Jim Ross, Jr.
THE JIM ROSS, JR. REPORT
Good Ol' J.R., Jr. is back with more news and opinion than you can shake a stick at. All of it is coming from under my trusty white cowboy hat and not my ass.
I'm in no mood to do a full preview for Vengeance, so you're gonna have to live with the matches I do cover. Don't worry, I'll have my thoughts on the show posted on this very web site, Monday morning.
Even though I'm still embarrassed that my Sooners blew their shot at the Big 12 Title, I gotta give props to Rocky Calmus for winning the Butkus Award.
Great crowds in Milwaukee and Chicago this week for TV. My momma always told me the greatest fans in the world are in the central part of the states, and I second those words myself.
I'm thinking about putting together a collection of my personal highlights on video to the tune of "My Sacrifice." Good Ol' J.R., Jr. definitely has "Desire."
The lack of exposure of Vince McMahon's Ass proves that there is indeed a glass ceiling in the WWF. I believe a petition should be passed around and sent to WWF.com demanding more TV time for Ass. Ass should at least have an interview segment a la Piper's Pit, The Body Shop, or the Funeral Parlor. C'mon, it couldn't be any worse than The Snake Pit.
I wish I could say I care about the match between Matt and Jeff Hardy, but if I did, it would be a lie. The Brothers Gump are about as interesting as watching paint dry. Since Lita is the referee for this contest, I expect her to dress appropriately; preferably a baby tee and thong with zebra stripes. Oh yeah, I also expect her to turn rulebreaker.
When I stated last week that it looked like Edge might receive a brush with greatness on Raw, it just happened that I had Edge attacking William Regal on the TitanTron stage in my mind. Despite the poor hype for this match, I believe these two are capable of delivering a very good match this Sunday. I'll be shocked and swerved if they're given enough time to do so.
>From where I sit, if Chris Jericho wants to be taken seriously he should quit wearing his pajamas out to the ring. The red ponytail look is a terrible fashion choice also, in my opinion.
Rob Van Dam vs. Undertaker will be a test for Van Dam as 'Taker is one of the biggest pieces of luggage in the WWF. However, I expect 'Taker to carry the match because he has 11 years of methodical matches under his belt. This match may have bowling shoe tendencies as it may be difficult for Van Dam to stay within Undertaker's style. Van Dam has a very unorthodox style (Where have you heard that one before?) and I would doubt Undertaker will have any part of it. Did you know that Undertaker is a PWTorch reader and correspondent?
If D'Lo Brown wants a serious shot in the WWF, he needs to lose the bitch titties. It would also be wise if he keeps the inappropriate comments concerning Darren Drozdrov to himself.
>From what I've been told, Kurt Angle is scheduled to win the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship of the World and Triple H is still penciled in to do a run-in during the main event.
I haven't heard anything new on the future of Diamond Dallas Page. Add tag teaming with Dusty Rhodes in TCW to that list of potential jobs I had listed last week.
Essa Rios, Evan Karagias, James Yang, Sam Roman, Allan Funk, Elix Skipper, Rick Cornell, Mark Larue, James Yang, and Russ McCullough were all given their releases on Wednesday. The release of McCullough surprised me the most. This man is a hoss and will improve at his in-ring skills in due time. For Christsakes, the man was a three-year starter in Football at Missouri!
One of the funniest things I have ever read is on the WWF Page-A-Day Calender appeared on Wednesday. Title: BBQ with JR, ASAP! --"Federation announcer Jim Ross markets his own barbeque sauce, concocted from a home recipe and called simply JR's Old-Fashioned Bar-B-Q Sauce. Ross tested it by inviting a discriminating barbeque expert, Stone Cold Steve Austin, to Ross's home in Connecticut to try it out. Austin tried the sauce smothered on chicken and beef brisket and gave it two middle fingers up, which in his vernacular means it was damn good! Pick up a bottle or two today at a grocery store near you!" That last line is the kicker for me, folks. You can thank Kevin Kelly for writing up that "concoction" for the 5th of December--and for the entire calender for that matter. It's unintentional comedy at its best.
A lot of people on the 'net are pissed off over a particular column in this month's Raw Magazine (Torrie Wilson & Stacy Keibler are the covergirls, thank God). A lad (a young Irish hoss) by the name of Aaron Williams wrote this column in question and it's about "smart" fans. Since I am a journalist (har, har), and believe in journalistic integrity, I read the column while I was at Wal-Mart so I can properly give my take on the situation. The column loses credibility right away as Williams doesn't state who is guilty of this dirty deed (bashing the WWF). After reading the article I came away with 3 OPINIONS (note: NOT fact): 1.) This column appears in the wrong part of the publication media. This article was probably better off if it was posted at WWF.com. I say this because the majority of the WWF's newsstand readers are casual fans who don't even peruse the Internet for wrestling news and commentary. 2.) By writing such a column, Aaron Williams is just trying to garner attention from the Internet crowd, and he has succeeded in doing so. If that was his mission, more power to him. 3.) Aaron Williams is scared shitless that he is going to lose his job. Next quarter the WWF will axe more office personnel and Williams may be in line for a pink slip. Just heresay I tell you. For all you gossips who read the Torch, here's some rumor and innuendo I heard about Williams: He is in his mid-twenties. Before he was hired by the WWF, he lived in the basement of his parents house. His hobbies include synchronized swimming, playing Dungeons & Dragons, and calling phone sex lines. His favorite shows outside of WWF programming are Will & Grace, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, and re-runs of The Waltons. He was one of the few and the lonely that watched Emeril. Oh, in case you couldn't tell, I hear he's still a virgin (And fellas, he's single!).
I would just like to throw the WWF's bullshit back in their eye when I ask, "Get it?"
That's my prerogative.