Hi kids, sorry there was no column last week, something happened to it between mine and Chris's servers and he never got it. Never mind, it wasn't very good anyway (no differences there then).

Not a very long column this week, I've got a shit-load of work to do that I've left to the last minute. So on with my first rant.

I've come to a conclusion about the bookers at WCW. It was often speculated that the old bookers were all on crack when they decided the matches and story lines for Nitro etc. I have now decided that it must be a requirement of the job that you must take crack before you can do any booking. This is clear from what is planned for Juvi that can be most kindly described as "fucking screwed up". First he is going to have problems with the immigration authority - a tad odd and perhaps a little too racially motivated, but it gets worse. After this travesty, Juvi is then going to fall in love with a transvestite. Now I've got nothing against transvestites, but what the fuck is that? That story line will bury Juvi, absolutely bury him. It would seem that taking as much crack as Vince also seems to cause memory loss and delusions of grandeur. Vince said he would not put himself in story lines. What happens? "The powers that be" are mentioned every twenty bloody seconds, he sits off screen telling wrestlers to sell things or go clean toilets, and he has two big dudes with silly names doing his bidding. The man is a monster of society and something has to be done!! Oh yeah, and also - David Flair vs. Kimberly at Mayhem? Why is it not the main event? Surely with two mat technicians like those it will be MATCH OF THE YEAR. Or it will at least be a tie between that and the eight woman tag match at Survivor Series (*groan*). Russo knows how to keep the action and stories flowing but he's showing he only knows two things about booking the actual wrestling - Jack and shit, and Jack left town.

Mark Madden has DONE IT AGAIN!!!!!! Just when you think the man can't get any more irritating and arrogant, he says "You can never have enough self-important egomaniacs, after all." In his column. Unfortunately he's not talking about himself. Now I'm not JR's biggest fan but he doesn't deserve this abuse. Especially from that big fat hypocrite, it brings to mind some phrase about a pot and a kettle, I can't quite remember it right now...........

And (sorry about the terrible grammar) while were talking about Jim Ross, I'm not too sure about the whole Bells Palsy skit. It was a pretty tasteless and not to mention mean thing to do (crack inspired no doubt). However, lets put it in perspective. The WWF made the whole Palsy thing with JR into a plot some time ago - that he was fired because of it. He shouted at Bart Gunn about it and basically made sure everybody noticed. On top of this, as Bob Ryder pointed out, a while back the WWF did the "Billionaire Ted" skits. Two of the things that were involved in this skit was that Ted had to take lithium because of an illness, and secondly they took the piss out of Ted's dad committing suicide. I just hope all the WWF fans who ripped WCW apart over the JR skit can admit that the WWF was doing tasteless and spiteful skits first. That doesn't make WCW's skits any less tasteless and spiteful, I just want to totally invalidate the "holier than thou" attitude that some WWF marks have taken up. I wish both companies would get over these petty, stupid jabs at each other and go back to putting on good wrestling, sorry, I mean good sports enterfuckingtainment (TM) .

Survivor Series was okay wasn't it? As usual Edge and Christian were involved in the best match of the PPV. Christian is totally my favourite wrestler in the WWF, bar none. Kane vs. X-Pac was very disappointing, as was the tag title match. I couldn't believe Chris Jericho didn't win! He kicked Chyna's ass and that Pedigree off the top rope was messed up horribly. The WWF has more or less made me not give a shit about Jericho any more. He was my most favouite wrestler EVER this time last year.

You Americans had better watch out! I've noticed something quite scary about The Rock's schtick. In Nazi Germany, they frequently used the German word "volk". Such as Volkswagen etc. In case you don't know, "volk" is German for "people" i.e Volkswagen was people's car basically. Now someone less paranoid than myself would say "so what?" but I think that all this talk of "the People's elbow" and "the People's champion" isn't just a coincidence. Now I'm NOT SAYING THE ROCK IS A NAZI. Even I'm not that stupid. But my theory is that The Rock got into the wrestling business in order to gain political power. His quest was to become the most "over" man in wrestling and then command the masses to rise up and cause an insurrection, making The Rock the president of a new military dictatorship. He'll probably change the name of the White House to "Smackdown Hotel" and declare war on Canada or something. Can you imagine his speeches - "I am the moooooost eleeeeectrifyyyyyyinnnnnng president in world politics today!" "Saddam, you can take your nuclear weapons, shine them son o' bitches up real nice......" need I go on? How long would it be before he brings the whole world to its knees, the evil bastard? He's already the most over man in wrestling, what diabolical step could come text? DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

I've seen through the Rock I now know of his grand scheme WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!

WWF the Music 4. Hmm.... I think that anyone who buys an CD with "Ass Man" and "WEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL, well it's the BIG SHOOOOOWWWW" has a heck of a lot more money than sense. But then again, what would I know? I'm only a wrestling fan. (name the slightly obscure wrestling reference and get a mention next week!!!!!!! No, really!)

Berlyn's bodyguard is called Wall, ha bloody ha. It's just as well I've wearing a belt on my jeans, or my sides would surely split with laughter. I say the next step is ditching the Berlyn name and calling him Adolf Wright. Go on Vince, you know you want to you bastard.

Can someone help me out here, but a side slam and a sidewalk slam are not the same move are they? Its just that I could swear that the move JR keeps calling a sidewalk slam is a side slam or a side suplex as they used to call it in the good old days when I was a nipper. I'm sure I'm right.

I celebrated my twentieth birthday last Monday, now that I'm not a teen, I'm legally allowed in the UK to reminisce about how things were different when I was young.

That's it for this week chums, email me if you have the time. I'd love to hear from YOU yes, YOU!

Stay safe in all your endeavours and be happy.

I'll leave you with this question - how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?