Hey kids! So there's this here Pay-Per-View tonight, widely regarded as a pretty neat experiment in wrestler elevation. Can Benoit, Jericho, and Angle take places in the uppercard?

I don't expect much in terms of action tonight, but hey, you never know...

WWF ATTiTUDE

PRoMO for the PPV tonight, hyping Rock/Benoit.

EaRLIER ToDAY THe RoCK arrived at the ReUnion Arena.

INTRo

PYRo

ESSa RiOS VS. TaKA MiCHINOKU

Ooooh, this could be fun!

Some back and forth action leads to Rios trying to leapfrog Taka, but Taka jumps up and dropkicks him in midair! Rios rolls out of the ring. Taka runs to the turnbuckle, quick up to the top, HUGE PLANCHA! Wow. It deserves a recap, and we get one.

Both men back in the ring and Essa rips off a flying headscissors and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but gets taken into the bottom turnbuckle with a drop toehold. Rios hits his bouncy huracanrana, then goes up for a moonsault. Taka rolls out of the way, so Essa lands on his feet. Some kicks and sweeps from Rios are dodged, then he runs right into the Michinoku Driver? What the hell? 1, 2, 3. (Taka, 2:00)

Absurdly too short.

Our hosts are MiCHAEL HaYES AND KeVIN KeLLY, who hype the pay-per-view some more. DQ can result in a title change!!!

EaRLIER TODAY SHaNE MCMaHON and CHRiS BeNOIT walked down a hallway somewhere.

CoMMERCIAL

A shot of the ReUnion Arena leads into a ReCAP of the Undertaker's problem with Kurt Angle.

EaRLIER ToDAY MiCHAEL CoLE caught up with KuRT ANGLe, who's carrying the giant wrench and is easily startled. He relaxes when Michael tells him that the 'Taker isn't here yet. Does he have any regrets? No way, the gold he's wearing has nothing to do with regret!

CoMMERCIAL

The WWF ReWIND, brought to us by THe LoRILLARD ToBACCO CoMPANY'S YoUTH SMoKING PReVENTION PRoGRAM (whew!), from RaW - LaST MoNDAY, is Trish tossing Lita off a ladder down through a table. What, you didn't REALLY think they'd do the superplex, did you? Tobacco is wacko -- IF YOU'RE A TEEN!

WWF HaRDCORE CHaMPION STeVE BLaCKMAN VS. FuNAKI for the HaRDCORE BeLT

Funaki's entrance is interrupted by a clip from EaRLIER TODAY, when STePH and TRiPLE-H arrived at Fully Loaded. Steph asks her hubby why he's upset -- he's got a last man standing match tonight!

Like Funaki has a chance here. He comes in with a weight belt and gets some shots off to start, but Blackman ends that with a Northern Lights suplex and gets his trashcan lid (with handle). He whips Funaki to the ropes then lays into him, holding him up by his hair and nailing a spinning backhand blow with the lid that gets a two-count.

He goes back underneath the ring and gets a garbage can after tossing Funaki out, then picks Sho up and swings his head into the steps! Crowd popped for that little maneuver, but it only gets Steve another two-count.

The garbage can is set up in the corner between the second and third ropes. Funaki gets whipped towards it but pops up, catches Steve's head, and flips him into the can. Funaki gets the garbage can lid and nails Steve three times with it! He gets the garbage can -- Van Daminator with the can! (Hayes - "Why did Blackman catch the can?" Thank you!)

Funaki under the ring again with a broomhandle. Steve goes to the other side and gets his fighting sticks! Martial arts demonstration and the crowd goes nuts! Funaki's staying back, trying a few jabs, then attacks and gets destroyed. Crotch-handle backdrop! Blackman covers... 1... 2... no!

He goes out and gets the Singapore cane... he sets up Funaki and tees off. And THAT keeps him down. (Blackman, 4:38) Crowd was into that, and MAN Blackman is getting over with the Hardcore Belt.

XFL HyPE tells us that Dick Butkus will be coaching Chicago's team.

BaCKSTAGE at FULLY LOADED, THe CoACH asks THe ACoLYTES if they're worried about tonight. Faarooq says, "That's a stupid question! If we weren't kicking Edge and Christian's asses tonight, we'd kick yours for asking that question!" They're big tough guys.

CoMMERCIAL

AIGH! That talking greyhound is SO FUCKING CREEPY! THE HORROR, THE HORROR!

CRaSH VS. WWF LiGHT HeAVYWEIGHT CHaMPION DeAN MaLENKO (with the ladies) for the LHW BeLT

This is turning out to be a damned good night of Heat! Of course we haven't seen many recaps yet, and it's only 30 minutes in... so okay, this is turning out to be a damned good half-hour of Heat, okay?

