You are here
Guest Columns

Rob Wilson

Main
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
Ivory

In the history of this heavily male oriented sport that happens to be fake - women rarely get the chance to stand up and be counted. There have been exceptions: Fabulous Moolah, Chyna, "Hammerin" Heather Steele of the now defunct WOW. Ok, maybe not Heather.

In the history of the RSPW a woman has never won wrestler of the year. I don't care how many times someone comes to me and says Sabu look and acts really girly, he's not a woman.

The really stupid people on the internet type on and on about how Taz, that guy, this guy, and the other guy are always misused by the WWF. They fail to mention Ivory. Ivory with her sing song voice that I can't quite describe. Ivory with her perky breasts. Ivory who I can only imagine is a real tiger in bed.

I'm getting ahead of myself. For YOUR Consideration - IVORY

MATCH BY MATCH
Nov 2: WHOOPED UP in a 4 corners women's match ***WON WOMEN'S TITLE***
Nov 6: Accompanied Bull Buchanan (DNW)
Nov 9: Accompanied Bull Buchanan and The Goodfather (DNW)
Nov 13: Lost 6 Man Tag against Hardyz/Lita
Nov 16: Accompanied RTC, did clock Lita with her belt
Nov 19 (PPV): Retained her title against Lita - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Nov 20: Retained her title by pinning Molly Holly - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Nov 23: DNW
Nov 27: Accompanied Steven Richards & Val Venis (DNW)
Nov 30: Accompanied Bull Buchanan and The Godfather, clocks K-Kwik with her belt. (DNW)
Dec 4: Accompanied Bull Buchanan and The Godfather (DNW)
Dec 7: Ivory (w/Venis) def. Chyna and Billy Gunn - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Dec 10 (PPV): Retained her title against Trish Stratus & Molly Holly - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Dec 11: Cut a promo on Chyna, then wrestles her into a no contest
Dec 14: Retained her title against Lita - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Dec 18: Accompanied Bull Buchanan and The Goodfather
Dec 21: Retained her title against Jackie - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Dec 25: Accompanied Bull Buchanan and The Goodfather, tussles with Jackie
Dec 28: Defeated APA/Jackie in 6man tag action - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Jan 1: Accompanied Venis/Bull/Goodfather
Jan 4: Accompanied Val Venis
Jan 8: DNW
Jan 11: Accompanied Venis/Buchanan/Goodfather
***CO-HOSTED HEAT!!!***
Jan 15: Lost to Hardy Boyz/Lita in 6man tag action
Jan 18: Cut a promo, powerbombed by Chyna
Jan 21 (PPV): Retained her title against Chyna - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Jan 22: Cut a promo, Retained her title against Molly Holly - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Jan 25: Accompanied Bull Buchanan/The Goodfather
Jan 29: Accompanied Val Venis, commentated on Women's match
Feb 1: Retained her title against Lita/Jackie in Triple Threat action - RTC ALWAYS WINS
Feb 5: Forearms The Kat in the back, then proceeds with hot lesbian action later in the night. Kidding about that last part?
Feb 8: Def. APA/Jackie/Kat as part of RTC - RTC ALWAYS WINS! AND KAT IS KIDNAPPED!!
Feb 12: DNW, no idea why not!! IVORY IS THE COOLEST!
Feb 15: Where's Ivory!? Still torturing Kat I guess. DNW!
Feb 19: Back with Kat! Cut a promo
Feb 22: Wrestles to a No Contest against Kat
Feb 25 (PPV): DNW
Feb 26: Accompanied Venis/Bull/Goodfather
Mar 1: Beats on Venis for having sex or petting her heavily.
Mar 5: DNW
Mar 8: DNW
Mar 12: Accompanied RTC
Mar 15: DNW
Mar 19: Beats up a Chyna Cut-Out, Chyna beats up on her
Mar 22: Cuts a promo on Chyna
Mar 26: Lumberjacks a match
Mar 29: Wrestles to a No Contest in a "Bra and Panties" match against Trish.
Apr 1: Lost to Chyna ***LOSES WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP***
Apr 2: DNW
Apr 5: DNW
Apr 9: DNW
Apr 12: Lost to Chyna
Apr 16: DNW
Apr 19: Accompanied RTC
Apr 23: Lost to Trish
Apr 26: DNW
Apr 29 (PPV): DNW
***Ivory inexplicably disappears! Missing persons are filed on her and as you all remember if any of you watched CNN last summer - a massive search was executed for her across this great country.***
Aug 6: IVORY RETURNED! Joining the Alliance!
Aug 9: Sadly, Ivory didn't wrestle on my birthday! Right after her big shocking return too! (DNW)
Aug 13: DNW! HEY SHE RETURNED! Where's the airtime!?
Aug 16: Ivory made Torrie and Stacy work out! (DNW)
Aug 19 (PPV): DNW
Aug 20: Lost to Jackie/Lita/Molly Holly in 6woman tag action.
Aug 23: Ivory pinned Lita
Aug 27: Ivory crowbarred Lita and Matt! YAY!
Aug 30: Ivory (w/ Helms) def. Spike Dudley/Molly Holly
Sept 3: Ivory (w/ Helms) def. Matt Hardy/Lita - The Intergender team of Ivory/Helms STEAMROLLS another team!
Sept 4: DNW, despite the intergender team doing so well.
Sept 10: Lost to Hardyz/Lita in 6man tag action
Sept 13: Accompanied Storm/Helms, She later has some words about the Sept 11 attacks
Sept 17: Accompanied Lance Storm
Sept 20: Accompanied Storm/Helms
Sept 23 (PPV): Accompanied Storm/Helms?
Sept 24: Lost to Big Show/Spike/Molly Holly in 6man tag action - Methinks that adding Storm to the equation wasn't a smart move.
Oct 1: Accompanied Lance Storm
Oct 4: DNW
Oct 8: Spent some time with Lance Storm at WWF New York (DNW)
Oct 11: DNW
Oct 15: Accompanied Helms/Storm/Molly - Accompanied!? WASUPWITDAT!?
Oct 18: Accompanied Helms/Storm/Molly - AGAIN!
Oct 21 (PPV): I'm guessing accompanied Storm/Hurricane, I could be wrong. Thus her year ends in a whimper.

