WWF Sunday Night Heat
One TV-PG-LV World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Earlier Today, Albert wondered aloud how many Dudleyz he'd have to demolish, threw a lot of Dudleyz T-shirts - the "manager" caught up and asked if he could be of service...Albert relieved him of his Dudleyesque glasses and gave him a free chokeslam, telling him to clean up the place - like the rest of New York, it was a pigsty
Your hosts, MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZ, have to work on Easter - ha ha! (Wait a minute - *I* had to work on Easter) WE ARE LIVE from WWF New York Easter Sunday, 15.4.1 (matches were taped at the First Union Center in Philadelphia, PA 10.4) and our guest host almost skipped out early...
Earlier Today, Albert tried to leave WWF New York...only, his chauffer was wearing Dudley glasses, so he called for a taxi instead. "I need you to take me anywhere but Dudleyville--" but the cab driver, too, was wearing Dudley glasses. Tazz proclaims him "Apu Dudley." Apparently, someone is playing mind games with Albert...
SUPERSTAR PERRY SATURN (with Dean Malenko & Nipples) v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN - Did he just kiss her in the booby? Did he just ELBOW her in the booby? (Did she even feel it?) Tazz tells us Joey Numbers told him Terri hooked him up with that hat - now you know. Lockup, armbar by Gunn, arm wringer, hammerlock, to a headlock. Saturn pushes him to the corner, rams his head in the gut a few times, right, opposite corner whip, elbow up by Gunn, ducks a clothesline, Saturn put in the corner, pressed as he comes out. Clothesline gets Gunn 2. Malenko has his "I eat dogs" face on. Saturn reverses a whip, headdown, kick by Gunn. Gunn running at him but Saturn puts him over the ropes to the outside, where Malenko is ready to ram him into the apron. Rolled back in - headbutt by Saturn. BIG suplex - 1, 2, nope. Saturn puts him out again and this time goes out after. Butt first into the STEEL steps. Rolled back under, Saturn climbs to the top - clothesline lands! but only gets 2. Saturn goes to a half nelson/headlock thing. Head to the buckle. Right, right, right by Gunn, right by Saturn, back and forth we go, now only Gunn - knee by Saturn, whip into the ropes is reversed, back elbow by Gunn, clothesline, into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam, signalling for the Fame'Asser, but Terri grabs his ankle - distracting him JUST enough for Saturn to hit a Spicolli driver - 1, 2, no - I don't know about that kickout there... Malenko on the apron to grab him while Terri distracts referee "Blind" Mike Sparks - guess what comes next. Sure enough, Gunn ducks and Malenko eats the superkick, Fame'Asser - 1, 2, NO! Malenko pulled him out. Malenko hot shots him as Gunn tries to get some revenge - Saturn hits the moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza, and we'll see ya. 1, 2, 3. (3:49) Terri gets a few (feeble) kicks in post-match - Gunn makes the mistake of grabbing her ankle - Saturn is on him, but somehow Gunn manages to turn it around, taking out BOTH Saturn and Malenko. Yeah, okay, you got your heat back, Billy. Snicker, snicker.
TONIGHT: Triple H & Stephanie have a heart-to-heart with the Coach!
Here's a look at Times Square! Heat is brought to you by Foot Locker, Castrol Motor Oily, and "WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" - get it at Walgreens
Albert attempts to enjoy his meal - only it's ruined when his server is revealed as wearing Dudley glasses. Do YOU see the pattern YET?
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week Where Triple H and Steve Austin and Vince McMahon Did Their Alliance Thing, Which Worked Pretty Well Until Jeff Hardy Won Triple H's Title
Did I mention Cole is wearing a "Dudleyville Lumber Company" T-shirt? No? Well, I did just now.
Jonathan Coachman anxiously awaits the occupants of the sofa afore'im - the Helmsleys. TONIGHT!
XFL on UPN hype - oops, it's already over here on the West Coast - not that the WWF cares about the West Coast, 'cause they don't
You know, we get a whole different set of ads here on MTV. I don't know if that's better or worse...maybe I'll know later
The JVC Gigatube presents the Blast of the Night! From SmackDown!, Albert puts Spike Dudley through a table on the floor with an apron Baldobomb
Our commentators proclaim Albert "impactful" since joining up with X Factor. Speaking of X Factor...
