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Jim Saccaro




Man, everyone seems to be talking about that new desire video the WWF put out, and for good reason. I loved it. If the WWF can put that kind of heart and creative energy into everything they do, their ratings would be back in the 6's again in no time. My one complaint: They kinda portrayed Bret doing the "WCW" thing and the spitting at McMahon thing in a heelish manner. A newer viewer who is not familiar with Montreal would think that Bret is definitely the bad guy in all of that. Case in point, my college roommate (one of them anyways) had no clue why Bret was spitting at Vince or how he was screwed. I don't mean to split hairs here, the video was still awesome. I'm sure a lot of you were like me and got a little choked up at points, like when they showed how the WWF beat out WCW or the WWF title lineage. Nice move putting Andre in with the montage of champions. He may not have held the belt for more than a day but he was a great champion if there ever was one, belt be damned. I don't want to sound like a loser, but watching the WWF's story was like a look back at my own life story. That's how much of a part of my life wrestling has been at times, through the very good, to the very bad. I'm sure there are many others who feel the same way.

Who is writing President Bush's speeches? I have never been one to actually enjoy presidential speeches, but Bush's are damned good. Not only are they interesting, but I find them to be very ballsy and true. Say what you want about Bush, but Clinton would never have had the 'grapefruits"(tm Vince McMahon) to tell the American people to change their soft culture. I have to agree with the President on this one. We are sending a message to other countries that we are soft, materialistic people who worship "entertainers" like Brittney "I have no talent but I do have the best marketing and cosmetic surgery team in the world behind me" Spears. Come on, thrusting a "band" like N'Sync into the national spotlight isn't exactly sending a hard edge message. Justin Timberlake is no John Wayne let's put it that way. As these soft, phony, pretty boys/girls and self absorbed "artists" saturate our media, it alters the global perception of our country and culture. Look at things: Rap has been degraded to the levels of 80's glam rock with tallentless hacks producing million dollar videos, dressing to the tens, making whole albums that are nothing but bragging about how rich, great, and tough they are while completely disrespecting the art form that they clam to toil in while somehow taking themselves and their music WAY too seriously. In my opinion, Rap started to lose its soul when Rappers started demanding that they be called "Hip-hop artists" instead. F- that. Rap stopped progressing when Biggie and 2-Pac died, and has turned into the biggest marketing machine this side of professional sports. Rock music is degraded to the point where little cartoon character like, quasi-punk bands feel the need to produce identical sounding records that get more watered down by the album. Other rock bands are either too busy being posers, trying to do what they think will sell the most records, (see Bizkit, Limp) or producing mind numbingly boring and sloppy sounding albums, whinning about how much life sucks because mommy and daddy didn't get them that new car when they were 16. You're 35 years old, stop fucking whinning!!! Lets not get into the linkin parks of the world. There seems to be a whole other bevy of rock stars who think being loud is enough to be a great rock band. I don't know about any of you out there, but I'm a fan of melodies, originality and precision in my music. Bands like Metallica, for example demonstrate how to kick your audiences ass with some high quality, overpowering shit while still sounding good. I guess this is why I am so turned off by the rap, and rock of today. Maybe I'm just longing for the next Nirvana to step up, revolutionize, and clean out the riff raff. Oh well. The point of my little rant is this: we are raising a generation of celebrity worshipers who will never do anything great in their lifetimes because they are being trained by the media and their culture that aspiring to be like(as in similar to but not quite) celebrities is the highest attainable status in society. Screw curing cancer, all you need to do is wear 400 dollar clothes, learn how to burn CDs and nickname yourself Bill Gates or Lil' Shaq or something equally lame. We need to teach these kids as well as the generations immediately above and below them where the real importance in life is. We need to show them that the advancement of human kind is more important that the advancement of your social image. Besides, the sooner they cancel TRL and get no-talent hacks like Carson Daily off my TV the better.

I was actually blocked from accessing the internet the last month or so. I couldn't get my laptop on the cable modem at home and now back at school I couldn't get on through the LAN. Well, I finally fixed the problem(I think.) you know what it was? Popoff!! Fucking POPOFF!! I have no idea how or why, but it looks like one little shareware program disabled my internet access for almost 2 months. What is popoff? Well, it's a program that blocks popup windows from being displayed on your comp. It worked well, too. Oh well.

Anyways, onto the point of my article: The major talk of the wrestling world is about the nWo's imminent return. While I disagree with Vince and Co.'s decision to bring in 3 of the hugest egos and biggest backstabbers and politicians in the history of wrestling while simultaneously reuniting the faction that almost killed the WWF for real, I understand his line of reasoning.

Sure, Hall and Nash almost killed the WWF the first time they were there. And sure, they did jump ship like rats as the WWF ship began to sink due in large part to the holes they put in the WWF's "hull". Let's not forget they actually succeeded in killing the WCW. Never mind that. Hall and Nash can serve a function in the WWF. Bringing in one without the other makes no sense. Nash without Hall requires work and time to get over and vice versa. Work is something that Hall and Nash will never be associated with and the WWF doesn't have time to waste on getting a 40 year old wrestler over. Besides Hall and Nash don't have time to give the WWF. They need to spend time with their kids and/or snort coke and drink until "NWO" looks like 4 sentences of scribble. Did I jut say that? Besides, Hall and Nash will no doubt be spending the bulk of their on-road time at strip joints and plotting against other wrestlers backstage. So see, it was necessary to bring in both Hall and Nash.

