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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




I have the WORST cold ever, and while it's nice that I'm home for spring break (and don't have to drag myself to class tomorrow morning), and even though I didn't have any plans to do much of anything for the next seven days, I didn't want to spend it lying half-conscious in bed all weekend. And I don't have a video tape, so I'm doing this all live on one take. And I was sure, two weeks ago, that I'd be done with Heat this week - no more for me. 

But I'm still doing Heat - more just to get to do something today, and a little but because I figure I can blow off since I'm sick (making me more coherent than usual) and don't have a tape to go back and do transcriptions anyway. BUT if you like Heat and want to recap it better than I do, feel free to send stuff in to CRZ and I'm sure I'll give up doing it within minutes and you can be the exclusive [slash] Heat guy with all the power that comes with it.

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K-Kwik is eating the grapes - no one to stop him this time. Any way, the warm up guy busts in on him, he's a big Kwik fan and he's got the WWF CD. Kwik is the bomb. Kwik is confused - but just goes back to the grapes. I think we were mocking the Road Dogg segment there but I can't be sure and don't care that much.


NYCity but it's not snowing yet. Up on the stage, it's K-Kwik. Let's get rowdy and make some noise. Perhaps we'll move some things. Kwik tells us a little about himself - he's more then wrestling and rapping, it's all about entertaining and making people shot. He's happy to be here on Heat. "There's no place I rather be." So, he's going to bring out the warm up guy - George, who wants to entertain people as well. Kwik loves only two things: wrestling and hip hop. George wants to be down - so Kwik is going to show him to rap, he just needs a subject. Shockingly, George picks the WWF and Kwik makes up a rap spontaneously. Kwik tells George it's time to move something and get rowdy - his turn to rap about the WWF. He does - badly. Kwik says he needs a little work - and he's going to teach him to be hip hop tonight. They're going be back and move some things - everyone's gonna move some things. No we'll go to the back - well, if George goes to the back.

Your announcers are Tazz and Michael Cole. Cole looks splendid in his orange Tazz shirt. Think they got the "put the merchandise on the announcer's table" from when Worldwide did it? If George gets hip, Tazz will go to NJ to hang out with Cole and his friends. If George doesn't, Michael Cole goes to Red Hook.

That's a lot of copies of Chyna's book. Also, WWF the Music Volume 5.

Backstage, Kwik waves George in. First thing he needs is a new name - George isn't hip hop. George likes suggests M&Ms, since he likes candy, but that's already taken.

Dean Malenko vs (sho) Funaki (w/TAKA Michinoku) for the Light Heavyweight Champion - Champion comes out first because he doesn't have anything to say. "Dean Malenko, you may have squeaked passed me on Monday night, but my mind was on other manners. But I have dumped that ugly witch, and tonight, Funaki will wretch that belt away from you, because he is the epitome of EEEEEEEEEEVIL." "Indeed!" Two title defenses in one week - go Dean! Lockup, hammerlock by Funaki, Dean elbows out, headlock with a face rake. Funaki gets in a kick, headlock, bunches of punches off the ropes, drop toe hold by Dean, Funaki reverse into a hammerlock, Dean reverses that, battles back to a headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock, 2 count. A series of reversals lead to a Dean clothesline. Win a contest and you can go to WM (but also have to go to a Limp Bizkit concert) - details Monday. Kick, kick, stomp, stomp, boot choke in the corner by Dean. Dean with a right, knee, shot to the back, kick, choke. Corner whip, Dean picks Funaki up on the rebound, forward roll slam for 2, reversed into a Funaki pin for 2. Kick to the stomach, snap suplex kinda for 2. Right, right, whip, reversed head down too soon, Funaki kick whip, reversed right into a abdominal stretch but Funaki battles it and Dean goes outside. TAKA distracts Dean so Funaki can get a shot in the back. Funaki throws Dean back in - going to the top - high crossbody but Dean rolls through for 2. Dean complains about the count - waistlock, not Dean gets the ropes, Funaki with another one, series of reversals lead to a double underhook powerbomb and the Cloverleaf. Tap out. (3:35) Tazz calls it a Tiger Bomb, that's nice. Dean takes his belt and goes home - wait, Taka says through the power of the might THOR (not four), they will get revenge.

Kwik and George finally come up with a name - he's the Germ.

The Germ  practices rapping the mirror - now it's time to work on his image. He needs some new gear and new kicks. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Justin Credible (w/X-Pac) vs Grandmaster Sexay (w/Scotty 2 Hotty and WWF the Music Vol. 5) - Tazz and Cole debate what will happen with the dogs. X-Pac sucks, apparently.  Right, right, kick by Justin to start off. Whip, clothesline misses, Sexay slides through legs and hits a bodyslam. High dropkick. Justin gets a turnbuckle shot - corner whip, Sexay charges and slides to the outside - he's going crotch Justin but X-Pac is over to distract, Justin throws a punch by Sexay ducks under, picks him up and runs him crotch first into the corner anyway. Throwing him back in - up to the top, cross body for 2. Justin hits a superkick Tazz objects to taking the train to Raw - who is he, Essa Rios? Turnbuckle shot. Kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, pulling him off the top rope into a powerbomb. Weird choke, I guess, on the ropes for 2. Snap mare, stomp. This just in: X-Pac sucks. Slam. Justin takes forever going to the top, and meets boot. Everyone's very happy (Except Justin and X-Pac.) Sexay with a right, Justin's right is blocked, Sexay's punch is not, whip, kick is caught, enzuiguri is not. Delayed cover gets 2. Whip, reversed, head down too soon - reverse neckbreaker, one two count. Sexay off the ropes, clothesline. Off the ropes again but X-Pac trips him up. Sexay pulls him to the apron, right misses and X-Pac holds him, no Scotty is over to trip him up, and Sexay knocks down Justin. Scotty beating the heck out of X-Pac on the outside (causing the ref to break that up instead of watch the match) as Sexy goes for the Hip Hop Drop, no, a double ax-handle to X-Pac as he gets back on the apron, but he turns right around into the Implant DDT from Justin, one two three. (4:16) That's Incredible is now the Implant DDT and Gangrel better get over in Puerto Rico this weekend if he wants to have a job somewhere.

