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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




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In a backstage lounge, Faarooq and Bradshaw (collectively known as the Acolyte Protection Agency) are playing cards, smoking cigars and talking trash about WCW. Faarooq: "Hey, I can't get this off my mind, I got finish something, WCW, you remember, no one can make a decision, everyone wants to be the boss, but no one wants to take the blame for nothing, you know? Everyone's copying everything we ever did; hell, they even had a fat, short, red-headed man running around there wanting to be Jim Ross, remember?" "Yea, I'm glad that little fat redheaded troll is out of a job. You know, all those millionaire pampered sissies down there, you know when their company went belly up, they couldn't find a good idea if it bit them on their fat ass." "Got some nice houses and nice cars, though." "Yea, they're all for sale, though." "And get this now, hey, I think last Thursday, they got a first hand view at what it's like when they bring their asses up here." "You know, I can't believe this, WCW matches on WWF television, once again, these guys can't make it so they have to ride piggyback off our success." "But guess what, as long as they stay in their own backyard, and don't come bother interfering in our own business, their asses will be just fine." Oh, and Faarooq just won the hand. Bradshaw asks if he's cheating and Faarooq denies. Where's the BEER?


We're LIVE. We're STEAMY. We're watching Sunday Night Heat at WWFNY. Your announcers are Tazz (who's not in a good mood - he tells us!) and Michael Cole. They'll be talking more about WCW later in the hour, including a sit down interview with the APA. But now...

K-Kwik vs Justin Credible - The noisy graphic interrupts Kwik's rap but doesn't stop him. Tazz (in a bad mood) can't understand a word K-Kwik is ever said. Cole does know "Hat Rack Cracked." Michael Cole explains that Tazz (in a bad mood) is mad about the Texas Rattle Snake. If Justin wins, does he get to rap? Lockup, no knee. Take down and slapping the back of his head. That ticks of Kwik so Justin's gonna hide in the ropes for a sec. Okay, circle, lockup no Justin with a kick again. Right, right, whip, clothesline misses, Kwik's flying headscissors doesn't. Armdrag. Kick, right, right, corner whip, whip, Justin Flip back into the ring and Kwik's clotheslines himself out. Cole's got a prepared speech here (not the only one this week): "You talk about WCW, a group, for so many years, trying to keep the WWF down. So many of the high priced free agents from the WWF in the mid-90s, in fact was the major competitor with the WWF until" Cole pauses to call the match, because Kwik hits a running no hands plancha over the top rope! His body did hit the rope and he kinda got lucky there. "And WCW was in trouble until it was bought out from underneath Mr. McMahon by his own son Shane and now it's turned into a family war - Shane's WCW vs Mr. McMahon's WWF." Justin's managed to regain control on the outside, running Kwik crotch first into the corner post. Kwik is still a charismatic youngster and this double feature is sponsored by Playstation. Turnbuckle shot, kick kick right right right kick pull off the ropes powerbomb one two kickout. Whip, look at the announcers, Justin with a back elbow cover one two kickout. One two kickout. "Damn it!" One two kickout. Chin lock, taking it all the way down to the mat. There's a knee to the back added in. WCW matches on RAW! This is totally unprecedented (except for the time ECW did that - aren't most of the guys who were those in the WWF now?) Kwik battling up yet, elbow, elbow, elbow tries to get away but Justin pulls him down by his hair.  Justin charge at Kwik and gets backdropped onto the top rope - then Kwik kicks him in the ribs and Justin lands crotch first on the top rope. Kwik bounces him up and down on the rope, then gives him a inverted atomic drop (Justin continues his selling of the groin.) Kwik does something resembling dancing then punches him - cover one two kickout. Corner whip, reversed, Kwik kips up but Justin stopped running - Justin charges with a clothesline as Kwik turns around, but Kwik splits underneath (hey, that's not when he normally does that!) and there's the jumping (Cole: "heel") side kick - one two kickout. Kwik with a yell and a suplex but Justin awkwardly falls behind (Cole: "nice counter"), Kwik with elbows to break the waistlock, turns around and Justin grabs him for a Northern Lights Suplex but Kwik falls behind and turns into a rollup one two kickout. Kick to the midsection by Justin, corner whip, Kwik with kip up escape and the pointless flips but SUPERKICK! One two three! (4:38) Justin's been scouting! See, Kwik can only do those splits once a match so he couldn't duck that, yea. Cole calls it "a version of X Marks The Spot" and we'll just chalk the nuttyness up to being distracted by all the Stone Cold business.

