WWF Heat 01/21/01

Royale Rumble video package to start of the show - then intros.

We are LIVE in New Orleans from the New Orleans Arena. 18,000 expected, plus our two announcers: Tazz and Michael Cole. They would like you to buy the Royal Rumble (yes, it's going to be one of THOSE hours) and talk about the big Trish vs Steph Triple H/Kurt Angle title match. There's some talk about 30 men in, one man left. Tazz explains to us the rules. Nice graphic for the ladder match, Benoit/Jericho. Here's a video package on their rivalry, and a nice one at that. Tazz reminds us that Jericho is not at 100%. Cole reminds us of the rules of the a ladder match - you have to get that belt to win. Wow, they must think morons watch Heat. Oh, yeah, right.

Moments ago, Chris Benoit arrived. He's walking. Oh, there's Lillian Garcia. "Chris Benoit! Chris! You have faced Chris Jericho in almost every match there is, and now, tonight, you're taking him on in a ladder match. But this one - this one could have some serious consequences for the both of you."  "Let me ask you a question Lillian, do you think having a ladder match is going to stop me from doing what I do in the ring any other time? DO YOU? I'm the best damn I'm the best damn technical wrestler in the WWF today, and I've proved that time and time after time against Jericho. In the ring, backstage, in the street, on a ladder, it doesn't make a difference. The only is difference is tonight's is going to be the worst night of his career. Jericho can run his mouth, he can have his fans repeat his little catchphrases, but there is nothing he can do to prove me wrong!"

Royale Rumble promo.

The Slim Jim Slam of The Night are Edge And Christian ambushing the Dudleyz from Last Monday's Raw. Hmm...Slim Jim. Could that mean - nah.

Tazz and Michael Cole discuss what that and the Smackdown match (footage here) mean to the Dudleyz chance of winning tonight. Unprettier. Hmm. Tazz points out that they might not be 100%, but they'll be ticked off. Cole talks about the classic matches they've had in the past - hey, cue some music.

Nice setup for the Rumble as Edge and Christian come halfway down the Island. "Greetings to all of our fans in New Orlins (sic), you know, last time we were here, it was right before another big pay per view spectacular, a little diddy known as SummerSlam." Remind that skit way back where Edge and Christian brought out Dudley (and Hardy) midgets? On the video screen behind Christian, we just saw midget Buh Buh saying "Wazzzzzzup" from that skit. Edge: "And it was at SummerSlam where we were totally victorious in the now infamous TLC match, where we defeated the Hardyz and the Dudleyz." Midget D-Von says "Testify!" C: "It occurred to us, the Hardyz and the Dudleyz have a lot in common. Both inexplicable spell their names with z's instead of s's, both have an obvious inferiority when it comes to us. But there is one big difference." "Wazzzzzzup." "You see, we're not ones to admit this, but deep deep deep with in the deepest bowels of our bodies, there is a a slight, a tiny little bit if you well, and begrudging respect for the Hardyz. But there is no respect anywhere for the Dudleyz!" "Testify!" "Now we understand why you people might cheer for the Dudleyz; hell, smashing people through furniture and diving headfirst into crotches is practically a family reunion around these parts. But to tell us the truth, it makes us sick!" "Wazzzzzzup." "See, because we are athletes, not side show freaks!" "Testify." "And the fact is, whether it's WrestleMania or whether is SummerSlam, the story is Edge/Christian, the side bar is the Hardy boys, and the after thought is the Dudley Boyz and there is no way that we're going to lose our World Wrestling Federation titles to an afterthought!" "Wazzzzzzup." "And in case why we trudged out our midge friends, well it was to illustrate a point that something may start of cute, but  after a while, it makes you want to vomit. Think about that, Dudley Boyz. Take us home, midget D-Von." "Testify!" You think you know them.

Tazz and Cole promote the rest of Jackass Sunday - I don't think his name is really Leonardo Dicrapio and that joke seems really old, but I don't care too much.

This long set of (local?) Dentist commercials cut off Michael Cole - but 1-800-Collect Slam Of The Week show us a possible preview of tonight's end: Austin and Rock squaring off, and Undertaker and Kane chokeslamming both of them.

