I watched Jakked last night, but I totally don't remember what matches they hyped for tonight. So we'll have to just wait and see!

WWF ATTiTUDE

INTRo

PYRo

Tonight's drinking game catchphrase: "Rabid wolverine".

GoDFATHER (with prosti... er, ho's) VS. PeRRY SaTURN

We get a clip of RaW IS WaR - LaST MoNDAY when Steven Richards bagged him some ho's. Godfather gets his full intro speech.

Saturn's entrance music starts with a siren now, for some reason. He beat... someone... last night. Mideon? No, that was the other Bostoner, Albert. Oh, right, it was Thrasher, now partner-less.

I'm trying to avoid paying attention to this match. Godfather hasn't wrestled since I've been watching the WWF and Saturn seems incredibly unmotivated.

Some back and forth action ends with Saturn's over-the-shoulder flapjack. Saturn keeps the momentum with brawling and a big elbow off the ropes that gets a one-count. Godfather comes back when Saturn runs into a big boot in the corner, then hits a big back body drop and the runaround legdrop.

As expected, the klaxons and warning lights go off and STeVEN RiCHARDS is out with a protest sign and bags. Meanwhile in the ring (Hayes - "Don't you *dare* put a bag on that girl!") Godfather hits the Ho Train, then turns around to see his ladies being covered up by Richards.

Godfather rolls out and tears the sign off the wooden stick Richards was carrying it on, then swings it at him -- and hits Saturn (who rolled right into this mess) and gets DQ'd. Wow, that was exciting. (Saturn via DQ, 2:05)

Richards runs off up the ramp as Godfather protests in vain. Saturn's announced as the winner, and his music plays... too bad he's unconscious. Even the Godfather's ladies can't console him!

Our hosts are MiCHAEL HaYES and KeVIN KeLLY. Coming up later -- Too Cool faces the Hardyz!

OuTSIDE, CRaSH is having some trouble fitting his scale into the back of his car. He bemoans his luck when who wanders by but THat JoE GuY. (Remember him, he told Saturn that Gangrel'd been making fun of him last week?) Joe says that he heard that Crash *is* a lucky guy. More specifically he heard it from Bull Buchanan, who said Crash was really lucky to beat him at King of the Ring. Crash runs off all mad and stuff, and Joe helpfully closes the trunk of his car.

I hope Joe's last name starts with a G. That would make sense.

CoMMERCIAL

The MaXIMUM PoWER OF THe WeEK, brought to us by RC EDGe MaXIMUM PoWER CoLA, from RaW - LaST MoNDAY is Chris Benoit going nuts on The Rock. Not just cola -- POWER COLA!

ESSa RiOS vs. AL SNoW (with HeAD)

Rios got teamed with Bull Buchanan last night and they got beat by D'Lo and Chaz. I really hope he learns English soon so he'll get a push.

Snow is in crazy mode because he's carrying Head and not wearing his Zen gear. We see a clip from SMaCKDOWN - LaST THuRSDAY when he came out of nowhere to keep Blackman from losing the Hardcore belt to the Big Bossman.

Al gets some tips from Head before the match.

Snow starts with a takedown, but Essa backflips to avoid a second one. Handspring off the ropes and then a hip toss give Essa the advantage, but Snow sweeps him and takes it back.

Rollthrough off a body scissors gets Essa a two-count out of nowhere. He tries his bouncing-on-the-ropes armdrag but as he flips off the top rope he lands FLAT on his back. Snow just looks at him, not sure what happened there.

This gives Al the lead and he hits a series of three rolling vertical suplexes, very cool. Backdrop suplex and a hook of the leg get him a two count. Meanwhile our announcers wonder who this Joe guy is.

Snow tries to backdrop Rios out, but Essa holds on and blows are exchanged on the apron. Al hits Essa with three underhook headbutts and sends him to the floor, then hits an Asai moonsault. He tosses Rios back in and hooks the leg, but only gets two.

Essa comes back with a spinning heel kick and a bulldog around the turnbuckle (aka Spike Dudley's Acid Drop). Dropkick sends Snow to the outside, allowing Rios to hit his tope con hilo over the top turnbuckle, crowd pops for that move. Essa puts Snow back in and tries to slingshot into a 'rana, but Snow catches him and powerbombs him in the center of the ring. He covers, but only gets two. Rios hits an inside cradle out of nowhere and gets two, then Snow clotheslines him down.

Al goes up -- moonsault! But Rios rolled onto his stomach, so it didn't hurt? How odd. Now Rios is going up! Moonsault, but Al rolls out so Rios goes all the way over and lands on his feet. Snow grabs him and plants him with a vicious DDT. Snow Plow next? No, Al locks him into a bodyscissors submission manuever... Rios taps! (Snow, 4:50) Nice match from two of my favorite members of the undercard.

Thinking about it, that could've been Steve Blackman's Reverse Triangular Choke, that would actually make a lot of sense...

CoMMERCIAL

We come back with a ReCAP of Mick Foley's career as the WWF's newest commissioner.

I love that line - "Get my wallet Steph, this is gonna be expensive."

BaCKSTAGE, MiDEON is knocking on the door of the APA office. (For those who have blocked it from their memories: before he went out on the DL, Mideon was working off a debt to the APA as their lackey.) He enters to find BRaDSHAW, who's playing solitaire. He wants something to do, but Bradshaw doesn't want anything to do with him. Mideon, upset, proclaims that he's gonna find a partner and they're gonna beat the APA tonight! Unfortunately, Faarooq's out of town. But that doesn't stop Mideon, who calls for a handicap match, ruins the solitaire game, and walks out. Bradshaw just wants to finish one damn card game...

