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THE MONDAY NIGHT WRAPUP
The best $40 I ever saved was not buying a ticket for that crapfest down at
Conseco last night. Well, okay, crapfest might be a stretch of terminology,
but for the amount of hype last night's Raw got, it certainly didn't deliver
the star-studded punch that it alleged. It was well documented over the
weekend that the WWF placed advertising for Raw in major newspapers and
hyped Raw big-time on TNN and on their own programming.
The WWF's major demographic competitor on Monday night is Monday Night
Football. Considering this week's game was an obvious yawner between the
undefeated Rams and the winless Lions, this was as good an opportunity as
any for the WWF to secure a crossover audience. Who does the crossover
audience know about? Mick Foley, Vince McMahon, maybe Shawn Michaels... so,
who do we get as our payoff for one of the biggest Raw shows of all time?
William Regal turning on the WWF. I'm sure that Joe Football Fan stopped on
TNN in the midst of channel surfing to ask, "Who's that pasty British guy
with the crooked neck?"
Let's face it, if the WWF is worried about ratings, they shouldn't be
worried too much about whether you and I watch or not. For the most part,
you and I will always watch. They need to be worried about the casual fans,
and if they're advertising Raw in markets and in media that cater to the
casual fan, they had better deliver.
Chances are, if anybody else stops on Raw while channel surfing and gets
hooked, then it's going to be good enough to keep you and I watching. If the
show is so bad that even you and I won't watch it, then why the hell should
anybody care about the show? The WWF has a second chance next week, but to
be honest, I think they had more of a chance getting crossover this week
with a blowout game between the Rams and the Lions. Next week is winless
Washington against winless Dallas, and I'm pretty sure no one will be
watching that. That will probably be the night that Joe Football Fan's wife
rents "Bridget Jones' Diary" or "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" or
something.
Is it WWF logic that if the main event goes long that every other match
has to be less than 4 minutes? I barely had time to grab a Coke and sit down
on the couch before the first match was over. "That's not a bad thing.
That's a good thing," says Vince Russo. Bubba Ray putting Torrie Wilson
through the table makes me wonder why people in the Alliance still claim
that Torrie is in the Alliance. Whatever.
Your 15 Minutes of Crap consisted of Stephanie McMamm howling and
posturing about getting injured by Chris Jericho, Chris Jericho tried to
talk but got interrupted by Shane McMahon calling him a choke artist.
Y'know, in defense of my town, I wouldn't call the Colts and Pacers choke
artists so much as unwilling to sign decent free agents. Oh, and they set up
a tag team match for later too... Jericho and Shane, I mean, not the Colts
and the Pacers.
If Booker T ends up being the guy that boots Rob Van Dam out of the
Alliance, I'M THERE. You see? These are the matches we're being denied
because they've constantly fumbled the ball. Test had to drag the whole
promo into lameness by quoting AC/DC. I know he used to get hummers from
rock groupies, but there's no reason to reach back into the Classic Rock bin
to pull lines out like that. Personally, I think it would be more
appropriate for Christian to quote Frankie Goes to Hollywood or something...
You know, I'm sure that DDP will get all kinds of face heat when he acts
all goofy and brings out chicks for us to look at who are bent over. That's
exactly the thing I thought people in the Alliance not named Rob Van Dam
weren't supposed to get. I get the fact that if people laugh at it that
they'll be more interested in watching it week after week as an amusing
diversion to all the suck, but who's supposed to believe that an incredibly
hokey motivational speaker is also a wrestler? I mean, that's about as
stupid as believing that a plumber or a circus entertainer can wrestle!
Great idea to stick the Hardy Boyz and Booker T & Test together, right?
Well, until Fat Taker rolled away from the catering table in the back long
enough to interfere in what could have been a great match anywhere else and
job the Alliance out YET AGAIN. He must have been working out this week with
some 12-ounce curls, because he didn't screw up the Last Ride like he did
last week. I'd like to know what was the point of giving Booker and Test the
belts for two weeks. If you wanted these guys to feud, you could have kept
the belts on them and given them a little credibility. Instead, Vince walks
all over a company he owns to put the WWF over YET AGAIN. I don't have a
problem with the Hardys being champs so much as I am the manner they won
them and the timing of it. If this means the Hardys have to lay down for the
Fat Brothers of Destruction this Thursday, well, it'll be just another
reason to just give up on the whole damn company. By the way, last time Fat
Taker was in town, he threw Stone Cold through a window and Triple H was
visiting Austin inside a hospital that looked strangely like Conseco
Fieldhouse.
I'm sure all the Holy Hyperbole would work if Hurricane wasn't such a
freaking mushmouth and Molly didn't speed through her lines like Wally West.
Oh, and Lita is still as convincing as she was when Chyna threatened to
spank her.
Why don't they just have Christian join the Alliance already? It seems
obvious to me that it would help him cement his heel status, and I think he
could really blossom more when (if) WCW gets their own television show. On
the other hand, seeing as the Alliance is treated like a bunch of losers,
maybe that's NOT a good idea. Still, it's pretty cool that nearly two years
to the first big No Mercy ladder match that we get to see one between these
two.
I seem to be in the minority opinion that anything they do with Chris
Jericho at this point is better than what they've done with him in the last
4 months (nothing). I've been waiting for a Rock/Jericho feud since the
Countdown to the Millennium first interrupted The Rock two years ago.
Outstanding! Finally, something new to watch!
The thing that disappointed me the most about the main event besides the
silliness of William Regal joining the Alliance was "Stone Cold" Steve
Austin not smacking Lilian Garcia when he had the chance. She needs to go
bake some cookies with Debra. I get where they're probably going with this.
They probably want to bring back Mick Foley to become WWF Commissioner since
William Regal will either lose his WWF job or become Alliance Commissioner
or something. Actually, I'm surprised Mick WASN'T there, since he was up in
Valpo this weekend. Anyway, why does the Alliance need a commissioner when
Shane McMahon has been booking all their matches up until now? It makes no
sense.
So, does this loss mean that the WWF doesn't care about pushing Kurt Angle?
I don't mean to be a cynic, but with patriotism at an all-time high, I think
they should keep Angle on top to ride that for as long as he can. Not only
that, but couldn't we get something fresher out of Austin like a feud with
Rob Van Dam over whoever's the real leader of the Alliance? Plus, the guy's
got a book out there that they could be pushing like mad while he's WWF
Champion, but I guess that's why I don't have a career in marketing or
anything. What are we going to get instead? A fourth Austin/Angle match at
No Mercy that will probably end up in Austin retaining so they can start
thinking about unifying the WWF and WCW titles, I'll bet. Same old status
quo, you know?
Russell Ray
Shotgun Reviews
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