Coming up next, Tazz and Cole ask APA all about WCW. I'm gonna have to do a lot of transcribing today, I guess.

Look at that traffic!

Invasion. (2:03)

The APA come out to the stage for the second segment interview. They brought their cigars. Crowd chants "APA" Cole asks them about WCW. Bradshaw: "Well, I'll tell you what I think about it - we've proven we can draw ratings, the only think they've proved is they can draw unemployment. You know, it's real simple, these, these guys down there, these pampered assed millionaires, they can't make it on their own and because of that, Shane McMahon bails them out. They want to build a company, that's fine, you just don't it do it piggybacking on us." The conversation devolves into talking about all the stuff the WCW wrestlers have to sell now that the company's broke. Auction soon! Cole brings up Faarooq spending "many many years" in WCW, and asks what about WCW, (past, present and future) bugs him so much. "Every damn thing and everybody! And as far as a future is concerned, I don't see one happening for them. Does that answer your question?" Tazz asks what makes them takes charge against WCW. Bradshaw: "That's simple, look around you. The house I live in, in Texas, someone breaks into  my house and steals something, there's gonna be a problem. We built this company, we built this house, and I promise you, WCW, this isn't the first time in our life that we've had to kick some tag team's ass that's come in from another company. And apparently, it won't be the last." Cole asks Faarooq what he thinks about WCW matches on WWF Raw tomorrow. "You know what, I respect Linda McMahon's decisions, a very smart woman. But that's yet to be done, and from my standpoint, it's not looking too good for it happening." Cole: "What do you mean?" Faarooq shrugs and Bradshaw talks: "I'll tell you, let me be real clear - we don't care if WCW exists. We don't care if they turn that company - that went belly up and had to get bailed out - into a successful sports entertainment company. We don't care if they have their own matches, we don't care what they do. What we're saying is this: we built, we have built a global brand name, and we refuse to let them piggyback off of us, because they simply can not do it by themselves or else they wouldn't have taken the short cut of piggybacking off of us." Tazz asks about Invasion - what does the APA think of WWF vs WCW? Faarooq: "First of all, let me tell you this, I've put a lot of things on my back - but carrying a man around on it isn't one of them! And I'm not about to start now!" Bradshaw: "See, my point is this, Tazz, and you'll understand this, you wanna come invade us? That's really easy to do. Don't sneak in through a window, don't come sneaking in a back door - knock on the front door and step out into the yard and see who can whip who! It's really simple! Don't sneak into our buildings, don't sneak into our rings, stand in front of us like men (Faarooq: "Real men") and find out who is tougher, who is better, that's simple! Don't invade us!" Cole asks each of them, what would they say if Shane came to them tomorrow and gave them all they wanted to join WCW. Bradshaw: "Six years ago, I turned down WCW to come to the WWF, a few years ago, I turned down the opportunity to switch because I want to be here. That was the best two decisions I've ever made in my life and the decision stands." Faarooq: "And just like we said, man, hey, this is our house, this is the house that we built. And just like he said, I've yet to see the man here who's, I don't think there will ever be a man born who could ever walk in my house and take food out of me - my family and my mouth!" Remember Public Enemy's WWF stint? They still do! They don't seem to remember a time where a guy named Taz jumped the rail, I think.

If you don't blink during the WWF Fanatic: WWF Hardcore commercial you can see a Headbanger!

Dial 1-800-Collect and tell someone that Shane got really beat up last Sunday.