CoMMERCIAL

CRaSH VS. BuLL BuCHANAN

I didn't much care for this match at King of the Ring, and I don't think I'll much care for it tonight.

We see a clip from EaRLIER ToNIGHT, when Joe was a gossipy little prick.

This match goes back and forth -- Crash doing quick stuff while Buchanan does the power stuff, I mean c'mon, we've all seen this type of match a million times. Eventually Crash misses a missile dropkick (supposedly it was a glancing blow, and it did keep Bull down for two, but in reality he missed), and then gets nailed coming off of the ropes. Buchanan hits the axe kick and wins it. (Buchanan, 3:25)

I think they said, "C'mon Bull, we'll put the midget over you on PPV, but you'll get your revenge on TV!"

BaCKSTAGE, CoACH is with LiTA and the HaRDY BoYZ. Hardyz do the "We respect Too Cool but we have to beat them on the road to the belts," bit and then talk about how the guys they REALLY hate are T&A. Lita threatens Trish, then she and Matt leave. Which is odd, because Jeff's still there. He says, "What up, Coach?" and leaves, that being the only three words he's said, or is likely to say, tonight.

CoMMERCIAL

I see an ad for Bash at the Beach, but this is taped and I've already missed the only match worth paying for...

The WWF SLaM OF THe WeEK, brough to us by TWiX, from SMaCKDOWN - LaST THuRSDAY, is Tazz nailing Rikishi with a camera, allowing Val Venis to recapture the IC belt. IT'S ALL IN THE MIX!

MiDEON AND GaNGREL (using Gangrel's cool-ass entrance) VS BRaDSHAW in a HaNDICAP MaTCH

Hayes puts Bradshaw over by way of that 3-on-2 match back when he was managing the Hardyz.

Bradshaw pulls Mideon out and tosses him into the steps, then goes inside and beats on Gangrel. This doesn't last long, eventually Mideon and Gangrel use strength of numbers to work him over. Bradshaw tries to come back and nearly powerbombs Gangrel, but Mideon saves him.

More doubleteam beatdown, including a double suplex and a nice floatover pin attempt by Gangrel.

Bradshaw makes another comeback attempt, backdropping Mideon out of the ring. He whips Gangrel into both corners, clotheslining him on the way each time, and then nails Mideon with the Clothesline from Hell for the win. (Bradshaw, 2:24) That was a no-brainer.

BaCKSTAGE, CoACH is with ToO CoOL. Sexay says "Hey yo"! They talk wigger and try to get funky with Coachman. He gets into the centipede, but unfortunately they don't clothesline him. They leave, Coach realizes he's dancing by himself, looks embarassed, and ends the bit.

CoMMERCIAL

Our hosts are STILL MiCHAEL HaYES AND KeVIN KeLLY. They intro a ReCAP of HHH's feud with Jericho since King of the Ring.

Coming up next -- Too Cool vs. the Hardy Boyz!

CoMMERCIAL

ToO CoOL VS. the HaRDY BoYZ (with LiTA)

We see clips from HeAT - LaST SuNDAY, when Lita was on the verge of beating Test when he nearly decapitated her with his foot and pinned her.

Jeff and Grand Mastah start. Sexay hit his neat wheelbarrow-up front Russian suplex. He's in charge until Jeff puts dodges a blind charge and he splashes the corner. In the other corner, he backdrops Jeff out, but the Hardy lands on the apron. He tries his over-the-ropes backflip splash but lands on his feet as Sexay's rolled out, then hits a nice pescado. (Thanks Rick!)

Matt tagged in, doubleteam is on and Matt gets a two-count. Matt charges into Sexay's boot and gets doubleteamed after Scotty is tagged in.

More corner-to-coner work and two reversed suplexes end with a t-bone suplex from Scotty. Matt distracts the ref while Scotty's on the apron and Jeff pulls his feet out. Matt rolls Scotty back in and covers, gets only two.

Matt covers again after a backdrop suplex, but gets two again. "Lita" chant, which makes sense, her not being in the match and all. Matt goes up for a superplex attempt, but gets pushed off and eats a flying clothesline. Both men down.

Jeff and Sexay tagged in, the Grand Mastah is on fire. The Hardys try a double suplex, but Sexay reverses into two DDTs. He covers Matt but only gets two. Not that Matt was the legal man or anything...

Matt gets tossed, Jeff eats a stun gun and Scotty comes in to bulldog him, setting up the Worm. Meanwhile Matt comes in, hits a neckbreaker on Sexay and takes Scotty to the outside.

Suddenly T&A and TRiSH STRaTUS are running down the ramp -- Trish whips off her jacket and starts choking Lita with it! She's dragging Lita up the ramp by her throat as Test and Albert shout encouragement!

Matt tries to make the save and eats a boot from Test -- Scotty makes the same mistake. Scotty?

Meanwhile in the ring, Jeff is going for the Swanton Bomb -- Sexay rolls out of the way and Jeff lands on his feet. But he sees what's going on up the ramp. He goes to the ropes and Sexay rolls him up... 1, 2, 3! (Too Cool, 6:36)

Just after the pin, Jeff and Sexay rush to the outside. T&A, outnumbered, scatter. The Hardyz and Too Cool are tending to Lita, and we are out of here...

I am, as always,