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Jim Ross, Jr.



October 5, 2001

Random thoughts and opinions from under the 14.4 gallon brown cowboy hat.

Raw was a strong show this week. Strong, as in it was what Good Ol' J.R., Jr. needed to cure his insomnia. The opening interview is what did the trick. That brief spat over "strudel" sealed the deal for me. Who would have thought Kurt Angle would be such a bland babyface promo guy? Well, maybe those who watched his work in Power Pro Wrestling. If Kurt keeps this poor mic work up he may be sent down to OVW to work on his verbal skills. Jim Cornette is one of the greatest interviews in the history of the business and he has the tools to teach Kurt how to cut an inspiring promo.

Smackdown was the usual mixed bag in my view. I didn't miss Tazz or Michael Cole's presence at all. I thought RVD and Kurt Angle had a tremendous outing, however, Rob must learn how to control his reckless abandon style. Maven showed tremendous presence in his match against Tazz. This guy is a blue chipper if you ask me.

Should I even mention the ratings Raw and Raw Zone did this week? Mr. Zimmerman, what should I do? I'm just a stooge for slashwrestling, you know.

Lets take a look at the injury front...

Rikishi is still nursing his shoulder and will be out another 2-3 months. When he returns you can pencil him in as a top contender for the WWF and WCW Championships. This man is a hoss with a big backside. However, Rikishi has been advised to visit Dr. Sal Calabro in Philadelphia to get a few gallons of fat sucked out of his ass. We feel that it is in the best interest for Rikishi to get to the 350 lbs. mark and this might be a proper alternative to dieting.

Triple H continues his rehab in Birmingham, AL for his quadricep. The Game hopes to do some jogging on the treadmill within the next week. During his downtime, he stopped using the juice, however, when he returns to Federation television expect him to be gassed to the gills. It's what we've come to expect from The Game.

Chris Benoit's rehab is going as expected. Chris is blessed to have such a thick neck. An average man with a pencil neck would be advised to stay out of the ring following neck surgery, but since Chris literally has no neck there are no precautions. Chris is a fine hand and personal favorite of Good Ol' J.R., Jr.

OVW's Flash Flanagan had a bad case of indigestion this past week. Arby's is the suspect in this case.

Nick Dinsmore has a minor league look. Odds are it won't improve without chemical enhancement.

Test is a stud from where I sit, and I believe he still has room to grow. This guy has the physical part of the game down, but his verbal skills need some work. He's got the moveset of Kevin Nash, but lacks his personality.

Albert, by God, is a big hoss and a bonafide stud in my eyes. He posseses an 8 3/8 in. head, you know. I am perplexed that the viewing audience hasn't been able to grasp the Albert character. He's a big hoss who hangs around X-Pac. Isn't that a good enough reason to boo him?

I would like to see Rhyno get the chance to exercise his verbal abilities. I saw his promos in ECW and I thought they were very intense. Profanity laden, but intense.

Tajiri is becoming a solid fan favorite, from where I sit. He's a helluva hand also.

As for Torrie Wilson, her breasts have added a lot to Federation television. Her ass is a bit underrated in my book.

Ditto the same for Stacy Keibler, but just the opposite in terms of T&A. This Okie isn't a leg man, but I can't deny the overwhelming popularity of Stacy's legs.

Chris Jericho's ringwork is fine from where I sit, but I believe his character could use some tweaking. You can't deny the chemistry between Y2J and Stephanie. It's a unique relationship and it makes for some great humor.

Dallas Page's vignettes will not only bury this dead horse, but educate any potential employees of WWFE that you don't play politics in the company within the first two months of your arrival. The worse is yet to come for DDP.

I think it would be wise for X-Pac to invest in shampoo and actually wash his hair. If the shine and balance doesn't improve I'm suggesting a visit for Mr. Waltman down to OVW where Brian Adams will give him some helpful tips on maintaining a beautiful head of hair.

The feedback I received this past week was very interesting. One fellow even had the gall to ask for the "old" J.R., Jr. to come back. WHAT THE HELL? Folks, I shoot straight with you and I get letters asking me to kayfabe you like you're a bunch of rubes. I refuse to insult the intelligence of my readers unlike some other columnists. I won't send mixed signals through my words. I believe only insecure broads talk like that. I would never make an assinine comment such as stating that I will drink the Kool-Aid if he (Paul Heyman) is serving it up. I wouldn't then write a rebuttal the following week declaring what I REALLY meant. I'm a man who stands behind the words I write. I must admit the Puddle of Mudd lyrics at the beginning of the column was a lame and cheap attempt to show that I'm "down" with the KIDZ. I get it. Song lyrics at the beginning of a column is cliched. I'm sorry about that and I promise it won't happen again.

My debut as color commentator for that backyard wrestling group in Northwest Indiana was an abortion. Here's the dilio: The "owner/promoter" of this "group" plays about six different characters. I had the pleasure of witnessing four of them. He plays a commissioner role, wrestles as himself, under a mask with the same street clothes as himself, and the coupe de grade, as former Utah Jazz shooting guard Jeff Hornacek under--and I'm disappointed I'm even typing this--a mask. None of the people I saw work even deserve a slot on Tough Enough 2 let alone a spot in OVW or HWA. I was in stitches most of the time since they were cutting promos besides having terrible matches. Inspiring promos that consisted of the "talent" staring at their feet and spewing the same four-lettered words over and over was a delight to witness for all the wrong reasons. It was kinda like watching those Tough Enough Auditions that aired on Raw this past February.

I damn near went into cardiac arrest over last week's Oklahoma-Kansas State game. A helluva barnburner I must say. This week my Sooners (#3 in the nation) have their hands full with the Texas Longhorns (#5 in the nation). Can you say SLOBBERKNOCKER?

That's my prerogative.

Until next week... Keep licking the BBQ sauce off your fingers.

J.R., Jr.
The Best Damn Columnist on the Damn Internet

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