Tazz and Cole talk - they're both agreed that Kane and Taker are working together. Tazz is worried about going up against both of them. What if it's down to just those two? The WWF Title shot IS on the line. And what's with the surprises? Who's in the limo? We go back to Smackdown and see Vince to talking the guy in limo. Rikishi's entering 30 - but even him against Undertaker and Kane combined might still not be good.

Who do WWF fans think are going to win the match? "Anyone" "Austin" "Some guy who won it twice" "I agree with him (I think they're talking about Austin and not HBK or Hogan)" "Undertaker" "Rikishi" "Undertaker" "Undertaker" "Undertaker" "Billy Gunn" "Rock" "Anything could happen." "Funaki." I made up one of those.

Tazz and Cole talk more. This is the (a?) shot you can see Big Show in, if you look over Tazz's shoulder, getting a welcome back hug from Debra (I think). Drew Carey will be here tonight! He's got a graphic! Wow. This is a cheap way to plug his pay per view - I'm just trying to figure out why you'd pay to see something you seem to get for free on ABC. Tazz and Drew are good friends, Tazz tells us. Tazz was also on MTV (VJ for a Day), talking about Tough Enough - that's a good way to segue to another plug. The first videos will air on RAW - I hope this isn't a Nitro Party situation we're getting in to.

XFL Promo. It's coming soon.

Michael Cole can't wait for the XFL. Sunday night Heat is brought to you be Weider's Sport Nutrition, Starburst, and Greyhound.

Tazz and Michael Cole (close to the background set now so they don't accidentally show people milling around) talk about the Woman's Title match. Tazz is surprised Chyna's back so soon, considering it took him 9 months to get back from his neck injury. Video package here. Dig that eerie music for the piledriver. 

All of Right To Censor walk to to the entrance. Val Venis: "We have fought for each and everyone one of you. And tonight will be no different. With morality on our side, there is nothing or no one that will stand in our way. One of us will be the last man standing in that ring tonight and it's for your own good." the Goodfather: "One of us will have a chance tonight, to fight for the WWF title at WrestleMania. One of us will be victorious. But the be the victory will be for all of you. Because all of you don't know what's for your own good." Bull Buchanan: "The Right to Censor has fought against violence, the Right to Censor has fought against vulgarity and the Right to Censor has fought against half-naked women. But tonight, we fight for you, to represent you, as WWF Champion, and keep on keeping on, as WWF Woman's Champion. Ladies and Gentleman, tonight we will fight the good fight, and tonight, we're going to win." Ivory: "Here in a place called New Orleans, where perverse behavior is held in the highest regard, where all of you people congregate to a place called Bourbon Street, which is nothing more than a brothel promoting indecency and immortality. Well, you people probably hold Chyna with the highest regard. You probably worship a woman like Chyna! Well no matter how deprived this town is, Chyna and her behavior will never be tolerated by the Right to Censor! A lot of you immoral, ignorant people out there, you don't think I stand a chance, do you? Well, that's where you're mistaken. Not since the days of the Fabulous Moolah has this title been representing in a good way. Thus far, I'm the only woman to properly represent the woman on the World Wrestling Federation in a moral and just way. Our convictions are so deep that nothing in our way that nothing can stand in our way tonight. Not even the Ninth Wonder of the World!" Steven Richards: "United tonight, we stand at a cross road, where good faces the evils of the World Wrestling Federation, but most importantly, united tonight, we stand to make history and show all of you that Wrong is Wrong and Right is Right To Censor." I'm sure she's a nice person and all, but name dropping Moolah can only lead to bad things.

Cole and Tazz talk about RTC and Tazz's chances. Tazz remembers that his move was an illegal choke last year, but it's the Tazzmission now.

Undertaker is RIDING.

Tazz and Cole talk some more. It's T -20 minutes. It's been a busy week for Kurt Angle, including showing up to the inauguration activities. Hey, he brought his belt along for part of it. It looks like he was at a Smackdown the Vote thing for most of this footage. Let's look at the World Title graphic. Here's a video package.

