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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




We're ready to start the show - but our special guests Terri and Perry Saturn are too busy making out. Perry chokes a stage manager who tries to tell him, but then Terri realizes what's going on they go to the stage.


We're someplace, somewhere - I wish Michael Cole would tell us. Cole is also SHOCKED at the revelation that Terri and Perry have more than a manager/wrestler relationship - how many months ago did the rest of us figure that out?

Saturn and Terri are on the stage - Saturn does the NWO point towards Terri, apparently to hype the upcoming PPV. Terri does the devil horns. "Hello WWF New York!" "Yea!" "As you guys are feeling as good as we're feeling? You know, we could not be more exciting to be here hosting this show." "Oh baby, am I excited!" "I know you're excited - wait, would ya? We're going show you, a little bit tonight, a few sides that you haven't sides seen. And you know, I know [slowly turning around] you've seen a quite few sides of, of, me." "You're going let me watch, aren't you?" "I'll let you watch, sure. We're going to show you sides of Perry you've never seen, we're going show you stuff backstage, we're going to show you stuff you've never seen before. You know, people work here, tirelessly, night and day, to make this happen and we want to make this the best thing you've seen on MTV. And, what do you say we get this show on the road?" "Come on, let's get this show on the road." Perry is handed roses to give to Terri and does. Terri puts a petal on her nose? 

Tazz and Michael Cole are your hosts and they hype tonight - Christian takes on Undertaker. (Too bad it's not Christian vs Kane - that's a match of biblical proportions!) Also, Kurt Angle has a message for the Rock. 

Backstage, Terri's gonna find out all the poop - oh, scoop - by going to the bathroom. She bugs a bathroom attendant about the elimination of germs while Saturn draws a heart "Terri & Perry" message on the mirror using someone's lipstick.

Call AT&T Valentine's Day Gifts of the week are Steph's takedown on Trish and her slap for Regal. Cole says this is all because of their treatment of her mother - since when has she cared about her mother?

Talk about the match that leads to at No Way Out, as well as Stone Cold and Triple H.

Hardcore Holly vs Haku (w/o Rikishi) - Cole says Hardcore didn't get that name for no reason, but that's not how I remember it. Lockup, headlock by Haku, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over the drop down, hip toss blocked, Haku hits his own. Arm drag by Holly into an armbar, back to his feet, twist, wring, another twist, Haku  hits Holly in the head, whip, slam fall behind, tries for a roll up by Haku hangs on to the top rope - so hanging low blow. Right, right, whip, reversed, duck, clothesline, Holly tries the 'rana, blocked, punches from Holly but he's taking the the powerbomb anyway. Right by Haku, right, choke pin the corner, corner whip, follow in, clothesline. Tons of punches in the corner, Tongan dancing, Holly staggers out into a headbutt. Cover, 2. Falling headbutt by Haku. Elbow to the neck. Whip, reversed, ducks the clothesline, and Holly gets a back suplex. Both slow up. Holly off the ropes - and right into a thrust kick. Stomp, stomp, choke. Shoulderbreaker, cover, 2. Big headbutt. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, choke. Holly thrown out of the ring, between the ropes, and Haku introduces him to the railing. Throwing Holly back in, chop, Corner whip, big splash misses, Holly with a right, right, corner whip, reversed, Holly bounced out - double clothesline and both men are down. Right by Holly, right, slapping right, whip, reversed, dropkick by Haku but Holly holds the ropes. Bionic clothesline. Bionic clothesline. Whip, back body drop.  Whip, the best dropkick in the business, cover, 2.5. Guess it's not that good after all. Holly going to the top - cross body, one, two, shoulder up. Hardcore isn't happy - going to the top again? Jumping right into the Tongan Death Grip and Meng pins him for the win. (6:07) I'm always confused why that's not a submission hold (like the Mandible Claw), but does it really matter?

Terri and Perry bug the audio guy, in order to serve as a distraction to mess with Cole's audio settings. He's now got a high pitched voice. Tazz: "You sound like a girl more than usual!"

Now someone fixed it during the break.

Earlier Today, Terri and Saturn sneak a peek on Michael Cole's dressing room - and put lipstick on him when he's otherwise distracted.

Perry Saturn and Terri join the announcers to make fun of Michael Cole. 

