|Guest columnist: BrewGuy|
WWF NO MERCY
October 21, 2001
Tribute Time:Instead of a Yin and Yang column this week, I decided to try my Canadian hand at that which CRZ does so well - re-cap a show. Recent events have gotten me thinking how much I take for granted the weekly recaps which he does and we enjoy so much. So instead of writing a simple "thankyou" column dripping with mush that would have you wondering about my sexual orientation, I'm gonna be a REAL MAN'S MAN and attempt to gain "Maximum Respect" (thanks Ali G) for the man by walking a mile in his shoes.
It is about 5 after 11 right now, No Mercy has just ended, and if you didn't see it, stop reading this and buy the replay RIGHT NOW. I'm very curious to find out how long this will take. Let's find out.....NEXT!!!
Opening Montage "A struggle for power. Three men, fighting for the gold. The despeate man, grasping on to his identity which slowly slips away from his once-iron grip. The vengeful man, trying to re-gain the taste of power, momentarily savoured, and abruptly lost. And the confident man, ready for battle - at risk of losing nothing, and the opportunity to gain it all. Three men, with varying motivations, yet all sharing a common goal. One man will emerge triumphant, while sparing his opponents.....NO MERCY." Austin has a cool skull ring, Angle develops a facial tick, and RVD...just smiles. All three men are shown with the WWF Title Belt on their shoulders.....interesting. But screw all this - I bought this Pay Per View for TEST VS. KANE! Why are you laughing?
FIREWORKS O' PLENTY and CLICK CLICK BOOM - We are LIVE from St. Louis, Missorui! The fans at WWF New York are geeked, and according to JR "Championships WILL be decided, and the course of sports-entertain may change for a long time to come!". He ALWAYS says that! Will he be right tonight? Let's get this party started QUICKLY....right?
WCW Tag Team Championship: The Hardy Boyz (w/Lita) vs. Lance Storm (w/ Ivory) and The Hurricane (w/ Mighty Molly)
JR and Heyman immediately tell us that Mick Foley has made the main event a no-disqualification match, and start speculating if RVD and Austin will be on the same page. Guys, that match is over two hours away! Meanwhile, Ivory is falling out of her top, God love 'er. JR also insists on calling The Hurricane "Hurricane Helms". Hey, the Hurricane is from Carolina - does that make him a Carolina Hurricane? Enough of this babble - lets wrassle!!
Jeff, whose hair is two shades of blue tonight, and The Hurricane, who Hurri-poses immediately, will start. Lock up, Hurri-go-behind by Hurricane, go-behind by Jeff, Hurri-snapmare into a Hurri-headlock. Jeff stands, pushes Hurricane into the ropes, Hurri-shoulder block. HURRI-POSE! Off the ropes, jumps over Jeff, off the ropes again, hiptoss reversed, Hurri-knee, Hurri-leg on the head, Hurri-backward flip - HURRI-POSE! Clothesline by Jeff MISSES, but his hiptoss doesn't. Tag to Matt. Right by Jeff, right by Matt - double wheelbarrow suplex! 1, 2, of course not - it's too early! Matt with a right, right, Irish whip reversed, Matt jumps over Helms but right into a standing fireman's carry by Storm, who blind tagged, into a neckbreaker by Hurricane - cool. Cover by Storm - 1, 2, nope. JR says the ref's count is "nice and brisk". Storm rubs Matt's face into the mat to improve his looks, and goes to tag Hurricane, but he wants the Wonder Twin Tag! Storm reluctantly obliges. Double Irish whip, cominbed-clothesline MISSES, double clothesline by Matt. Tag to Jeff, right to Helms, right to Storm, Irish whip on Helms - what was that, a standing body press? Ok, then. Jawbreaker on Storm. Take-down on Helms, Leg To Groin Drop NO, Hurricane pushes Jeff against the ropes, where Ivory dutifully grabs his leg so Storm can come over and whack him, then push him to the outside, then follow him then hold him up. HURRI-POSE! Off the ropes, baseball slide NO, clothesline by Matt! Storm drops Jeff, which was dumb, 'cause now Matt can baseball slide HIM to the ground. Molly is in to help Hurricane up and put on his cape - DOUBLE HURRI-POSE! Both Hardyz and Storm are on the ouside, which allows Helms to ascend to the top rope and execute a Hurri-Flying Body Press on all three guys (he never touched Storm, but Storm goes down anyway). A Double Feature proves it while Hurricane rolls Jeff into the ring and beats on him a bit. Tag to Storm, Irish whip, 7 Foot High Dropkick by Storm. Him and Hardcore Holly just HAVE to become a tag team. They could call themsevles "The Hard Ways"! Ahh, never mind. Cover, 1, 2, no. Head into the turnbuckle, right, right, tag to Hurricane. Suplex by Storm into a sidewalk-slam by Hurricane - cool. Cover, 1, 2, no. Backbreaker by Hurricane. Cover, 1, 2, no. JR declares the challengers "ahead on points". Please don't compare wrestling to figure skating - not that there's anything wrong with that. Hurricane chokes out Jeff on the second rope, allowing Molly to come over and give him a little slap, which Ivory loved. Tag to Storm, kick to the gut, head into the turnbuckle, knee to gut, another, Irish whip into the other turnbuckle but Jeff climbs up the