Dean Malenko is relaxing backstage. He probably said something, but he'll say a lot tonight.

Did you Sunday Night Heat is LIVE at WWF NY (in the middle of Times Square)? You do now. What we missed was Dean being obsessed with Lita - and Dean's out now.

"How you doing sweet heart? There's good looking ladies here. You know, I know it's got to be hard, all the ladies here in the house tonight, have to keep their eyes of me. Because matter of fact, I know if I was sitting out there with you, I know I'd want to be with a good looking guy like myself. ["You Suck" chants] But, you know something, Lita had her opportunity, in fact, I wanted her here tonight, and she blew it. But you know something? Out of sight, out of mind. So, tonight, as far as I'm concerned, as far as the man of a thousand holds is concerned, I'm a single man, and tonight, I will promise, not one, but two, gorgeous woman will be standing up here, on this stage, with the ladies man, the man, and while we're up here, you will be at my beck and call, I will get you to do whatever Malenko wants you to do. If I want you to give me a massage, if I want you to rub me, from head to toe, you will rub me right here on this stage. If I want you to strip down to nothing and all, you will strip and you will enjoy it. If I want you to give me a bath, to rub me, to scrub me, tonight live on this stage, oh yeah, you will rub me, you will scrub me, right here at WWF New York. Ladies, get ready." That's the only time I'm doing that tonight. 

Our hosts are Tazz and Michael "I wasn't on Heat last week but I couldn't remember that on Smackdown" Cole, who recap that speech and the Malenko/Lita relationship for the slow among us. Tazz calls him Deano Machino, hmm. Anyway, Hardcore tag match, European title match, and lots of XFL highlights.

Steve Austin and Vince McMahon feuded. A lot. You can watch it on PPV this weekend.

The only thing you have to Fear is stupid MTV shows.

The WWF has sponsors. And good for them.

Some woman is sitting at the bar, stirring a straw. Dean tries to pick her up, and fails.

Tazz and Michael Cole talk some.

K-Kwik vs Albert - same song, new lyrics. They show one person getting down in a section of fifty people sitting. Albert has a Trish-less video, too bad for him. K-Kwik was Just Another Victim, you know. Also, he just got knocked down by a big punch. Press Slam, but Kwik lands on his feet, ducks a couple clotheslines and hits some punches, kick is caught, enzuiguri is not. Kwik charges into the corner and a big clothesline. Pick up, knocked down with a punch. Corner whip, kip up by K, flip for no reason, duck the big boot, right, right, corner whip, reversed, aaaalbertsplash.  Double underhook hanging suplex. Cover, shoulder up at 2. Pick up, headbutt. Kwik tries to use the ropes to pull himself up, but gets kicked down. Boot choke. Pulling up Kwik by the dreadlocks, corner whip, charge meets elbow. Second charge meets double boot. Kwik charges out right into a bear bug, into side slam. Pulling him up again, swinging punch. "Get up!" He won't so Albert picks him up, suplex, no Kwik falls behind, dropkick by K. Off the ropes, cross body caught by Albert (announcers to busy talking about the XFL games to say "XFL fair catch") dropped into a gutbuster. Albert off the ropes, splash hits mat as Kwik moves out of the way. Right, blocked, Kwik with one, right, right, dance, big slap. Off the ropes, duck the clothesline, jumping side kick. Cover, 2 count and a kickout.  Big headbutt by Albert, one of the beads from Kwik's hair flew out and hit Albert in the face, it looked like. Albert off the ropes, dropkick to the groin, Kwik off the ropes, DDT but Albert picks him up but Kwik just turns it into a big  swinging DDT. Cover, 2, kickout. Whip, revered by Albert right into the aaaaaalbert bomb. That's 3. (3:53) You know, Albert's finding new ways to hit that move...

Some woman is eating food, and Dean tries to pick her up. She already has a man. Dean does not say "What's that got to do with me?", but does demonstrates move #22 on her boyfriend - oddly enough, it is an armbar. Woman (not THAT one) slaps Dean. and makes an escape.

