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Shane Spear



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Ok, all you slash readers, this all is just an attempt to try and see if I can name every nWo member from the US. If I share a little history, so be it.

First we started with Scott Hall (1) showing up and squaking about how there was going to be a takeover and such. The funny part was that the announcers kept asking about how they were going to make up the match in the ring. Mind you this was a squash match for The Mauler. The who? That's right. Anyway, Kevin Nash (2) did the same thing. At Bash at the Beach, THE HULKSTER (3) made little kids cry all over the world when he turned his back on WCW and his "best friends" Sting, Lex Luger, and Randy Savage. Yes, he also turned his back on the gym on Baywatch! After all that work to stop Ric Flair from foreclosing our favorite beach. These three became the New World Order. They ended up making the best and most popular wrestling shirt ever and will be haunting every Smark's dreams for the next couple of years.

Every stable needs it share of jobbers, so nWo got to hiring real quick. Vincent (4) (formerly Virgil and would later go on to be Cowboy Shane or something) would be made the "head of security." This is the guy who couldn't beat Nailz folks. Next, The Million Dollar Man (5)would be upgraded to the BILLION Dollar Man and he was the "guy with money." His major contribution to the nWo was the scary laugh halfway through the muzac track. The next person to join would be THE GIANT (6). Even though the nWo had "stolen" his title from him, he joined for the money. I can't say I watched when he was on, but I've sure he drooled and stuff back then too. He would later un-join and re-join more times then that of Ross and Rachel or Zack and Kelly combined.

I hope you are reading this next part, because it's awesome. OK, at this time Sting was hanging out in the rafters and not wrestling or talking or doing anything exciting at all. I'm sure this is because of Hogan somehow, because all angles revolved around Hogan. So the nWo was like "WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY! WE CAN REBUILD HIM!" And they made a Sting. The only part was that everybody could tell he wasn't Sting. It's like Austin would say "Unless Sting has gotten real fat and real untalented real fast, this ain't Sting." So from then on, Tony Schcantspellnamei called him "NWO Sting" (7). Then about a month later he went to Japan and was never heard of again, expect to Purosmarks.

In November, Syxx (8) and his tounge joined the nWo. No, he didn't job back then either, thx for asking. Sadly, the greaseball would simply not provide the power to take over WCW. The nWo does not run on educated feet alone. So the nWo had a membership drive. It wasn't on PBS. This drive produced Marcus (not yet Buff) Bagwell (9), Mr. Michael Wallstreet (10), Big Bubba (Boss Man with the only name he could have without WCW getting their asses sued by Clarence Mason and co) (11), and Scott Norton (12).

After this, Roddy Piper showed up on TV again. Eric Bischoff (13) told him he was going to get him a title shot. Piper starts asking him if the road to his house was crooked. Bischoff just stared at him blankly until the nWo showed up to beat him up. Hogan then starts the homoerotic relationship with Eric by giving him a manly hug and revealing that he was in the nWo all along. This led to the HUGE moneymaking war of words between Bischoff and Jojo Dillon, and Dillon ended up cancelling Bubba and Wallstreets contacts. Michael ended up crying and running off to Japan, where again, he was never heard of.

At Superbrawl, Randy Savage (14) would join the nWo for the first of about four thousand times. On top of this, he was later overshadowed by "The Worm" Dennis Rodman (15) joining the nWo. I think he only wrestled twice or so, but was on TV quite often. It's time like these that I wish Wrestlecrap was still up so I could link you there.

As for random joinings, Curt Henning (16) turned on the Four Horsemen at some pay per view. Konnan (17) joined at some point, but nobody really cared to hear him "speak on dis." Rick Rude (18) joined too, appearing on both RAW and Nitro the same night due to the magic of WWF taping their shows. Dusty Rhodes (19), The Dipshitle (20), and Crush (21) all joined as well, but nobody cares.

Scott Steiner (22) joined the nWo as well, leading into a feud with his brother for about the next five years or so. But that's not the story, the story is my FAVORITE teaming of all time, Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner. You see, Rick Steiner broke Bagwell's neck. Sometime later, Bagwell showed up in a wheelchair and became Rick's bestest friend. A few weeks later he jumped out of the wheelchair and re-joined the nWo by beating up Steiner. Anytime Rick wanted to fight Buff and/or Scott, they would bring out a witch doctor to say they were unfit to compete. Rick would later respond by winning the tag titles with Judy Bagwell, who graciously gave her title to Kenny Kaos. What a lady.

