You are here
WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




Monday Night, there was a tag match and Tazz lost. Also, Steve Austin stole some gold medals.


People! YELLING! WWFNY! It's till in the heart of Times' Square. I wonder if Times Square has lungs and where they are located.  Oh, yes, it's Sunday Night Heat, your hosts are Al Snow and Michael Cole and they'd like to talk about the week that was, for Kurt Angle's medals. It was awful nice of Steve to tie Kurt's medals to a cinderblock so they wouldn't float away with the current. Coming up, Chuck Palumbo and Matt Hardy. Also, our special guest is Tazz and Al's already not happy to see him.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs TAKA Michinoku (w/Funaki and flags) - Cole actually wonders what kind of mood Tazz will be in.  TAKA is looking for the microphone - wait, he really can't find it this time. Funaki didn't steal it either. Now what do they do? Wrestle, I guess. I wonder if the same people who stole Moppy stole TAKA's microphone. Even though he didn't get to say it, Funaki spun around his shirt to show the magic word. Circle, and Chavo points at Funaki, warning him not to interfere. He should've warned that "VMA MTV Four Days Till The Video Music Awards" graphic as well. Lockup, armbar by Chavo, reversed, Chavo rolls through and tries for a headlock but TAKA pushes him down and keeps the armbar on. Kip up by Chavo, monkey flip but TAKA still isn't letting go of the arm. Chavo with a headstand kip up and this time he's able to reverse it, but TAKA gets in a boot from the mat to break it quickly. TAKA calls Chavo on and Chavo charges, but TAKA gives him an armdrag. Dropkick. Whip, clothesline is ducked, Chavo with a German but TAKA lands on his feet, armdrag by TAKA and he hooks back on the armbar. This would be nifty psychology if this wasn't gonna be a four minute match. Forearm by Chavo, Forearm, now a whip, shoulderblock by TAKA. Off the ropes, TAKA goes over and then up after Chavo backdrops him, but TAKA manages to land on his feet. 'rana try is easily turned into a powerbomb for one two. Stomp. Turnbuckle smash. Cole: "Christian, of the tag team Edge and Christian." Forearm. Kick, kick, kick, boot scrape. Chavo brings TAKA back into the middle of the ring and TAKA gets a moment to get in a forearm, forearm, knee by Chavo to stop that and TAKA goes outside. Chavo quickly out and runs TAKA back first into the apron. Funaki's not happy about this but he's keeping his distance. TAKA thrown back in  and Chavo spots Funaki trying to sneak up on him and gives him a back elbow. Chavo gets in the ring and Funaki wants to follow, but referee Mike Sparks cuts him off at the apron and Chavo taunts him from a safe distance. Now back to work on TAKA, right no blocked by TAKA and he hits his own, repeat. Chavo's third punch try misses totally, and TAKA hits his superkick, but collapses after. Funaki pounds the mat to get his man back in it and the crowd responds by clapping - Both men up at the same time, but Chavo gets in the first move, a kick to the midsection. Punch is blocked again and TAKA gets in a shotay. Whip, backdrop. TAKA yells and Chavo is begging off. Cole starts to call these guys light heavyweights but changes his mind to cruiserweights. Corner whip and a high knee by TAKA, taking him over the top rope and to the apron in the process. Springboard spin kick by TAKA and now would be a great time to cover - TAKA opts to back up (into the ref - watch out Sparks), clap, and get the dropkick to the face in. Cover one two kickout. Right. Cole says TAKA is a martial arts expert. This show is educational. Corner whip, reversed, Chavo charges and lunges but TAKA just catches him and puts him on the second rope, which doesn't seem to be that smart of an idea, but TAKA does quickly jump to the second rope and hit a kick to the head before Chavo can do the expected. TAKA says makes the sign for the Michinoku Driver - hey, if he's gonna do it of the second rope like that, it's gonna be it, and tries for a superplex but it's blocked. Chavo with his new power move - I guess you could that a super Jackhammer except TAKA doesn't hang in the air at all (and second rope body slam doesn't sound as cool) and that's good for the one two three. (4:13) Funaki and Sparks check on TAKA after the match - let's see a replay. Al says "reverse superplex" and that's good enough for me.

