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| Guest Columns | Matt Spaulding |
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IDEA MAN And This Time, They Mean It LINES OF THE WEEK: Hell, PICK something. Mick, Shane in the locker room, Taker chewing out Rock and Jericho, Heyman on SmackDown... yeah. PREDICTIONS FOR SURVIVOR SERIOUS Twenty-Man Immunity Battle Royal (Winner cannot be fired for a whole year, regardless of affiliation) Your competitors are: Crash, Saturn, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Spike, Albert, Scotty 2 Hotty, Funaki, Billy Gunn, Chuck Palumbo, Raven, The Hurricane, Kidman, Shawn Stasiak, Tazz, Steven Richards, Smilin' Dallas Page, Lance Storm, Justin Credible, and Tommy Dreamer Pulled that list from wwf.com, and removed Hugh Morrus and Chavo Jr. because they were "fired" on Raw. TNM Says: Diamond Dallas Page (48:19 --> Faarooq; Spike was tossed FIRST, by Faarooq, who also eliminated Bradshaw) What I'd Do: This actually presents a chance to do something interesting with whoever wins. The obvious step, to me, is to go with someone who makes a good underdog, so I'd have Spike win by the skin of his teeth. What They'll Do: I also think this was planned so that something like the above could happen. And I think Spike will win. Or maybe Dreamer. No, Spike. WWF Women's Title Match: Lita vs. Twitch Stratus vs. Brick House vs. Mighty Molly Madness vs. -0.56% vs. Player To Be Named Later Remember the Women's Title? No? Oh. Well, anyway, Regal set up this six-pack on SmackDown! and didn't tell Ivory who the sixth chick was. We think it's Jazz. What I'd Do: I pick Lita. What They'll Do: Hmm. I think Ivory's going over here. WWF Intercontinental/WCW U.S. Title Unification Match: The King of Awesomeness vs. Test (without Jillian Barberie) Edge challenged Test to an IC Title match after a Test attack the show prior. MISTAKE. Test got his long legs in the ropes and stole the belt. Edge picked up the U.S. Title on Monday with what I call a clean pin on Kurt Angle. I wouldn't mind an extended feud between these two guys, myself. BATTLE OF TORONTO The winners of this match and the tag titles match will remain employed regardless of which company still stands. TNM Says: Test (5:04 pumphandle slam on floor --> pin in ring) Edge What I'd Do: I let Edge go over. What They'll Do: I think Edge pulls it out again. (yoshihiro) Tajiri (w/Torrie the Fembot) vs. Commissioner Billy Regal We've been waiting for this match ever since Tajiri first arrived. Similar circumstances (Tajiri refuses an invitation to join the Alliance) led to Tajiri/Tazz at Invasion, and now it's Regal who's dishing out the punishment. TNM Says: Tajiri (7:44 "Straight-Up Kick To The Head" --> pin) Regal What I'd Do: Sit back and watch as Regal gets his face kicked in. What They'll Do: Tajiri needs revenge. He's getting it. WWF/WCW Tag Team Title Unification Steel Cage Match: The Dudley Boyeeez (w/Stacylegs Keibler) vs. The Hardy Boyz (w/Lita) These two teams don't like each other. They never have. And to add to the fun is this situation with Matt Hardy and Lita where they can't get out of each other's way and bad things happen. Matt walks in on Trish in a towel; Matt accidentally costs Lita a match against Ivory; Matt catches Stacy after Lita knocks her off the apron, leaving Lita to eat a 3D; Matt gets an IC Title Shot, so Jeff replaces him as Lita's partner in a mixed tag ... you get the idea. Sort of. This is meeting 62,901,574 between these teams, but the FIRST inside an Unforgiving Steel Cage. TNM Says: Hardy Boys (9:45 Twist of Fate --> pin Bubba) Dudley Boys What I'd Do: Have the Hardys win so we can drag out this whole Matt/Lita thing. What They'll Do: Dudleys triumph when the Matt/Lita situation somehow explodes. Winner Take All: 10-Man Elimination Match: Hi My Name Is, Olympic Villian Kurt Angle, Sucka T, The Whole Show, & Simba, The Giant-Killing Gladiator vs. Our Champion, Chair Jericho, Big Red, Hell on Wheels, and The Big F'n Show Angle was named to team WWF before he turned heel and jumped to the Alliance, claiming he didn't want to be associated with losers and egomaniacs with his job at stake. Vince took his place after Shane named himself as a member of HIS team, then surrendered his spot to Big Show after Show killified the whole Alliance lower card. I also assume Show still hates Shane. We discussed the Rock/Jericho and Booker/RVD friction last week, and add Austin/Angle to that mix - Austin's suspicious because Angle's jump was so sudden and seemingly nonsensical, and Angle's still not convinced that Austin isn't going back.
TNM Says: Alliance, 5-2 (riiiiiight): What I'd Do: If you've been paying attention, you've probably noticed a trend up to this point, and you may have also figured out what I'm gonna say here. I put the Alliance over, with Rock taking the final fall. The next night on Raw or whatever, the Alliance leaders come out and give their whole "we're taking over" speech which includes the following:
This all leads to a situation where the WWF wrestlers defend their titles on every show with the odds continually stacked against them, and the Alliance wrestlers begin having problems with each other as they jockey for title shots and such (to set up defined face/heel lines). Jericho wins the competition so he can continue in his current role of Rock's main antagonist, constantly reminding him of how he cost most of the WWF their jobs by losing at Survivor Series, but we won't blow that off at Vengeance. Angle will challenge Rock for the WCW title, and Jericho will interfere against Rock - but Triple H will return here and stop Angle from winning. HHH wants to know what the hell happened to his company (he'll KNOW, but he'll ask for dramatic effect) and Stephanie will tell him that it's all about the Austin-led Alliance now. HHH doesn't want any part of that (replaying Austin's interview where he blames HHH for losing the tag titles to Benoit & Jericho all those months ago), and the Austin-led Alliance storms the ring and kicks his ass until the WWF guys make the save. HHH's rejection of the Alliance sets up two things: a WWF Title match with Austin at the Royal Rumble, and a selfishly dejected Stephanie running into the arms of either Angle or Jericho (more likely Angle) afterwards, which will lead to a Wrestlemania 18 match. In the meantime, the Alliance forces Rock to defend the WCW title against Jericho at the Rumble, but a quick conversation among the WWF contingent gives them the idea to make a deal. That match will happen if:
Austin beats HHH, and Rock wins the Rumble. If you want to unify the WWF and WCW belts, you have Rock beat Jericho as well. Or, Austin could cost Rock the WCW title match and try to injure him to get him out of the Rumble, furthering their issue even more if such a thing is possible, while also giving Jericho something to do at WM if HHH is fighting Angle. What They'll Do: I'll officially say that the Alliance wins. But I truly have no idea. And isn't that the most you can hope for out of a match of this supposed magnitude?
Matt Spaulding
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