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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Alex Beckers saw Mosh beat D'Lo (but Thrasher was supposed to be the one wrestling), Viscera (literally) squashed Funaki, Mark Henry loses to the nightstick and Big Bossman, the Mean Street Posse try to set each other up for a match against Tazz and it's Joey Abs who eventually takes the loss. In the special bonus match, Gillberg makes a dramatic return and throws out an open challenge for his Light Heavyweight Title, only to get destroyed by the (re-)debuting Essa Rios, with (the debuting) Lita at his side. 

One Year Ago, Haku beat Scotty 2 Hotty while I lapsed into calling him Meng for half the match, Albert beat Crash (and his finisher got renamed), Kaientai did about as well as you'd think they'd do against Undertaker/Edge (Undertaker/Edge? THAT'S GOTTA BE KANE - CRZ), and our special guest hosts Edge and Christian were stalked by a Kane mask wearing Brooklyn Brawler. In the epic main event, Essa Rios almost beat Kurt Angle in a non-title match, and then got three Olympic Slams for trouble.

TVPG attitude open.

A week away from No Way Out, you're watching Sunday Night Heat from WWFNY on MTV. Your hosts are Tazz and Michael Cole. Your special guest is supposed to be Kurt Angle, but he's not here. One, they're never here. Two, Kurt's three I's includes Intelligence - he's smart enough not to be here any longer than he has to be.

Lance Storm vs Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri (w/Torrie) in a non-title match - Torrie is looking quite sparkly. Circle. Lockup, Storm with a waistlock and takedown. Battling for control, Lance eventually lands a headlock. Squeezing it in. Off the ropes, into a shoulderblock, off the ropes, hiptoss by Tajiri is blocked, hiptoss by Lance is blocked, armdrag by Tajiri is not blocked. Off the ropes and a dropkick to the knees. Corner whip, charge in, Storm with a kip up into the corner sunset flip but Tajiri rolls out and hits Storm with a dropkick square to the head. Chop. Corner whip, reversed, Tarantula! Tajiri lets go at a count of three, then celebrates. Storm on the apron, Tajiri with a punch, that's blocked, Storm's hits, but Tajiri hits the back thrust kick and Storm is left hanging by one hand from falling off the apron - Tajiri suplexes him in but Storm lands on his feet, kick is caught, enzuiguri is not. Tajiri face smashed into the apron. Thrown in, whip, clothesline one two no. Chinlock. Tajiri with a back kick to escape. Off the ropes, 'rana one two no. Corner whip, charge in, Lance hits a back elbow, up to the second rope but Tajiri nails him with a high snap kick. Tajiri with a weird flapjack variation (picking Storm off the corner and on his shoulders, Storm facing the other way, and quickly falling backwards, so Storm lands face first on the mat.) Tajiri rolls him over, turns him around, catapult into the corner, Storm stumbles out right into a German suplex one two NO! Tazz and me both love that combination. Storm sneaks a jawbreaker in. Whip, clothesline misses, Tajiri goes for the handspring elbow but Storm catches him in a waistlock, German suplex but Tajiri lands on his feet, off the ropes, 'rana no powerbomb. Canadian Mapleleaf (that needs a new name) and Tajiri wastes no time in giving up. (3:34) Some kinda champion there. Tazz remembers it used to be called the Mapleleaf!

We can see inside of Kurt Angle's limo. He talks about beating Triple H and makes fun of New York people. The limo guy is lost. The usual guy got a tickets to the Olympics - has Kurt ever been there? Anyway, Kurt's gonna stop for directions. This is the funniest thing Cole and Tazz have ever seen. "This is going to be an interesting night." 

this is a Test vs WWF Tag Team Champion Spike - Our So Called Sport would like to update you that Test can be fired in just 281 days. Ring announcer says "WWF Tag Team Champion" but they REFUSE to call Tajiri's belt "WWF." Cole says on paper, this looks like a mismatch, thanks for explaining that Test is far bigger than Spike. Push down by Test. Now he's on his knees to even things up. Why is Hebner on Heat? Test tells him to shut up, almost remembering when he used to beat up referees. Spike with a slap, that's just going to annoy him. Now the chase is on. Spike back in the ring first, and a sliding dropkick for Test as he tries to get in. Rights on the floor. Off the apron, cross body is caught and dropped on the barricade. Thrown in, corner smash. Right. Back elbow. Right. Back elbow. Corner whip, corner clothesline, throw down in the ring. Boot choke on the ropes. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop comes up empty. Right right right big knee stops it. Corner whip, charge in but Spike charges out with the diving headbutt. Another. right right whip, reversed, Off the ropes with the forearm. Kick to the stomach, Dudley Dog but Test throws him off. setting him up - Big Boot but Spike ducks, kick to the midsection, off the ropes and the boot hits this time. One two three. (2:53) Tazz kinda throws out a challenge to Test for Monday night, hmm.

Kurt Angle (and the limo driver) walked into an alternative clothes shop. I have this faint recollection of people I used to see on this show wearing stuff like that. Eh, must be making things up. Listen to the guy off camera yelling "Kurt Angle sucks WHAT" Kurt makes fun of them, then asks for directions. You're supposed to do that the other way around. They have directions to WWFNY in the back? More making fun of people. "You guys, you keep rocking, or whatever it is you do. You, you tell Iggy Pop I said hi." Angle leaves. "Where is WWFNY anyway?" "I dunno, I sent him to Harlem."

Does Kurt not know that WWFNY is in Times Square? I'm pretty sure he's been there before. I guess you shouldn't let logic stand in the way of funny comedy, but you know...

X-Box Hardcore Title Change of Last Thursday.

