/1 August 1999
WWF Sunday Night Heat
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!|
TV-PG-DLV video highlight package: "The End of an Era" - notice how you can show people all bloody and stuff in black and white and it's not TV-14. Assorted clips from last Monday's McMahon finale. "A New Era Begins" - Undertaker gives a major-league beatdown to X-Pac, Kane makes the rescue, Big Show takes out Kane, hands are shaken.
Opening credits - closed captioned logo
It's Sunday Night Heat on the USA Network 1.8.99 (but taped 27.7) from the Unnamed Arena (which is really the Value City Arena at the Schottenstein Center in Columbus, OH - well that's what I was told)!
New music brings UNDeRTAKER & WELL IT'S A BiG SHoW (with Paul Bearer) to the ring. Bearer seems to have latched onto some Dr. Evil affectations. Let Us Take You Back to RAW is WAR, just in case you missed the first few minutes of the show. These guys are working together. "Oh yes, it does my heart good to introduce to you an unholy union in its most purest form - my Undertaker and the Big Show!" "I know what you wanna know, you wanna know why. Well let me tell you the answer is real simple. It's apparent in the WWF that only the strong survive - that only the strong dominate, and what you see before you is the most dominating force EVER in the histroy of the World Wrestling Federation. I'll laying down the warning... no one, and I mean no one, is safe. From Kane...to Stone Cold Steve Austin...along the way, there's gonna be pain. There's gonna be carnage. And there will be THE... ARMA... GEDDON!" "You see Kane, it's all about desire. He has it, you don't. You see, when I was born, I was handed two special gifts - the first being a connection with the supernatural, and the second is the ability to hate without any reason at all. You see Kane, you don't have that ability because you have compassion. You needed a friend. Well your friend X-Pac is laying in a hospital, and he got you hurt just as well. ... You see, I don't make any bones about it. I hate everyone; I hate everything. That goes for you too, big man. Hell, the fact of the matter is, one day you're gonna reach your hand out to me, and I'm gonna stick a knife right in the middle of your heart. But back to you Kane, you see he understnads that, and until that day comes, he's gonna absorb all the knowledge that I have. He's gonna take it, because it's gonna bring him one step closer to greatness - hell, even immortaility. Kane, you will never be able to achieve that because you're weak, and you have no killer instinct. Now that brings me to Austin. Austin, I'm not through with you, by no stretch of the imagination; in fact, the next time I see you, I'm gonna take this soup bone, I'm gonna thrust it into your chest, and I'm gonna rip your stinkin' heart out and eat it! And as far as everyone else in the World Wrestling Federation is concerned, I got one thought I'm gonna leave you with, and that is 'be afraid, be very afraid.' The days of scary music and lights are over - it's a time for pure, unadulterated hatred and evil. And from this day forward, the Big Show and I - we will hurt who we want, we will take what we want, and we will destroy what we want, until the day of Armageddon is upon us, and that leaves just me and him, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. So I'm gonna leave you with just one last thought, and that is...you and everyone else in the World Wrestling Federation can go straight to Hell ... where we will be waiting on you." How rude of them to interrupt with their music and their appearance on the entranceway - it's the ACoLYTES. Faarooq say: "Now hold on, what's all this I hear about Armageddon and destruction? Hey, I think y'all have been watchin' too many movies becuase every time *I* look up on this screen, I don't see no Bruce Willis, I don't see Arnold Schwarzenegger - only thing I see is somebody gettin' their ass kicked, or somebody kickin' ass. Now you think just because all of a sudden you two get together and you're seven feet tall, that all of a sudden everyone's gonna punk out to ya? I don't think so. I'm not a coward - my partner ain't a coward - oh but forgive me, I get it now. Y'all lookin' for a fight." "And if you're lookin' for a fight dead man, then you and that seven foot baboon just found one, 'cause that's what we do best, son - we fight." "Why you two ungrateful son of a (beep) - you better remember who it was that brought you to dance, [who, Jackyl?] because if you wanna fight I'm sure to remind ya who's gonna take you home."
