You are here
Guest Columns

Jim Ross, Jr.



January 4, 2002

I bet some of you thought I threw in the towel again. "Hell no!" I say. This Okie won't back down. I just did like many others who follow the business and took some time off to reflect on 2001 and plan for the future. Part of that included making 5 resolutions I will uphold to. 1.) Singlehandedly revive the economy by spending my money at mom & pop businesses. 2.) Abuse this column occasionally to sabotage the reputations of my enemies. 3a.) Go to OVW to drop 10 lbs. 3b.) Go to HWA to witness the careers of Val Venis, D'Lo Brown, and Steve Blackman hang in limbo. 3c.) Plug the living hell out of my special steak sauce. 4.) Swear more than ever. 5.) Find a woman that doesn't have a restraining order against me.

I hope the Hardys and Lita have a shovel because they were buried big time by the Undertaker (oh, what a pun!). Apparently, Vince McMahon isn't very fond of the brothers' mat wrestling ability.

Steve Austin needs a Steveweiser, damn it. The Rattlesnake is Wrestler of the Year for 2001, hands down.

I celebrated Jim Ross' birthday Thursday night by pissing in an empty bottle of his BBQ sauce. Then I screwed the cowboy hat cap back on and placed it in my cupboard.

It appears Big Show must have ate about four entire hams for Christmas dinner. Where's Richard Simmons when you need him most?

If you ask me, Chris Jericho's latest character development has been the best of anybody on the roster who has recently made a change in color of hats.

Is the WWF capable of running on Diesel power again?

I'm not shocked at all at the way fans have taken to Rob Van Dam. Many of the fans I meet at arena shows are also aloof, a tad naive, laid back, and stoners. RVD has the proverbial "it" (presence, charisma, and the marketable look). His in-ring style could use some adjusting, but that will come around in time. His progress up the ladder should be fun to follow this year.

Signs with the slogan "Stephanie McMahon is a camera whore" will not be handed out at upcoming live shows so it is up to you fans to make signs such as that. You know freedom of expression is what the WWF is all about.

Talks with Scott Hall about a possible return seem at an impasse or "crosswoods" (TM, Bret Hart, 1999). From where I sit, the man who originally portrayed Razor Ramon could make a solid contribution to the Federation. Be it on the active roster or in HWA or OVW. Nobody, besides Scott Hall, could possibly teach the up-and-coming stars like Jamie Knoble how to drink like a fish, key limos outside strip clubs, and grope 56-year old women.

Hey Cubs Fan, thanks for the map!

I heard the second edition of the WWF cookbook was progressing about as quickly as Jim Ross' BBQ being on a grocer's shelf near you. Does anybody give a rat's ass about the recipe for Debra Rattlesnake's cookies anyway?

The WWF in general, needs the following:

Groups, cliques, or stables. We need some talent put together to form a 4 Horsemen/Hart Foundation/D-Generation X-like group to keep things interesting and breath some life into some characters. Find 3 or 4 people who have potential and chemistry as a group, give them a name like "Murder's Row," and push them.

Tag teams and cool names for them. I'm offering up "Guilty Parties" as a potential team name. What team name would you give The Ambiguously Gay Duo, Chuck Palumbo & Billy Gunn? How about "Face Down, Ass Up?"

And finally, Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler 2 out of 3 falls in a kiddie pool of my special steak sauce.

This weekend I plan on finishing up the editing process for my personal video to the tune of "My Sacrifice." Some groundbreaking stuff here folks.

One question in the form of a statement. The "new" slashwrestling? Way to jump the shark, CRZ.

Very short, but very sweet, however, I'll be back with more ammo next week.

J.R., Jr.
The Best Damn Columnist on the Damn Internet

Mail the Author

Comment about this article in Wienerville



Design copyright © 1999-2002 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2002 by the individual author and used with permission