BY THE RECORD:
OVERALL RECORD: 15 wins, 9 losses, 3 no contests
BEST MONTH: December 2000 (5-0-1)
WORST MONTH: April 2001 (0-3-0)
LEAST ACTIVE MONTHS: Early March - Early August
TAG TEAM PARTNER OF CHOICE: Not counting 6man tag action or wrestling with RTC, It looks to be Hurricane Helms (2 matches; 2-0-0)
OVERALL TAG TEAM RECORD: Not counting 6man tag, 3-0-0
WRESTLER TO ACCOMPANY OF CHOICE: Not really a wrestler but she accompanied RTC quite a bit - 15 times
WOMEN'S TITLE REIGN: 150 days for this block of time

AWARDS TO THINK ABOUT IVORY IN:

BEST WRESTLER: Ok bad record aside. The RTC ALWAYS (majority) WON! Ivory was a key factor in that. Take your pick for main eventers and most of them it turns out did not have a very stellar year. They were either gone, injured, shooting movies, or they just plain sucked. Ivory was solid with 150 days of being on top of the prestigious women's division. And like every top card wrestler should, she then took some leave. There are some that are going to say well she's a woman. I say to you, you're a chauvinist pig! Stop holding down the women's movement already! Dr. Laura is voting Ivory, you should too.

BEST TAG TEAM: Someone nominated Lance Storm & Ivory for best tag team. I think they meant Hurricane Helms & Ivory. That mishap aside Ivory had an undefeated tag streak.

BEST HEEL: While ripping up a Chyna cut-out might just be the opposite of a bad thing to do, I also refused to show her body, and that's good enough for me.

BEST WORKER: Uh, Hello? She wrestled constantly in that ankle long skirt! Did Austin do that!? Chris Benoit!? I don't think so!

BEST TECHNICAL WRESTLER: She got nominated for this? Hahahaha, I mean...Ivory showcased technical skills more than any other woman in her division.

MOST FAVORITE WRESTLER: After Chyna leaves she'll be one of the original femme fatale of the WWF (post Alundrya, Sunny, Sable, etc). People cheer for her the same reason people cheer for Billy Gunn. You have to give them credit for actually being there. And how can Ivory not be your favorite, she's such a TART! Oh I just love her, she's like butter! Excuse me, I'm getting a bit of a klemp...

WORST MATCH: 01/21/01 Ivory (Women's) v. Chyna, 04/01/01 Ivory (Women's) v. Chyna - First of all any match with Chyna is a bad one so can you really blame Ivory?

WORST FEUD: Chyna v. Ivory - Yeah because Ivory lost most of the time! CHYNA BLOWS! Right to Censor v. Right to Nudity - Would it really have had any payoff?

BEST SECOND: She led the RTC to A LOT of victories! A shoe in for best second!

WORST SECOND: Who nominated her for this!? WHO!?

WORST ANGLE: WWF books Chyna vs. Ivory - Wow....Granted it was a bad feud. But this is taking it to far. You people sicken me.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
1. She's a 3TIME Women's Champion!
2. It seems she came back from a summer long MIA to be not quite as good.
3. She still has perky breasts. She's like a fine china doll.

For YOUR Consideration.........................................................Ivory.

Rob Wilson
freelance

Mail the Author

Comment about this article on the EZBoard

BLAH

Main

Design copyright © 1999-2001 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2001 by the individual author and used with permission