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Patrick Screamer

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A WEEK IN A JAR

Well, things are clicking for the WWF right now.but they're not what they were ratings-wise. I think what this means is that a new steroid trial is imminent. Speaking of which.

Triple H's Steroid Use Gets Mocked in a Bodybuilding Magazine

Read that again. A BODYBUILDING MAGAZINE is making fun of someone for using steroids. 1wrestling.com reported this, but the thick layer of pop-up ads prevented me from getting to the link. Now, we're all adults here, so let's face it: some guys are juiced. I mean no disrespect to them, but it's the truth. Billy Gunn and Scott Steiner spring to mind as two highly probable users, and others like Eddie Guererro and Bob Holly are likely candidates. But for a bodybuilding magazine to choose a wrestler for its "Death List" is unbelievable. These magazines encourage their twisted, freakish readers to take steroids because, some of them claim, juicing is fine if you cycle properly. Now considering the mentality of these writers, you have to assume a guy is taking some seriously high dosages for Beef-Ass Monthly to pick up on it. This worries me. I dig Triple H, and I'd dig Triple H thirty pounds lighter. So, for all the Eddie Guerreros out there (I mention him specifically because he was putting on quite a bit of muscle at a rapid clip before his "personal problems"), don't juice. Too much. Or at all. Oh, I don't know. Who cares anyway? If you drop dead in the ring, the next guy will be willing to "raise his game" to take your spot.



DDP in the WWF: Going to the KOR PPV to JOB?

I never liked Diamond Dallas Page. He looks pretty old, he has ridiculously corny catchphrases ("Hollywood 'Scum' Hogan!" he would yell excitedly), and.well, he's pretty old. Having said that, I think he's a pretty good choice for the stalker role, if only because he was a surprise. As for that promo, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was watching WCW, and it wasn't just because it was Page talking. The awkward pauses, the lost place, and the heel acting like a face are all old WCW standbys. There was one point where Page just seemed completely lost. I'm rooting for him like I root for all the wrestlers; I don't wish failure on anyone in particular, with the notable exception of Billy Gunn. But something tells me the move to the big leagues, so to speak, may expose him more than it helps him.



Saturn Getting Over; In Related News, Pigs Fly

The first couple of times Saturn muttered one of his wacky non-sequitirs, I laughed my ass off. Lately, unfortunately, they've gotten a little less funny. "D-Von.get the muffins!" was the last really hilarious one. It could get Saturn over (it certainly seems to have started getting him over), but it also could relegate him to the Oddities-like comedy spot.



Some Internet Writers Still Like Wrestling

I don't exactly know why I do it, but I generally read CRZ's recaps even though I watch Raw just about every week. I always get the sense that he actually enjoys wrestling. I also visit some other sites, and some of them leave me with the impression that not only do they hate wrestling, they hate the fans and wrestlers themselves and would be happiest if the WWFE headquarters spontaneously combusted during some mega-fanfest featuring appearances by the sport's biggest stars and attended by every single wrestling fan in North America. I'm thinking specifically of The Observer right now, but there are others. I took this right from the Observer's review of Smackdown: "You have to give Austin credit for trying his best with this new character but it is so obvious they are killing him with this new skin." Now, I heartily disagree with this statement, which makes me a moron since "it is so obvious. I don't want to pick on the guy that wrote that specific line because it's a common approach of internet writers. I've just picked one random example. It's not a personal thing, but I need an example.

Hang on, I want to see who writes these things.

Okay, I just checked, a guy named Jeff writes them. Okay then, Jeff, you're certainly entitled to your opinion. But is it really that obvious that Austin's new skin is killing him? Aren't you then implying that those who don't agree with you are either too stupid or too na´ve to follow your heady logic? I hate shit like that. If you're making sweeping, foolish generalizations in order to be funny, then by all means go for it. But if you're actually taking yourself seriously and you write things like that, you're calling your audience stupid.

Patrick
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