Bull Buchanan & The Goodfather vs Hardcore Holly & Steve Blackman (w/bag o' weapons) in a hardcore tag team match - Some might call this a Texas Tornado match, but not the announcers. Holly and Blackman come out to Blackman's music, hmm. We have a graphic for Hardcore Tag Team matches? Okay. RTC attacks as the others slide in the ring. Bull working Holly in the corner, Godfather with a whip, Blackman ducks a clothesline and hits a kick to the midsection. Strikes on the ground as Bull stomps Holly in the corner. Steve out to get his bag - nunchucks. Back in, and Goodfather doesn't want any part of this. Running out of the ring, but not fast enough - Blackman pulls him back in, shot to the gut, shot to the back, now Goodfather rolls out and takes off. He stops, and gets a shot to the gut. Now one to the the bread. Meanwhile, Holly's hit his hanging low blow on bull, and Steve tosses a kendo stick and a garbage can in. Bull knocks Holly from behind, causing him to drop the can. Bull with the kendo stick, waiting for Holly to get up so he can hit him in the gut with it, then clothesline him out. Blackman working over Goodfather on the barricade, as Bull breaks the stick on Holly's back. Another shot to the gut. Back in the ring, whip, shot to the knee with a garbage can lid, shot the back to the lid. Setting up for the spinning shot to the head, Bull into to stop Steve but Steve clocks him with the lid and then hits the spin shot to Goodfather. And here's one more to Bull before covering Goodfather - Bull breaks that out. Steve misses a punch on Bull, Bull with a waistlock, Steve runs towards the ropes and ducks down so Holly can smash Bull's head with a road sign. Goodfather right up and on Blackman, now with a lid, whip, lid misses and Blackman's kick is caught - enzuiguri is ducked under (!) and Goodfather clocks Steve with the lid as he's caught facing the wrong way. Blackman sells it really funny, like a tree falling in a forest. Cover, 2, broken up by Holly. Stomps and kicks for Goodfather as Blackman slides out to take care of Bull, couple hard punches there. Back in the ring, Goodfather has a big boot for Holly and gets a strap - strap to the back. strap to the back, strap to the stomach, strap to the side. Strapaction, dude! Goodfather celebrates, whip, swinging strap misses and Hardcore with a flying forearm. Now Holly has the strap, strap, strap, strap, strap, strap, strap, kendo stick, but that last was Bull from behind. Cover, 2, broke up by Blackman. Bull rolls out, and gets some fire extinguisher exhaust. Goodfather going for the RTC Train, with a garbage can, but Hardcore hits the dropkick in to the can into Goodfather, and covers as Steve keeps Bull at bay. (4:02) Hardcore's music plays, hmm. I've found I just like saying hmmm, often at minute details. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm.

A WWFNY staff person tells Dean that a very big fan of his is waiting for him in his dressing room. Dean checks it out - and finds a guy. He is not amused.

Cole and Tazz talk about the just completed UPN game - and later on, we'll have XFL highlights. But now, here are some highlights from the rest of the Sunday's Night main event lineup.

The Weider Results blah blah blah of the week is the mystery woman in black helping Raven keep the Hardcore title last Monday.

Dean kills time with the announcers and commentates on this next match.