Hogan is a different story. Hogan was to the WWF in the 80's what Stone Cold is to the WWF now. He has a long history with the WWF and old school fans have some very fond memories of the big guy. Hogan isn't that bad of a guy anyway. He hooks up his friends at every opportunity. He has tons of experience. He knows how to entertain a crowd like no other. He's still amazingly charismatic. He has a great knowledge of the business. He had a way of getting a guy over despite not putting him over in a match. The only reason he left the WWF was because of the steroid scandal, and that was as much to keep Vince's nose clean as it was to keep his own clean (or so I heard). Besides, Hogan is responsible for some of the greatest moments in WWF history(The Andre Body Slam at WMIII, the Ultimate Challenge just to name a few). So what if "What?" has replaced "whatcha gonna do?" take out the "cha gonna do" and it's the same catchphrase!

By the way, didn't the WWF criticize DDP, Kronic, Booker T and just about every WCW newcomer for not being able to wrestle the WWF style? Are we to believe Hogan, Nash, and Hall can? They can barely wrestle PERIOD let alone the WWF style. To top it off they will probably end up debuting at Wrestlemania and having a major role. I find it a weird coincidence that guys like Tazz, Jericho, DDP, and Booker T have all been on winning streaks as of late, and 3 of those four currently are holding titles. Why do I find this so funny? All of those guys were either forced to pay their dues or have been criticized for not being able to wrestle the WWF style. If you ask me this is nothing more than some preemptive backpedaling by the WWF.

I figured that there are 10 perfectly good things to do with the NWO. Some are serious, some aren't, but here they are anyways.

1. The Outsiders take on the LOD 2000 dynamic. Hall is just one of those people who can't handle success. In any profession, high levels of success bring certain spoils. In fact the more successful you are, the more temptation you are exposed to. As with most athletes and entertainers, high success means tons of opportunities for drug binges, hard partying nights, and hot chicks to bang. Some people are able to resist these vices for the most part. However, there is a significant majority of these highly successful people who just can't overcome the temptation. Scott Hall is one of these people. It's unfortunate, but no matter how many stints in rehab or how many times he hits rock-bottom (no pun intended) he will approach success with the same reckless abandon he always has. What a better way to parlay this real life conflict into the world of sports-entertainment than by having Scott Hall come down to wrestle with Kevin Nash as the Outsiders completely blitzed out of his mind? He would not only get tons of heat due to the ever popular "Betty Ford" chants he would receive, but the public humiliation might just clean him up for good.

2. Have Kevin Nash Join Billy and Chuck as "Big Gay Kev". Self explanatory

3. DX vs. The New World Order. This is a dream match if there ever was one. There are so many ways to go with this. I mean, if you're bringing back Hall and Nash, friggin Bret Hart seems like a possibility. Therefore, bringing back Road Dogg and Chyna aren't exactly reaches. Having Michaels, HHH, the Outlaws, X-pac and Chyna back together again against a nWo team consisting of Hogan, Hall, Nash, Big Show, and Vince would open a myriad of possibilities. They could make it an all out war between the two, do the swerve thing and have a DXNWO merger or go in one of a thousand other directions.

4. Double Swerve: HHH becomes new leader of nwo. Think about it: The black and white manage to get the WWF belt off of Jericho onto Hogan (even if they don't win it, maybe they steal it). They have a big thing in the ring where they go to spraypaint the belt, when Hogan has second thoughts, after about a minute of discussion, Hogan declines, citing his history with the belt, how he bodyslammed Andre for it, how he battled the Warrior over it, how he wrested it off of the evil Sergeant Slaughter for America, etc. etc. and he can't do it. This leads to a Hall and Nash beatdown of Hogan. The next show, Hogan comes down for revenge, either by himself or teaming with HHH for revenge. At either rate, HHH either runs down to apparently save Hogan and turns on him, or he just outright attacks him 3 on 1 during a tag match to join the NWO as their leader. Double turn accomplished.

5. . Hogan-Flair team up. For the first time in history, have these two on the sme side. This would be an old school fan's dream.

6. Sign Eric Bishoff as on air co-leader of the NWo, and member of the creative team. This would undoubtedly be odd to see Vince and Bish team up, and it would also lead to the crowning of new WWF champion Jared Fogel.

7. Bring back Savage, Steiner, and the rest of the "old blood" This could be easily parlayed into the old guard not recognizing the achievements of the new WWF stars and the Attitude era's finest, then they could join the nwo and war it out with the young guys?

8. Hold of debuting the nwo until the time of the split. They could be the cornerstones of the new promotion, whenever they decide to create it

9. Parlay the real life problems the nWo bring to the table into the storylines. You could have all the WWF wrestlers feud with the nWo over the fact that Hogan, Hall, and Nash have schemed to keep them down their whole careers. It would be so cool to see those guys finally get their due.

10. Job those 3 to everyone. Self explanatory. Helps elevate everyone else. Hogan, Hall, and Nash finally get to give back.

[slash] wrestling

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