Our announcers talk about the payback - and then we stills of it. I guess this is too extreme for MTV. Did Metal get to see this? MRI's are inconclusive, more on RAW, match at No Way Out. Tazz actually questions if Rock will show up.

Kurt Angle and the limo driver are in Harlem (that quick? this the whole logic thing) and finding out that WWFNY is not where they were told, and they were set up by those guys. The limo guy's never been to WWFNY. Angle struts on over to a couple fellows to look for help. "Hey dudes! Hey, words to you and your mothers!" Kurt asks for help, and before they can tell him, he notices one guy has headphones on. "Is that Luther Vandross?" Now everyone's offended - just because they're black, they like Luther? Angle claims everyone loves Luther and is pressed to name a Luther song. "Um, Baby...You're So Fine." They claim never to have heard of that song and ask Angle to sing it right now. "Baby you're so fine, oh, baby, girl? Girl?" Angle is directed to a girl named Strawberry a block away that Angle should go ask for directions. 

nWo Vignette - this would be the mass panic/No Way Out one. (:33)

the Hurricane (w/Mighty Molly) vs Scotty 2 Hotty - Tazz and Cole talk about mixed drinks. Your referee is Miss Jackie, but she's no longer getting a carryon. Handshake for Miss Jackie. Handshake for Scotty. Circle, Lockup, headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Pose. Off the ropes, over, hiptoss by Scotty but Hurricane reverses into a monkey flip. Armbar, headlock, Scotty elbows out, Hurricane with a forearm, whip, kick by Scotty, off the ropes, Hurricane throws him over but Scotty holds on to the rope and pulls himself back in.  Hurricane clotheslines him out for sure this time. Hurricane poses - off the ropes, there's the somersault plancha. Tazz: "Did you say you got your dog pregnant?" Pose. Scotty thrown in. Hurricane goes up and gets crotched. Off the ropes, two handed bulldog, it's time again. W O R M woo woo woo who who who ya. Hurricane rolls out, Scotty out after him - Hurricane thrown in, Scotty to the apron, Scotty shoulder to the gut and a flip in but Hurricane moves out of the way. Even Cole knows that Strawberry is going to be a cross-dresser or something before it happens. Suplex, no Scotty escapes, clothesline misses, Hurricane goes for the Eye of the Hurricane but Scotty escapes into a waistlock, reverse cradle one two three! (2:41) Hurricane going to a mask instead of face pain is so important to me that I'm just now pointing it out.  Scotty gives Hurricane a thumbs up. Handshake? Yes. They pat each other on the back - is someone going to turn here? Hurricane goes to walk away but Scotty yanks him back and sets him up. Time to dance. No glasses?  Scotty dances while Hurricane watches. It's Hurricane's turn. Hurricane doesn't like this idea. How about Molly? Molly likes him to dance. Hurricane is doing something. All of those days in 3 Count are paying off now! Handshake, and they both look at Molly. She's unsure. Why not. Tazz: "Molly might have some junk in that trunk!" She dos the Worm. Everyone's happy.

Angle and the limo driver are walking around Harlem. Oh no, we're getting a back shot of someone (obviously a guy) with pink hair, I think I'm done with this segment. That's the Germ, isn't it. ISN'T IT. The limo driver wants some of Strawberry. Kurt decides he'd rather drive himself.

Slim Jim make up win of last Monday.

Triple H vs Kurt Angle at No Way Out. Will Kurt be able to make it to No Way Out.


Kurt! You're in Times Square! (How did he find it?) (How did he get there that fast?) (This show SUCKS.) So, anyway, he's probably no more than 100 feet from the restaurant but he can't find it, so he ask for help and gets a person who just says WHAT. "It's right behind you!" And then she swears, because it's funny when old people swear.

the nWo/Road Wild '96 promo was somewhere in here. Tazz blows a Shopzone sponsors No Way Out promo too.

CHRISTIAN vs Kane - Cole says that Christian is obsessed with winning (and it'd be nice if he'd get that Euro title back.) Tazz claims he was as tall as Kane before he took that piledriver in '94. You know what, I think Christian is in my top five WWF guys right now but I think I'm going to pass on this one here. Dudley Boyz will be at WWFNY on Monday. Tazz is breaking out his "old wrestling announcer" voice. Christian does try to walk out at one point but gets brought back. Tazz and Cole make fun of how much they suck tonight. Christian goes for a chair but Mike Sparks says no. This isn't a total squash, but about 75% of such. Here's Kane's set - tilt-a-whirl slam, top rope clothesline, not much more left, so Christian goes outside and sneaks in a chair shot - reverse DDT and he still can't get the win. Temper tantrum. Tazz: "I'm blowing up watching him!" Kane sits up and here's the choke slam. Uno dos tres. (4:32)

Tomorrow night on RAW, something something something, no matches. Hey, Kurt Angle's here. How did it take him 8 minutes to walk across the street? Sing-a-long with the music. "Are there any normal people in this city? Judging by this crowd, I'd have to say no. All I've done since I've got here is that I've run into a bunch of freaks, [what] and weirdoes, [what] and losers! [what] Only losers say what! [what] Exactly! [what - not as strong - they still do it but I ignore it.] Now I've come here to say what I have to say - Triple H, tomorrow night on RAW, you're going to renew your wedding vows to Stephanie McMahon-Helmsmen. And I'm happy for you. And I'm sure it's gonna be the best day of your life. And I hope it is. Because come this Sunday at No Way Out, it's gonna bet he worst day of your life. [Angle's music plays] Because this Sunday, I'm gonna to-"

They must've gone real late, because my recording (with at least an extra minute kept in) cuts out right. Whatever the case, if Kurt Angle had anything to do with the pregnancy, he doesn't seem to know it yet.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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