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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




TV PG LV Attitude.

Tazz welcomes us to Heat - he's on the roof of the marquee and looking at all the people already downtown and kinda rather stand there and wait for the ball to come down than go down do Heat. Cole claims fans want to see him, so he's got to come down. Tazz agrees, but he's going back up later - he's got to choke out Dick Clark.


It's WWFNY. It's NEW YEAR'S EVE EVE. IT'S MTV. IT'S HEAT. It's just Michael Cole, Tazz will join us in a second. Rhyno will be joining us later to let us know how he's recovering from that serious injury - huh? He was suspended! Indefinitely! By the Alliance! This is one of these things where they don't actually mention it on air but assume we all closely follow the website. Or poor storytelling. Whatever.

Albert (w/o Scotty 2 Hotty, w/ his music) vs Billy Gunn (w/Chuck Palumbo and headbands) - Albert's got a new video to hype his new association and his partner's music. I'm the only one who wonders how X-Pac feels about this. The tag team video for these two has been updated and improved a little bit. Albert makes fun of the headbands. Circle. Lockup, well Albert's gonna win that every time. Forced into the corner. Clean break. Gunn's all offended by the clean break so he pushes Albert and Albert moves little. Albert pushes Gunn and Gunn flies into the corner. Gunn out with a clothesline but it's ducked, right right, Albert whip, Albert Smash. Gunn out to talk to Palumbo, Albert out to knock their heads together. Gunn probably should've seen that coming but maybe he was too focused on Chuck? Albert throws Gunn in, Gunn tries to crawl out, then gets to the ropes to beg off. Albert cabbage patches, then hits the catapult choke into the second rope. Running Man! He's been studying his Grandmaster tapes. You know, when I was visiting the and reading the article about Scotty and Albert and Scotty talking about teaming with Albert being a new direction, I couldn't help but think what Steve Blackman thinks of all of this. Right Right. Corner whip, Albert corner smash but Gunn moves out of the way - reverse neckbreaker on the rebound. Cover one two no. Forearms to the chest, choke on the bottom rope. Gunn grabs Brian Hebner's shirt, which starts an argument, which allows Palumbo to get in his shots. Albert's head is so hard, it hurts Chuck's hands! Gunn goes back to work, Albert fights back with rights but a knee stops that. Swinging neckbreaker. Look at Chuck. Picking Albert up - head to the corner. Right. Right. Corner whip, reversed, Albert Corner Splash but this time he gets a back elbow. Gunn charges out, right into the scissors kick. Albert goes down too, and now both people need a tag. Oh, right. One Two Three (sloooooow) Four Five Six Gunn is up a half second before but still gets punched. Big right. Corner whip and third time's the charm for the Albert Corner Splash. Albert waves Gunn out so he can do the Dancing punch - here's a Cabbage Patch right for you. Raising the roof - and now raising Gunn with the press slam into a powerbomb! Cover - no Hebner's gonna yell at Chuck for thinking about getting on the apron. Albert should be angry with Brian, but instead just stares at Palumbo while Gunn gets back up and taps his leg - kick no it's caught, Albert trips the leg, big swing. Three and 3/4s rotations. Albert tries to do the signal for the Baldo Bomb but he's too dizzy - now he's got it, maybe - now Chuck's on the apron for no good reason (Hebner immediately turning his head to check on Gunn for no good reason), Chuck gets a right, Albert gets a kick, off the ropes, Fameasser. One Two Three. (5:12) Palumbo with more stomps for Albert for fun, but Gunn calls him off. Oh, so they can pick him up - DOUBLE DDT! Cole just said that Scotty isn't here tonight, so that's why he's not here to save his friend. Gunn and Palumbo pose and really need a name. 

Tazz and Cole talk about the APA and Rhyno later.

Tazz and Cole talk about Edge's 2001, to set up a Very Special Look at Edge and His Music. That entrance lighting needs a warning label. (1:25) Cole pronounces Rob Zombie's one of the best CDs of the Year, and he's got quite a varied taste. It's New Year's Eve a day early.

