Booker T. I guess Nash is in, too, but he's hurt. Losing Scott Hall was a huge blow to those guys, but I really can't blame them for firing him, as much as I wish it hadn't happened. Speaking of his firing, how about X-Pac's reaction to it? One minute, he's going off about how "He's my friend" and the next, he's all smiles as if he was happy they fired Scott. So, should the WWF just give up on the nWo entirely? Maybe. If not, though, how do you fix it? Their best bet may be to patch things up with HBK and bring him in. With Hall gone, maybe Nash will be a bit more open to the idea of Shawn joining the nWo. If not him, Scott Steiner would be an interesting addition. Oh yeah, as far as Booker T joining, it was a stupid move. Book's so angry and nWo is so laid back. I just don't see him fitting in well. Plus, he was so close to a face turn. I dunno, maybe it's not too late to remedy this situation. I think a beatdown on Heat for him losing to Austin, followed by him interfering in the Handicap match, causing Austin to win, might be their best bet with him.
Cruiserweights: There's only one way to get any respect for the Cruiserweight division: a big 6 way spotfest to kick off Judgment Day. After that, people will be screaming for more Cruiserweight action. Unfortunately, I can only come up with five Cruiserweights on Smackdown: Hurricane, Tajiri, Kidman, Chavo and Funaki. If Rey Mysterio Jr. is really hired by them, then maybe he can be the sixth. Now that wouldn't be a bad debut at all. I guess it's not too late to make this happen on Sunday, but I really doubt it will. Speaking of Cruisers making their debuts, I'm thinking Shannon Moore may show up as Hurricane's arch-nemesis. Either that, or it'll be Rey, but I think enough people have some clue of who he is so that a packaging him as a super villain might be unnecessary.
Tag Division: It's too bad there aren't any tag teams on Smackdown besides Billy and Chuck. Actually, it's too bad there aren't any tag teams in the WWF besides Billy and Chuck and the Hardyz. How the hell do you fix that? Even if they were to put the Tag Champs on both shows, there's almost no point!
OK, that's it for my ideas and suggestions, but I'm not through yet. That's right, as an added bonus, you're getting my Judgment Day predictions!
Women Championship: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler
Tag Team Championship: Rikishi and Mystery Partner vs. Billy and Chuck
Hardyz vs. Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman
Austin vs. Big Show and Ric Flair
Intercontinental Championship: RVD vs. Eddie G
Hair vs. Hair: Edge vs. Angle
Hell in a Cell: HHH vs. Y2J
WWF Title: Hogan vs. Taker
OK, so what did you think? Was this a good read? Did it suck? Am I an absolute tool? Give me feedback. Any feedback, good, bad or indifferent. Well, maybe not indifferent. I'm not sure what that accomplishes. Whatever, comment on it in Weinerville or, better yet, e-mail me. Maybe I'll write some more of these things.