Eddie Guerrero (w/WWF the Music Volume 5 the ad) vs K-Kwik - Cole says that Pie is the Rock's recording debut - I guess it doesn't matter about Wyclef. Eddie jumps Kwik as he's taking of his jersey and beats the heck out of him in the corner to start the match. "Let me hear you rap now!" Whip, drop down, jumping back elbow. Saturn tries to explain why he's been a Jakked superstar the last few months - he's been hurt and now he's finally feeling better. Slam, going to the outside - Eddie hits the catapult senton, two count. Eddie raps, then a right, right. Kwik is staggering around, whip, reversed, Flatliner. Now Saturn's getting on Cole for being surprised that Terri and Perry are together. Exchange of punches, and Kwik gets the better of it. Whip, back body drop. Off the ropes, flying forearm, cover, 2 count. Right, right, corner whip, splash misses. Eddie times it - dropkick to the head. Kwik rolls out of the ring on impact, back in. Back suplex, cover, 2. A hundred rights, boot scrape. Kevin Kelly, Jerry Lawler and Tazz calling Perry Saturn's Death Valley Driver "the moss covered three handed family grudunza" actually is a running joke - Saturn is telling people to call it that so he'll get noticed. Sorry for not doing that, Saturn. Stomp, Eddie with a corner whip, follow in, kip and flip by Kwik, splits to duck the clothesline, and, speaking of oddly named moves, Eddie gets a Hat Rack Cracked (jumping side kick.) Big powerslam (I think - we're too busy looking at the announcers) by Kwik for 2. Vertical suplex, and Kwik drags Eddie into position before signaling - moonsault misses. Eddie grabs him, brainbuster. Going to the top - taking his time - froggy splash and that's it. (4:12)

Earlier Today, we look at Tazz before Heat. And he's sleeping. And Terri flashes him and he doesn't even see it. Tazz blames it on Cole, somehow.

The Slip Jim Snap of the Night was Kurt Angle snapping into the Rock on SnapDown!

Michael Cole and Tazz talk the Rock vs Kurt Angle for No Way Out.

And here's WWF Champion Kurt Angle himself. He has some words for us and the Rock. "The reason I'm out here is to set the record straight on a few things. There is a man in the WWF that claims to have millions and millions of fans. There is a man who claims that he is one of the fastest rising superstars in the history of sports entertainment. [Rocky] There is a who claims he has Hollywood good looks, endorsement deals galore, and is the most electrifying man in sports entertainment. Some people would think that I'm talking about this man: [points to the screen and a picture of the Rock] Those people would be idiots. 'cause there's only man who fits that description - I'm talking about this man [points to the screen, where a picture of Kurt Angle is now shown] Now there's a true hero. Rock, believe it or not, I am the real People's Champion. Everyone knows it. And you say my title reign is coming to an end? Well, I got news for you pal, it's just beginning. Rock, you've been jealous of me ever since I stepped foot in the WWF. Because finnaly, there's a man with just as much charisma, just as much personality, not to mention tons more physical ability, than you. And Rock, when I faced you for the title at No Mercy, you were blabbing and blabbing about how you were going to beat me. And guess what, it never happened. [Angle Sucks chant] Oh, yea, and who's the champion right now? That would be me. Oh, it's true. And Rock, at Armageddon, six men Hell in the Cell, again you blabbed and blabbed about how you were going to take the title from me and start the new year off on top. Well not only did that not happen, but I pinned YOU to retain my title. And now, you're blabbing and blabbing, about how you're going to beat me at No Way Out to get this title. Well, guess what Rock: Brahma Bulls will fly out of my rear end before that ever happens. Rock, I'm glad that you got this title shot at No Way Out, because I'm going to do something that no other WWF superstar has been able to do for the last four years. And that is, I'm going to shut your big fat mouth up once and for all. And that is true.

In the kitchen, Perry and Terri mess with the chef and the server. Here's pie to the face. Note the XFL product placement.

Elsewhere in the back, Perry and Terri are told that if they continue bugging people, they'll get kicked out of the building.

Tazz and Michael Cole talk - Tazz will be there during RAW to help start selling WWF the Music.

Christian (w/Edge in 73 jersey) vs Undertaker - No Kane back up, hmm. Christina is hesitant to get in ring to start, then ducks the lockup, and ducks a right. Right, right, right, right, right, right, backing off since Taker isn't being affected by any of those punches. This right blocked, Taker's right isn't. And another - double choke lift, throwing him down. Right, corner whip, kip up, Taker picks up to over the shoulder, slam. Off the ropes, Edge grabs the boot, but Taker just turns and flips over the top rope to the floor to drop Edge with a right. Christian on the apron - running jumping clothesline. Edge over with rights as Christian distracts the ref, throwing him back in. Rights by Christian, choke in the corner, let go at four. Right, right, right,  Undertaker fights back with rights. Whip, big boot. Taker off the ropes, clothesline, Christina gets his head down too soon and gets clotheslined. Up and staggered -  Chokeslam, no, punch for Edge. Now Christian is staggered again, Last Ride? Yes. One, two, chair to the back. (3:03) Edge with punches, now choking, wait for it - fireworks, Kane is running to the ring. Edge freaks out and grabs Christian to make a quick escape. Replays.

To the control center, where Perry and Terri mess with the production crew - whoa, did that women just pull a Kid Rock? And if the production people are too busy messing with these two, who bleeped it out?

Back on the stage - and now security is surrounding them. "Hold on, relax - we'll go when we're ready to go - okay, we're ready to go" and we watch exciting walking out of the building (well, it'd look better if they managed to clear an aisle for them to move before this skit) to end the show.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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