RYDER PITCHES EXTENTIONS TO PREMIUM MEMBERS; NEXT STOP 18 YEARS TO LIFE!
Expert won't rule out brainwash, magick!
Bob Ryder is taking his bid to rule the world one step at a time. The diabolical genius behind 1Wrestling.com has made another bid today to further annex the lives of those who follow the enigmatic cult leader. Long unhappy with renting their lives on a monthly basis, the fiendish Ryder has posted another cryptic message on his site extolling the virtues of leasing whole chunks of his readers' life spans to the former travel agent.
"Many monthly members are switching over to annual memberships to save money over the long term. The cost of a monthly membership is $4.95 billed monthly. An annual membership is $39.95, a savings of almost $20.00."
And this is only the first step critics warn.
A source close to Ryder says the 1Wrestling.com fuhrer is seeking other ways to permanently entrench himself in the lives of his readers. "We know he's looking at ways to possibly offer steep discounts for what he calls 'the decade plan,' but all that is still being worked out." said frequent Newsline contributor Various Writer II -- a masked penman who recently fell out of favor with Ryder's cult.
"He's hinted that he'd like to move toward offering two-for-the-price-of-one deals for people willing to sign over their infants," Writer II said, visibly shaken.
Though he admits to not knowing why Ryder is moving so aggressively in his push to dominate the wrestling scene, Writer II warns us not to dismiss the site owner as a fat, bald blowhard. "He's not as fat as some of those pictures would suggest, and since he got hair-plugs, there's no end to the man's ego!" Writer II warned.
Others did, however, offer to speculate as to what is driving this man over the edge. Long time Ryder detractor Rush Walters was once a trusted ally and 1Wrestling.com confidante. He suggests Ryder's decent into madness, and the resultant rush to surround himself with people who pay to look at his site, dates back to his rejection by the Word Wrestling Federation after WCW was purchased by Vince McMahon.
"I think what we're looking at with Bob is that he's a man rejected. He's a shell of his former self because he had everything he ever wanted and then suddenly saw it wash away when the WWF flushed WCW Live," Walters said in a phone interview today.
"Bob foolishly thought those listeners were tuning in each night for his nasally banter, when really they were listening for WCW wrestlers and, mostly, hoping for a surprise appearance by Jeremy Borash's one time Wrestling Radio co-host Mick Karch," Walters suggests. "Bob just never could get a handle on the fact that people don't care about insignificant folliclly challenged, elfin men."
Walters insists that because of Ryder's inability to grasp his own worthlessness, he feeds his insatiable ego by tricking people into buying his services and, once he's got them by their wallets, manipulates them into believing they need to pay to read, and to read to survive.
"It's a really sick cycle he's created. Kind of like a really addictive drug," Walters said.
So how does Ryder pull it off? The answers may surprise you.
Walters theorizes that Ryder uses an old tantric ritual with employee Buck Woodward, long suspected to be a pederast. Once they've completed the tantric acts, Ryder uses sigil magick and bodily fluid to cast a mighty spell. That spell, Walters says, somehow makes it from Ryder's server to site readers.
"He's clearly figured out etherial magick" Walters suggests.
But even Walters is quick to point out that's probably not the only way Ryder does it.
"Oh, I wouldn't rule out some sort of brainwash or subliminal trickery," he says. "I mean who knows what those flash ads contain, really. Or some of the things Bob writes in his updates. There are some scary coded messages there, let me tell you."
Walters and fellow Ryder opponents agree that there's no foolproof way to stop Ryder's drive to own people, but they suggest being careful and not buying in to Ryder's slick sales pitch.
And, whatever you do, Walters warns "Don't go into 1Wrestlingtalk."
More as it develops.