Still to come, Chuck Palumbo and Matt Hardy! Sit down interview with Tazz! All this and let's look at Tazz's door (name plate in orange and black) - oh, hey, it's Tazz himself. Al: "Your boyfriend's back and I'm gonna be in trouble, hey na hey na, Tazz is back!" This situation is likely to turn uglier than, um, Tazz.

Al and Cole hype Stacy Keibler in the latest edition of RAW magazine - Shawn "Agent 86" Stasiak will be in action later, with Stacy at his side, we assume. Al calls Tazz "short tempered" and it just flies over Cole's head.

Hugh Morrus vs Hardcore Holly - Cole seems to be awful insistent that even though he's called "Hugh Morrus", he's not funny in any way (any more - though Al thinks he could find a thing or too.) doesn't list Holly as a IC Champion so I wonder if they'll still bring it up on TV. I never did think to check about the Rockers but they're not around any more so it doesn't matter. Lockup? Sure. Power vs power and power wins. Cole says Tazz had some interesting things to say on Excess last night - unfortunately, it was after the show was over. Morrus pushes Holly into the ropes to break it up and it's a clean break. Now Morrus is pushing Holly and Holly's coming off the ropes with a clothesline. Headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock but Holly goes down. Off the ropes, over, hiptoss but Holly blocks it, Morrus tries a clothesline with the other hand and it misses, and Holly slams him. Whip, hiptoss. Armdrag into an armbar - we all notice how Hardcore gets a knee into Morrus' temple. Morrus up to his feet, forearm, forearm, forearm. Whip, lift up but Holly falls behind, Holly tries a whip but Morrus reverses it into a flapjack. Going up? No, stomp, stomp. Whip, clothesline. Cover one two kickout. Vertical suplex one two kickout. Chinlock. Al does analogies -  Kurt Angle : Gold Medals :: Michael Cole : Hair Gel. Right, right, right, off the ropes right into a back elbow. Holly is out of the ring, forearm, forearm, forearm. Tazz is being mean to someone, somewhere, and since there's really no good reason to pay attention to this match till Hardcore gets the dropkick in, Cole talks about that. Holly now in control - right, right, chop. Chop, chop, whip, reversed and Holly goes into the rail. Holly back in. Morrus taking his time and Holly's gonna get up in plenty of time - yet, Morrus gets crotched. Right. Hardcore joins him - top rope superplex! Both men are down. Cole mentions referee Jim Korderas, because he's Canadian and RAW will be there Monday and that's a new way to do it. Hardcore up first, flying forearm. Clothesline. Clothesline. Whip - Al: "Here it comes!" - the best dropkick in the whole freaking world. Holly shouldn't celebrate like that if he wants that move to work one day - cover one two kickout. Chop. Chop. Corner whip, reversed, Morrus charges in and sandwiches him. Corner whip and  Holly moves out of the way, then grabs Morrus' legs as he's hung up in the corner - super low blow. Small package one two kickout! Morrus up first, misses a clothesline, hits a back elbow, charges at Holly and gets loaded up, Alabama Slam, one two three. (4:43) It may be Alabama Slama now. Or they can't pounce words.  

Earlier, Tazz was bugging people in the merchandise section - he don't sell Kurt Angle T-Shirts. Or the Rock. But the Steve Austin stuff, they got a lot of them. Or Tazz shirts. No Kaientai shirts for the next guy. Then he rips him off. He's not a nice guy, you see.

Clearasil Debra, Stacy and Shawn Fun of this past week

Al says the Get Smart show is getting better and better. 

Shawn Stasiak (w/Stacy Keibler) vs the one  Billy Gunn - Notice how they've put Stacy and Torrie back in the managerial role? They did notice. SCREW THIS. (Shawn accidentally charges into Stacy -> Fameasser 4:03) Next, Tazz with an intersting interview. Also, "former European Champion Matt Hardy puts on one on the line, Matt Hardy and Chuck Palumbo later on tonight!"

It's time for the sit down interview - here's Tazz. They really need to update his video with some clips or something. Tazz is wearing a jersey (Brooklyn - maybe it's the Cyclones?) and it doesn't have the number 13 on it. Cole and Snow actually offer handshakes and Tazz ignores them to the rip the WWF logo box off his microphone. There's your tone.