Your hosts are KeVIN KeLLY and MiCHAEL CoLE. Coming up tonight, the aforementioned match - also, Jeff Jarrett talks about Ben Stiller.
The Hardy Boyz and Michael Hayes are ... wow ... WALKING! Apparently the Hardyz are wondering why Hayes wants them to go out and eat somebody's lunch when they should be trying to get a tag team title rematch, while Hayes says they'll get the titles back the way they got them the first time - starting from square one and working their way up the ladder. Is a rift developing? Har har...find out after the break.
The Rock gets cheffy with it - that is to say, he stands around in a variety of amusing locales.
Al Snow and a Chihuahua have a chat. Apparently, if Snow dumps Head, the dog will make the screaming stop...well that makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by Life Savers Fruit Chews! From last week at Fully Loaded, the Hardyz and Acolytes had a lot of high impact manoeuvres.
HaRDY BoYZ (with Michael Hayes) v.
PaPI CHuLO & FuNAKI (no entrance) - Hayes
joins the commentary team while the Hardyz continue to throw angry looks in
his direction. Pier Four brawl to start and Funaki's quickly thrown
outside. Top rope quebrada on Chulo and there's a tope con hilo on Funaki
on outside. Back to Chulo - doubleteam in the corner...stompin' away.
Chulo has a scarf like Ivory. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop by Matt for
2. Tag to Jeff - suplex by Matt, swandive headbutt by Jeff. Hayes leaves
the headset to berate Jeff for posing on a turnbuckle instead of staying on
his opponent - Hates being likened to a little league father by Kelly. Late
cover gets 2. Tag, more stompin'. GvsE promo. EMMANUEL LEWIS! WOW!!
Matt putting the badmouth on Chulo. Earlier this morning on Superstars, it
was announced that Steve Austin suffered a knee injury at the hands of
Triple H and Chyna as RAW went off the air (wink, wink) and we'll be hearing
a lot more about this story in the future. Off the ropes, double back body
drop - Chulo TRIES to land on his feet, we pretend he doesn. Double
DDT-alike by Chulo, and a tag to Funaki. He's a house on fire! Sort of.
All four men in - high knee in the corner by Funaki - Chulo goes
flippy-flippy on us and hits a nice kick. Funaki hits something I have no
idea what the name is but we'll never see it again, I'm sure - unless we get
more Funaki on my TV (hint hint) - Chulo, having dumped Matt outside, runs
at the corner, dives OVER the turnbuckle and onto Matt with a somersault
Thesz press. Yowza. All four men out. Funaki whipping Jeff at the
barricade - Jeff SCALES the barricade, RUNS across it and hits a flying
clothesline!! Funaki isolated in the ring by both Hardys...top rope - well,
I guess it was supposed to be a tornado swinging neckbreaker - whatever it
was, Funaki decides this ain't worth it and stays down for the 3 count.
Hardyz again have some words for Hayes, and Hayes plays "head
coach" one more time.
Backstage, Terri Runnels....umm...err...well, there she is. Yup. Lookither... Oh sorry, I was a little distracted for just a minute there. Anyway, Meat's really tired, but he's got a match coming up. Meat seems relieved Terri's not asking her for sex again, proving he's gay.
Hardcore figures for Hardcore fans - WWF action figures! There's a REASON they're sold separately!
The US Coast Guard presents the RESCUE OF THE WEEK! It's Gangrel rescuing the Intercontinental title from being put back around the waist of Edge by interfering in his title defense with Jeff Jarrett at Fully Loaded.
