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Jim Raggi

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'allo all...!

I haven't poked my furry little bottom around here since... October or November, was it, when I declared that Rikishi was the perfect choice to have run over Steve Austin?

Well, I admit it bloody well wasn't, but it was an attempt at something different, a new face in the top mix, and that's something that many pundits have complained is missing in the WWF since then.

Well, since it has been a few months, I thought it was time to come back with some random thoughts. This may be a random feature if I get enough mail to think enough people are reading to justify keeping up with it, and if not, I'll probably be back around April or May for another bout of telling truths that nobody wants to listen to. So without further adieu, here's the generic 'hit on a lot of points' column:

  • Professional wrestling and the music industry are almost the same thing. They both depend on style over substance for success, and those who love the pure forms of both are the ones who are allowed to get the least out of them. The stories of inspiration and heartbreak come from the same people.

  • No, you can't build a promotion on cruiserweights. But by protecting them and taking them seriously and making the cruiserweights an important priority of the planning, you will have a division that will consistently please fans while they are on. And pleasing the fan isn't something that any promotion on this Earth is doing too well lately on a consistent basis. This is so easy. Give the cruisers two segments every show, not necessarily even storylines. Just a couple of six man tags every show. Know what two cruiserweight matches you'll have on the PPV coming up, and book your Nitros and Thunders to build that using 'purist' psychology of just wins and losses. Will it draw big money on its own? No. But again, it guarantees a crowd pleasing match (anyone remember the monstrous pops and heat Dean Malenko got summer 96 through spring 97?) and would at least be giving lip service to workrate fans. Workrate fans will never ever support a promotion in the US, but they are also the ones who will be with you for life if you can deliver just a couple possibilities of great matches every time out. Wrestling booms don't last forever and the core of wrestling fans will be the ones left when the casual fan is gone. WCW not only lost the casual viewer, but also spit on the wrestling fan. See where it got them? God bless the people showing up at WCW shows these days, for they still have hope.

  • Dave Meltzer is the only person who really matters when it comes to commenting on pro wrestling. Everything else is just opinion. Wade Keller is a bad joke. The Torch puts way too much credence in people's opinions. Meltzer looks at history, looks at real life numbers, reads far reaching trends. He is educated on wrestling and the wrestling business. Keller is educated on journalism. Guess which one writes like an outsider looking in and which one doesn't even seem to have to try to be the God of wrestling writing?

  • Chris Benoit's day will come. If Mick Foley can have his day, so will Chris. Foley deserved it, but it took so many years of being who he was to make it. But Benoit's ten times the wrestler Foley is. He'll get to the point where even the densest WWF mark will recognize who he is and what he represents to the sport. Morr brutal and intense than Shawn Michaels, I don't think his size will be a detriment...

  • The XFL will crash and burn. Just a prediction. Football is a ridiculous sport to begin with. Most team sports are.

  • You people do know boxing is hardly a shoot sport, don't you?

    I grabbed an armload of old wrestling videos for $5 each at a local used video store. In looking through them, I ran into someone who overheard me questioning who exactling the PYT Express was as they were advertised on a tape. As I was saying out loud, "Wasn't that Koko B. Ware and...?" He came in with "Norvell Austin!" Randomly meeting someone who knows something like that makes me think I'm not alone in this world. If that guy were female I'd either be getting married or arrested right now. heh