X-PAC (with Justin Credible) v. D'VON DAMN DUDLEY (with Buh Buh Ray Damn Dudley) - Albert watches on from the control room 'cause he REALLY wanted to hear their theme song one more time. Commentators remind us that only one Dudley has yet to go through a table at the hands of Albert - and he's in the ring. Of course, Albert isn't there tonight, but...oh, how confusing. HERE WE GO: Dudley makes the mistake of getting distracted by Credible, allowing 'Pac to come in with a forearm to the back of the head, kick, kick, right, right, right is blocked, right by Dudley, block, right, into the ropes, reversed, jumpin' shoulderblock by Dudley. Dudley with a right, right, right, right, right, crowd wants...something or other. Into the opposite corner, reversed, elbow up by Dudley, clothesline by Dudley. Right hand, into the ropes, 'Pac ducks...and hits a spinning heel kick on Dudley. X-Pac "sucks," I hear. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with a lightning leg drop. Cover gets 2. Elbow in the back. Choke on the second rope - when referee "Blind" Mike Chioda pulls him off, Credible gets in a free shot as well. In the corner for the kick trifecta...which will put him in perfect position for the broncobuster - only, 'Pac takes too long and Dudley slides out of the way, letting him crotch himself. Back he comes - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, into the ropes, flying clothesline, again into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow, ducks a clothesline, neckbreaker, tries to get a shot on Credible but he jumps off the apron - turns round to catch X-Pac in a powerslam - 1, 2, Credible pulls him away. Buh Buh Ray FINALLY gets a right on Credible before Chioda is out to break it up - but Credible gets into the ring to hit a superkick behind his back. BUT! X-Pac ONLY gets 2! Buh Buh Ray on the apron, Chioda over, Credible in, X-Pac's shot misses D'Von and hits Credible (oh no!) and when Chioda turns around to tend to *Credible*, X-Pac gets caught in 3D (Dudley Death Drop)! 1, 2, 3! (3:22)
Albert is less than pleased about this, and starts screaming to the guys in the booth that "can't you do anything without the Dudleyz?" They all turn round and reveal that they're wearing Dudley glasses. Ho ho ho! Albert storms off - we follow him out to the stage...
"I look to my left, I look to my right, I see Dudley Boyz - I can't take it! I got a cab driver that's a Dudley, and then I got..." We look in the crowd, where everybody in camera range is wearing Dudley frames. "Dud-ley!" Albert storms off.
And now we see that Tazz and Cole have Dudley glasses on. "I think he's paranoid. What's he talking about, Dudley Boyz."
When we come back, a couple of Dudleyz set up a table. "We are the Backseat Dudleyz, first cousins to THE Dudley Boyz - WWF New York, let me hear you!" "Each and every one of you did a great job playing mind games with the X Factor, and on behalf of Buh Buh Ray, D'Von and Spike, all you are honourary Dudleyz of our Dudley family!" Tazz proclaims them (mute)kissers. Albert arrives once again - "Happy Easter!" "Happy Passover!" Together: "Wassup--" Big boot for one, laid out on a table - the other gets Baldobombed through the first...and the table. Play his music again!
WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: CRASH (with Molly Holly) v. GRAND MASTER SEXAY - Hey, remember when Brian Christopher and Scott Putski were THE light heavy division? Haw haw haw. Lockup, arm wringer by Sexay, reveresed by Crash, reversed by Sexay, Crash with a hammerlock, reversed, Crash up and over. Sexay applauds politely. Double leg takedown by Sexay, elbowdrops the knee, again, to the rope, buttdrop on the knee. Crash tries an enzuigiri but it's blocked. Tazz is talking about B-Real. Woo hoo. Stomp on the back by Sexay, going for a spinning toehold, kicked away, so Sexay goes for the technical choke instead. Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner, Crash evades the charge and Sexay shoulders the post. Death suplex by Crash. Clothesline. Kick, kick, kick, kick, call to the crowd...into the opposite corner is reversed, Crash up and over...onto the shoulder, but he wriggles free - into the ropes, rolled back - Sexay with a superkick! That gets a Castrol Double Feature. While this goes on, Sexay tosses Crash through the ropes and to the outside. IS HE GONNA FLY? Nope. Kick, going for the sunset flip over the top rope to the outside, but Sexay slips, so Crash lands on his feet - and decides he'd better just punch him in the head instead. Rolled back in - right by Crash, right by Sexay, running bulldog by Sexay. 1, 2, nope. Going for another bulldog - but Crash follows through and crotches Sexay on the second turnbuckle! Right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow by Crash, clothesline, scoop...and a slam. Crash going up top...but taking too long - Sexay spreads the legs and crotches him on top - Sexay to the second rope - superplex coming up - BOOM! Sexay grabs his goggles - HE'S going up top - taking WAY too long - Hip Hop Drop coming up, but there's NO water in that pool - that'll hurt your booty, too. Crash off the ropes, "Oklahoma roll" (thanks, Tazz), 1, 2, 3. Champ retains. (4:32)
Anxiously awaiting the arrival of Triple H and Stephanie we are. And here they are, already making threatening looks and points at the Coach. That interview is coming up!