Oh shit, I totally forgot that Miss Elizabeth (23) was in the nWo too. I didn't even remember until I saw some of those old "NWO LATE NIGHT" skits where Bischoff would pretend to be Jay Leno.

Here's where things fall apart...Kevin Nash and Randy Savage got sick of Hogan pushing them around, so they form a happy version of the nWo called Wolfpac. It's exactly the same as the "Hollywood" faction, only the logo is in RED. This is enough for Sting (24) and Luger(25), who couldn't sign up fast enough after seeing the RED duds. In fact, Sting painted his entire face red. Konnan also "OH LA LAY"d his ass over so that every Wolfpac promo took about eighteen minutes before Nash got to speak. Hall joined, but quit the Wolfpac six seconds later so we could continue the never-ending Outsider saga. By the way, the over/under on Hall turning on Nash in the WWF is 3 months. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!!

Stevie Ray (26) joined nWo Hollywood shortly after coming up on the short end of the stick in his feud with Chris Jericho. Here's a little secret, in WCW, if you were booked to lose to Jericho YOU SUCKED. Anyway Stevie Ray was taking care of Booker's TV title, and lost it to Jericho like a week later. I guess Stevie Ray was scared of what was going to happen, so he joined. Horace Hogan (27), the better wrestler but the worse-talking Hogan (worse-talking? could my English BE worse?) joined up with his Unka in nWo Hollywood.

Hogan decided to retire at this point to run for president. Do you really think he would have been worse than Bush? Scott Steiner takes over the leadership role in Hollywood. More importantly, Kevin Nash gives Goldberg his first loss ever, thanks to Scott Hall's Tazer. Not to get off on a tangent (again,) but if you are getting sick of Regal's KNUX, then you obviously never lived through the TAZER saga, which was about ten times worse. Nash claimed that he didn't know that Hall had a tazer, so he agreed to wrestle Goldberg on Nitro. Sadly, Goldberg couldn't make it because he was arrested for sexual harrassment on Liz. Then in a SHOCKING SWERVE Hogan un-retired and decided to wrestle for the title. In the "match" Hogan does the Paras Poke on Nash, who falls over like a Snorlax and loses. It was all a trick and Hollywood and Wolfpac merged to form "nWo 1337"

Everybody who didn't make it into 1337 was called the B-TEAM. This was Stevie Ray's time to shine do nothing of any importance. He was joined by Giant, Henning, Adams, Norton, Horace, and Vincent. They had many exciting matches on WCW/NWO (don't forget, by this point the nWo was in all of WCW's logos) Saturday Night.

Disco Inferno (28) wanted to be in the nWo elite forever, and kept bugging Nash and Hall about it. I don't think he got to bug Hogan, because it's in his contract not to (deal/talk/look at) with anybody below Savage on the card. Nash must've got sick of him asking, so he was let in.

I think this GIF is broken :(

Eventually everybody either died, or retired, or joined the West Texas Rednecks, so the nWo was finally over...or WAS IT??

In December of 1999, Hall, Nash, Bret Hart (29), and Jeff Jarrett (30) said that THE BAD IS BACK TOGETHER (not a typo.) Steiner soon joined up with them after pretending he wasn't. The Harris Brothers (31, 32) also joined. The only cool thing about this were the sweet silver nWo guiter Jarrett kept breaking. I also liked how everybody though that the EL KABONG was called "The Stroke." In reality, The Stroke was the forward Russian leg sweep that Jericho ripped off for a while.

The Point: "If I lost at the Royal Rumble, I wasn't the only one. You see, Ric, you lost, too. Every WWF superstar lost at the Royal Rumble. Every WWF fan LOST at the Royal Rumble. 'cause I'm about to do something that even I will regret. You'll see.'ll see."

That's what Vince McMahon said. I feel like crying. The nWo is back.

Just Too Sweeeeeeeet

The preceding advertisment was paid for by the New World Order.

Super Shane Spear
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