Howdy y'all! I was going to write something here about last week's I-fucked-up report, and this week's really-late report, but I figure you'd rather read about wrestling than listen to me whine. Just wanna say thanks to all my loyal readers (Hi, Rich!) for putting up with me!

We should be seeing some King of the Ring qualifying matches tonight, so that could be amusing. Still trying to decide if buying tickets to the PPV (at exorbitant legal scalping prices) is worth it...

WWF ATTiTUDE

INTRo

PYRo

Last week, we had three number one contenders to the WWF Heavyweight Belt... now, we have none.

But we start with a match! A championship match, at that!

CRaSH HoLLY (with scale) vs. WWF EuROPEAN CHaMPION EDDiE GuERRERO (with CHyNA and roses) for the EuROPEAN BeLT

Hmmm, both Dudleys are in qualifying matches tonight... that could be interesting. Chyna tosses the roses to the crowd, which (we would assume) means that there's no lead pipe hidden in them tonight.

Quick stuff to start, a fast lateral press by Eddie gets him an early one-count. More back and forth, running the ropes, ends with a flying headscissors from Holly, then another one out of the corner! Eddie comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He goes to the apron -- slingshot senton! He covers, and Crash kicks out at two.

He goes for a shoulderlock and holds it until Crash powers out. He can't capitalize, though, as Eddie takes him down with a dropkick to the knee, then mauls him in the corner. Crash reverses in the corner, but Eddie breaks the attack with an eye rake. Off the ropes -- big backdrop from Holly, then a back suplex for two. Powerslam from Holly, going up... missile dropkick!

He covers and hooks the leg -- but Eddie grabs the near ring rope! Crash puts him on the top turnbuckle, going up for a superplex... but Eddie knocks him off! Crash gets up and throws a punch, Eddie grabs his fist... using it for balance... huracanrana! I hate to diss my man Essa Rios, but Eddie pulled that move with a LOT more skill. He rolls up Crash... 1... 2... 3! (Guerrero, 3:36)

Afterwards Chyna consoles Crash... awww, wookit da wittle sad wrestler boy! Crash seems smitten, Eddie seems jealous... anywhere this goes is cool with me... staredown between Crash and Eddie, but Guerrero walks off. Crash gives Chyna a little wave, as we fade into...

CoMMERCIAL

BaCKSTAGE, BuH-BuH RaY AND D-VoN DuDLEY discuss their upcoming matches. THe CoACH comes by for an interview, and asks what happens if they both qualify for the King of the Ring tournament. Both Dudleys look pissed off, and tell him that they've been kicking the crap out of each other since they were young'uns. They both seem actually pretty pysched about possibly tangling with each other, and proud of each other's strength...

ALSo BaCKSTAGE, LiLIAN GaRCIA interviews CHRiS BeNOIT. She asks him if he's worried about Venis, Holly, and Jericho all gunning for him. He asks her what makes her think he's worried, what makes her think they even have a chance? In the ring, there's only one reality, HIS reality, and that reality is: you lose.

Woah! I haven't seen this in a while! The WWF LiVE CaLENDAR tells us about upcoming (mostly sold-out) WWF events!

Kind of a nothing segment, but both promos were ON.

CoMMERCIAL

THe MaXIMUM PoWER OF THe WeEK, brought to us by RC EDGe MaXIMUM PoWER CoLA (whew!), from RaW IS WaR - LaST MoNDAY, is Kurt Angle taking a 3D through a table. Not just cola -- POWER COLA!

BuH-BuH RaY DuDLEY vs. BiG BoSS MaN in a KiNG OF THe RiNG QuALIFYING MaTCH

Is it just me, or do the Dudleys get more pyro every week?

Big boos for the Bossman, then we see a recap of the Bossman/Buchanan split from RaW is WaR - LaST MoNDAY. HUGE "Bossman sucks" chant.

Brawling goes back and forth, then Bossman taunts the crowd. BBR hits a nice back body drop on the Bossman, but then the match drags into more lame-ass brawling. Bossman pulls him into the post by his legs, then goes BACK to the lame-ass brawling. A punch knocks down BBR, then Bossman covers for two. BBR comes up with a surprise schoolboy, but only gets two as well.

Bossman chokes Buh-Buh on the ropes, then hits him with a big boot coming off the ropes. Off the ropes again -- Bossman Slam! Don't tell me...

