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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan

29.7.1

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Moments ago, Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson pulled up in a limo. Stacy is annoyed that the limo guy didn't get her bags. Then they walk in and get annoyed with a Trish RAW Magazine poster - Torrie tosses it down. Stacy: "Don't they know that WE are the dominant women in this business?" Hmm, I wonder who could be giving them acting lessons.

It's WWFNY, it's Heat, it's Al Snow and Jonathon Coachman as your announcers? I'd say "Where's Michael Cole?" but I don't think I care. They would like to talk about the Rock till the music cuts them off.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs Chavo Guerrero Jr. - Al, lover of continuity, brings up HIS past problems with the Rock. (But he's willing to put him aside.) Coach points out this is a rematch of last week. Scotty hosts next week! IT'S THE BIGGEST RAW OF ALL TIME. WHICH WAY WILL THE ROCK GO. Repeat, for sixty minutes. I don't think I've ever been more sick of the announcing in the WWF than last two weeks - maybe it's just me, though. Scotty starts the clap. Lockup, headlock by Chavo, off the ropes, Chavo turns into a whip, Scotty slides under a clothesline, Scotty charges but Chavo ducks down, then leap frogs him, Scotty's kick is caught, Chavo flips him, Scotty's clothesline misses, both off the ropes, but it's Scotty who lands the flying forearm. AL: "Chavo Guerrero not just a second generation wrestler, it's his whole family. You'd think they were trying start a whole Nation of Guerreros, with Mondo, Chavo, Hector, you know, EDDY." I Al Snow. Scotty dances, then hits a right. And another.  Kicks in the corner. Oh, your ref is WCW's Brian Hebner. Corner whip, Chavo kips up and nails Scotty with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Stomp. Chop, European uppercut. Snap mare, and a dropkick to the back. Chavo lifts him up, but Scotty goes for a right, right, right, corner whip, Scotty charges, Chavo moves out of the way and Scotty rams his shoulder into the ring post. Chavo pulls him out and chokes him on the top rope. To the top rope - jumping off and pressing Scotty's neck down hard on the top rope. Chavo back inside, covers one two kickout. Scotty battling up with rights but Chavo knocks him back down. Scotty with more punches and seems to work this time. Whip, reversed, Scotty's clothesline misses - double cross body block and both men go down. Hebner starts the count. Angle winning the WCW Title was the biggest moment of the career. They're up, Chavo a little faster, kick, punch but Scotty ducks it and hits a right, right, dancing right. Whip, big backdrop. Scotty's getting the lock - corner whip, two hand bulldog no Chavo ducks under and hits a back suplex. Chavo looking at Scotty and thinking it over - springboard top rope splash with a twist MISSES, Scotty rolling out of the way just in time. Scotty up but still a little out of sorts. He notices where Chavo's landed (right by the ropes, in the middle of the ring) and gets that look in his eye. W - O - R - M woo woo woo hoo hoo hoo ha. One two three (4:00) Scotty even the score from last week, and he's happy about it.

Let's go back to Miss Jackie on Tough Enough - oh wait, we're watching Stacy and Torrie mocking her for crying about Shadrick. They even have the Polaroid picture of Shadrick. They're dominant and beautiful. They debate who is more sexy. Torrie: "You are!" Stacy: "No, you are!" Torrie: "Okay, I am." 

So wide you can't get around it. So low you can't go under it. So high you can't get over it. [So high, yea yea yea] One nation under a groove. Getting down, just for the funk of it. One nation and we're on the move, and they can't stop us now....

After Al has problems with the ad spots, they talk about Stacy and Torrie setting themselves up for trouble. You know what they say: "big hair, small brains."  

