attitude open.

It's Sunday Night Heat and I don't care! Tazz and Michael Cole are your announcers. Terri is the guest, I believe for the five hundredth time. 

(the one) Billy Gunn (w/Chuck Palumbo) vs Scotty 2 Hotty (w/Albert) - Tony Chimel thinks Gunn is still the One. Later on, Terri! Later on, a Rob Zombie of video! Later on, Palumbo vs Albert! Tazz keeps the tag name that no one's using alive. He also thinks Gunn and Palumbo look like members of a boy band. Your ref is Brian Hebner and he orders Albert out of the ring - and out of the ring area. Chuck and Billy laugh, then Chuck's thrown out too. That does not amuse them. Scott's shorter hair is confusing. Chuck argues his way to the back, and distracts Scotty so Gunn can sneak attack. Kicks and stomps and Chuck is still leaving. Right. Slam. Dancing. Rights by Scotty, whip, reversed, tilt-a-whirl slam by Gunn. Cover one two no. Punches. Turnbuckle smash. Jab. Jab. Jab. Choke. Gunn stalls, whip, DDT by Scotty. Both down. One two three four five six seven. Both up, Scotty gets the better of the punches, whip, reversed, Gunn misses the clothesline, Scotty hits a reverse neckbreaker. One two no. Turnbuckle smash. Rights. Gunn with knee. Turnbuckle smash. Jab, corner whip, Gunn charges in, but no one's home. Gunn is staggered, Scotty goes for the two handed bulldog - Gunn ducks, then hits the Fameasser. One two three. (4:15) Terri! Christian! Rob Zombie!

"This is entertainment at it's finest" - skits skits stupid skits, from RAW. They're testing me this week. What does Terri pouring beer on herself have to do with Romance? (4:24)

Still to come, Crash vs Christian! Here's a look at (Divas?) clips of Terri wearing very little - she'll be on later! Also, a Rob Zombie video! Please ignore that we did nothing this segment.

Ad for RAW - featuring the tag match. Oh, wait, here's Triple H (#1 - I'd bet there was one during the first match but I wasn't really paying attention)

Slim Jim Jazz suplexes on Molly

Here's a "Live! Undertaker vs Big Show!" graphic from last week for some reason. It leaves quick.

Talk about Jazz QUICKLY segues into #2.

U#3/Triple H. (3:00)

More talk about Triple H. #4.

Still to come, Crash vs Christian! Here's a look at (Divas?) clips of Terri wearing very little - she'll be on next! Also, a Rob Zombie video! Please ignore that we did nothing this segment EITHER.

Royal Rumble Replay: Drew Carey almost gets chokeslamed by Kane (later causing a heart attack, of course.)

Terri, has new music. Oh, they're not even bothering doing an interview. They're just letting her talk by herself. She's saying how to her sister on her birthday. Cole and Tazz can't be bothered to come over to the stage to do this. Terri makes Excess puns and puts down Trish. Terri talks about having better legs - but she has on jeans so we can't tell. Oh, Trish is hosting RAW tomorrow night and Terri starts talking about how Trish has wanted to be like Terri since day one. This goes on and on and on and NOWHERE (except pushing the Trish/Terri issue, right.) Oh, she's sending it to the video.

I'm not recapping a Rob Zombie video. Nor am I going to time it, because I forget at the beginning and I don't care enough to rewind. This will kill four minutes on RAW and everyone will complain about it then. I bet these clips of Edge are only in it during Heat. Hmm, wrestler clips forced into a video, this seems familiar. Why isn't this over yet? Ah, better.

Chuck Palumbo (w/o Billy Gunn) vs Albert (w/o Scotty 2 Hotty) - It's been a half hour without a match, which also seems familiar. Palumbo attacks Albert as he slides in but gets little out of it. There's an eye poke. Whip, reversed, back elbow. Slingshot no Palumbo's fighting it oh he fought it in between the ropes and he gets run neck first into them. Albert does some disco dancing. Turnbuckles smashes, but Palumbo gets in a low blow. Albert thrown shoulder first into the post. Shoulder to the shoulder. Again. Right. Right. Discus right. Cover one two no. #5. Cole admits he's asking the same questions again. Stomp. Kicks, chokes in the corner. Right. Corner whip, charge into an elbow. Albert ducks under a clothesline, right right dancing right. Albert smash. Headbutt. Press slam. Setting up - Albert runs for the corner splash, but Palumbo pulls the ref in the way, but Albert stops short. Albert wants Palumbo but the ref is in the way and Palumbo's holding him there - Billy Gunn is in, the One and Only on Albert! Ref was pulled looking the wrong way and doesn't question why Albert is all the sudden laying on the mat. Palumbo covers one two three. (2:32) That's an upset - and here comes an upset. Scotty and Albert start cleaning house - Gunn thrown out by Scotty, Chuck gets the corner Albert Smash, two handed bulldog, W O R M  woo woo woo who who who Gunn pulls out his partner to save him at the last second. This is far far from over, Cole assures us. Tazz makes another joke about Billy and Chuck liking the worm.

Triple H on RAW promo #6 

I'm listening to the radio while I'm doing this and they're playing Beautiful Day (to hype the Bears win) and all I can think of is Triple H on RAW. So that's #7. 

Final Fantasy X Rock Win, Beatdown, Austin attack, Beatdown of Three Days Ago

That match is on RAW. Can Austin and Rock function as a team? Why not? #8!

CHRISTIAN vs Crash for the European Title - Winner comes out first because I'd really rather be playing Final Fantasy X then doing this right now, have you noticed? Tazz talks about Crash being serious, a minute after Crash does his funny walk to the ring. I guess he's not picking his nose so he's a little more than usual. Circle. Lockup, armbar, twist, strain, reverse, twist, hammerlock, headlock. Crash holds it on, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Christian pounds the mat in frustration, then pushes Crash and talks trash. Crash talks forearms to the face, whip, head down too soon so it's kicked. Christian charges and it backdropped to the floor. Christian on the apron, his punched is blocked, Crash punches him, slide to the floor, Christian pulled to the floor. Crash off the ropes, sliding dropkick. Tazz: "I don't think anyone ever liked Vince McMahon" - what about when he gave you your job back? Crash throws him, Oklahoma roll one two no. Christian goes to apron and then drops Crash on it neck first. Crash thrown in to the ringpost. Armbar. Stomp. Stomp. Forearms to the back. Crash battles back with his own - hiptoss out, elbow drop misses. Stomping. Hammerlock. Crash with back elbows, off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, bodyscissors roll up one two no. Kick to the gut, armbreaker, one two no. Crash fights back with punches and forearms. Jawbreaker. Cole: "Inverted Atomic Knee Drop" well, closer than usual (and better than I get on that one.) Dropkick. Corner whip, Crash flipped to the apron, pulls down Christina by the hair, to the top, cross body one two no. Christian with a knee, Slop Drop, no Crash breaks out of it with rights, corner whip, reversed, Christian charges into a back elbow, Crash going up again. Christian crotches him, superplex? Blocked once, twice second rope flapjack. Crash tornado DDT one two NO! The fans...didn't really care. Crash sets up - Back suplex no Christian lands on his feet, Unprettyer one two three. (4:30)

Tag match hype. #9! That's it. Thank GOD.