Main
BLAH |
My name is Tanya and I am a...a....[quiet voice] a female wrestling fan.[/quiet voice]. I used to write for the second coming of Shooters.net. While I have opinions and theories up the ying yang, well not literally, I will start by saying I am no expert. I just learned the origins of the Piper/Snuka feud Monday. Being female, most people don't expect you to have *any* thoughts beyond "Ooh, isn't the Rock superhella hot? " Sorry folks, that's just not me. First, I don't find Rocky attractive. Second, while I will admit to being a Jeff Hardy/RVD mark, I will admit they are spot machines, have bad mic skills and don't use psychology. Besides, my friends mock me enough for that. "You know that if you met them, Jeff would be hitting on Rob, Rob would get Jeff high, and they'd eat all your food. Then they'd pass out on your couch watching Teletubbies." ::sigh::
Since I'm at work right now and can't really concentrate on a single topic for more than five minutes, I'll just do a little list of things that are irritating me about "sports entertainment", besides that term, at the moment...
People, just face it. Mark Calloway does not sell. Never has and never will. Yes, when he was the Walking Dead Guy, it made sense. Now that he is the Grizzled Biker Guy, it makes less sense. Accept, acknowledge and go on with life. You'll feel much better for it.
If they are going to do storylines involving Lita in any way, shape or form, please get her some acting lessons. She could not convince me she was falling if you shoved her off a cliff. It's hard to buy into her pain/fear/digust/whatever when every single line is delivered in a complete monotone.
Who thought Hogan would be as over as he is now? Did anyone expect him to be main eventing at the next PPV after Wrestlemania? I've never been a Hogan fan, even back during the original days of Hulkamania and I did not expect the man I called "the sundried apricot on legs" to get more pops than the Blue Chipper. If he wins over Triple H, wake the kids, kayefabe is back from the dead.
Who knew you could turn heel merely by not bleaching your hair? I'm happy to see Molly given more of a role besides sidekick. Women who can wrestle should be wrestling, while women whose moveset consists of slaps and snapmares should be valets. And Sara Undertaker should have never been within five miles of the arena, much less in the ring with DDP.
What happened to ring psychology? Did Chris Benoit take it with him and will he bring it back?
Jim Ross is right. The WWF is very serious about the Cruiserweight Division. That's why the matches are on Jakked. Vince MacMahon has ALWAYS had a fetish for the big men, cases in point Yokazuna, Big Show, Mark Henry.... That's why historically the WWF has never really a cruiser division like WCW and ECW had. With the recent addition of skilled cruisers, we can only hope they will get their moment in the spotlight.
Has Shawn Michaels become the new Ultimate Warrior? Constantly hinting at a ring return but never following through? What's the next step, changing his name legally to HBK? Starting a webpage chock full of his philosophy? BTW, I highly recommend checking out Mr. Hellwig's page. Imagine if you shot a ferret full of meth and force fed it a bag of sugar. Then give the ferret access to a computer. You would end up with something more coherent than the "foke" theory.
Since the WWF is now recycling WCW storylines (Stacy/Ms Hancock), will we see the return of David Arquette? The Insane Clown Posse? For the love of God, Mark Madden? Why not recycle ECW things? Let's see an ECW promo from Rhyno or BuhBuh Dudley. Have Austin come to the ring a la Sandman with a beer and a smoke. Have Jeff Hardy and Brock Lesnar have a "I Quit" match like Tommy Dreamer and Raven.
Can someone please either staple Jerry Lawler's mouth shut or buy him a lap dance? Yes King, we know, you like puppies. Here's a new chant for you "I am a lonely middle aged man who likes girls young enough to be my daughter". I know it's a bit wordy but it sums up things pretty well.
The tag division is in sad shape. It needs work. I would just like to point out slapping together two main eventers (Taker/Kane, Austin/HHH, Jericho/Beniot, etc) is NOT making a tag team. By definition, a tag team should be two wrestlers with similar or complimentary styles. Why not bring on some of the tag teams from WCW? Oh, I forgot. Kronik sucked all the life out of a PPV. O'Hare/Jindrak were sent to the minors. Cruiserweights, WTF am I thinking? This is the WWF.
Watching Smackdown's main event as I type. Who ever thought you'd see Hogan in the same ring as Trips, Angle and Jericho? Or Jericho selling a back rake? Hopefully we don't see the AngleAss like we did last week. You try eating a burrito and seeing pasty white Angle buttocks. I have also developed a theory. How can you tell if Jericho's a heel? Without following storylines? It's easy. Just look at his hair. If it's straight and blond, he's a face. If he has an odd ponytail or a primary color in it, he's a heel. It's true, it's true.
Until next week, hook the leg to secure the pin. Keep your head up for a runin...
Tanya
The Shooters
Mail the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville
|
BLAH |
