*** No play-by-play this week, or at least not much... no tape to fall back on, as I'm on the road. Have a Happy Memorial Day! (Or rather, I guess... have an Introspective, Respectful Memorial Day?) ***

WWF has been hyping that tonight, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley will be taking over Heat. I don't know what that means. I guess we'll have to see.

WWF ATTiTUDE

BaCKSTAGE, STePHANIE MCMaHON-HeLMSLEY tells TRiSH STRaTUS that Jericho is going down tonight, and asks Trish if T&A is up to the task -- a handicap match. Trish says it's all cool, but after Steph walks off, TeST flips out. He's holding a grudge -- now that's continuity! He says he's fine helping Shane, but after what she did to him... Trish asks him to trust her, and walks off. He's still a little skeptical, but ALBeRT reminds him that Trish hasn't done them wrong yet.

That was actually pretty cool.

INTRo

PYRo

EaRLIER ToDAY, LaTINO HeAT was playing Twister, when they were interrupted by the BRiTISH BuLLDOG. He accuses EDDiE GuERRERO of having debased the European Belt, and challenges him to a match. Then he knocks them over! That's not cool, you NEVER interrupt a Twister game in progress!

WWF EuROPEAN CHaMPION EDDiE GuERRERO (with CHyNA) vs. BuLLDOG for the EuROPEAN BeLT

Let's not forget that Chyna and the Bulldog aren't exactly friends either, right? Lockup and staredown to start, then armtwists and various escapes are exchanged. Nice powerslam from the Bulldog as Eddie comes off the ropes. Bulldog's looking vicious here, much better than before his rehab.

"Bulldog sucks" chant comes off the crowd -- military press gets him two. Nice hanging vertical suplex gets another two -- Chyna looks worried. Guess Eddie's a full-fledged babyface here, yes? Elbow off the ropes gets ANOTHER two, then we go to the headlock. Eddie powers out, but the Bulldog slams him down. Bulldog goes up top, Eddie goes with him -- Frankensteiner!

Eddie goes up again, Bulldog goes after him... goes for the second-rope superplex, but Eddie changes their trajectory and falls on top of him, nice counter, covers and gets two. HUGE powerbomb from the Bulldog as Eddie comes off the ropes gets another two-count. He presses Eddie, goes to throw him outside, but Eddie grabs his head and they both go over!

Brawling on the outside, the ref tried to break it up -- shoved down by both men. Oh, don't tell me... crap, here's the bell. (DDQ, 5:08) Terrible ending to a really good match. At least it didn't end with interference from Chyna.

Our hosts are KeVIN KeLLY and MiCHAEL CoLE

Later we get Godfather and Malenko vs. D'Lo and Saturn, plus Gangrel vs. Rikishi!

BaCKSTAGE, CHRiS JeRICHO goes down some stairs and runs into Steph... she tells him that his little spiel about her is pretty funny, but tonight, the joke's on him! It actually *was* pretty funny, she expected him to be apologetic, but hey, Jericho is Jericho...

CoMMERCIAL

Our hosts give us a ReCAP of the McMahon-Helmsley Regime's fight with the Rock and the Undertaker this week.

Whoops, I've been calling it the Regime this whole time, but I guess it's the Faction right now.

BaCKSTAGE, D'Lo talks up PeRRY SaTURN. He sounds like Darth Vader, seriously... "Give in to your anger..." He says it's a shame that all of Saturn's pals have gold, and he's got nothing. All he ever learned from the Godfather was that he wanted to be NOTHING like him!

Meanwhile, THe GoDFATHER is trying to teach DeAN MaLENKO how to be a pimp, but Dean-o's too busy being swarmed by ho's... I guess that tag match is coming up next...

CoMMERCIAL

The FRaM TRaP OF THe WeEK, from SMaCKDOWN - LaST ThuRSDAY, was Faarooq destroying Crash Holly. Pay a little now... OR PAY A LOT MORE LATER!

WWF LiGHT HeAVYWEIGHT CHaMPION DeAN MaLENKO (with lipstick smear) AND GoDFATHER (with prosti... er, ho's) vs. PeRRY SaTURN AND D'Lo BRoWN

Malenko has a big silly grin, it's actually pretty creepy. Before Perry and D'Lo come out, we get the usual spiel. Malenko got on the train... and he sure ain't getting off!

We learn that ho's are against "everything Saturn believes in", you know, since he was an Army Ranger and all.

As usual, Tim White's officiating. D'Lo and Malenko start. Off the ropes, criss-crossing, locked up, Malenko hits a nice side Russian legsweep. D'Lo picks him up and hits a sweet running powerslam and then the patented legdrop. Saturn tagged in, gets nailed quickly with a drop toe-hold and a dropkick. Saturn gets his over-the-shoulder facebuster, and then attacks Dean in the corner. He picks him up for a backdrop, and Dean nails him in the face a couple times as they go down.