Backstage, Mighty Molly cautions a young fellow about the dangers of running with scissors. Test, talking with (hitting on?) a seamstress, wanders over and yells at the kid. "Can you believe that kid? Running around with scissors? What's that all about?" So close. "Well, some children just need to be taught that-" Hand to the face, well kinda "Anyway, I really like the way you, uh, handled that situation. Maybe you'd like to, uh, [jostles his pants] handle something else." "Excuse me?" "C'mon baby, I see the way you look at me, maybe it's time you upgraded from a superhero [fixes shirt, looks at arm muscles] to a superstud." WOOSH "Citizen Test, I see once again, you're up to your [looks at Test's crotch - Test looks too] nefarious schemes. I suggest you stand back, and let Mighty Molly be." "Listen loser, we're not playing make believe, why don't you run along and play with your toys?" "Make believe? The only one playing make believe is you, thinking you're a superstud? By my HurriCount, you've been rejected more times than Dr. Octopus has arms! What'sUpWithDat?" "I'll show you what's up with this!" "Is that a challenge? Than considered it accepted! I'll see you in the ring tonight - same HurriTime, same HurriChannel! Quick Mighty Molly, to the HurriCave!" WOOSH. "Alright tough guy, bring the HurriHag with you! Loser."

Cole and Tazz move from a Lita commercial to Big Show vs Undertaker on Smackdown. 

the Brooklyn Brawler vs the Big Show - That seems to be the old shirt. OH, that's why he has a match. I put the over/under at :15. Did I note the party hat with the graphics this week? Okay, there. Make that a conservative :10 seconds. The referee is the guy who kinda looks like Brian Hebner. Brawler attacks from behind during the chokeslam signal. Forearm forearm whip no that's not gonna work. Show with a clothesline, Brawler ducks but gets a back elbow. Headbutt. Brawler rolls out of the ring to screw up my timing. Is he gonna walk or is he just gonna stand there? We'll, he's not going to sand there much longer - right. This is a more aggressive Big Show, Cole tells us. Brawler laid on the apron for an elbow. Show comes on but Brawler crotches him as he goes over the top rope. Why is Brawler getting offence? Right right right Show pushes him down. Brawler back up right right right pushed down. Show up, misses another clothesline, Brawler with a kick, chop, chop, off the ropes and right into a clothesline. Corner whip corner clothesline. Pulling down the straps - chokeslam. (1:33) That was like six times as long as it should've been - how much a chance will he have against the Undertaker if he actually spend more than a minute with the Brawler.

Coming up next, Rhyno. Coming up later, the Hurricane vs Test.

Final Fantasy X Booker T win of Smackdown

The interview set. It's Rhyno. Since Rhyno doesn't actually work for the WWF and probably won't ever as an ex-Alliance member, I don't see the point in transcribing. He's got a ski cap and a leather jacket and more facial hair. It looks like he's been hanging out with Raven too much. Cole talks about Rhyno getting put of action with a neck injury (NO HE WAS SUSPENDED argh) and not that many people know that (despite Cole bringing up the injury before) and whatever. Rhyno brings up the suspended indefinitely bit (One Great Truth: the wrestlers who are involved in the angles are the only ones who them best) and says because he had the time off, he decided to take care of the nagging problem. That's a perfectly reasonable story. And he feels good now. Tazz brings up the whole "how are you here, you don't have a job" question - Rhyno starts to answer, the crowd interrupts, and Rhyno says he's not going to beg for a job - then starts to sell himself. SO WHY IS HE HERE? Thanks for the non-answer. Calm cool Rhyno is weird. Rhyno talks about beating the Rock, Jericho, Big Show, Kane, being three time Hardcore Champion, semi-final in the KOTR. He's still a heel but he's on the mellow drugs. His favorite match was with Raven at Backlash - "when I went through that shopping cart, I never viewed shopping the same." Cole uses that to plug RAW tonight. Rhyno's new year's resolution - "Be more intense." And since we've accomplished nothing, that should do it.

