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| Guest Columns | Shane Spear |
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Due to the hordes of responses BEGGING for the second installment of the Best of RAW DVD, I've decided to get started. Actually, all I got was one e-mail correct my grammar, which is just as pointless as going up to Kanyon and telling him he has a lisp. For all three of my regular readers, I figure they just know the wording is going to be bad, but they're smart enough to figure it out. Here's a fun fact, I actually seem to have better writing skills trying to report something live as opposed to something I've planned out. Go figure. Raw Opening Wrestlers (c. 1999): Austin. Undertaker. Big Show. Triple H. Shamrock. Rocky. X-Pac. DX. Kane. Brood. Gangrel. Mankind v UT (HiaC). Road Dogg v Rocky. Austin. Kane. Mankind falls. Undertaker. Edge. Undertaker. HBK. Austin drinking. Austin still drinking. Undertaker v Big Show. Rock DENTING Shamrock. Al Snow. UT v HBK (HiaC). Jeff Hardy. Billy Gunn. Val Venis. Austin. Shamrock. Undertaker. Triple H. D'Lo. Chyna. Rocky. Jeff Jarrett. Billy Gunn. UT v Kane. Rock v Austin. Edge v Job Squad. RAW. Tonight's host is the Coach who is here to show the period of late 98 to late 99. Time for a three hour promo! A THREE HOUR PROMO! With Undertaker! Paul Bearer too! A vampire, and his broood! A fat black guy. PIG and APA, here on Vinny Ru's isle!! Yes, late 98 would be the beginning of the Ministry. Also, it's the start of the Corporation. Stone Cold was one man who stood alone, and Mankind was...just there. Now you know the players. Zooming to the night after Survivor Series. At the PPV The Rock became the corporate champion by turning his back on the fans. Well, remember that contract Shane McMahon gave Austin on that last Best of RAW? Well, Austin has it here, and it says that Austin gets a title shot the night after the PPV. Mills Lane give it the thumbs up, or something. Meanwhile, Vince begs for Ken Shamrock to join him...and he does. So, Shammy playes a big role in the match by protecting the McMahon and interfering when necessary. Austin nails a stunner, and there's Ken pulling the ref off. Austin goes bonkers on him, but here's Undertaker with a shovel!! After the match, Austin bitches about being hit with a shovel (wouldn't you?) Vince says if he can beat the Undertaker in a buried alive match, he can be in the Royal Rumble. So Droz, Tiger Ali, and Golga all get to be in without doing ANYTHING? Anyway, in the meanwhile Undertaker tries to EMBALM Austin by standing over him with an ice pick or something and saying "aheahaheaah." But Kane, on the OFF section of the ON/OFF relationship with his brother. The same night Paul Bearer gets stuffed in the sewer. Then it dawns on me, this is just recycled video from pre-match of the PPV. THOSE WWF VIDEO CON ARTISTS!!! These are the same guys who make me see the Nazi Over the Edge intro on seventeen different tapes. Sigh. Anyway, at Rock Bottom the match happened. We don't get to see anything except the "finish" where he pours beer on a buried Undertaker. By the way, you know this gimmick was going down, and it would hit the bottom later next year on Smackdown with the tag team affair I will not bore you with now. Now it's time for a match. It's Mankind against Rock Bottom. If you're thinking about clicking the back button -- DON'T. I understand that Mick Foley, who used to wrestle in WCW as Cactus Jack, is going to win the title. Damn, that'll put some butts in the seats. Mankind is coming out with D-Generation X, who has taken Foley under their wing. Do you smell what the Rock is cooking? The Rock comes out with his corporation. Kenny swats at a few DX foam figures. We go halfway into the match, when Rock slams Mankind into the turnbuckle. Mankind with some rights, but Rock gets an elbow in the face. Scoopslam is followed by the Corporate elbow, which only gets 2. Mankind, off the ropes, gets a swinging neckbreaker. Mankind tries some offense, but Rock gets a belt shot for 2. Mankind nails a Double Arm DDT, but the Rock kicks out of that. Now it's time for the heavy stuff as Socko is out. Mandible Claw