Last week, I wanted to take a little vacation with Mrs. Right Reverend, and I needed to get a pastor to do the sermon on Sunday morning. So, I called the Reverend Steve Austin, and after listening to the audio tape of the service, here is what he preached on Sunday morning...
(Sound of glass breaking, cue organ solo of Austin's entrance music)
I am here to do the service for the Right Reverend this morning. If you don't respond when you should, I am going to go down there, and kick your %$#!! (stunned silence). You know what my watch is telling me? (Pause) It's time to get down to business!
I came into this church today
to preach the word of Jesus Christ
I said to preach the word of Jesus Christ
Because all y'all need to hear what He has to say
I said, you need to hear what He has to say
When he was in the desert
He resisted temptation
He went hungry and thirsty
And you know what He did by defeating temptation
He stomped a mudhole in the devil's $%# !!
(Wild cheers erupt in congregation)
In all seriousness--I am jealous of this man. Austin had the crowd at Raw two Monday's ago feeding out of the palm of his hand. They hinged at his every pause. Austin was so good that night, the crowd was even responding to Angle's dialogue (which Angle deftly handled with the right amount of heelishness), and to his mentions of Ric Flair (WHOO!). I would love it if I (or any other pastor in the world) could have an audience on the edge of their seats, ready to respond at our every word. I am jealous of "The Rattlesnake."
For the next time Mrs. Right Reverend and I need to go on vacation, I'll call another preacher from the First Church of the Squared Circle (based out of Stamford, CT)--this time, a humble man of the cloth named Reverend Dwayne Johnson. I heard he has a really good opening statement in his services...
FINALLY, THE REV. ROCK, HAS COME BACK...
Enjoy this Christmas season, everyone!
"The Right Reverend"
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