We discuss injuries - Shane getting hurt there, Angle's concussion and tailbone injury and Chris Benoit. Here's some footage. Hey woman. They say the injury happened in that match, when really, it's sad to look at all those bumps that he took on his neck during that match (and thinking of all the ones he did before) knowing what condition he was in. They say he'll be able to get "physical" in six months but it'll be a year before he's all the way back without restrictions. (1:30) Sounds a lot like Austin's surgery and recovery.

Hardcore Holly vs Test - Talk turns to Mike Awesome - will he wrestle on Monday? Tazz expects trouble in the back - how are the wrestlers from rival companies gonna co-exists? Lockup, Holly pushes Test into the corner. Chop, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick right right. Corner whip, clothesline on the rebound. Turnbuckle shot, rights by Test, whip, reversed, hiptoss but Test reverses it to a swinging neckbreaker. Talk has turned to Test's dilemma - he's been friends with Test, but he was with the group at Smackdown this week to stop WCW (they don't point out he wasn't part of the attack.) Which was is he gonna go? Can he afford to go to WCW, given what the APA may do to him? Turnbuckle smash. Right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, corner whip, Holly rebounds out and there's a 1 and 3/8 spinning slam, cover one two kickout. Whip, no, Holly reverses it to a Stun Gun, but they're not close enough to the ropes so it ends up being a flapjack with Test's face connecting with the second rope on the way down. Maybe he broke his nose! Hardcore gives him a second, then kick to the ribs x 3. Stomp. Picking him up by the hair, turnbuckle mash. Kick. Kick. Choke. Pick up by the hair, but Test has a second wind, right right, Holly with a kick and a whip, clothesline misses, Test goes behind and a back suplex. Both slow up. I block you, you don't block mine. Tazz, in the midst of talking about the invasion, "Remember, there was a time, not that far back, where WCW almost put the WWF out of business" and the WWF kicked butt and came back. Corner whip, clothesline, gutwrench (Cole: "Suplex!") powerbomb by Test, one two kickout. Tazz called powerbomb, good for him. Cole now: "It wasn't too long ago that the WCW was running around, bragging about how they were kicking our rear end in the ratings, and, oh man, what a difference a few years can make, guys from the WCW begging Shane McMahon, and begging the WWF to put them on the television!" Meanwhile, Test loads up the Meltdown but Hardcore falls behind - off the ropes, best dropkick in the business, cover one two kickout. Tazz talks about turning WCW down as well in the past. Holly argues the count then clotheslines Test out. Right, right, right, whip, no Test reverses it and Hardcore goes into the barricade. Test comes back - oh, Hardcore's got the bell - swing and a miss. Kick by Test and Hardcore drops it (and rings!) Test picks it up and he hits Holly with it anyway. Ref Jim Korderas calls for the bell and Tazz makes fun of him. (4:09) Force of habit, I guess. Test is happy with himself anyway. If Hardcore wasn't an ornery person to begin with, I'd wonder if he wasn't going out of his way to send a (unsuccessful) message to the possible defector.

Backstage, the APA talk about not taking nice things if WCW is coming to their locker room. Also, someone had to let the WCW guys in - who's the mole. They got to watch their own back. 

Earlier today, the Germ asked people on the street what kind of protection they use. Let's see what's on Headline News. Ah, Italian ways to pick up co-workers.

Back - and now they're hyping Tough Enough. (2:17) Coming up next, Raven vs Rhyno! Tazz gives us mock excitement. Just between you and me, I don't think he's in a good mood.

Lugz Stone Cold Non-Apology Of Three Days Ago

Gee, I wonder if Tazz has something to say about that footage. "Yea, let me explain what's going on here. I had all intentions of going up to Tacoma tomorrow night, and going to RAW. And going up to our champion and showing him what I'm about. But I got a phone call this morning - my itnery changed a little bit, and I have to stay here, at WWFNY, and host Raw. Well, Stone Cold, [cue Raven's music] I'm gonna tell you what, you're gonna see me real soon. You don't know me, champ, but you're gonna get to find out what I'm all about." 