Cole: Nice to have you here, I guess. Just a programming note - I assume you're gonna to be sitting next to me Tuesday night in Toronto for the special presentation for Live Smackdown 8/7 Central on UPN Tuesday night. [ECW chant throughout]  You are gonna be there, right?

Tazz: Yea, I'll be there, and I think that we've established on the show that Al Snow is taller then me. I have a question - does that mean you can kick my ass since you're taller then me, I'm just want to throw that out there. [crowd shouts]

Cole: Well, nonetheless, Al.

Al: You're a little short tempered there, Tazz. Just calm down. We're all friends here. [three people try a "kick his ass" chant]

Tazz: I don't have any friends, let's just go on with the interview. 

Cole: Well, nonetheless, I was just gonna say, it was actually sort of fun to be out here with my ex-co-host, Tazz, of this show and my new co-host of Sunday Night Heat, Al Snow. I thought it was gonna be a little bit of fun but obviously it's a little bit uncomfortable out here. [two people go for a "fight" chant]

Al: I think this a great show, I think it's a great opportunity, this is a fantastic show to be on Heat, isn't it? [crowd cheers] 

Cole: Right! 

Al: I like this!

Tazz: Speaking of opportunities, I mean, you know, I just wanna reinforce that the only reason you're on this show, Al,  is that I decided to join the Alliance, opportunity knocked, you answered the door and you slimed your way into this job. And just, as a matter of factor, when the Alliance takes over completely, you will be jobless, well then again, you're never really jobless, but you won't be doing Sunday Night Heat, trust me.

[Cole sees the train coming and has given up on trying to get out of the way. The crowd is rooting for it to come on and hard]

Al: Okay, we'll move on, okay, I mean, we saw you last night on Excess-

Tazz: Actually, let me cut you off there Al, I gotta - I think we started this interview off wrong. Uh, something's missing. A hug. Don't you usually hug people? You didn't hug me. 

Al: Well, if you want a hug, if it's help cheer up your disposition, I'll be glad to give you a hug.

Tazz: Yea, you know what (to the crowd) Hold up! (to Al) Why don't you come hug me, Al?  [Mixed, but loud reaction from the crowd.] 

Al: Speaking of hugs, I'm sure you hugged Nidia and Taylor, they were on Excess last night. You know, the girls from Tough Enough, you probably hugged them, right?

Tazz: No, I didn't hug them, Excess went great, speaking of Tough Enough. Speaking of Tough Enough, isn't it ironic, isn't convenient, that on Tough Enough alls we see is you, Al? The WWF Superstar Al Snow. How convenient for MTV and the WWF to just show the just footage of Al Snow training this kids. Let's not show Tazz, beating the living hell out of these kids, 'cause Tazz is in the Alliance and we wouldn't want to promote Tazz and the Alliance, would we, Big Time? [Crowd boos] 

Al: Hey, Tazz, everybody knows, that your schedule would not permit you to be there as much as I was, and that's the only reason that you're not being shown on the air as much. It's not because you're in the Alliance, but because of the fact that you're in the Alliance, you made a choice, you made a decision, and that was to - and that decision was to go of and join the Alliance, and now you've got to deal with the repercussions of making that decision.

Tazz: Oh really? So, all of the sudden,  like do on Tough Enough, you just became my father?

Al: Hey, I don't become nobody's father, [Tazz: "c'mon"] and just because I don't share your world view of what kick ass is or what hardcore is and because maybe I laugh stuff and that's how I deal with the lunacy of this business and I don't send it home and let my misery and my paranoia  rule my life does not mean that I'm not kick ass or hardcore! [some cheers of support for Al at the end. Al turns to Cole, who's got a hand on his head in anguish] You know what Michael, [turns to Tazz] since I'm a professional, and because I'll be on the show next week and YOU WON'T, [back to Cole] I think one of needs to get up and leave and I will! 

[Crowd chants for Al as he places his mic down, gets up and heads off stage, away from Tazz.] 

Cole: Well, Al, I don't-

Tazz: [Ignoring Cole] Yea, I'll just be doing Smackdown. Walk away, Al, walk away like the [muted - pussy] that you are! 

