We are (not) LIVE for Heat! Hey, Michael Cole sounds like Coach this week. And we're not in WWF NY, we're in the arena

the one Billy Gunn vs Albert (w/no one) - Tazz and Coach joke about Tazz's time in the Rumble. Lockup, Albert pushes Billy into the corner.  Right misses, Billy with punches and kicks, corner whip is blocked so more kicks and again, now it's reversed, Albert's right into a boot, bulldog, 1, push off. Gunn with a turnbuckle shot, right, corner whip no Albert will just short clothesline Billy. Big kick. Big punch. Choke on the top rope. Shot to the midsection. Right. Hiptoss. Second rope headbutt to the standing Gunn. Kick to the gut. Slingshot into the second rope. Tazz: "Billy didn't need his head any more anyway." Right. Whip, reversed, Albert puts his head down too soon - Fameasser. Coach and Tazz are in "No one's watching us so let's fool around" mode. Billy gun with punches, off the ropes, and right into a bearhug. Long. Long enough to flip and see what else is on. Nothing good. Oh, there's the three arm raise. Billy out with punches, and a face bite.  Gun off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, punch, punch, punch, off the ropes clothesline knocks Albert down. Gunn with a corner whip, splash misses and Albert gets the scissors kick and cover 2.9.  Albert argues the cadence. Albert goes for the Albert Bomb, but Billy breaks out with punches, off the ropes, cobra clutch, sleeper slam. 3. (4:26) Albert lays out Billy after the match - here's your Albert Bomb. PLAY HIS MUSAK!

Your hosts are Jonathon Coachman and Tazz and they want to talk about Steve Austin and Triple H.

Coming up, the Dudley Boyz defend the their tag team titles.

Even MTV doesn't want you watching MTV right now, you know?

Next week is SNOWED IN! SOUL DECISION! "Ohh it's kinda crazy...I've been thinking maybe...gotta get you out of my mind!" But no SnowBrawl.

Slim Jim Snap of the Night: Al Snow winning the Hardcore Title - then promptly going back to his natural position (shoulders on the ground.)

WWF Hardcore Champion Raven (w/WWF Heat is brought to you by) vs Saturn (w/Terri) in a NON TITLE match - Tazz discusses the possibility that Raven's friend is a guy - he knows people who've had certain surgeries. Like Kevin Kelly. And Michael Cole. And maybe Coach. "Terri's all woman. Real woman." Raven attacks Saturn while he's look at Terri. Rights and right s and rights and Raven backs off and then Saturn with a right, right, muscle pose, right, belly to belly over head suplex, superkick, pushups on Raven's back. Kiss from Terri. Kick by Raven, whip, reversed, back elbow by Saturn. Shot to Raven back. Muscle pose. Tazz knows who it is. Corner whip, reversed, clothesline by Raven. Mr. Wrestling #1 high knee takes Saturn out of the ring. Russian legsweep into the barricade. Saturn thrown in. Raven's going for objects - this is noon title, right? He's got a lid, but Terri's pulling it a way, The ref comes out to yell at Terri, which allows Raven to get in two free shots, ref back in, cover, 2.  Bronco Billie special, cover, 2 count. Raven pulling Saturn up, whip, reversed right into the Death Valley Driver and that's why it's non-title. (2:37) Terri and Saturn are happy. Raven is Raven.

This week's WWF Fanatic PPV is WWF Divas Postcard from the Caribbean.

Here's some Tough Enough entries. They're actually telling us these people's names. There's a WOMAN! And another one! Wow. And a THIRD. These aren't as bad as the other ones were.

Steven Richards has some words for us. "Every night I step into this ring, and hope you will collectively come together and join me in the effort against the poison that MTV offers each and every one of you. And yet, I look out into a seas of misled, ignorant, hopelessly lost souls. The Right To Censor has been clear from the very beginning. Think about it, your children should not be subjected to half naked woman. Your children should not be subjected to the vulgarity that comes of the mouths of the quote unquote superstars of the World Wresting Federation. You all boo when you should be embracing what is right. You should not be cheering when men beat each other with sledgehammers, trashcans (pause) You should not be cheering when men beat each other with trashcans, sledgehammers, cars and whatever else. And the people that call themselves responsible parents turn a blind eye. They justify themselves by saying, 'well, with all the violence that is on the TV today, the WWF is mild by comparison.' But that does not make it right. And unlike all of you here tonight, the RTC refuses to turn a blind eye to this disgrace. And with that being said, if you are not with us, you are against us. And you will see just how deep our convictions run. And a point to be made, we have censored the vulgar words, we have censored the scantly clad women, and soon, yes soon, we will censor the exuberant amount of violence that this program has displayed. And it will be - for your own good." Cue Steve Blackman's music? Steven's begging off. He's violent, oh. "Hold on, a moment please, I'm unarmed, I'm unarmed. Take it easy. I'm actually pleased that you came out here because I'm here to let you know that you do no need those sticks. You are better than that, you are a martial arts master, you do not need them, you are a martial arts marts. Haven't you caused enough pain with those sticks? Mr. Blackman, all I'm asking for you is to hand over the sticks. HAND OVER THE STICKS. PLEASE HAND OVER THE STICKS." Blackman - DOES! Oh, because he's got nunchucks in the back of his tights. ('Are those nunchucks or are you just happy to see me?') Shot to the chest, shot to the back, shot to the head. Steve has the mic! "You know, instead of running your mouth so much, you should take your pain and like it. And that Steven, was for all our own good!"