Raven vs Rhyno (w/Last Monday) - Cole's turn: "You know, Stone Cold Steve Austin, real proud of the WWF Title, real proud about going around picking on people who aren't, myself, not quite as big as him, but I'll tell him something, he's all worried about WCW, he's all worried about Booker T, he's worried about all this other stuff-" Tazz: "That's fine, that's fine Cole, he can keep worrying about Booker T and kissing Mr. McMahon's ass, he can do all that. But while he's kissing McMahon's ass, I'll be kicking his ass. This five foot eight, two hundred forty eight pound son of a [mute] is gonna kick his ass, I'm telling you! I'm gonna pick my spot, and I'm gonna do him!" Cole, for the slow among us, points out how convenient it is that Tazz got scheduled for WWFNY instead of RAW. Then, out of nowhere, when naming WCW guys that scary WWF guys (in other words, the top guys), Cole throws in Buff Bagwell's name out of nowhere. For his peace, Tazz says "[mark] Jindrak" but that's more because he temporarily forget about WCW changing Sean O'Haire's partner for no reason. Lockup, headlock by Raven, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Both up, circle, Rhyno with a kick, snap mare, off the ropes, shoulderblock. GORE but Raven ducks and hits a drop toe hold into the second rope. Raven with the kick wham Raven Effect but Rhyno drops down to the mat and rolls out. They actually remember they've fought each other a few times already, see. Rhyno gets back on the apron and Raven hits him with a knee to knock him down because Rhyno didn't watch Jakked last night. Russian legsweep. Thrown in, Raven follows. Forearm, forearm in the corner, corner whip, reverse, corner Gore but Raven falls out of the ring. Rhyno follows out, stomps, turnbuckle smash, throw in. Forearm to the back ,kick to the midsection, right by Rhyno. Cole says Raven is from NY? I thought the Bowery was in New Jersey. Whip, fall behind by Raven, double leg takedown and a slingshot into the corner. Raven isn't following up, having taking his time getting back up from that last move. Raven misses a charge with a right right right, corner whip, rebound clothesline, Mr. Wrestling #1 knee lift, Bronco Billie Special attempt but Rhyno pushes him off when he goes for the bulldog and Raven gets knocked into the corner. Rhyno sets up for the Gore and waits for Raven to turn around (what, he can't do it to his back?), but Raven moves out of the way and Rhyno goes into the corner. Raven pulls Rhyno out of the corner - Raven Effect doesn't happen because Rhyno rams him back first into the corner. Corner whip, reversed and here's the Bronco Billie Special for real! Cover one two this ain't WOW. That didn't work for her too often either. Raven up - Rhyno with an eye poke, Raven staggers back, GORE. One two three. (3:42)

Back to Smackdown and the WWF/WCW interactions. (2:17)

The APA have seen enough. They got a little more to say.

WCW matches live on RAW! What's gonna happen?

Cue the music, here's the APA. Bradshaw: "WCW, it's real simple, yum yum, come get ya some.  (Faarooq: "Bring it on!" This is our house, it's time we got medieval, we, we ask you, just be men about it, quite sneaking up from behind, quit jumping in the ring. We ask you to come down, stand and look at us in our face, and find out who -" HOLY CRAP IT'S - I can't really tell. They're wearing APA shirts and floppy hats to shade their identities. The APA got ambushed and they're getting the crap beat out of them. They nearly got the cameraman too. Guess that explains why they were looking at the camera instead of the normal one. Bradshaw and one guy got knocked off camera - It's Sean O'Haire (ripping off his shirt and hat) and he's got a WCW Tag Team belt! Must be Chuck Palumbo beating Bradshaw off camera. The APA are down and the WCW Tag Team champions have laid them out! For the beating they took Thursday, they're looking pretty good. They're taking off before the APA recovers - let's watch them run out of the building. (Good thing we had the cameras set up there.) O'Haire and Palumbo run out to the streets - I guess shirtless muscled guys running around isn't that out of ordinary in NY. What's gonna happen on RAW! That's all for this week!

Hey, this was something resembling a worthwhile show this week! Good job!

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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