Are you telling me this interview will be our main event? Aie.
OOOH! MONSTER BOOTY AD!
You are looking "live" at the "heart" of Times Square! By the way, Backlash is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily! It's TWO WEEKS AWAY!!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, where the Backstreet Dudleyz took some damage - and here's ANOTHER yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah angle
Cole says there's three teams left in the XFL Playoffs, but he's a LYING LIAR because there's only two! Oh, the shame and horror of west coast tape delay. GO DEMONS! ALL THE WAY, BABY! Can you believe people STILL mail me asking how to pronounce FFWD? I keep SAYING it's FUHFUHWID
Golly, that Jonathan Coachman has been UNCOMFORTABLE for almost the ENTIRE hour
"WWF Divas in Hedonism" ad
You know, I'd buy that Paul McCartney "best of," but I bet there is NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY track by "The Fireman" on it - OH MAN he lost his domain? the-fireman.com goes to some - some FIREMAN, now! Of course, we here at WrestleManiacs sure know what it's like to LOSE OUR DOMAIN - yes, sir - we sure do (what the *hell* are you talking about?) ohhh sorry
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by Castrol - Matt Hardy DRIVES HARD with the STEEL chair, allowing Jeff to get the upset pin...and intercontinental title
Commentators yak yak yak one more time, including uses of the word "swerved."
Jonathan Coachman sits down with Triple H & Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. Stephanie implies that Coach could end up like Lita if he asks the wrong questions, then goes on to say that he isn't there to answer his questions at all, but to make a statement. "You wanna say that Jeff Hardy beating me was a major upset? Is that what you said, major upset? It was a MAJOR FLUKE. It was a MISTAKE. The mere notion that Jeff Hardy could beat the Game is a JOKE. Jeff Hardy thinks he beat me... Jeff Hardy thinks he beat me in the middle of that ring? Sure, he's walkin' around with a title on his waist - you think that makes him a champion? You think that title around his waist makes him a champion - DO YOU? Or does it make him a target? Don't you dare - don't you DARE forget who the hell I am and what I am capable of. You know, people around here keep sayin'... that (beep)d Triple H...I don't think he can get any lower. Every time they say it, I find a way to get lower, don't I. Yer damn right I do! I'll give Jeff Hardy credit - he is fearless. He has to be fearless. After what Austin and I did to him and his brother - and his little girlfriend Lita - he would *have* to be fearless to get in the ring and come after Austin and I with a chair. Fearless or stupid, one of the two. He would have to be fearless to wanna get in the ring with me after what he did. And he would have to be fearless to wanna get in the ring with me again, one day. Jeff Hardy needs to realise this - he is now swimming with the sharks, and that belt he's wearin' around his waist? That's just blood in the water. He had better be the damn biggest fish in that ocean or he is gonna get eaten. ... This Monday night, Jeff Hardy can count on a few things. Jeff Hardy can count on his rematch....Jeff Hardy can count on losing the intercontinental title....and Jeff Hardy can count on the fact that in his career, up to this point, he has not known pain and suffering like he will know when I am standing over his beaten ass in the middle of that ring! Jeff Hardy wrestles every match as if it were his last, doesn't he. Monday night, that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can take everything I am saying to heart - you can take all my words literally. When it comes to all the pain, all the beatings, all the violence...the game has just begun."
TOMORROW NIGHT: Jeff Hardy takes on Triple H - this time the intercontinental title is on the line...but it's already his! You KNOW it'll be LIVE on TNN! And THAT'S IT for TONIGHT!