Also, I missed the first ten minutes. Sorry, but I was on my way back from the Knicks-76ers game at MSG and we had to stop to get snacks and beer for the PPV. As you can guess, I'm in NYC this weekend, specifically to see RAW IS WAR at MSG Monday night, and I'll try to send in an on-site report.

(I'll jump in, then. There was a fairly interesting HEAD BANGER MOSH (with Thrasher) vs. ESSA RIOS (with Lita) match that saw Mosh win via DQ in about 5 minutes. - CRZ)

So, here we are at 7:10...

I turn on the channel to see that BACKSTAGE, MICHAEL COLE and LILLIAN GARCIA are discussing the Rock/Big Show match and Hell in the Cell. Nice dress on Lillian. Also, Chyna and Jericho have arrived!

COMMERCIAL

OUTSIDE, in Hartford, it's REALLY FOGGY. Very cool, very ominous. Shots of the crowd. Our announcers (Kevin Kelly and Michael Hayes? Is that right? I didn't write it down, but my memory is telling me this in defiance of all logic) tell us to by the PPV and whore for some other products.

Next we get a RECAP of the Jericho/Kurt Angle feud.

This is followed by an INTERVIEW of JERICHO and CHYNA. We hear the usual spiel. Chyna mouths EH-EH-EEEVER along with Jericho which is kinda neat. We still don't know why she's following him around, really though.

BACKSTAGE, the DX Express has arrived! I don't see it dragging a cage though...

COMMERCIAL

BACKSTAGE, DX is walking in. My friends note that Stephanie's wearing her large breasts tonight.

Michael Cole INTERVIEWS MARK HENRY regarding VISCERA's attack on Mae Young last Monday night on RAW. Oh god, they're making this into a match for tonight! What, there aren't enough matches on the card already? Mark sees Vis lurking around, and they brawl. The usual people break them up.

Tonight on Heat! Funaki, Ivory, Jacky, and Mideon -- ALL IN THE SAME MATCH! Damn, that's just weird.

COMMERCIAL

IVORY (w/new music, new outfit, and old scarf) AND MIDEON (who's wearing a shirt thank god) VS. FUNAKI and WWF WOMENS CHAMPION JACQUELINE

No play by play 'cause I'm scribbling this down and I got no tape. And of course my scrawl makes little to no sense, so I can't promise the usual perfect accuracy (ha!). Mideon and Funaki start -- Funaki hits a nice cross-body. Mideon and Ivory do some nice heel doubleteaming. Mideon hits some sort of powerbomb for two. Sho starts to come back after some more doubleteaming, and gets a sunset flip for two. HUGE clothesline from Mideon. He tries for another powerbomb, but Funaki turns it into a huracanrana. Nice springboard crossbody gets him another two count. Both men are hurt, crawling to the corners, Ivory's in first and chases down Mideon, but backs off in fear when he tags in Jacky? Now that's a little odd. Jacky starts in control, but gets thrown out by Ivory. She comes back in over the top rope with a sunset flip attempt, but Ivory grabs the ropes and sits down. Ref counts three, not seeing the ropes, and I liked that two-woman pose better when it was Janine and Kobe Tai, but that's just me. Mideon and Ivory win!

BACKSTAGE, TAZZ has arrived. Why, we don't know, since he's not scheduled to wrestle. Suddenly, BIG BOSSMAN and PRINCE ALBERT punk him out... and I think we've got one more match for No Way Out...

COMMERCIAL

My friend Rich wants me to tell you that we think that the www.bolt.com ads suck.

Michael Cole INTERVIEWS Tazz, recovering from that brutal assault earlier. He says the Bossman's getting a fight tonight, and sounds appropriately scary.

Next we get a RECAP of the X-Pac/Kane feud.

PAUL BEARER is out on the ramp! Michael Cole interviews him, and damn, he's still as bizarre as he ever was. He explains that he came back after seeing Tori rip out his son's heart. He also says that Kane's not scared anymore.

BACKSTAGE, TERRI (yaaay!) is paying a visit to the ACOLYTES. She tries to act, and we'll give her the benefit of the doubt because she's SO DAMNED HOT. She's scared and all she ever sees are tables, every time she closes her eyes. The Acolytes don't really give a damn, until she says she want's to hire them.

EARLIER, DX arrived.

We see that really cool Hell in the Cell RECAP -- hey, who ARE those three guys? There's the big scary pale dude, the short skinny blonde dude, and some freak in a mask with a necktie on!

BACKSTAGE, Michael Cole waits by the Rock's dressing room. This prompts the producer to show us a RECAP of Rock/Big Show.

The Rock leaves the room, giving Cole a chance to INTERVIEW him. He does the usual spiel, having finally come back to Hartford and all. He says he'll beat the Big Show, albeit in a few more words, being the Rock and all.

And we're out of here! Now quick, go read the No Way Out recap, elsewhere on slash!