on the Rock. Shamrock runs in with a chair and breaks Mankind's back. All hell breaks loose here as finally Stone Cold comes out and nails Rock with a chair. He puts Mankind on top of the Rock, and that gets three for Foley's first Championship ever. Austin gets a smile in for Mick from the top of the ramp. Vince and Shane just yell a bunch as the corporation stands there. DX hoists Mankind up on their shoulders as a hero. Mick then sends a shout-out to his kids. HERE'S A MOMENT! Billy Gunn apparently got so gassed out just standing around that he goes and sits on the chair Shammy brought in. GOLD. Heading towards the Royal Rumble, Vince McMahon set up a corporate rumble, consisting of only the corporation and D-Generation X. The winner is #30. Ken Shamrock and Billy Gunn start, and Shamrock really proves his stupidity by leaping OVER THE ROPE to get Gunn. He is, of course, eliminated. But if you want an explanation, just talk to Shane McMahon. Shane: "Kenny doesn't care! Ken doesn't care!! HE DOESN'T CARE!!" Ken pounds on Billy until Bossman comes in. Bossman works over Billy. Many chokes and the such. The next man is Road Dogg...oh wait, they just played the wrong muzac as TEST comes out. Double team action as Test whips Gunn into Bossman's punch. Here's the clock and the next person X-Pac, who didn't suck to the crowd at the time. DX losing but fighting back. Test and Billy gunn do-si-do and Billy loses the dance and is thrown out of the ring. Back to double teaming. NOW Road Dogg really comes out. Road Dogg still has the blood from an earlier bloodbath. The corporation still has the upper hand. Time moves quick as the clock goes off again... Kane is the next one in, giving the corporation a big upper hand. Kane goes right to Dogg. Test helps. I wish there was more than punching and trying to throw the opponent over the ropes moves going on here. The "final" participant is Triple H. He nails a big clothesline on Test. Test tries to clothesline HHH, but hits Kane instead. A pissed Kane throws Test out. DX double teams Kane out, and Bossman throws X-Pac out. This leaves HHH and Bossman in, and they fight on the ropes trying to get each other out. But the horn sounds again, and it's...VINNY MAC?!? The owner gets no muzac, but gets the standing O from Shane. Vince lurks around until he sees a chance to dump BOTH HHH and Bossman out. The commentators proclaim Vince as the winner, but there's no bell. Yet, here's another HOOOOONK from the horn, and it's CHYNA! The stooges try to cut her off, but she eventually beats her way in because of Stone Cold distracting everybody. He distracts Vince too, who gets clotheslined out, and Chyna is #30 in the Royal Rumble. FUN FACT: Chyna was eliminated by Stone Cold in the real Rumble. So this leaves Vince stuck at number two at the royal rumble, with Austin still at number one. Shane decided to help his father train, and here's his regiment. Shane prepares some raw eggs, and makes Vince run a lot. Shane also busts out a megaphone whenever Vince stops. Endurance, endurance, endurance!! Shane works out with Vinny in these clips. Well, not working out, just annoying Vince. Vince gets through the pain by screaming "I HATE AUSTIIIIN!!!" But Shane doesn't stop, making chase a chicken. In a practice, Vince stuns a random wrestler, and pounds some sides of beef. At the real Rumble, Vince still got his ass kicked, but ended up winning the Rumble. Also at the Rumble, Chyna was the first woman in the event. Also this year Chyna was the object of Mark Henry's affection. Here he asks Chyna out with a poem. You gotta miss the four hundred poetic wonder.. He tells a poem, and D'Lo is brought to tears. Later, Chyna finally accepts. Is this REALLY one of RAW's best? Anyway, Mark meets her at the hotel. They go to the limo, where Chyna realize that the driver is...D-LO?! Chyna takes her flowers, which cost Henry a buck-ninety nine. At dinner, Mark tries impressing Chyna with more poems. Chyna just stares at him. Henry offers a toast. Chyna CHUGS down the bottle. Mark, striking out so far, offers a dance. The song is BRICKHOWWWWWSE. Chyna...stands while Mark dances around her. She almost cracks a