Finally, the orgasm-inducing, life-altering, soul-saving pushes of Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit have begun, and I'm surprised the earth didn't shake when several hundred thousand "smart" fans ejaculated simultaneously onto their keyboards last Monday night. I'm a fan of both Jericho and Benoit and I felt that they were in line for nice pushes past the mid-card. The thing that made me cringe, however, was the knowledge that hack internet writers were going to claim a major victory, and many would start believing the hype they've tried so desperately to create for themselves.

The Push Heard 'Round the 'Net was a welcome breath of fresh air to most WWF fans...I think. To be honest though, I don't know for sure. As a "smart" fan (a term that should only be used derisively), I have no idea what the rest of the world wants to see. I do, however, know that some internet writers make fools of themselves by lamenting the Undertaker's status when the crowd response indicates that the fans want him at the top. Here's a message to the Kellers and Meltzers and God knows who elses: no one cares what you think about the Undertaker. Or Triple H. Or Koko B. Ware, for that matter. You exist to tell us the results of pre-taped matches and to explain why a certain program or angle won't play out as planned. Your "expert analysis" is useless; if you were experts on something other than self-aggrandizement, I imagine someone from the Big Two ("the Big One" sounded too dirty) would have hired you to at least fetch them coffee.

For a few weeks before the awe-inspiring, puppy-hugging, sick-child-saving pushes of the Chrises, the net was abuzz with speculation over Triple H's influence. Because there were absolutely no facts to back up this speculation, the glorified wrestling gossip columnists wrote loaded questions posed as column leaders: "Is Triple H's 'Glass Ceiling' Hurting the WWF?," "Does Triple H's Booking Cripple Young Stars?," etc. This deceptive phrasing immediately creates a perception about Triple H. Just the question alone has told the reader that Triple H is a powerful booker out to protect his spot by any means necessary. These internet writers take liberties most of us in literary or scientific fields can't. They create a thesis, ignore both proof to the contrary and a dearth of facts to back them up, and create a cottage industry out of at best a specious theory.

When Playboy became a phenomenon, Hugh Hefner began writing long, droning "meaning of life"-style essays that put most readers to sleep (and caused circulation to drop). People were buying the magazine for pictures of tits, not Hefnerian philosophy. Wrestling websites are similar in that people visit them for a specific purpose, and that specific purpose is not Kellerian wrestling philosophy. It's for information on what actually happens behind the scenes (not what the writers imagine is happening) and match results, with the occasional opinion piece thrown in for good measure. The internet wrestling business is trying too hard to model itself after the business it purports to love, and in the process is creating an environment fraught with lousy writers and inaccurate and sometimes libelous reporting. Let's leave the half-truths and slander to the pros, okay?