EDGe (you think you know him) v. MeAT (with Terri Runnels & Jacqueline) - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week's RAW is WAR where Gangrel lifted Christian from a tag team match against the Acolytes, which didn't help out Edge too much. Yup. Let Us Once Again Take You Back, this time to Shotgun where Meat managed to defeat Joey Abs - just coincidentally, Terri wasn't at ringside. We won't say anything about Test - oh wait, the commentators make the save for me. Thanks. Lockup, side headlock from Meat. Edge powers out, off the ropes, shoulderblock from Meat, back and forth, leapfrog, hip toss from Edge, dropkick, wicked grin, clobbing forearm, right hand. Off the ropes, reversed into a - is that Splash Mountain? from Meat? Three right hands, but Meat's tired. Edge strikes back, but Meat rakes the face and chokes on the second rope. Head to the buckle. Several kicks. Meat's tired. Edge comes back again. Meat manages to come back until he's again really really tired. Right hand, off the ropes, jumpin' back elbow - SLOOOWLY over to make the cover, and Edge kicks out at 2. Vertical suplex by Meat, but he's not getting up. Kick to the back of the knee - Meat Grinder attempt, but Edge slides out and hits a ?backdrop? - Edge with punches, big back body drop, gut shot, off the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker. Edge placing him on the top turnbuckle - Meat shoves off the superplex attempt - sucks it up - and dives...into a spear from Edge. Edge egging on the crowd, now hitting the Downward Spiral for the pin. (4:00) Terri pouts.
Now Terri's in the ring, and bringing Meat in for a dressing
down. Terri's big on the pantomime - that's quite melodramatic of her.
Terri demands Meat get on his knees and kiss her feet. Cole says there's a
word for Meat, and you can't say it on national TV, but it ends with
"whipped." Jacqueline walks off in disgust while all this is going on.
Also, from the rafters, we see GaNGREL
... AND CHRiSTIAN looking on. What's
up with Christian hanging with Gangrel?
SummerSlam will be an Out of Body Experience! And it will be 22 August!
Shawn Michaels stars on Pacific Blue tonight! If you're into that...you know what I mean.
Chef Boyardee brings you SUMMERSLAM! LITERALLY!!
JeDOUBLEF JaDOUBLEREDOUBLET & De-BRA walk to the ring. If you haven't heard about the whole Ben Stiller affair yet, you're just not paying attention. "Each and every one of you people need to be neutered. There are no puppies in your future tonight, because I won't allow it, because I am the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. D'Lo Brown, you have no business in show businness, and the show business I'm talking about is last Monday night on Raw when I was taking Ben Stiller to puppy kindergarten. We got the footage, let's roll it. Right here, as I was teaching him some discipline, some obedience, some training on how to act around the puppies... D'Lo, YOU had to come down to the ring and stick your nose where it didn't belong. D'Lo, you're just as sick as these people are. Well tonight on Heat, I'm making a challenge for tomorrow night on RAW. D'Lo Brown - title for title! My belt for your belt! The Intercontinental Championship for the European Championship. And son, I'm gonna take you to school. And I WILL make history, and not only will I become the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, but also the greatest EUROPEAN Champion of all time. Tomorrow night on RAW - Debra, let's get the hell out of here...now."
TeRRY TaYLOR works tonight! He's backstage with Chaz & Marianna. Chaz (who is just a kid from Jersey) tries to cut a promo but Prince Albert walks by and you know, hands start roaming, then people get slapped, then a fight busts out...hey hey, guys, save it for the ring!
Okay, maybe not literally.
194:18:30 until the millennium...
PRiNCE ALBeRT In A CaN v. CHaZ (who is just a kid from Jersey...with Marianna) - Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, in case you were sneaking a peek at "60 Minutes." Albert is feeling the effects of the attack "Jersey Boy, there's two things that I'd like to do tonight. The first is to beat you within an inch of your life, and you knew that, so you jumped me in the back. The second is to let your girl Marianna, who's been eyeing me in the back, run her hands...all through my fur and count ALL of my piercings. The doctor said I can't fight tonight, but let me tell you something, I'll take your girl Marianna, and make a woman outta her. And when I'm done with her, she'll be begging to tattoo MY name on her..." and quickly, the music fires up. Chaz storms the ring and ducks a case shot, gut shot, towering DDT, Chaz grabs the case and gets a good whack on Albert. While Chaz rains down forearms, the mysterious MaN In WHiTE enters the ring and attacks Chaz while Albert gives release to referee "Blind" Teddy Long. Albert drops Chaz, while the other feller does a flip from the top turnbuckle onto Chaz. Albert, outside the ring, applies the Greco-Roman liplock to Marianna. Against her will! Call the NOW! This blatant degradation and exploitation CANNOT continue! Anyway,
Albert and the other guy walk out
(together?) through the crowd. (No
Shame on me for not recognising APW's Vic Grimes playing the part of the stranger last Monday, by the way.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - Somersault legdrop - studded kiss. "During the Break" footage shows us that Chaz is just a kid from Jersey trying to make it on his own.