smile, which is more than she did for Eddy. After the dance, Mark goes to the bathroom. While he's anyway, a couple of barflies try to hit on Chyna (why?) CHyna pounds one of them, and Henry comes back to take care of the rest. Coach cuts back in at this point, as he tells us about the remaining days of Chyna's relationship, including the sexual escapades of Sammy, who of course was a man. Let's see. Chyna. Sammy. His sister. Mae Young. It's a wonder this guy still WANTS to be in the WWF (or alive for that matter...) Well, we talked earlier about Mankind winning the WWF championship. The battles between him and the Rock continued. Royal Rumble. Halftime Heat. St Valentine Day Massacre. It finally came to a head on RAW in a ladder match for the WWF title. Oh, you forgot about that too? Anyway, Austin is the guest commentator as we get the clip treatment of this one. The match ends when Paul Wight/Big Show chokeslams Mankind off the ladder giving Rock the win. Once that is through Austin rushes the ring and kick wham STUNNERS Rocky. This of course, not so subtlety, sets up Wrestlemania 15. Now the Rock was leading the Corporation, so what could go wrong? Well, the Ministry of Darkness was about to make it's move. Vince goes off on the Undertaker, telling him nobody threatens him. He sets up an inferno match with his brother Kane. During the match, Undertaker delivers and later burns a teddy bear in front of Vince. This brings Vince to his knees for the first time. Backstage with Stephanie, we learn it was HER bear. Undertaker is now an actor who believes he's the character Vince created. Now, that's some weird stuff. Soon, the ministry surrounds the house, and sets up a "symbol" there. One night, Undertaker tells Vince he's got Stephanie. Vince goes nuts looking for her. Eventually, a bloody Shamrock finds her. Tears of joy for all, for now. But then, at Backlash, Undertaker was hiding out in Vince's limo as the driver and he kidnaps her again. This time, she's dressed up for an "un-holy" wedding. Right before the service is through, Austin comes out to save her. Not because he's friends with Vince, but just because he's a durn nice guy. Shane later asks Steph to come down to talk to him. Vince and Steph come out, where Shane gets all over Vince because all he cares about is Stephanie. Shane retaliates by firing the Stooges. Shane wonders why he hasn't rejoined him in running the corporation. Vince says his priorities have changed. He tells Shane if he wants true power, you have to earn it with rrrrrrrespect. Shane spouts off "Respect THIS!" and slaps him one. Shane kicks him out of the ring, and demotes him from Mr. McMahon to Vince. Soon after, Shane forms the Corporate MINISTRY, and reveals that HE is the one who got the Undertaker all the ways to stalk Stephanie. This led to a match with Shane versus Vince. TO make sure Shane won, the corporate ministry attacked Vince beforehand. Vince tries to make it down the ramp, but falls due to the pain. Shane takes this chance to get some cheap shots in, including some kicks in the face. Shane puts Vince into the rings and the match officially starts. Crowd chants 'Vince.' Shane sets Vince up in the corner and here's the BRONCO XEROX!!! Shane whips him off the ropes for a big clothesline. He tries again, but Vince ducks and gets a clothesline of his own! Shane gets up and turns right into a kick wham STUNNER! from Vince. That gets three! For the moment, it seemed like Shane had been stopped. But wait, I thought Shane was the guy who came up with all of this! Nope, it was the HIGHER POWER! And the HIGHER POWER was...Vince McMahon. Blah. Anyway, in another PPV promo ripoff, we see Vince laughing about his trick, but Linda and Stephanie get back in a matter of ten minutes by making Austin the CEO. That's right. They spent MONTHS building up the storyline, and it was forgotten in TEN minutes before Austin took over. Let's review, Vince... FOR TEN FUCKING MINUTES OF HIS TIME!!! Vince McMahon, you are possibly the dumbest person of all time. Besides, it should've been HBK anyway. So now, Austin is a CEO and he went to the offices of WWF in Conn. He has some beer-drinking contests with the