Some cool mat-wrestling combos to start, with each man reversing a move, then trying it and getting it reversed. Malenko rolls out to stall. I'm expecting a finish out of nowhere, Malenko matches always and in random and unpredictable fashion.

His ladies comfort him and he gets back into it. More back and forth, and Malenko flapjacks Crash into the ropes to take control. Powerslam and a cover gets two. Suplex and a cover gets another two. Crash knees Malenko off the ropes, but Dean-o rakes the eyes and rolls him up, yet another two. Man, these guys go for a cover off of every move. Yawn. Oh wait, Malenko just won. What was that? Crash tried to knee him off the ropes and he hooked the leg for a fisherman's suplex. Wheee. (Malenko, 2:43)

BaCKSTAGE, MiCHAEL CoLE asks TRiPLE-H if he's ever been in a Last Man Standing match... HHH says no, he hasn't, but neither has Jericho! (Izzat true?) RoAD DoGG and X-PaC come in to wish HHH luck, and subtly suggest that he could use their help. He tells them to hold off, which means he's gonna win. He always wins when he sends his friends to the back! Then HaRVEY WHiPPLEMAN (ALL the stars are on Heat tonight!) delivers more flowers for STePHANIE. HHH asks who they're from, Steph says, "Awww, you don't need to play, I know you got them for me!" But HHH's look tells us he didn't...

AGH! PLOT!

CoMMERCIAL

The WWF SLaM OF THe WeEK, brought to us by TWiX, from SMaCKDOWN - 2 WeEKS AGo, is Tazz beaning Rikishi with a camera, leading to Val's IC victory. Do we see the beatdown cam? No, not this time.

This leads into a ReCAP of the Val Venis/Rikishi feud, and a shot of the steel cage in Dallas. Also a quick ReCAP of the six-person intergender tag.

BaCKSTAGE, LiLIAN GaRCIA asks MiCK FoLEY what he might expect to see tonight. He's about to answer when he sees HaRVEY WHiPPLEMAN with another order of flowers. "She doesn't deserve flowers, she deserves Triple-H! In fact they deserve each other." Wow, that went nowhere.

CoMMERCIAL

Here's the next ReCAP... HHH/Jericho.

Lo DoWN VS. DuDLEY BoYZ

The Lo Down, if this is the only Internet report you ever read (HA HA HA) are D'Lo Brown and Chaz/Mosh.

Chaz and D'Lo attack while the Duds are posing on the turnbuckles -- Buh Buh gets tossed and D-Von gets beat down and the table chants are ALREADY loud. D'Lo's got D-Von in the corner, "WHAT'S MY NAME PUNK?" He makes the tag to Buh Buh Ray and now it's a beatdown on D'Lo. Kinda neat, both sides are using "heel" tactics here.

D'Lo tries a huracanrana but gets powerbombed -- Buh Buh draws Chaz, and yells "WHAZZZUP!" as D-Von nails D'Lo with the headbutt to the groin. Chaz in, and he gets his balls crushed as well. Chaz and D'Lo say, "Screw this!" and bail up the ramp, but the Dudleyz drag them back in. D'Lo hits D-Von in the balls behind the ref's back, allowing Chaz to nail a nice tornado DDT.

D'Lo in, slams D-Von down -- D'Lo Drop! Chaz back in, rope to rope... D-Von hits the Slop Drop! Fans are behind the Dudleyz, tags made on both side, but Buh Buh Ray is the house on fire in THIS neighborhood. Buh Buh Cutter on Chaz! D'Lo up on his shoulder, D-Von off the top with a clothesline, cover... 1... 2... and Chaz breaks it up just in time!

Outside the ring, Buh Buh Ray and Chaz are brawling, Chaz gets whipped to the steps giving Buh Buh the chance to roll in -- 3D on D'Lo! D'Von covers... 1, 2, 3! (Dudleyz, 5:15) But D'Lo wasn't the legal man!! The Dudleyz are out, they've got the table to bring in, they're setting it up -- but Chaz takes them out with the ring bell! Play that Lo Down music! (D'Lo's music.)

Cool match.

BaCKSTAGE, THe CoACH has CHRiS JeRICHO, who tells us that Steph has nothing to do with this match, and tonight the game is over. Y2J will be the Last... Man... Standing.

CoMMERCIAL

Okay, all scheduled matches are over but we got 7 minutes left... time for a meaningless promo!

At WWF TiMES SQuARE, there's a loud happy crowd.

Hey, we've got JR and the King talking now! They give us a ReCAP of the Rock/Benoit situation.

BaCKSTAGE, MiCHAEL CoLE has THe RoCK to fulfill that promo gap. Finally, he's come back to Dallas. In so many words, he says he's gonna beat Benoit tonight. He says, "Bring it," and does the hand thing. And he asks us if we can smell what he's cooking.

Well, we had a really good first half, and a pretty blah second half, so I guess it's all good.

See you next week!