Lillian Garcia talks to Kurt Angle. "Kurt, look, no offense, but I have to ask: last Thursday on Smackdown, you pushed Triple H into Stone Cold Steve Austin. Knowing Mr. McMahon's rule that if Triple H physically provokes Stone Cold, that he would lose a title shot. So Kurt, is that you way of getting out of this title match with Triple H?" "Look Lillian, I know you're not a very bright woman, but let me ask you something even you should know: What are my three I's? I'll give you a hint; Intensity, Intelligence, and?" "Integrity?" "Very good, I am a man of integrity. And for you to imply that I was trying to duck Triple H, well, how dare you, who the hell do you think you are? I don't fear anyone, least of all Triple H. Triple H made a mistake on Smackdown, he got in my way. And when someone as ugly as Triple H gets in my face, my gut instinct, is to get him out of my face, as quickly as possible. The fact that he went into Austin, just a coincidence." "So, in other words, you have no problem facing Triple H tonight?" "You don't miss a beat, do you Lill? No, I have no problem facing Triple H tonight. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. And you should - you know something Lill? You and Triple H have a lot in common. You're a both a couple of dumb blonds. You because you were born that way, Triple H because he actually think he has a shot at my title. Well, I don't particularly care for dumb blonds. Which is why tonight, I'll have someone in my corner who's anything but." The camera pulls back, and up walks Trish Stratus. "Oh, it's true Lillian, it'd damn true."

The Rock is in the building. The people in a office right past the door go nuts and he gives them an eyebrow. 

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler show us a limo pulling up. It's ... Drew Carey and some other guy. Oh. Lawler and Ross plug Drew's PPV.

Lo Down (brought to you by 1-800-Collect and Tiger Ali Singh) vs Kai En Tai (/w flags), winning team gets into the Royal Rumble (slot #27) - Holy crap, we have a match. We start with D'Lo's theme and the old Lo Down video (:13) and segue into Tiger's and a live shot, hmm. On schedule, we call them pajamas. Praying. Someone's sure putting a lot of effort into a gimmick no one likes. On the other hand: "Lo Down! What you fail to realize is this. People do not like you because they're prejudice, NO! People do not like you because, YOU SUCK! Now prepare TO DIE!" "InDEED!" JR's starting to get over hating that. Chaz (or if you're JR, D'Lo) attacks Funaki before the bell, body slam. Kick to the gut, right, whip, reversed, head down too soon, kick by Funaki. Dropkick. Tag to TAKA, spin kick. "Significant surprises." kick to the back, whip to the corner, charge into the corner clothesline misses. Shot by TAKA, whip, leapfrog, spinebuster by D'Lo. Shot to the chest, whip, punch misses, TAKA with a rana. Dropkick. Race to the tag already? We're in a hurry. Tag to Chaz, tag to Funaki. Clothesline misses. Right, right, whip, reversed, off the ropes, headscissors.  Drop toe hold, camel clutch, dropkick.  Celebration, oops, D'Lo's up with a Sky Hi. Inverted Atomic drop for Funaki, and the double layout powerbomb that's Lo Down new finish is applied to Funaki for the pin. Chaz covers (1:50) Who's Tiger going to pick? Here's a replay. Tiger hug's D'Lo. Tiger and Chaz hug. Chaz says "I'm going to the rumble!" and D'Lo disputes that point. 

Back to Smackdown as we see how Austin was provoked by Triple H and then did some stuff about it.

Michael Cole talks to Vince. What is Vince looking at? "Mr. McMahon, last week you said that if Triple H or Stone Cold Steve Austin physically provoked one another, they should forfeit their spots here in the Royal Rumble. Well, it was pretty obvious on Smackdown that Triple H physically provoked Stone Cold Steve Austin and many people say that Triple H should forfeit his title shot tonight against Kurt Angle." "Now, quite frankly, that would not be fair, would it? However, in the interest of fairness, which I'm all about, in the interest of fairness, no matter Stone Cold Steve Austin will compete in the Royal Rumble match here tonight. However, Triple H should not be penalized, because, yes, Triple H physically provoked Austin on Smackdown, but it wasn't intentional. Kurt Angle shoved Triple H in to Stone Cold Steve Austin. So, therefore, in the interest of fairness, Triple H will inf act get his shot at the World Wrestling Federation championship here tonight."  "Mr. McMahon, before you go, one under quick thing. We now know 27 superstars out of the 30 that will participate in the Royal Rumble match, could you perhaps tell us who the other 3 are?" "......[looking at Cole like he just asked for raise]......." Vince walks off.

Royale Rumble highlight package. We focus on some possible Rikishi (#30), Kane, Undertaker, The Rock, Stone Cold. Let's end with the stare down and the double chokeslam. Here's the shots we saw to start this video package, but in black and white. That's Heat.