Al Snow (w/Weider Sports Nutrition presents No Way Out and Head) vs Essa Rios - Wow, green and black tights. "No Destiny", that's the truth. On the other hand, if I was Essa, I wouldn't be buying a new set of tights every week right now. Lockup, waistlock into a takedown by Al, Al dominates the mat segment with a few knees and a takedown. Bodyslam, kick to the back, shot to the back, whip, backdrop but Essa lands on his feet, off the ropes, Essa tries to slide through Al legs, but Al catches him - German suplex but Essa lands on his feet, Essa with a kick but Al catches it and trips the other leg.  Essa kicks Al when he tries to pick him up, Essa kips up, kick to the midsection, kick to the leg, jump on Al's shoulders for a victory roll but all blocks it into a reverse Liger Bomb (face first powerbomb from the shoulders.) 2. Cover, 2. Boot, whip, clothesline misses, headscissors by Essa. Armbar,  Mexican armdrag is not blown! Dropkick sends Al out of the ring. Tazz says he would have done the armdrag but Essa stole it from him - double springboard plancha comes up empty, as Al moves out of the way. Coach mentions No Destiny on Essa's tights too. Hmm. Tazz thinks Essa is from China. Punch to the chest, corner whip, clothesline. Bring to another corner, headbutt, head butt, corner whip, but Essa moonsaults behind Al, dropkicking him out - somersault tope over the corner. Again Tazz is mad about Essa stealing his move.  Corner whip, Al slides to a stop earlier and hits a clothesline. Corner whip, Essa kips up caught over the shoulder - Snowplow no Essa flips out back heel kick. Corner whip reversed into a pumphandle no Al lets go, kick to the gut - Slow Plow? Yes. 1, 2, 3. (4:16) Hey, that was FUN.

WWF Home Video presents Break the Walls down and It's True, It's True

Here's a video package about the Triple H/Steve Austin issues. 

Weider Results Slam of the Week is Tiger Ali Singh going through the table from Raw.

Lo Down & Tiger Ali Singh vs the Dudley Boyz, handicap match for the WWF Tag Titles - Tiger...will not talk. "As you can see refuses to speak tonight because you're prejudice - because you're prejudice and ignorance of our culture forbids him to acknowledge any one of you. My brother." "Now in accordance with our beliefs and our traditions, my brothers and myself demand your silence while we pay our respects." Tazz gives you "Indian" and then talks about how Lo Down are busting cherries. Lo Down do attack before the bell,  with Tiger handing back. Now he gets a low blow in on Buh Buh before tossing D-Von from the ring. Double whip on BB, double elbow, and D'Lo gets all emotional. Boys slam. Cover, 2. Buh Buh Ray still has his glasses on. Right to the glasses, corner whip,  Buh Buh out with a clothesline. Punch for Chaz, Tiger drops off the apron before he gets his. Inverted atomic drop, D'Lo bounces into a punch and then is clotheslined by Buh Buh Ray. Tag to D-Von, punch, whip, reversed, clothesline misses, D-Von flying spinning cross body connects, he pulls D'Lo up but D'Lo gets palm shots in and throws D-Von into his corner. D0von gets elbows but D'Lo gets a punch, and Tiger and Chaz crotch him. Whip, slam legdrop combo. Chaz pulls off his shirt to choke D-Con with. Push into the corner. Corner whip, reversed,  charge into a boot, Chaz comes out with a clothesline. Praying. Tiger wants the tag and he will get it. Tiger with a  praying double chop. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp boot choke. Right, right, right, right by D-von, right by D-con, right misses and D'Lo gets the clothesline in from the apron. Tag to Chaz. Right to the head. Right to the face. Setting up for a - camel clutch. That seems right. Coach: "A lot of Iron Sheik references in this match." Buh Buh comes into argue, and Chaz legs go. D'Lo is in with a tag, stomps, tag to Tiger armbar, right, right misses and D-von pulls out a reverses neckbreaker. Hot tag to Buh Buh, and Tiger doesn't make his. Clothesline and over the top. Chaz in, Chaz flapjacked on the rope.  Everyone goes down. Buh Buh pulls Tiger up to the apron, and then then moves out of the way of the double when Lo Down tries for a double back elbow - they hit Tiger instead. Electric suplex/reverse neckbreaker combo on Chaz.  2. Buh Buh with a slam on D'LO - WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Testify Dance. D-Von, get the tables, but he doesn't even make it out of the ring but Tiger's in to attack D-Von, whip, reversed, the crowd sees the 3-D coming but Tiger never does. 1,2,3. (5:59)

CONTRACT SINGING RAW! LIVE NEXT WEEK! LATER!

Carson Daly's on to tell us to watch CBS RIGHT NOW. See, I told you.