Chris Jericho has very special words from us, from his holiday vacation at some fabulous hotel. We do NOT come in a from a zoom view of the WWF belt this time - they're (equally) on a each shoulder. "See what happens when you become the undisputed champion? [kisses WWF belt] See the rewards that you get? See this beautiful paradise? God Bless Vincent K. McMahon, first and foremost, I would like to say to say thanks to Mr. McMahon, from the heart of Chris Jericho, for paying for this wonderful and beautiful vacation. I've been on vacation for, uh, a week?, two weeks?, uh, seems like about three months! But does it really make a difference? Mr. McMahon's footed the bill, expense account, limousines, first class treatment everywhere, hahaha, ahem, the rewards of being the Undisputed Champion. But think about this - one day left, in the year two thousand and one. Twenty four hours left. Have you had a good year? Did you accomplish a lot in your year? Did you get a raise? [wind blows Jericho's bangs strongly] Did you go from five dollars an hour to six dollars an hour, hmm? Did you call up that girl down the street that you always wanted to talk to? Did you go on a date with her? Hmm? Did you buy that '76 Volari that you've always wanted? Did you get that car? Huh? Not bad. But think about the year I've had. Think about the year that Chris Jericho has had. The only and the first undisputed champion! That makes me the best, that makes me the Living Legend, Larger Than Life! Not only that, InterContinetial Champion, Hardcore Champion, Tag Team Champion - twice! TWICE! I'd have to say that my year is just a little bit better than YOURS. Which is aprapo, because I'm just a little bit better. than all. of you! What's left? Who's left? What mountains is there left for Y2J to climb? I don't know. I mean, geeze [makes open palm and flicks off imaginary objects, with noises] Steve Austin, bink! The Rock, boop! RVD, beep! Kurt Angle, boop! Funaki, bink! bink! boop! boop! Who's left for me to beat? I dare you, anybody? Huh? What about that little kid from Tough Enough with the big eyebrows? Haven't beat him yet. [smirks] Not a lot, not a lot, not a lot left for me. You know, since I've beaten everyone there is to beat and since I've done everything there is to do, maybe I should just retire? Maybe I should retire from the World Wrestling Federation, and become [disdain] a plumber, a baker, a sewage operation, like - like all of you. [sour face - then laughs] Hahaha, as if! I'm gonna to continue to be the undisputed champion, for the next year and the next year and the next and the next and the next! And why? Because I'm the Living Legend, because I'm Larger than Life, but most of all [kisses both belts many times] I am better than all of you! Happy New Year!"

Tazz and Cole discuss and Tazz messes with the decorations.