suits, and fires people for looking stupid. But wait, let's go back in time. The Rock now has the WWF title again (it's March now...) and Rock talks about how he's going to whip Mankind's monkey ass again, but Austin's muzac hits and he drives a milk truck in. No he drives a BEER truck in. He gets out and climbs the truck. Stone Cold is sick of hearing Rocky's rhymes. He decided to go to the Smackdown Hotel, step into room 316 and burn the sumbitch down. This upsets Rock of course, because nothing upsets people more than destroying their imaginary buildings!! So after the talk, Austin busts out a hose full of beer, and the Rock and the McMahon get sprayed. Vince is actually swimming in the stuff. GOLD. At Wrestlemania, could Austin win back the title? Yes. So, once again the regular belt is not good enough for the rattlesnake. He wants the special smoking skull belt. Vince tells Shane to go give it to Austin. Instead, Shane says that if Steve wants it, go get it from The Rock. Many beating on Austin follow. But Austin really wants that belt, so he'll fight Rock at Backlash (the PPV.) But before, they even go out to the river, and Rock dumps Austin in there. Luckily snakes can swim. April 19th, the Rock sets up a gravesite for Stone Cold, complete with a eulogy and a coffin. IRONY, a wrestler really would die within a month. Anyway, Rock give his final respects with a lot of insults thrown in. He also brought something else to bury. His smoking skull belt. Austin retaliates by showing up in a monster truck and running over The Rock's new Lincoln Continential a couple of times. He then drives the truck into the arena and when Rock tries to yell at him, he just smiles and revs the engine. GOLD. After a large ovation, he runs over the hearse as much as possible. Then he gets out, and it's ON! Rock and Austin! Austin and Rock! Austin gets the upper hand and dumps him into the gravesite. Austin now has the Skull belt to his delight, but here's Shane with a shovel and PLASTERS Austin with it. Shane once again has the skull belt. After losing at Backlash, the Rock determines that it was Shane McMahon's fault, and he leaves the corporation. Another man who didn't need the corporation anymore (lies! the corporation was broken up, he never quit..) was Triple H. It was now 'His Time.' So, here's a time in July where Triple H challenges Austin to a WWF championship, because it's all about him. At Summerslam, he....DIDN'T win. Instead, Mankind took the WWF title. The next night on RAW, HHH was pissed and got a match for the title. Meanwhile, Rocky stands by to deliver HILARIOUS commentary. Nearing the end of the match Shane McMahon chairs Mankind. While he's distracted with that HHH chairs him too. THEN Trips chairs Rock. Into the ring they go for a pedigree. Shane counts, and HHH is the new WWF champion. He has realized his dream by destroying others. Earlier, we learned about Big Show's debut. Well, Chris Jericho ALSO debuted in 1999. Here it is. The Rock is in the middle of the ring challenging Big Show to a match, but here's the clock counting down with the fans. Fans' ll count backward for anything. I think it's what they like the most, especially in Royal Rumbles. Think about it. OH! While I was talking, Jericho appeared on the tron to the crowd's delight. Jericho decides to rag on the fans and the Rock. Once he's finished, Rock suckers him into a 'it doesn't mattah!!!' and pretty much just tells him off. Well, everyone and their mother dug it, so there's not much to rag on here. Next is a bunch of Chyna stuff that really isn't worth pushing myself towards carpal-tunnel syndrome for. Anyway, she is the I-C champion and Jericho doesn't like that for obvious reason, like the fact that it ruined the credibility of the belt. Y2J eventually won the belt, but don't get to see that. Now, onto the Rock and Mankind when they became the Rock n Sock connection. One night in Boston Mankind offered to be the partner of the Rock. Rock doesn't like Mankind, but he respects him, so he accepts. So they fight and win the WWF tag team titles from the Big Show and the Undertaker. This of course led to many funny encounters where Mick would rip