    I found the Whack em Smack em video there. While it is bumpered with the beyond moronic Alfred Hayes and the Bushwhackers home improvement skits, it also has the Bret Hart vs Shawn Michaels ladder match (first WWF ladder match I do believe), and the Bret Hart championship victory over Ric Flair, both in their entirety. I'm sorry, but Michaels could never carry Bret's jock. OK, that's harsh and untrue, but Bret Hart was class in this business, and Michaels was not. Hart was a back to basics style, he thought wrestling could be an honorable thing, and took his craft and his persona seriously. Michaels was a circus freak who couldn't handle it when his music was miscued. Puh-lease. Anyway, it was an excellent match, better than the Michaels-Ramon ladder matches. I haven't seen the Jericho-Benoit ladder match (I don't pay for PPV, hell I don't watch the television for fear of vomiting) so I can't compare, and the ladder matches involving the Hardys, E&C, and the Dudleys I haven't seen except for Wrestlemania 2000, and that one sucked bad. When the video costs for the others come down below $35, I'll be interested in seeing Summerslam 2000, Royal Rumble 2000, and whatever PPV it was with E&C vs the Hardys in 1999. I suspect they are just spotfests that make me think the participants are stupid and have me worrying for their health more than the drama of the match which is why I'm not drooling over seeing them quickly...

    The Hart-Flair title match was quite an affair, all 25+ minutes shown here. Classic Flair, classic Bret. Awesome crowd pop at the end because NOBODY thought Bret Hart would become WWF champ, especially on a normal TV taping. Not an all-time classic, but a formidable match that is historically important and watching two masters is always a treat.

    I found a copy of Saturday Night's Main Event- The Greatest Hits. Nothing more than a historical curio from 1988. The beginning of Savage-Hogan are here with the whole Honky Tonk man angle, and also a JYD and Hogan vs. Terry and Dory Funk match. Seeing Terry and Dory having to sell for those other idiots made me sad. Terry was a madman, even then...

    Summerslam 92... Bret vs Davey Boy. 'nuff said. ***** classic.

    Summerslam 94. Bret vs Owen at WM10 is my favorite North American match of all time. And yet I'd never seen the cage match here. It was a frickin gimmick match, how good could it be? Best cage match I've ever seen! Actual athleticism in the escapes and stopping the escapes on a level I'd never seen just because most WWF escape the cage matches I've seen were Hogan type affairs. ***** easy. When the stuff at the end happened with the family, I started crying. Owen's dead because of sports entertainment (I do believe it's nobody's fault personally, but the whole environment... Owen should never have needed to dress up as Blue Blazer and drop from the ceiling), Bret got fucked by the business (the whole Survivor Series deal where he was lied to, and getting knocked out of the business by that idiot Goldberg right at the point where two years too late WCW was actually pushing Hart correctly... he deserved better. It may be whining to you when he mouths off these days, but it makes a difference to me that he's right.), and that the family has completely torn apart recently. But Summerslam 94, all was right with the world. Two world class Harts in the ring, and a post match angle with near the entire family involved, in the championship angle, that the fans cared about. *sigh*

    Also on SS94 was Bull Nakano vs. Alundra 'Madusa' Blayze. They should have built the division around Nakano. Definitely the superior worker, and the exotic foreign monster heel could have worked better, especially since Madusa is not one you can build a division around, personality or workrate-wise. And there was a time I wanted to marry Bull. No woman has a better face than Bull when she smiles. And that hair... *flutter flutter* errr, where was I?

    As a side note, I'm looking for tapes of Dream Slam I (with the Kandori vs Hokuto massacre) and Queendom II (with Hokuto/Kandori vs Nakano/Kong). If anyone can help me out... I can trade a dozen underground metal CDs for each of these.

    I also pulled out an old tape of good matches I'd compiled in 96... let's see what we had...

    Rob Van Dam vs Sabu, early 96. This was the match where Van Dam turned heel and went with Alfonso. It might have been his first or second match at ECW Arena. The match was real spotty. Stuntman stuff, but real sloppy. Sabu was a dead issue as soon as the Mexicans came in doing the same stunts crisper, safer, more spectacularly, and just all around better. Van Dam had a broken wrist at this time so that might be a reason for some of the sloppiness. The thing is, sloppy moves actually make sense if you think of it as a shoot. After twenty minutes of combat, how crisp would moves really be?

    Then onto Hart vs Davey Boy from In Your House 12/95. Another great match that built from a slow start to an incredible finish like all great matches do. A nice messy bladejob by Hart, a bump by Davey Boy on his head that looked like that Chris Daniels head bonk, and a la magistral finish. Great wrestling, with an underlying issue that didn't cause the match to be anything other than great wrestling.