[Al stops in his tracks - crowd does the "ooooooh." Cole's hand goes back to his head. Al turns around and walks back. Al asks Tazz if he really thinks that Al's [mute] and Tazz confirms it and they goes face to face. Cole tries to get in between the two and get them to stop but he's not even there to them and they're yelling at each other from a very short distance. Security quickly gets in the way and separates them before anything else can happen, but Tazz still manages to get muted. Security forces Tazz away, and we head to break] 

M&M Hurricane Victory of Last Monday.

Cole says it was a Tonya Harding like attack - Nancy Kerrigan wasn't bad on Two Minute Drill but they seem to have the worse problems with no-shows on that show and they really shouldn't have done all four quarters in one day. Al is still ticked - let's go to moments ago and Cole's on Al's side here. This time, all the mics on the stage are turned off after Al turns around so you can't hear all the swear words they missed. Al says there's a time and a place for everything - this isn't it - but there will be a time and a place for Tazz and he will kick Tazz's ass. 

Matt Hardy (w/o Lita) vs Chuck Palumbo (w/o Sean O'Haire, so far) - Matt's still hurting from the shot to the ribs and Lita is recovering from the shot to the back of the knee at home. I'm sure Cole was gonna say something like "Also, Jeff Hardy is a little less dead than he was yesterday" but Al rightfully complaining about what ANY member of the Alliance has a right to be bitter about takes precedence - they all have the greatest job in the world. Every time they say "TRL on MTV", I want to sing-a-long with 3 Count. Lockup, armbar by Palumbo, crank, crank, crank. WOW! Reversed , Matt hardy with two right to the shoulder than a hammerlock, Palumbo goes down and in a sort of reverse arm drag motion, Matt Hardy goes out of the ring, but not really hurt - he's up in plenty of time to sweep out Palumbo's legs so he goes face first into the mat. Up to the apron and to the op - cross body for one two . Armdrag into an armbar, then to an armbar. Al's so ticked about what just happened, he can't pay attention to the match (and it's completely believable) and Cole's acting like we just saw a highlight package of Test's past week. Back elbow by Palumbo, hammerlock reversed and Matt pushed out. Dropped head first on the barricade. Matt thrown back in and he's staggering around - shoulder to the gut, shoulder to the gut, kick, right, slap, Matt with a right, right, right, right, right, corner whip, reversed right into an overhead belly to belly suplex. Slow to cover one two kickout. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Cover one two kickout. Cole claims the stomps are Palumbo working on the injured ribs. Armbar, Matt with a right, right, whip, reversed, Palumbo picks him up over the shoulder and goes for the running powerslam but Matt falls backwards while holding onto the reverse facelock to hit a big reverse DDT. Matt's the brains of that team. Both men down and slow up, Matt with a clothesline and another clothesline. We're picking up static on one of the microphones and Tazz has been escorted out of the building. Matt with a kick, reverse neckbreaker. Pulling him into position - second rope legdrop. Cover one two kickout. Matt can't take much more of that - kick wham Twist Of Fate BLOCKED, Palumbo pushes Matt into the ropes, Jungle Kick CAUGHT, Matt spins him around, kick wham Twist Of Fate BLOCKED AGAIN, with Palumbo ramming Matt hard into the corner. What's he gonna do? Charge at Matt, and Matt gets over and into the corner sunset flip one two kickout - no, Teddy Long called for the bell and said it was three. (3:51) Cole, Al and I (and from his expression, Chuck) thought maybe Chuck got that left shoulder up but you can't argue with Teddy Long. WWF wins 3-1. It may be over but Chuck's not done - forearm to the back, right, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp all on those injured ribs. Waiting for Matt to get up - JUNGLE KICK. Play his music! Chuck pushes down Teddy Long for the bad count but Long shows him his WWF patch and Chuck's had enough.

Cole's hyping Austin and Angle and the video package and Al's still angry. (2:05) Will Kurt get his revenge on RAW? Will Angle through the WWF Belt in the river? RAW! Tuesday Smackdown! 

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author

Comment about this article on the EZBoard



Design copyright © 1999-2001 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2001 by the individual author and used with permission