Crash & Funaki vs APA - We discuss if Jericho is fibbing about that win over Funaki. Finkel does not give Funaki his first name in a tag situation - but I guess it's fair since Crash doesn't get his last. Crash is distraught about something and Funaki's a little unenthused. Crash is too depressed to do his running around with the match, and they both complain to the Fink and referee Jimmy Korderas, but there's nothing they seem to be able to about it. Oh, that's it. I'm not sure I like where this is going either. Crash, still in that mood, asks for the microphone. Tazz: "That's ratings!" Crash: "Is this some kind of sick joke? [to Funaki] What, my god, what were they thinking today? Who booked this match? This is crazy! [WHAT] My god, I mean, this is the holiday season, a time for peace, love and joy, I got a family and a wife to think about, so do you, I mean, [WHAT], my god, I mean, you know, I can't - I don't want to go into the New Year with this. [to APA] Guys, I mean, let's face it - you're both gonna get your asses beat!" Faarooq is frightened. "But I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I got an idea. I'll tell you what, you guys, you guys can go to the back, fish around back there, find some guys, bring out two, three, I dunno, five guys, even up the odds, and then we can have a match. How about that? How about that?" APA express skepticism. "[to Funaki] They think we're joking around! Let's show them! [to APA] I'll show you!" And they try to take them out and it doesn't work and I'm distracted by the women in wedding veils in the front row. Bradshaw makes it an hour long wait before the fallaway slam. Powerbomb - no Crash with a missile dropkick to break it up. Double whip, double shoulderblock the other way. As Crash and Funaki regroup, Tazz and Cole let in a new added match for next week's Smackdown - because of their non-title win this week, Tazz and Tajiri will get a Tag Team Title Shot against the Dudleyz. Funaki in. Bradshaw tags in Faarooq. Funaki looks, blind tag to Crash. Crash in, Crash looks, Crash with a blind tag to Funaki. Faarooq is getting annoyed. Funaki reluctantly come sin - moves - tags Crash. "What are you doing!" Crash tries to tag Funaki but Funaki leans back - not far enough on the second swipe. Funaki has to come in. Move towards Faarooq - quick tag to Crash. Funaki's smart enough to go to the floor this time, so Crash spies Faarooq talking to Bradshaw and gets him from behind with a forearm. Whip, reversed, clothesline misses, leg trip to take Crash down to one knee, Crash draws Bradshaw in and Korderas over so Funaki can hit his dropkick to the head. Double stomping. Funaki back out (and to the floor.) Crash off the ropes, right into the spinebuster. Faarooq's not done - he grabs Crash's arm and see is Funaki wants a tag. He does not. Crash is thrown in the APA's corner.  Right, double whip, double shoulderblock. Hanging vertical suplex for Crash from Bradshaw. Crash is dead. Faarooq wants in, so he's tag, Crash is held for a couple punches. Crash begs off and gets punched. Whip, powerslam. One two, Funaki in to break it up. Double team forearms to the back. Off the ropes, Fuanki gets pulled down by his hair and pulled out of the ring and thrown in the rail while Crash gets the Dominator. One two three. (3:49

Coming up, a match.

Slim Jim Jazz Reappearance of Smackdown - security sure didn't seem to stop Someone Who Isn't Working Here. 

Cole plays with a noise maker and Tazz throws a hat at him. Then he accuses Cole of looking stupid on TV.

Test vs the Hurricane (w/Mighty Molly) - It's nice that they edited the Test video but left the shots of him with his old tights in there. While Hurricane poses, Test lifts up Molly's cape to check out her backside. That's sexual harassment! He should get fired for that! But he can't! I get the point. Molly tells Hurricane and Hurricane punches and it's on. Corner whip, reversed, Test runs into a back elbow. Hurricane to the top rope - cross body one two no. Hurricane waves Test up - big boot! but it's blocked, spun around, full nelson release slam. Tazz calls it a driver. Test blows a kiss to Molly and then show her his backside. Turnbuckle shot. Right. Elbow. Right. Elbow. Right. Corner whip, clothesline. Vertical suplex. One two no. Whip, clothesline misses, Hurricane hits punches but gets a knee. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop but no one's home.  Hurricane ducks a clothesline, right right right whip, reversed, flying forearm. Off the ropes, cross body is caught, Test tries the fallaway slam but does it bad (I guess) and Hurricane lands on his feet, inside cradle one two no. Hurricane pushes in the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam one two no. Test sets up, waves Hurricane, and waits - Molly to the top rope behind him, Test spots her and knocks the ropes, knocking her into the ring. Now Test is waiting for Molly to get up so he can hit HER with the big boot - Hurricane's getting up behind Test, so Test turns and nails him with boot. Ref I Don't Know checks on Molly instead of Test, so Test advances on him from behind - Rikishi is here and SUPERKICK. Hurricane put on top, and some how the ref misses the presence of a very large man wearing red. I guess it is that time of year. One Two Three. (3:15) So did Rikishi arrive late or does he just let Scotty's friends handle their own problems or are they not tight or what?

One last promo for RAW and we're out.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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