The Germ tries out outfits - he really wants to be a member of Too Cool. Well, with this outfit, he looks more like one of the Godwins. Kwik is regretting he decided to do this.

The Slim Jim Trish Beatdown of Last Monday.

Cole thinks we might never see Trish again. Tazz says when we think of evil, we need to think of Vince McMahon. Cole says Edgar Allen Poe is evil to segue to

X-Man Raven (w/WWF the Volume 5 - #2 with a bullet) vs this is a European Champion for the European Title - Lockup, push in the corner, right, right, right by T est. Whip, over the shoulder powerslam. Right, whip, reversed kick to the stomach, front facelock by Raven Test falls to his knees to block the DDT, but gets shots to the back. Whip, reversed, Test tries the big boot but Raven catches it and spins him around - Test his a clothesline anyway. 2 Count. Slam and slow going to the top rope - crotched by Raven. Some thought about this match. Bronco Billie Special by Raven - gets 2. Whip, and a clothesline on the rebound by Raven. Hangman's neckbreaker hold by Raven, Test tries to turn around and gets knee to the midsection. Raven doesn't win the exchange of punches, shockingly. Whip, back elbow. Whip, head down too soon, kick, right misses, full nelson release slam (Tazz says it's a bomb - could be), 2 Count. Meltdown, no Raven drops behind him and hooks on the DDT, but Test runs him in the corner, corner whip, Test charges into a big boot. Raven charge s out of the corner and gets beheaded by Test's big kick. That'll do, yep. (2:59) If they gave this much thought to a match on Heat - imagine what they could do in a feud, you know?

The Germ and Kwik work on it. Later on, Saturn takes on Jericho. 

Tonight's Wrestlemania moment takes us all the way back to 1989, Roddy Roddy Piper and Morton Downey Junior have a discussion and Piper puts him out with fire extinguisher.

The Lugz Steve Austin saving the Rock while the Rock shows mixed emotions of Last Monday. 

That led to the Rock trying that aging on Smackdown - Rock had the opportunity, but he didn't do it then. Who's going to fire the first strike?

Perry Saturn (w/Terri but already in the ring) vs Chris Jericho for the Intercontinental Title - Tazz's only to friends are Joey Numbers and JR. Announcers compare names for finishers. By being sick, I'm not gonna go back a couple weeks and cut and paste what he said. LOOK! I'm lazy! You can do better than this. Crowd likes Y2J but not Saturn. Headlock by Saturn, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Kiss for Terri. Lockup, headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Jericho. Off the ropes, Jericho ends up with a chop, chop, chop, Saturn push him in the corner, right, right, right, knee, knee, corner whip, Jericho rebounds out with the spinning heel kick. Corner whip, hiptoss. Springboard dropkick, and Saturn goes out. Jericho with a baseball slide dropkick but Saturn moves -not out of the way of the chop, chop, chop, whip into the barricade.  Jericho charges ant him - and goes dropped on the barricade. Saturn drops him on the apron as well. Saturn goes for the chair - but Jimmy Korderas takes it away from him. So he'll whip Jericho into the stairs while Terri distracts Jimmy. Throwing Jericho in - going to the top rope, flying clothesline, cover, 2. You can pick out her nipples from the wide shot. Saturn uses a reverse neckbreaker hold, the drops it. Pushing him in the corner, right, right, right, corner whip, reversed, Saturn comes back with a clothesline but Jericho ducks it - kick caught, enzuiguri doesn't. Right, right, right by Jericho knocks Saturn down. Chop, whip, reversed, flying punch connects. Off the ropes, clothesline misses, Saturn with a waistlock, Jericho tries to fight out but can't, so he rolls it up into a cradle for 2. Whip, reversed, into a knee by Saturn - swinging cradle suplex (Tazz says and I'm still not sure) for 2. Corner whip, Saturn charges but meets boot - second rope dropkick connects but Terri has the ref distracted. She's complaining about the fans. Saturn goes for the not-Death Valley Driver, but Jericho falls behind and pushes Saturn into Terri - bulldog, Lionsault, cover, One two three (4:55) That was a good match. Terri might have hurt herself there - people were over to check her out right away.

The Germ is flipping out - Kwik tells him to take it easy and feel it from his heart. Kwik tells Germ to take about where he's from and use it. "Let's go do this." Kwik  still isnt' too sure of this.

This XFL commercial reminds me that we haven't had ANY XFL plugs by the announcers - at least none that I've noticed.

Is the Germ hip? K-Kwik and the Germ stand back to back. They RAP. Apparently, the Germ is now hip. Kwik is doing all the rapping so far. He gets sleazy, apparently. The Germ is wearing Too Cool sunglasses, hmm. They do possess the power of the dance - does that extend to the full force of funk? The last verse of Rowdy is the worst ever. Now there's a kid up on the stage. Now multiple people - they're letting the fans get up on the stage to get on down. "That little six year old kid has more charisma then the Germ." Cole says Tazz lost. Tazz says Cole lost. I think you know who lost.

We kill a few seconds because the show's running short. Someone didn't turn of Kwik's mic because he's yelling over the announcers. Cole: "For MC, I'm Tazz - see you Monday."

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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