Raven & Justin Credible vs Kaientai - Just when I'm about to make a comment about Raven's lack of ECW t-shirt (and Chimel saying "Alliance"), Coach says "ECW" and Justin comes out with his ECW T-Shirt. Who knows. Didn't these guys have issues? What kinda of reaction will the Alliance get in Philly on Monday? (Maybe an "ECW" chant or twelve.) TAKA has something to say. "Ha, a very interesting tag team, this week we have, Justin Credible, but you're not! Maybe you should change your name to JustAboutToGetYourAssKicked. Haha! And you Raven, if that is your real name, you have very nice entrance music. I know all the words! 'Caw caw caw caw [pause] caw caw caw' You may represent an Alliance, but Kaientai, we represent EVIIIIIIIL! HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HA." "inDEED" The best part is how TAKA now starts to laugh only after here's certain the laugh track isn't gonna anymore. Funaki and Justin start. Justin with a lockup and pushing Funaki in in the corner. Forced break by the WWF Ref, Justin tries a cheap shot but Funaki ducks and hits a right. Celebrate. Justin charges out with a clothesline, Funaki ducks and tries a right, but Justin blocks it (!) and hits one of his own. Right. Whip, blind tag to TAKA, Funaki drops down and TAKA drops Justin with a spinning heel kick. Double right for Raven! Double dropkick for Justin! The Rock And Roll Express celebrate! TAKA with another right for Raven to knock him back to the floor. And again. Juston's taking his time - perhaps worried that Funaki will do the same to him. TAKA and Funaki back up into each other, scaring both of them, but then going back to work. The Invasion is so big, Kaientai's almost serious! TAKA retrieves Raven from outside the ring so the match can continue. Palm shot! Right. Right. Right. TAKA's hand hurts hen he does that. Open hand slap by Raven. TAKA hurts. Then he superkicks Raven and feels better. Raven rolls out and TAKA follows. Rights, as we can see Justin setting up in the foreground. TAKA turns around - superkick to him. Raven tells Justin to throw in TAKA as he gets in the ring. Raven's now covering one two kickout. Raven with rabbit punches to the head and now pounding his head into the mat. Tag to Justin, and holding TAKA for a chop. Kick. kick. Pulling powerbomb for one two kickout. Justin backs up - sliding dropkick misses and Justin crotches himself on the ring post again. Tag to Raven, TAKA's crawling but Raven's gonna grab his foot and stop him short - TAKA gets up on one foot - enzuiguri! Crawling again for the tag, going the wrong way, now he sees that Raven is up and starts motoring - tag to Funaki. Right for Raven, right for Justin, right for Raven, Corner whip for Justin, Raven's whipped into him, Raven rebounds out and Funaki grabs him in an inside cradle - one two kickout. Funaki dropkicks Raven out of the ring, but then Justin kicks him. Implant DDT? No, small package by Funaki! The ref's trying to get TAKA out of the ring, however, so Raven sneaks back in and rolls his man on top. But then the ref tries to get Raven out of the ring, so TAKA sneaks back in puts Funaki back on top one two kickout. Palm shot for Raven! Palm shot for Justin! Funaki puts on the camel clutch, TAKA claps, walks, over, slap to the face, off the ropes, dropkick to the face. Celebration! Uh, guys, what about Raven? Kick wham Raven Effect and TAKA's too busy celebrating to notice. One two three (3:35) Replay shows TAKA counting along with the pin, thinking it was Funaki pinning Justin, and then look of shock when he realizes who lost. Kaientai have a horrible record against teams that are teams for the first time lately.

Stacy and Torrie hold up lingerie and talk about wearing lingerie and not wearing lingerie. They think about wearing nothing. Coach: "Nothing, nothing at all?" Al: "Should I get a hose to spary you down?"  

Slim Jim IC Title Change Of Last Monday 

Al and Coach talk about that. Al calls Lance "Captian Charisma" and says that WCW has the three most important WWF titles - World, IC, and Hardcore.

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Albert vs Hugh Morrus (w/an actual video!) - Albert gets on the apron  and keeps looking back towards the entrance. Oh, he's gonna attack Hugh before he gets to the ring. Hugh seems him coming and tries a clothesline, but Albert ducks and hits rights. Exchange of punches, with Albert getting the better. Kicking Hugh down the ramp. Smash into the ring steps. Rights to the head. Knee to chest. Hugh's thrown in and the match actually starts. Albert rolls in and Hugh greets him with an elbow drop. Kick, forearm, forearm. Albert in the corner and getting rights. Now Albert blocks on and hits rights back. Hugh hits a knee to stop that. Suplex attempt is blocked but so is Albert's. Hugh with more forearms, kick to the stomach, try for that suplex again but it's Albert who hits the suplex. Stomp. Hugh throws Albert out of the ring. Right. Albert charges at Hugh, but Hugh moves out of the way and Albert goes into the ring post. Al reminds us that Hugh is one of the people who cost Albert the IC title. That shouldn't be that big of a deal, since we just saw that clip, but still it's nice. Oh, your ref is Billy Silverman. Hugh going to the apron - walking elbow drop. Albert thrown back in, Hugh covers one two kickout. Forearm. Right. Albert with rights. Hugh with an eye poke. Why am I doing this? Albert and Hugh walk to the corner, so Hugh can give him a corner whip, reversed, Albert's not gonna try to press slam Hugh Morrus, is he? He is, though he has trouble getting him up at first, he does manage a press. Big splash. Cover one two kickout. Al says it's called a shoulder press, okay. Actually, Al and Coach argue about move names and that's always bizarre in the WWF. Whip, Albert puts his head down too soon and gets it kicked, Hugh off the ropes, Albert ducks the clothesline and hits the scissors kick. Cover one two shoulder up. Corner whip, Albert sets up - Albert Smash. Albert takes his time following up - corner whip, charge into a powerslam. Hugh doesn't cover, going up for the moonsault. (No one says "No Laughing Matter" ever, which is odd.) Albert moves out of the way, and Morrus just gets mat. Albert up - calling for it. Baldo Bomb. One two three. (3:28, 4:00 if you count the stuff before the bell) The WWF is now up 2-1 on the night.

