We start Heat off BACKSTAGE, where the MEAN STREET POSSE walk past, and then mock, FUNAKI, calling him "panda boy". They ask him how TAKA's shoulder is, and tell him that they "run things around here". As they walk off, he pushes one of them, and they chase him down the hall. Didn't I just see this plot a month or two ago?

INTRO

PYRO

We hear the music we all fear, and yes, it's...

THE BIG BOSS MAN AND PRINCE ALBERT VS. THE HEADBANGERS

Oh, goody. I like Albert, but that's about it. He and Mosh start, with Albert in control. Lots of brawling. He misses the scissor kick, and then takes two boots to the face in the corner, followed by a flying clothesline. Thrasher in, and he's taken down. Boss Man in to boos, control goes back and forth.

Boss Man is sent into the corner, and a schoolboy coming out gets Thrasher two. Boss Man gets dropkicked outside -- while he's out Albert nails Thrasher with the nightstick. Heels in control now -- Albert tagged it and we hear a loud "shave your back" chant. Assisted pop-up into the bottom rope gets Albert one.

Boss Man back in, Thrasher still being brutalized. Thrasher takes his opponent down with a belly-to-back suplex out of the corner, and both Mosh and Albert are tagged in. Mosh is EN FUEGO! Albert goes for his finisher, but Mosh turns it into a DDT and gets a two count, which Boss Man breaks up.

While Thrasher and Albert brawl in one corner, Mosh nails the Boss Man with a flying move in the far corner. He goes for the pin, but Albert spins 'round and powerbombs him, getting the pin. Your winners are the Boss Man and Prince Albert! (4:00)

Our hosts are KEVIN KELLY and MICHAEL COLE!

Coming up! Oh god, they're doing it to me again -- Mideon! Ivory! Prince Albert! Mae Young! All in one HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE MATCH!

On the other hand, they're trying to make it up to me by putting Al Snow against D'Lo.

COMMERCIAL

Titan A.E. looks SO DAMNED COOL.

BACKSTAGE, the M.S.P. brutalizes Funaki.

Now we get the PLAYS OF THE WEEK, set to "SouthTown" by P.O.D. I just heard this for the first time driving into Boston tonight -- not upset about hearing it again by any means. Man, I really do like the Plays of the Week.

COMMERCIAL

I wonder if hbomm.com actually goes anywhere?

SLAM OF THE WEEK is Rikishi brutalizing Angle last Monday on RAW, brought to us by Snickers and their Elder Might!

IVORY AND MIDEON VS. MARK HENRY AND MAE YOUNG (with the FABULOUS MOOLAH) in an INTERGENDER TAG TEAM MATCH

Let's see if I can live through this...

From the announce team... "[This match] is like a car wreck -- you just can't take your eyes off of it." Wasn't Mae Young on a stretcher having a hand pulled out of her... you know... less than a week ago?

Mideon and Henry start with a staredown. Mark takes control with a headlock. A long one. Shoulderblock, hip toss, yawn. Mideon goes to Mae's corner, and she smacks him to a big pop? Mark in the heel corner, he gets doubleteamed. Nice DDT from Mideon gets two.

Mideon hits Mark with a SUPLEX?! Holy shit! Points for Mideon! Ivory's up on the ropes showing us her ass, she gets tagged in and slammed down. Mae Young in and hits some shitty offense, including, I kid you not, the best Bronco Buster she's ever done on Mideon. Ivory goes for a small package, but the ref is talking to Mideon, and Mark Henry turns them over. Ref comes over, and we have a winner -- Mark Henry and Mae Young. (2:51) Heels attack after the bell until Henry clears them from the ring.

Honestly, that was actually entertaining.

BACKSTAGE, the M.S.P. are approached by... holy crap, the same Japanese women who gave us "No brawring" a couple months ago! She tells them that Funaki challenges them to a one on three handicap match. M.S.P. laugh and agree.

COMMERCIAL

Our hosts give us a RECAP of The Rock, Big Show, and HHH's shenanigans from No Way Out to Smackdown.

COMMERCIAL

We see scenes from Steve Blackman's blind date last Thursday. This leads into...

D'LO BROWN (with THE GODFATHER and hos) VS. AL SNOW (with STEVE BLACKMAN)

I think I've seen that really tall blonde before... where the hell are they?

Snow and Blackman come out to Steve's "new music".

Head Cheese chant again. Takes a while for hos and Steve to clear the ring after the bell. Al starts with a back to belly slam, but D'lo comes back pretty quickly. Al retakes control after pulling D'lo's legs out from under him. Match is going back and forth, nice and quick to. D'lo gets a hip toss and leg sweep -- Al gets a side Russian legsweep. He then hits a uranage and gets a two count.

Snow still in charge, until D'lo comes back and takes him down. The patented leg drop gets two. Blackman tries to interfere, Godfather battles him outside. D'lo is going up for the frog splash, but Blackman whips the Godfather into the post. D'lo falls, crotching himself on the turnbuckle... Al Snow goes up... SUPERPLEX! One, two, three! Al Snow wins! (3:17)

After the match, D'lo's pissed, but the Godfather and the ladies quickly improve his mood.

BACKSTAGE, Funaki and his girlfriend are paying a visit to the APA. She tells them that Funaki wants protection from the posse... Bradshaw mishears this as, well, a slightly different word with a "u" and a "y". Faarooq corrects him, and they're interested... and christ, they're two steps ahead of me, as the girl REQUESTS "brawring" this time. Faarooq still hasn't learned what brawring is, but Bradshaw knows, and explains that they have a "brawring special" this week. As we fade out, Funaki's making the deal...

COMMERCIAL

Another movie that looks damned cool -- Final Destination.

Hey, anyone know if WWF Smackdown works on Bleem?

FOUR WEEKS to WRESTLEMANIA!

We see a RECAP of the Hell in the Cell match at No Way Out (stills only, courtesy of WWF Magazine), and then the Foley's Career in a Minute that we saw on RAW. Different music though, oddly enough. I guess they only bought the rights to that other song for one broadcast.

COMMERCIAL

EARLIER TONIGHT, an M.S.P./Funaki match was set up... and we'll see the APA busting into this as well.

THE MEAN STREET POSSE VS. FUNAKI

Abs starts and beats Funaki down. Powerslam gets a quick two. Rodney tagged in for the doubleteam. Boy, Rodney sucks. He hits a shouldercharge and gloats. Pete Gas tagged in -- hanging vertical suplex! Leg drop... come on, get the APA out here already. This is taking too long. Abs back in. Rodney tagged in. Stock Exchange hits -- and here they come, BIG pop too. Much havoc ensues -- assisted powerbombs, doubleteam spinebusters, and they pile all three posse members up in the center of the ring. They pick up Funaki, way up in the air, and drop him down onto the posse for the pin. Funaki wins in (2:36). Acolytes walk up the ramp, and we're out!

See you next week!