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Jim Ross, Jr.



March 17, 2002

Some pre-Wrestlemania thoughts from the straight shooter who is crazy 'bout cooter.

Mr. Perfect, Lance Storm, and Test vs. Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty, and Albert is a match that will be either added to the card on Heat or it will be the Heat main event. This is just cannon fodder to fill-up time and get some faces on the show. None of the guys in this match have anything going for them and that's a shame. I wouldn't feel too sorry for them, however, since they'll still receive the much sought-after Wrestlemania bonus in a few months.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Christian: I can't see this match getting much crowd response due to the lack of a real issue between the two. Page gives Christian some "positivity" sessions for a few weeks and all of a sudden Christian turns on DDP this past Monday. It's funny that the fact that Christian lost the European title to DDP hasn't been acknowledged since the title change.

Maven vs. Goldust: From what I hear this will be added at the last second. I wouldn't be surprised if Big Show and Al Snow get in on this match. Just another time filler from where I sit.

Drowning Pool and Saliva perform during the show: I highly suggest taking a bathroom break or making a sandwich during their perfomances. Gotta fill up four hours somehow though.

Dudley Boyz vs. APA vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Billy & Chuck: Nice to know we'll be getting the Hardyz-Dudleyz in some form for the 7,564th time. You gotta believe the APA will be the first team eliminated with Faarooq doing the job. That's just how it always goes. Following the APA's elimination is when the Hardyz-Dudleyz sequence starts while Billy & Chuck adjust each other's headband. Billy & Chuck steal a pin on the Dudleyz leaving the Gumps vs. Billy & Chuck. Look for Billy & Chuck to retain.

Lita vs. Trish Stratus vs. Jazz: You gotta give credit where it's due. Jazz, that "evil" black woman according to J.R., has been a breath of fresh air for this division. She's been having watchable matches with many of the women on the Federation roster. All of those matches were one-on-one encounters, however. Quite frankly, the three-way matches are some of the most difficult to perform due to nature of the match. Add to the fact, that Lita and Trish are still quite green and you have a potential abortion on your hands. Folks, this match won't be pretty.

Edge vs. Booker T: I'm positive I've heard my dear old daddy refer to Booker as being evil in the past. If you get the feeling that the old man hates African Americans, you're actually getting the wrong impression. Us Oklahomans aren't used to people of such dark color. They just don't live in these neck of the woods. Either that, or Bill Watts' influence wore off on him. Anyway, the hype for this match has been one of the most unusual. First they were feuding over a Japanese shampoo commercial. Then on Monday, Edge brought up Booker's Weakest Link appearance and how embarrassing it was. The build up has been all over the place, but let's hope the match can overshadow the campy storyline.

Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal: Van Dam has his unorthodox style. Regal has his hard hitting, mat wrestling style. This match can go two ways from where I sit. RVD has got all the momentum right now and I can't think of a reason why he shouldn't get the Intercontinental title. Regal needs to bring his "A" game tonight.

Kurt Angle vs. Kane: I am looking forward to this match more than any other on the card. This will not be the greatest match of Kurt Angle's career. It may be for Kane, and that's what he needs. Kane needs this match more than Angle if you ask me. These two had a couple of surprising matches on Smackdown and Raw in the last 4 months, so I expect these two to turn it up a notch come Sunday. This may be the show stealer from where I sit. Definitely a dark horse candidate.

Ric Flair vs. Undertaker: I remember reading a bunch of radio interviews online and in every one Ric Flair said he wanted to face The Rock at Wrestlemania. Apparently that was his dream scenario. Imagine being greeted with the news that you're booked against Undertaker at the biggest show of the year. As if Flair hasn't carried enough luggage in his illustrious career. Whether it be through airports, hotels, or in the ring, Ric Flair has carried luggage. And tonight he'll have to carry yet another piece in the Undertaker. Folks, don't be surprised if this match has some bowling shoe tendencies.

Scott Hall w/Kevin Nash vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin: The heat for this match is nowhere near what was expected. Hall is on a mission to prove he has overcome his personal demons. And that's definitely being put to the test this weekend. St. Patick's Day and Toronto. Are you kidding me? If Hall doesn't fall off the wagon this weekend, I'd say he's in pretty good shape mentally. I would expect this match to be as close to a squash as possible. I say this because Hall & Nash are being put through the Federation's rigorous humbling process. This will go on until The Outsiders become non-factors as draws once again.

Chris Jericho w/Stephanie McMahon vs. Triple H: This events that have led to this match have been some of the strangest ever. Stephanie breaking out into hives from hand lotion (Storylines involving lotion? Could it any more obvious this crap is being written by a chick?), Lucy the Dog, and the Corvette sawed in half is just some of the fallout from the Stephanie-Triple H break-up. And then you have the third wheel in Chris Jericho. All of the encounters between Jericho and Triple H in the arena setting have been very good and have saved this match from being a disaster. We need more pro wrestling promos and angles to set up matches and less backstage skits. You can only stomach so much of that crap. I expect this match to be the best of the show.

The Rock vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan: I never thought I would see this. That doesn't mean I want to see it though. Hogan moves at a quarter of the speed of The Rock. Hogan hasn't wrestled a match over 12 minutes in 5 years. Rocky is going to have to bump like a madman to make this match bad let alone watchable. Hogan's offense is so weak that I wouldn't be surprised if the crowd lets out a collective groan and gives him that Big Bossman and X-Pac heat. Maybe the 65,000+ inside the Skydome tonight will be in full nostalgic mode and not bother to notice Hogan's shortcomings. I'm afraid this match may be uglier than Janet Reno.

St. Patick's Day is just another excuse to get shitfaced.

That's my prerogative.

J.R., Jr.
The Best Damn Columnist AND Interviewer on the Damn Internet

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