D'Lo and Godfather tagged in, all Godfather here -- big back body drop leads to the 360 legdrop. Saturn comes in -- Godfather goes for the Ho Train but D'Lo spears him. Doubleteam on the Godfather, now just D'Lo. Double clothesline, ten count on. Saturn and Malenko tagged in, Malenko is on fire! Godfather goes after D'Lo -- Malenko gets the Texas Cloverleaf, but D'Lo takes him out while the ref is occupied with getting the Godfather back to his corner. Sky High on Malenko! Godfather and D'Lo roll outside, Saturn's up -- brainbuster! 1, 2, 3! (Saturn and D'Lo, 4:12)

Good match, considering it involved the Godfather, but pretty by-the-book.

CoMMERCIAL

EaRLIER ToNIGHT, Stephanie told Jericho about his little Handicap Match tonight. Then we get a ReCAP of Jericho's continued verbal assaults on little Mrs. McMahon-Helmsley.

LiLIAN GaRCIA gets a few words with Chris. He calls her Vivian and says he's not happy with the "punishment", he doesn't really see that he's done anything wrong! After all pigs are clean animals, ho's are an important occupation, etc, etc...

Let me tell you -- I will NEVER complain about Chris Jericho working HeAT.

CoMMERCIAL

GaNGREL vs. RiKISHI

I am SOOO glad that Gangrel still has the coolest entrance in wrestling.

Gangrel spits "red liquid" in Rikishi's eyes and just goes RIGHT at him -- takes him down in the corner and beats on him while Rikishi tries to clear his vision. Nice corkscrew elbows off the ropes, Gangrel's working HARD tonight. Rikishi throws him off, nearly all the way across the ring!

It's all Rikishi now, with punches and the savate kick. Gangrel whipped to the corner -- butt splash! Gangrel falls to a sitting position, oh god here it comes... stinkyface! Gangrel staggers to the center, Rikishi picks him up -- sitout piledriver! The pin is academic. (Rikishi, 2:15) Quick but fun.

CoMMERCIAL

We get some more ReCAP of Jericho mistaking Steph and Tori for ho's, and the ladies getting a bit of revenge by sending DX after him. And then, HHH put him up against The Rock in that lumberjack match. And THEN there was that "Night of Jericho" when he fought three times and eventually lost to Benoit.

BaCKSTAGE, T&A are WALKING! (Test still looks a bit unhappy) And so is Chris Jericho! And so is Steph!

CoMMERCIAL

Gotta love pointless segments... they couldn't have fit the Plays of the Week into that space?

The WWF ReWIND, brought to us by... uh, someone's youth anti-tobacco program? Well, it was T&A getting the win over the Hardyz earlier this week.

T&A (with TRiSH STRaTUS) vs. CHRiS JeRICHO

So... what does Test do here, I guess is the question? I hope they're not breaking up Test and Albert already.

Before the bell can come out, "My Time" fires up, and out comes WWF WoMEN'S CHaMPION STePHANIE MCMaHON-HeLMSLEY, to observe from her comfy chair on the stage.

Y2J goes right at Test, dropkicking him out of the ring, then attacks Albert. Whipped into the ropes, Jericho knocks Test off the apron. Y2J and Albert trade attacks -- Y2J takes him down, but Test is in. Y2J takes HIM down, and goes for the Lionsault, but Trish is there to grab his feet.

T&A both up -- double flapjack! Beatdown here as the crowd tries to pump up Jericho. Chris gets tossed across the ring not just once but twice. Military press slam by Albert -- Test comes off the ropes and gets thrown ONTO Jericho. Well, that whole "what will he do" thing lasted for about three seconds.

Doubleteam whip, Albert heading for the corner -- Jericho gets out of the way! Albert dropkicked off the apron, Test and Jericho trading blows. Test going for a powerbomb, but Jericho flips out -- Walls of Jericho... but Trish is in the ring!

She pulls Y2J's hair... he breaks the hold... and puts Trish in it! Albert takes Chris out though, that doesn't last long. Ref bump! Y2J powerbomed in the center of the ring -- Test going up for the elbowdrop... but hold on!

Running down the ramp are MaTT AND JeFF HaRDY! Matt crotches Test on the top turnbuckle as Jeff goes up the far corner -- swanton bomb on Albert! Chris is up -- lionsault! 1... 2... 3! (Jericho, 4:07) The Hardyz run off victorious, Steph gives us "stunned dismay", Trish sells the injured back, and Jericho is framed by the WWF logo... we're out of here.

Nice show this week, too bad I was too busy recapping to really enjoy it. Oh well, que sera sera or something like that.

I am, yet again...