Kelly-Marie: Super Vixen
KelamarSuperVixen's Movie Guide.
Does anyone else here wish that Bischoff would watch the movie "Logan's Run" about 350 times?
For those of you who haven't seen this movie, it was made back when Michael York was good looking. It is a sci-fi movie about what the future of the world will be like. And the basic difference in this vision of the future is that people over the age of 32 are useless, and should be killed in a public spectacle involving being flown around a room until a laser beam causes your body to explode. It seems that most people (in the movie) think this is a pretty good idea (much like modern day wrestling audiences...), but there are a few people who try to escape this destiny (like Micheal York's character "Logan," and Terry Bollea's character "Hogan.") by running away from it.
Hogan and Logan... hrmm. Could this be art imitating life imitating sports entertainment? Perhaps... Let us delve further. Eerie parallels or diametric opposites?
Okay, so Logan is still a relatively young man when he realises he will be publicly executed for having outlived his usefulness. Hogan on the other hand will never admit his geezer-hood and should be shot. Logan can run away from his assailants. Hogan can't walk down the ramp... Well, you get the idea.
Wait a minute! Here's a thought... "Hogan's Run!" A new movie starring Terry Bollea! (without any ninjas either):
Here's the premise. Hogan, the villain in this picture, is forced to flee wrestling due to his advanced age. The age limit for any wrestler in the year 2035 should be around 37 years of age. Anyone caught wrestling that is over that age will be hunted down and executed Live! on Pay Per View. There is a bounty on Hogan's head. The person who kills Hogan first gets to live with the McMahon's for a year and sleep with Stephanie or Shane. Whatever your preference may be (Personally I'd take a year's supply of Turtle Wax or the home version of Wheel of Fortune).
Sadly, the movie is probably going to go a whole other way because WCW will read this and make the movie before I can get the backing...
Hogan's Run starring Terry Bollea (and those damn ninjas, his nephew and some canned Hogan chants):
In WCW's version of the movie, Hogan's Run will be the length of time he holds the heavyweight title. In this version, Hogan is the greatest wrestler there ever was or will be. The world will job for Hogan. In this movie, Hogan's tits will look good. With any luck, this movie will sink faster than Roxette's last album.
And so it goes... I have the ideas and not the money to make the vision happen. Send me money now, and maybe we'll just cut out the middle man and hire some wiseguy to give Hogan a Colombian Necktie... Anyone know a mook for the job?
WHACK SHIT PART DEUX (coz I have a sore throat and feel crappy.):
Who else here would like to see Eddie Guerrero do an episode of Southpark? He could frog splash the shit out of Cartman all day. What if he frog splashed Mr. Hankey?
If you buy stock in WWF, do you get a piece of the Rock?
I hate Jeff Jarrett. I just thought you should know that. The guys sucks, has no personality, he can't wrestle, and I will never believe that he is fucking women in general, much less Debra. Now he's got Miss Kitty. No surprise coming from a guy who talks like Festus.
Madden is going to save WCW. That's awfully nice of him. I guess he doesn't realize that until someone invents the "Ego Eviction Machine" nothing will help WCW. It's not just the booking, dood.
I just called Eric Bischoff. I can't believe he answers his own phone. You'd think that he'd hire someone to do that for him, eh? How fucking cheap is this guy? Maybe he spent all the money on wrestlers who won't job... or hair dye.
I hung up. I was so surprised he answered. Two seconds later I thought, "I should have said I was a Prudential Agent, offering him a piece of the Rock." And when he said he didn't need any life insurance, I'd say, " Gee, really? You do know that WCW fans are ready to kill you, right?" Then hang up really quickly and tell all my friends how big my "crank call balls" were. But I decided not to call him back and tell him anything. I really don't want him to know how much he sucks. I want to see how much worse it can get.
But all he said was "Eric Bischoff's Office," in a really crabby voice. I guess if I were a big fat loser, I'd be grumpy too. Or if you peeps got my phone number and called to give me shit all day long.
If any of you got through to Eric, email me and let me know what happened. That could make an excellent column!
I gotta go back to sleep now, all this had made me tired. I'd rather watch Nitro then have a sore throat. It's that bad.
K-M, Super Vixen
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