Crash (w/Molly Holly) vs Chris Benoit - Maybe Dean will explain what was going on with his partnership with Crash. Benoit has SOMETHING TO SAY! "Crash Holly, you built a reputation for yourself in the Hardcore Division that is 24/7. Well, let me tell you, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, I'm the best damn technical wrestler in the history of the WWF! And tonight, you're going to be the one find out there's absolutely no proving me wrong!"  Benoit right on him, kick, punch, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right to the head. Whip, big kick, double arm suplex has an awkward longing, leg drop. Whip, reversed, drop toe hold by Crash. Spinning shoulder block, pick up, right, right, kick, corner whip, reversed, kick to the gut by Benoit, chop, we're watching the announcers but in the background Benoit suplex on the top rope, gut first.  Whip, running high knee. Benoit isn't happy with the Benoit Sucks chant. Corner whip, kick to the leg as Crash bounces out, cover, 2 count. Suplex, no Crash small packages him up - for 2. Big chop by Benoit ends that. Kick to the back. Punch by Crash but Benoit doesn't feel it. Big ol' back suplex. Cover, 2 count. Dean was at the Orlando game. Corner whip, Benoit charges right into a back elbow. Crash jumps into a victory roll - but only can hold it for 2.  Kick to the gut by Benoit. Punch to the head. Suplex but Crash falls behind and sunset flips him another 2. count.  Big chop knocks down Crash. Whip, hiptoss reversed into a big DDT. Right, whip, reversed, back elbow by Benoit. Whip, Crash slides under, kick the to the gut caught, enzuiguri is ducked (again!) and Chris straps on the Crossface. Crash doesn't stay in long (3:32)

Dean's off to go get his girls. These guys and girls think they're Tough Enough; I think this is the same group they showed before.

Meanwhile, Dean calls an escort service for some help. He does not a coupon. 

Slam Jam whatever whatever imrippingofMBTVcakes is Austin playing mind games with Triple H during his title match, allowing Kurt Angle to retain the title - I thought the Rock was there but I sure didn't see him in those highlights. 

Tazz and Michael Cole will talk about that, and that Austin/Triple H match at No Way Out. They'll probably interact on RAW in some way.

Perry Saturn (w/Terri) vs Test for the European Championship - Perry's a former champ, you know? Test is introduced second, and wears the belt around his waist. And steps over the top rope. And gets punked from behind by Saturn to start the match. Right, right, right, right, right and so on. Her are some knees, like them. Beating down Test in the corner, but Test pulls himself back up, right, right, right, and we go on like that. Kicks for Saturn. Corner whip, Saturn rebounds out, powerslam.  Whip, Saturn holds on the ropes and pulls himself out, Test pulls him on the apron by his head but gets stun gunned for his effort. Saturn yanks Test out. Exchange of punches, Test gets the better of that and hot shots Saturn on the apron. Saturn thrown in. Test goes to the apron but Terri grab his leg. Test decides to stalk after her, then changes his mind and turns right around into a between the ropes plancha from Saturn. "That's like an XFL tackle!"  Right but Test, right, whip, big boot ducks and Saturn with a dropkick to the knee. Elbow to the neck, back suplex. Right to the back. Camel clutch. Eye rake, knee to the head. Pick up - wow, he can get Test up into a Canadian backbreaker and run him into the corner, that's quite impressive. Test get the better of the next exchange of punches, whip, Test gets a head down too soon, kick, Saturn off the ropes and right into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. Right by Saturn misses, Test doesn't. And another. Corner whip, Charge in meets elbow. Saturn charges out, kick the gut, gutwrench powerbomb (Cole: "a slam!") and that's it. (3:27) Tazz corrects Cole, which is good.

Here is a look at stuff you can buy - and here are things you can't buy, the XFL cheerleaders. Well, if you had enough money.

In the back, Dean talks over the plan for tonight with his hired ladies.

Here are some XFL highlights. (2:17)

Here are some Dean Malenko highlights - he's back on stage, with the two woman. They appear to be fulfilling his needs. Dean says stuff here, but I want to get this done today. Someone told me these ladies were from Scores, but I forget who. Dean has a cell phone call - amazingly, it's like we can hear her over the WWFNY speakers - that's one nifty phone. (Probably a benefit of being a secret agent. Though it wouldn't make it really secret.)  Anyway, it's Lita, and she's in NY, and she wants to come to WWFNY to visit. He's not busy, is he? Dean kicks out the girls - and then Lita points out that she's watching him fool around right now on MTV. Dean resorts to "it's not what you think it is." Lita makes fun of him having to pay for dates, and say he'll never get a date with her. Dean looks depressed, and then remembers that he did pay for those woman and goes off to look for them.

Some last RAW hype and we're out.