Jim Ross, Jr.
THE JIM ROSS, JR. REPORT
July 11, 2002
J.R., Jr. dusts off the old gray derby for another round of opinion as only the Big Okie can dish it out.
Yes, folks I am back. As much as some would like, this Okie just won't die. It may be weeks between columns, but my Sooner Spirit is still burning inside my belly. And judging from the emails I have received for my return column, the public opinion of me has changed. They say I've changed. They want the "old" J.R., Jr. back. Well, here's my take if you want the "old" me. Watch Raw every Monday night if you want the "old" J.R., Jr. because right now nobody is parodying me any better than Jim Ross. I was on the cutting edge of mocking my old man back in the summer of 2000. And two years later, he's still the same shell of his former self. I figure I gotta switch things up every now and then because things can get a little repetitive. Honestly, I haven't bother to read his Ross Report in the last 10 months. I don't know about you, but I could care less if the old man thinks Brock Lesnar is a stud. I mean, no shit sherlock. That's why not only does the Federation need to move forward with new talent for the ring, but a new face in the broadcast booth on Monday nights. And the right man for the job was a three-sport superstar in high school as he played football, basketball, and baseball. He had a 2.42 GPA in the classroom. He attended a Division II school and ended his athletic career on the gridiron with a shattered kneecap his freshman year. The injury forced this young man to hit the books and, after two years, he achieved a 3.4 GPA in the classroom and graduated with an Associate's Degree in Hossology (study of hoss). Who is this man, you ask? The one and only Good Ol' J.R., Jr.
I like how the Fed attempted to recreate the classic Ric Flair-Sting match from the first Clash of the Champions with Kurt Angle and John "Prototype" Cena on Smackdown. Considering it only went about 5 minutes it was good for what it was, but I don't think it will be remembered in the same light. It's hard to leave an impression anymore on the fans. With fans nowadays, everything is forgotten 10 minutes later it seems. So far, Cena has passed with flying colors. However, the real test is whether fans accept him right away as a guy on the level of an Undertaker, Chris Jericho, or Rock.
I will say I did get a chance to see the new start-up promotion the Jarretts have going now. The production is piss poor. Almost pornographic movie quality. The talent is very bush league. A lot of indy talent that isn't ready for prime time. David Young is a bush leaguer if I've ever seen one. And don't get me started on Cheex. Chris Harris and James Storm have potential, but could benefit from character development and an identity to give the fans something to remember them by. Ken Shamrock still is one of the worst promos in the business. It's nice to know that some things will never change. Their ladies are the biggest group of fluzies I have ever seen. Keep the strippers in the clubs and outta wrestling. Their ace-in-the-hole looks to be their cruiserweight division. A.J. Styles and Jerry Lynn really can tear it up. Psychosis is still a solid player from where I sit. Low-Ki though has the potential to draw some money. This guy has a look that screams "bad muthafucka" and he backs it up with his unorthodox hybrid of martial arts, japanese strong style, and lucha libre. It's a style so unique that it may get fans to tune in. Just like what Rey Mysterio, Jr. did for WCW six years ago. Add Christopher Daniels to the mix and you have a division of wrestlers worth watching and paying hard-earned money to see.
I highly suggest to Albert quit wearing that black Speedo. He looks very Bastion Booger-like from where I sit. Albert needs to develop an actual personality. The fans don't care that he's a hoss. Or that his father was a hoss. Or that his mother was a hoss. Or that his father's father was hoss. Or that his mother's mother was a hoss. Or that his father's mother and mother's father were hoss-like. Nobody gives a damn that Albert came from a long line of hosses. It might be a good idea to wax the body hair also. There's nothing marketable about a big hairy S.O.B. like Albert.
Goldust is great comic relief from where I sit. He's best in this role because in-ring ability is below average. If the thought is to develop Goldust into a bonafide main event player, the business will only crawl further into the shitter.
>From where I sit, I believe Test's inability to develop a successful personality has to be his biggest detraction. If you watch Tough Enough 2, you've heard this quite often and it rings true. Test is a stud, but he can't go to the next level without that intangible. He's very much in the same boat as his former partner Albert in that he's tried every cheap heat tactic and gimmick imaginable, but he still can't get over. He could come out with a T-shirt that says "The Terrorists Have Won" and he won't get over. Or he could come up with a cute slogan to stick on a shirt that has on the front "BRB" and on the back "Gone Fuckin'" and while it may get a few laughs, the common fan still won't give a damn about Test.
Brock Lesnar is a hoss and a half.
I don't see a significant push in Rikishi's future unless he drops some of that excess weight. Think Slim Fast, big fella.
I believe my good friend Wilson (there's your shout-out, bizzitch. Holla!) could very well be right on with his prediction that Jeff Hardy will die in a ladder match at Wrestlemania 19. Keep in mind, this sucka made this prediction 2 years ago. The risks Jeff Hardy takes are just too damn stupid.
I heard a rumor that Undertaker is pregnant.
I don't think there's anyone in wrestling right now more fragile than Kevin Nash. 20 seconds of in-ring "action" and the old man tears his quadricep because he tripped over Booker T like a klutz. I would say I feel sorry for "Big Sexy" but he'll be collecting mailbox money for a year once again.
If I was going to build a promotion I would want Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle as my top stars because right now their characters are the only things even remotely entertaining in the WWF. Jericho's living legend character should have a long shelf life. Kurt Angle is the best worker in wrestling bar none.
It's been over a month since Stone Cold Steve Austin went AWOL and I haven't missed him in the slightest. I was as big of an Austin backer as anyone, but the product would be the same if Austin was or wasn't there.
I don't understand what people are talking about when it is said that "they're not using him right" in reference to Ric Flair. Flair was "part owner" and cut promos and hardly wrestled and that same statement was made by many individuals. I thought that was how Flair should have been handled. He's no longer in his prime. He shouldn't be a full-time performer. Neither should Hulk Hogan for that matter. If Flair shouldn't be wrestling full-time nor stuck in suit cutting promos, exactly what should his role be? The masses wanted to see Ric Flair back in wrestling, but in what capacity should he be used? I'm asking you, the readers of this column, to email me and tell me what you think because I don't have the foggiest clue.
Chris Nowinski, Jackie Gayda, Nidia, and Linda Miles have quite a few things to learn before they're featured on television in any kind of role. I've seen all four cut promos and they're absolutley in need of verbal skills. And some actual character development wouldn't hurt either. They come across as someone playing a role and just looks out of place. By the way, does Jackie look like a dead ringer for Tombstone Tori or what? And that's not a good thing. That's a bad thing.
I long for the days when The Rock would use Michael Cole as a display case for his merchandise during his interviews.
That's my prerogative.