Terry Taylor talks to Prince Albert. He has no idea who the Man in White is, but he must hate Chaz just as much as he does. If Chaz sticks his nose in his business again, he'll make him his personal canvas.
Heat is brought to you by "WWF: The Music (Volume 3)," Starburst Hard Candy, and wavesmusic.com!
MiDEON (with "Midian" tights) v. STeVE BLaCKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - fans are confused, now knowing who to root for in this match. Hey, there's that guy in pink who's always in the front row. Blackman rudely interrupts the GvsE promo to take out Mideon's knees with a set of nunchaku. Now he's got a baton. Whack! Whack! Whack! Commentators establish that Blackman has no issue with Mideon, he's just kickin' ass for no apparent reason. And since it's Mideon, that's cool with me. But - isn't Mideon still aligned with the McMahons by way of the Corporate Ministry? Umm, IS there a Corporate Ministry anymore? I guess we're not supposed to care - and how can you when there's the KENDO STICK! STICK! STICK! And now he's got ... the kamas! Yeah, right, like we'll ever get to see him slice up somebody with those things. Blackman's music plays again while Blackman looks out menacingly to the crowd. He'll eliminate anybody for money. Anybody else want to chip in to have him take out ... oh, I don't know ... how about, say, Mr. Ass? Oh yeah...(no contest)
There's the Big Show and Undertaker and Paul Bearer ... wow! They're WALKING!
In some gym somewhere, D'Lo Brown tries to help out Mark Henry work out - because it's more than losing weight and getting the blood pressure down - it's about friendship. Gag, puke. Oh sorry.
UNDeRTAKER & WeLL IT's A BiG SHoW (with Paul Bearer) v. ACoLYTES for the tag team championship - Pier Four Brawl to start as the Acolytes try to get in the ring. Let's divide it between Show & Faarooq and Undertaker & Bradshaw. Faarooq meets the STEEL steps so let's focus on Undertaker and Bradshaw - Bradshaw coming back! Big boot, clothesline, Show makes a save. Off the ropes - Bradshaw hit from behind with a knee by Show - Bradshaw turns around, Undertaker takes him out. Before Big Show can get to him, Faarooq is over to join his partner. Together, they drive Show to the STEEL post. With him briefly out of the picture, they work to doubleteam the Undertaker - double shoulderblock. Now Show is on the apron, having slid a chair into the ring - somehow referee "Blind" Earl Hebner notices the chair being used and calls for the bell (DQ 1:39) - both Acolytes down with one whack of the chair - well, Bradshaw gets up but he gets another. Show using the chair on both men as well. Hey, here's HaRDCORE HoLLY out with a big grin - now HE'S getting some stomps in on the Acolytes. Pat on the back for the Big Show, pat on the back for the Undertaker - who tries to rush him, but Show tells him to stay back. Show stays between Holly and Undertaker - Holly putting the badmouth on Undertaker the whole time. Holly and Show walk up the ramp - Undertaker and Bearer walk up the ramp, Undertaker showing us his tongue.
Tomorrow night on RAW, Shane speaks! And Austin will show up! What more can you ask for? (Maybe a title for title match?)
Chyna & Triple H invite you to watch GvsE. *I* invite you to catch a great rerun of "the Simpsons" instead.
SEE YOU TOMORROW!