Oh, thank god, BuLL BuCHANAN is out to ensure that the Bossman doesn't make it into the tournament. (Or score a clean win over Buh-Buh Ray!) He and his mentor share some words, then BBR comes up from behind and drops Bossman in a back suplex. Off the ropes -- elbowdrop! Now... Buh-Buh Ray and Bull are exchanging words! Bossman comes up from behind, but BBR back body drops him over the ropes, landing him on Bull!

As the ref gets BBR out of that mess, Bull and Bossman push each other around on the outside. Bossman gets back into the ring -- and Bull nails him with a nightstick as he goes under the top rope. He staggers forward into the Buh-Buh Cutter and this is thankfully over. (Dudley, thank God, 3:22)

BaCKSTAGE, THe CoACH interviews HaRDCORE HoLLY. He asks Holly how he feels about the... upcoming four-way IC match?! WOAH, when was THAT mentioned?! Holy crap, that's like a pay-per-view match, on freaking HEAT!

Holly says something, but I'm too busy having rapturous seizures to notice, sorry.

CoMMERCIAL

Those Wendy triples really are monster big.

THe WWF ReWIND, brought to you by ANTi-ToBACCO ADVoCATES, from RaW IS WaR - LaST MoNDAY, is Trish Stratus getting the stinkyface from Rikishi. Let her BREATHE, man! Or... maybe not, now that I think about it... Tobacco is wacko - IF YOU'RE A TEEN!

THe LeTHAL WeAPON STeVE BLaCKMAN vs. D'Lo BRoWN

Blackman throws some martial arts moves, which D'Lo dodges and then objects to. Ref Teddy Long admonishes Blackman for using actual fighting techniques in a wrestling match. Then D'Lo smacks him in the side of the head! They run the ropes, Steve hits a martial arts combo but gets taken down with an elbow. More work from both men in the corner, then Blackman slams D'Lo to the mat. He goes up to the second rope for a legdrop -- nobody home!

D'Lo tosses Blackman out... but he holds on and lifts himself back in! All for naught as D'Lo dodges a crescent kick and clotheslines him out. Slingshot plancha! Punches traded on the outside, then Blackman reverses a whip into the barricade. Blackman... rolls in to break the count! Back out again, Blackman in control, he brings D'Lo up to the apron, picks him up -- and drops him on the steel steps!

This may be the best Steve Blackman match I've ever seen. We learn that last night on Jakked, Teddy Long had to double DQ a match that Blackman and Snow were in. Back in the ring, off the ropes, clothesline from D'Lo Brown. He slams Blackman in the middle of the ring, going up to the second rope, legdrop... misses! Blackman comes back with a dropkick and standing side kick... then wastes valuable time beating the crap out of the air in the middle of the ring. D'Lo attacks, but Blackman nails a nice spinebuster and floats over with a bridge for a two-count!

He telegraphs a backdrop, and D'Lo nails Blackman with the Sky High! He's slowly getting up... and Al Snow hits the ring! He's got Head and he's looking crazy again -- he nails Brown with Head! Teddy Long has no choice but to call for the bell. What a shitty ending! (Brown, via DQ, 3:26)

Snow then nails LONG with Head! He takes off out of the ring, threatening another ref that runs by to check on his co-worker. Blackman stalks off... we're going to assume he's angry in spite of his usual glowering stoicism...

CoMMERCIAL

EaRLIER ToNIGHT Buh-Buh Ray Dudley defeated the Bossman, but only with help from Bull Buchanan.

PeRRY SaTURN vs. D-VoN DuDLEY in a KiNG OF THe RiNG QuALIFYING MaTCH

God DAMMITALL! At this point my VHS tape goes fuzzy. I love you guys and all, but I'm not going to recap blur. Crap. Gonna have to summarize here... Saturn beats D-Von in 4:43 after interference from the NAO and Tori.

We get a CoMMERCIAL, and then see the win that happened MoMENTS AGo.

OuR HoSTS are KeVIN KeLLY and MiCHAEL CoLE. We get our first ReCAP is 45 minutes into the show!

BaCKSTAGE, THe CoACH interviews CHRiS JeRICHO.

I realize that I don't necessarily buy Venis being up for the match after doing the stretcher job on Thursday...

Last CoMMERCIAL.

CHRiS JeRICHO vs. VaL VeNIS (with TRiSH STRaTUS) vs. HaRDCORE HoLLY vs. WWF INTeRCONTINENTAL CHaMPION CHRiS BeNOIT for the WWF INTeRCONTINENTAL BeLT

In an incredible (but much too short - 4:16) match, Benoit successfully defends his belt. We saw lots of interrupted pins, some brutal chairshots, and of course interference from Trish.

No longer the Mastah after my performance these past weeks, I am...