What's gonna happen on RAW? Talk on Undertaker and DDP.

JVC Steve Austin attacking Kurt Angle of Last Monday

This led to an exciting video package! (1:24

Al says he's always been a Kurt Angle fan, but that was the biggest moment of his career. Winning the title, in his home town, despite the Alliance and despite WCW. Rematch on Monday. 

Hardcore Holly vs Mike Awesome - Awesome's video may be his old WCW one; it features his punk out of Kevin Nash and fighting Jeff Jarrett. The Rhyno title win appeared to be spliced in too, so who knows. Circle. Lockup, no, kick by Awesome. Right. Right. Forearm. Whip, reversed, shoulderblock. Awesome off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked, Holly reverses to a back suplex. Kick, chop, whip, Awesome slides out. Hardcore tries to knock him down with a baseball slide dropkick, but Awesome moves out of the way, then clotheslines Holly to the ground. Awesome throws Hardcore into the steps. Awesome throws Holly in - flying clothesline knocks him down. Off the ropes, splash. Right. Corner whip, Holly gets his boot up. Holly charges out, Awesome tries a clothesline but Hardcore easily ducks it, waistlock, suplex try but Awesome blocks, Awesome with a go behind, German suplex. "That's it!" We've still got a couple minutes left, Mike. He goes up anyway - but Hardcore crotches him up there. Right. Hardcore joining him - up to the second rope - up to the top rope - TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX! Can Hardcore cover? No, because despite all logic, Mike's the first one trying to get up. Then he collapses again and isn't up till Hardcore is up. Off the ropes, clothesline. Clothesline. Whip, the best dropkick in the business (Al barely squeezes it in in between hype about Torrie and Stacy) cover one two kickout. Awesome grabs the ropes, Hardcore grabs him and hits the super low blow kick. The ref (Jimmy Korderas) admonishes him. Whip, reversed, Awesome tries to do something resembling a short powerbomb (I think) but never gets a good grip on Hardcore after pushing him up in the air, so Hardcore falls from a high place at a rapid speed and unsafe angle, landing right on his left shoulder. That doesn't stop his head from snapping back and hitting the mat at full speed either. Very scary, with Holly clutching his head before Awesome covers for one two kickout. Awesome with a stomp and going to the top - splash but no one's home. Alabama slam! Cover one two three (3:30) I think that Awesome's head snapped off the canvas on that as well. Hardcore is staggered still after getting up, and holding his head. Hope he's alright. Anyway, the WWF dominate Heat - it's 3-1, their side. The ECW/WWF guys won, though.

Stacy and Torrie (they've changed clothes) are ready to go do their interview. Torrie asks if her breasts look okay - Stacy says they always look good. Stacy asks about her butt - Torrie says it's always looks good. "You look great!" "You look great!" "No you look great!" "No you look great!" I think we're supposed to note that there's a bunch of underwear lying on the couch. 

It's time for the interview. Coach heard them saying that they'd do something here that hadn't ever been done before, but I don't remember hearing it. Oh well. They come out, and Stacy say they're not gonna answer any of their stupid questions. Torrie: "I think we all know that these people didn't come here to hear us talk. They came here to see us take it all off." The music plays. And they start dancing and stripping And then stop. "We have more class in our little tiny pinky than you guys have in your entire pinky!" Hey, is that some other music playing? Torrie yells at the crowd some more - oh, hi Miss Jackie. You don't seem to be in a good mood. She sneaks up behind Stacy and pants her, revealing that she really is wearing underwear after all. Stacy quickly pulls it back off and backs away, but Miss Jackie ain't done. Torrie's actually noticed that she's not alone and tries for a slap, but Miss Jackie ducks (not hard), grabs Torrie's shirt, and rips half of the back off and pulls it down. Torrie runs off, and Miss Jackie celebrates with our commentators. "Yea! Now who's Tough Enough now?" Jackie's happy about getting her revenge.

Al and Coach make fun of Stacy and Torrie, and then send it off to the Vince and Shane pitches to the Rock. That's it for this week.

The Cubs Fan
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