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The So Called Return of Shawn Michaels

As my friend Craig put so well, he is becoming what the Ultimate Warrior used to be, someone who promises a million comebacks and never follows through. The rumors fly about him being backstage, sometimes sleeping, but never any tv time. Face it, he's a big tease with a bad back. Soon he'll change his name to The Heartbreak Kid and start a webpage filled with his philosophical gleanings. If he would just come out and say "Guys, my back is shot. I can't wrestle. I'll do the occasional runin or special guest referee gig, but nothing beyond that", I would be satisfied.

The Taker Does Not Sell. Please Acknowledge and Move On.

Mark Calloway apparently feels no pain most of the time. While it annoys me to no end, I don't think endless whining about it will change things. It's not like he ever really sold before. True, when his gimmick was the Dead Man Walking it made more sense, BUT at this point in his career he's not going to start. Accepting is the first stage to recovery. Just repeat to yourself "He will not sell to Maven, he will not sell to Raven. He will not sell to a cinder block, he will not sell to the Rock" and so on.

They Didn't Exactly Hire Them to Wrestle, You Know.

Can we please stop overanalyzing the women's division? "Gee, that Stacy/Trish match had bad workrate." WTF did you expect? Keep in mind, Stephanie McMahon was Women's Champion for how long? Proof the division is a joke. Like I've said before, there are a few decent workers, the rest are there for eye candy. For every Molly, there is a Terri. BTW, am I the only person who finds Terri completely repulsive? Nothing says hot and sexy like visible ribs and enough makeup to coat the ring. If they were serious about the division, they would book them at OVW, not Tom's House Of Tits. Just accept the matches as eye candy or a bathroom break and get over it.

We ARE Serious About The Cruiserweight Division, That's Why The Matches Are On Jakked.

One of the things I loved about both WCW and ECW was the cruiser division. While Jim Ross promises weekly to feature more cruisers, don't hold your breath. Even the signing of Rey Mysterio Jr does not bode well for the division. Vince has a long standing love for the big guys, even when they can't wrestle. See Wight, Paul as an example. While I may be, in the words of my friend Craig, "a highflying spot machine mark", I like to see matches that consist of more than punch, kick, stomp, finisher, pin. I like to see people who don't lumber around the ring like a sedated ox.. With the return of Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit, with Rob Van Dam and Chris Jericho on the mid/upper card, maybe Vince will realize the smaller guys have talent. If he pushed Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart, two men known more for talent than size... I'm not suggesting Spike Dudley be world champion. I just want to see cruiser matches. I want to see good upper card matches, not Big Show vs Hogan. Less boring promos...a girl can dream, can't she?

Promos...The Lost Art

Ever suffer through a promo so bad it made you hurt? Remember the "Lucy the dog" fiasco? Promos should ideally do two things. They should further the storyline and entertain. I would like to point out it does not take twenty minutes to do either. It's quite simple. First, write a good promo. Second, deliver it in a coherent and entertaining manner. On the first point, if it's pure crap, NO ONE can make it better. See the "Lucy the Dog" and the "N.W.O Squashes the Blue Chipper With a Semi". On the second, just watch Test or Billy Gunn. I may be a Hardyz mark, but I still flinch when I see either of them try to speak. Maybe with Flair and Arn around, things will improve. Just keep Big Show and Xpac away from the mike. And the cameras. And the ring...please. We've been good...

Until next time, when you hear or see the slogan "Get the F out", pretend they are referring to Mick Foley. As in "Get the Foley out here and teach people how to cut a promo! How to bump!"

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