off the Rock phrases. One night, Mankind decided to throw a record breaking PARTEE for the Rock. It was 'This is Your Life' for the Rock. Mankind brought out some former people in Rocky's life, including his teacher, his coach, and his high school sweetheart. It turned out of course that his ex cut him off at second base. The crowd boos as Rock says poontang for the first time. WOW! FEEL THE COMEDY!! Mankind, not doing too well so far, offered up some presents. A Rocknsock jacket, and Mr. Rocko, who later took up residence in a rather gross place. Val Venis' Valboski. Luckily they left that out. Late in 1999. Stone Cold teamed against the New Age Outlaws, and D-Generation X was reformed when X-Pac and HHH came out to help them. Shirts for everybody!! Vince McMahon didn't like this. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ANOTHER DX NIGHT!! But DX interferes in Rocky's match. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ANOTHER DX NIGHT!! But DX interferes in Stone Cold's match. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ANOTHER DX NIGHT!! But DX interferes in Kane's match. Eventually HHH is forced to fight Shane McMahon for the WWF title. But the end comes when Vince accidentally hits his own son with the WWF title belt. WWF volume 3 will cover all the events of the year 2K. He's the coach, he'll see you next time. Again on the second DVD, like the first there's a bunch of full length clips of stuff that happened. Here's a sampling of that. Keep track of how much these idiots who post the date of these events don't even pay attention. (1/11/99 - HOLY COW! WAY OFF! try 2/15/99) X-Pac & HHH v Shane McMahon & Kane. Shane McMahon wins the Euro title in a tag team match after much cheating from corporate Chyna. ** (1/18/99 - Really) Chyna v the Stooges. Comedy Match sortof. I mean if you liked King of the Ring 2000, this is good comedy for you. Highlight is Chyna no-selling Brisco's People's elbow. Low light is Chyna getting a handful of old balls. DUD (1/25/99) PHOENIX YO! PHOENIX YO! No Suns gorilla, but instead HHH v Rock "I quit." Awesome match for TV, and Chyna turns on HHH at the end, shocking everyone. ***1/2 (2/22/99) JOB SQUAD Titan Tron! JOB SQUAD Muzac!! BOB HOLLY! But, oh shit, it's Bart Gunn...blah. Oh well it was worth it just to hear the JS muzac. Some guy in a funny mask throws Bart off the balcony in the end. *1/2 (3/13/99) British Bulldog. British...what? MARCH 13!! WTF? Vince, Fire these dopers NOW! In real life this is October 25 and it's Bulldog v Test. Fast forward to the end where Shane planchas or some other mexican word on top of the posse from the top of the cage. ** for the jump. DUD for the match. (3/22/99 - Really) It's Kane v Goldust. But it's really Goldust, who is really HHH dressed up as Runnels. That was actually pretty cool, and pretty scary how well he did it. **** for the spooky factor alone...that mere fact that if Triple H ever really pissed Vince off, he could be the next Goldust. (6/7/99) Big Show (the Union Show!!!) v Undertaker. Pretty slow, but cool to see Show chokeslam UT through the ring ECW style. ** (7/5/99) Hardys upset the Acolytes for the WWF titles. ** (8/9/99) X-Pac and Kane defeats the Acolytes for the WWF tag titles. Kane says suck it as his first words without the voice box. ** (9/16/99 - What?) We'll go with Sept 6. Rock says "MY...NAME...IS...KANE! I'M...A...ROODY...POO...CANDY...ASS!" That's the highlight of this segment. Oh, I was wrong. Mankind comes out (Rock n Sock) Mankind gets off his "Dozens and Dozens" line. I would've liked the full This is Your Life personally. ** (10/5/99) TIT Tourney match #3 of 5. *** Well, I'm spent for now. While it's a bit pricey ($30-$35 for the two pack, see Vol one for the first part,) it really is a good package. If you are a hardcore fan of either Rock, Kane, or Austin be sure to pick this up, because they are focusing on them. If you're a new fan, it's a good refresher, but don't be looking for much E&C, Y2J, Hardies, and definately no Benoit. Super Shane Spear [slash] wrestling Mail the Author Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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