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Mike Phoenix




Vince is a Genius.

In this column, which I will write to you whenever I feel the need to throw out some ideas and some sarcasm, I will prove, hopefully logically, that Vince is doing something right, and even though everyone seems to think it's complete and utter crap, it's a good idea. Wish me luck. Oh, and by the way, it's going to be your problem figuring out what's actual opinion and what's sarcasm. Sorry.

The Kiss My Ass Club

Absolutely genius from top to bottom. What Vince has done is find a way to annoy as many viewers as possible doing the least amount of actual work. I mean, how much work is it to show your ass, as compared to get your ass kicked? He's also managed to revolt 60% of the viewing and in-arena audiences, causing them to boo him. That's the entire idea! Do you think people would have cheered as much for Ric Flair's return [aside from the fact that it was his hometown] if Vince was being a super-face after Survivor Series? You think if they liked Vince McMahon and what he was doing with WWF TV time that they wouldn't QUITE FRANKLY welcome ANYONE who was going to have leverage over the product? Don't care what you've done to them, it didn't MATTER who Vince brought in, it just worked better for the Nature Boy.

For example, consider if he had brought in Bret Hart. People would cheer, there'd be one hell of a face off, and no one would care that there's an age difference that says Bret can't have that much money. Bring in Doink the Clown, you say. OK, OK, so not ANYONE would have been cheered. But, for example, the announcers push that Undertaker's spent 11 years in the WWF. What if he was getting paid well? Maybe with pay and merchandise, even HE could afford to buy WCW and ECW [a stretch, sure, but consider how much WCW was actually bought for...]. If they had brought out the Undertaker, monster pop for him even coming out, followed by monster pop for him having actual control. Once again, no one would care that logic is missing, and that's what matters. Not whether it's logical, but whether the fans care about it or not.

But alright, dammit, Flair is our SAVIOR, don't you see? We've seen less and less of Flair already, and it's worked! We already want to see more and more! We don't care that he's becoming almost unintelligible on the microphone. We don't care that he really can't do jack until Vince McMahon tries to screw someone over. We just would rather see a wrinkly skinned man in wrestling tights instead of a man of the same age showing his ass. Wait, let me try that again. We'd simply rather see Flair doing any-WHOO!-damn thing he WHOO! wants instead of seeing Vince rub his ass on someone's face as if it's toilet paper.

So, you see, all Vince is doing is setting fans up to want NOT to see him, and to want to see Flair! Two genius things in one! First, he is making Flair a large enough face that people will buy into him actually doing what he is doing, and second, he has a doorway to get himself [and his ass] off our television sets!

And it comes with a bonus genius thing! When Flair branches off with WCW, or ACW, or whatever the friggin WFCW thing they're going to call it, if people LIKE him, people will want to WATCH it. Oh, no, I'm sorry, I'm wrong. I'm typing to the smarks of the world, right? These are the people who will follow Flair no matter where he goes. But what about the rest of the world, AKA 90% of the viewing audience or higher? Who the heck cares if a guy I don't like goes off with his own fed? THINK ABOUT IT! If you like Flair, and what he's done while he's been on the TV, you'll want to see more!

No matter if he doesn't do the same things once you end up watching another program! Once they get you hooked on another program, he can go heel like he should be [;-)], and get someone who's up-and-coming or already-here star level over, and then you have another fed people want to see! But if you already hate him before he starts the new fed, or whatever he decides to do, why should you see what his show is about?

OK, OK, I suppose no one really loved Ted Turner, and many watched HIS stuff... but come on, note how that isn't there anymore! Next time, you'll see me legitemize Undertaker being champion, Kurt Angle being a heel, Chris Jericho continuing being a heel, and maybe more... just not all at once.


[...yeah, well, it's not literature. Shit.]

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