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Patrick Screamer




Raw is War finally gave us something to be excited about when a cadre of ECW stars invaded the WWF's signature program and spared us the sight of Bob Holly versus Sean Stasiak. And, finally, the invasion angle seems to be heating up. But didn't Monday leave you feeling a little.well, a little empty? Me too. And that's because amidst all this talk of invasions and takeovers and collective beatdowns, no one has mentioned the federation with the most to gain from an invasion. As any fool could tell you, I'm talking about the Global Wrestling Federation.

I liked ECW well enough, but imagine this scenario: It's Raw is War. A little past hour one. Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer are in the middle of the ring pounding away on Farooq and Bradshaw. All of a sudden, the arena goes dark. The sound of a missile cruising towards its target booms over the loudspeakers, and out walk the Patriot and his mortal enemy the Dark Patriot. The two of them leave all four WWF/ECW guys laying. As the WWF/ECW/WCW locker room empties, out walks the Handsome Stranger (fired in his Buff Bagwell incarnation to work the smarts). Then, X-Pac charges out, looking ready to fight for all that is right in the world (the WWF, of course). Instead of helping his fallen comrades, however, he pulls off his goofy X-Factor gear to reveal a bright blue ensemble with lightning bolts all over it. Booker T runs out and puts on an Ebony Express t-shirt as his brother Stevie Ray runs into the ring from the crowd. Gaston B. Means walks down the entrance ramp to hold the hands of his former and current charges high in the air. Al Perez runs to the ring and holds Bradshaw up for a Patriot Missile, but the Patriot, ever the gentleman, refuses to perform the move under such unfair circumstances.

Despite the slight morality gap, the GWF wrestlers sports-entertainers all rejoice in the ring as Bradshaw rises and joins them. "John 'Hawk' Bradshaw has returned to the GWF!," I imagine good ol' JR shrieking. Finally, Bonnie Blackstone and Brandon Baxter come out and cut a blistering promo on the state of Texas. While it's totally irrelevant, the fans cheer wildly anyway. Mick Foley walks out and declares himself "GW f'n F" forever!" Raven soon follows. The Palm Beach Heartthrob himself cuts a promo on the WWF, WCW, ECW, NWA Wildside, SMW, PWF, IWCCW, and basically any federation that outpaced Global over the last few years. All future Raws are held at the Dallas Sportatorium, and Rod Price enjoys a lengthy run as the unified ECW/WWF/WCW/GWF champion.

Now THAT'S how you run an invasion.


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