HOW TO BE A MORON AT A WRESTLING SHOW
Bring signs that contain personal cryptic messages that noone else in the bldg. could possibly understand. Hold them up during up-tempo moments and wave them proudly during the finish.
When discussing wrestling with other fans, act as if Hogan is still on top in the WWF. Proclaim that Sgt. Slaughter may have been his toughest test ever and you're hoping they hook it up one more time.
Station yourself in the midst of a group of 14-18 yr. old girls and totally berate Jeff Hardy thru-out his entire match ("Jeff Hardy is a Long Haired Sissy Boy whose feet stink and he don't love Jesus!").
If you're at a house show and you've seen the results of previous house shows with the same card, be sure to share the ending with as many fans as you can find.
Say this to everybody you see, "It's fake, you know?"
Cheer X-Pac like a madman.
If you get the chance to go backstage, ask Lita (in front of Matt) if she still has that condom Danny Doring gave her when they got engaged.
Encourage fans around you to throw ice, trash, and other debris at the wrestlers. Stand behind them and point them out to security as they do so.
Find a group of small children. Sit among them and scream profanities until they get up and move. Invite your friends over to take their seats. Leave before security arrives.
Invite 6 friends to attend a show with you. Buy five tickets for them. At the gate, host a make-shift Survivor game and find out which of the six is least popular.
Park your Ford Pinto in the spot reserved for Vince's limo. Remove the tires so it will be extremely difficult to tow. Carry them into the show with you and ask the people in the seats next to you if they mind holding them while you go to the bathroom.
Position yourself near the wrestler's exit and tip some of them a buck or two for a job well done.
If the fan favorite is in peril, help him out by throwing your chair into the ring. Throw it hard and try to get it as close to him as possible.
Start a "She's a CrackWhore" chant when Lillian Garcia starts singing the National anthem.
Every time someone speaks to you, cross your eyes, smile and reply, "You're welcome."
Roam the parking lot with an aluminum bat in your hand. Ask Security for directions to the lockerroom, explaining that you're "invading" the show and taking over the WWF. Hand them a tape of your entrance music and ask if they can deliver it to the sound guy for you.
"Do onto others as you would have done to you" Take all your clothes off and fling feces at Juventud Guerrera.
Once in your seat, be sure to "Light one up for the GodFather!"
Speak in detail of the superiority of Japanese wrestling and then go to the bathroom during the Taijiri & Kaientai matches cuz they don't speak English and nobody cares about them.
Announce repeatedly that the WWF has gone downhill since Vince Russo left. Moan about his hands being tied in the WCW and get absolutely giddy over the prospect of him working for WOW.
Juxtapose former American Gladiators with wrestling legends, like, "Yeah I remember Strike Force. Didn't Tito and Turbo hold the tag team titles for a while?"
At the merchandise counter, ask the employee to unfold and hold up as many shirts as possible so you can determine what size you need. Do not make a purchase.
Wear a T-shirt with the letters, "F E L O N". Hang out in front of the Ladies room all nite.
Offer a small child $100 for successfully bouncing a basketball 10 times. Punch him in the face when he completes number 8.
Spread large quantities of mis-information, "I read on the WWF web site that Hogan & Goldberg are signed and the Rock is in rehab and that's why he's not on TV."
Sneak backstage and offer to be Spike Dudley's mystery partner. Lite yourself on fire to demonstrate your worthiness.
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