    Next up was Shawn Michaels vs Diesel, the 'Vachon Leg Match' from 4/96. Almost a half hour of Nash showing what a dick he is because he hasn't worked this hard in near five years now. Sorry, I don't have to watch the TV to know that. I think anyone gets a fair idea of how a match or angle is after reading Meltzer, Keller, CRZ, and checking out the forums. Anyway, I like how people say that Animal throwing around Kidman and Rey Jr just makes sense, but then Shawn Michaels kicked around Vader and Nash and nobody thought that was horseshit. This match is a definite thumbs up but what a couple of lousy people in it. Michaels' should have cracked his back a little harder on that casket; maybe we wouldn't be hearing certain rumors of a return now if he did.

    Pillman vs Liger, Superbrawl 92 is next. Those who were around at the time were in shock at the quality of the match. Newcomers watching now note the highspots certainly don't live up to current standards. But they don't have to. The match rules anyway. Psychology and mat wrestling intertwined with Liger's 'holy shit!' moments means this match stands the test of time. Spots will always be topped, and the next generation will always have better athletes who can do flashier moves, higher jumps, crazier bumps. But good wrestling is good wrestling, period. And this was good wrestling.

  • I realized that I hope Lord of the Rings just goes nuts at the box office. As a Tolkien and D&D nut going back 18 years now (since I was 8, and no I didn't bother with the D&D movie... from the previews it was obviously over the top horseshit), I have no ability to speak to regular people. Even the gamers are all about Vampire and Magic cards, which I despise. LotR is my chance to communicate again...

  • Every time I see Stephanie McMahon, she looks in shape. The other women of the WWF are just gross looking. Unnaturally dieted down with fake boobs. So when Steph's shirt got ripped off and I suppose she had a normal person's tummy, everyone complained about how fat she is. Shit, the one natural looking person in the Fed and she gets shit on.

  • The WWF has a writing team of people who don't have backgrounds in wrestling. That's not an issue. The issue is, were any of these TV writers wrestling FANS? And if not, why are they there?

  • Barely Legal 97, the Michinoku 6-man. Indeed, my ass. Vince McMahon needs to be in a fatal car accident for many reasons, but how the WWF promotional 'geniuses' couldn't figure out something productive for Taka Michinoku to do, all the time, based on ability... come on, people. It doesn't have to be brain surgery.

  • Can you tell that I love wrestling, but am exceedingly bitter that no promotion will give it to me? Even Japan is fucked up!

  • Watched a Misawa/Akiyama vs Kawada/Taue match from 1996. Only Akiyama had a physique that would be 'acceptable' in the US. We're a load of morons. Toshiaki Kawada, pudgy midsection and all, is still the best pro wrestler I've ever seen. He is so tight with his moves, his selling, and his KICKS (you have not watched wrestling without watching a Kawada kickfest), I can believe in him and his matches 100% and never be let down. No 'sports entertainment' here. All combat fighter.

  • I can't make a WWF Top 10 of the 90s without including either Bret Hart or Mankind in every single match. To wit:
    Mankind vs Shawn Michaels (IYH 9/96)
    Bret Hart vs Shawn Michaels (Survivor Series 92)
    Bret Hart vs Owen Hart (WM10)
    Bret Hart vs Owen Hart (SS94)
    Bret Hart vs Davey Boy (SS92)
    Bret Hart vs Steve Austin (Survivor Series 96)
    Bret Hart vs Steve Austin (WM1997)
    Bret Hart vs Curt Hennig (SS91)
    Royal Rumble 92 match (Flair wins, but no Mankind or Hart... hmmm) Michaels vs Jannetty (Raw IC title match from 93... again, no Mankind or Hart...)

    Well there went that idea.

    Visit my website so I can piss you off some.

    Later.

    Jim Raggi
    Lamentations of the Flame Princess

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