ropes and executes that twisting plancha move which I a) don't know that name of, and b) can't figure out how the reciever is supposed to take it properly. Molly WINCES! Lita CHEERS! Ref counts....1.....2.....3.....4....5....Storm tags Hurricane and stops Jeff from tagging long enough so Jeff can do his inverted-somersault-kick-to-the-chest-thing (JR: Reverse Mule Kick), and get the HOT TAG to Matt, who goes right to the top rope for a flying clothesline! Right to Storm, falling clothesline on Storm, neckbreaker to Hurricane, cover, 1, 2, saved by Storm. Right, right, Jeff decides to come in, double-Irish whip into the turnbuckle, Poetry In Motion. Matt whips Hurricane into the corner, Poetry In Motion MISSES 'cause Hurricane charges forward and Oklahoma Roll (according to JR)'s up Matt while he's still kneeling on all fours! 1, 2, NO! Great spot. Two rights by Hurricane, Irish whip into the corner reversed, body slam by Matt, who points to the second rope and says "Now we're goin' HERE!", followed by "AAAAAAA!" and a leg drop. Cover, 1, 2, no! Twist of Fate attempt, but Storm tries a clothesline but misses, Matt tries one of his own but misses - Double Super Kick! Cover, 1, 2, save by Jeff! Storm rolls out of the ring and APPEARS TO TAKE A RUNNING PUNCH AT A FAN, but the camera cuts before we can see where and on who it landed. Da hell was THAT?! Storm rolls back in, right to Jeff, another, but Jeff takes a seat on the rop rope, hooks his legs under Storm's arms, and dumps them to the outside while hanging on to the top rope himself - cool! Hurricane holds Matt for Molly to hit, but Lita comes running in and spears her before she can get there - Back Suplex by Matt - Ivory in to toss Lita outside. Jeff doesn't like that, so he giver her the Legs To Groin Drop. I wonder how effective that was? Storm grabs Jeff and puts him into the Half Crab, but Lita's on the top rope for a Litacanrana. What a cheater!! HURRI-POSE, but Helms turns right into a Twist of Fate. Swanton Bomb by Jeff, goodnight Gracie, Cover, 1, 2, 3! Champs retain. (7:42) for the match, (about 55:00) for me to do this ONE MATCH. I might be here awhile.
Meanwhile, RVD arrives at the building, and finds Aliiance Commisioner William Regal waiting for him. "Rob Van Dam" RVD says "Yeah" and gives him a look which says "Of COURSE!" "Now, I assume the first thing you're going to do is to go find Stone Cold Steve Austin and apologize for frog-splashing him last Thursday night on SmackDown! "Noooo..." "Let me just hope that last Thursday you had a temporary lapse in sanity (ha!), and please...let me assume that in no way, shape, or form, that you're having anything to do with Vince McMahon. "Look, I'm not on Vince's side. I'm only looking out for #1, and that me...Points...To...Self." (yes, this is CRZ's nickname for him, but it's damn funny, so I'm borrowing it!). RVD goes to leave but Regal holds his arm "Don't do anything silly, and anything that you might regret later." "Ok...." HA!
Meanwhile, a limo pulls up - who's in it? Why, Mr. McMahon, and Michael Cole is there! "Mr. McMahon! Mr. McMahon! I mean, where've you been, I mean it's it's it's it's a huge night!" "Really?" "I mean, why'd you come back" "Help me with my jacket, would you please? Nice lining, huh?" "Uh, yes, very nice" Cole helps him don the jacket, but not before dropping it once - Vince seems not to notice. "Anyhow, y'know, R-R-R-Rob-Rob Van Dam just arrived!" "Well good, great, great, I'm glad to hear that. Let me just say that, uh, you have a lot of, uh, questions?" "Uh-huh, a lot" "Um..your questions will be answered before the night is over one way...or another. But I'm here tonight - I'm here tonight to make a difference. I'm here tonight to make....an impact." Vince goes to leave, then turns back. "And the next time you drop my jacket...I'm gonna drop YOU." Cole looks scared/confused.
The God Of Whitby Ontario Canada Test vs. Kane
WOW, the MAIN EVENT is the SECOND MATCH ON THE CARD? COOL! .....Why are you laughing? Flashback shows us Test giving the Undertaker the Whitby Boot Of Death while 'Taker had Booker T in the Last Ride, allowing Booker to pin the 'Taker. JR reminds us that on October 5, 1997, Kane made his debut in the WWF in this very arena while referee Nick Patrick whispers something to Test. Kane slides in and LET'S GO! Right by Test, right by Kane, right by Test, right by Kane, another, another, another. JR says this will be a "straight out, smashmouth, in-your-face-matchup between these two super-heavyweights". Do you know why? Becuase TEST WANTS IT THAT WAY. Irish whip by Kane, clothesline misses, elbow does not. Kane drops an elbow. Clothesline into the corner, Irish whip into the other corner, followed by another clothesline, ANOTHER corner Irish whip, ANOTHER clothesline. How un-original! Test staggers out of the corner - HUGE right by Kane send Test flying backwards to mat like he'd just been cold-cocked by a 325-pound man. Test staggers to his feet and backs into the corner, then kicks Kane in the gut, reverses him into the corner, right, elbow, Irish whip into the other corner, Test charges but Kane power-slams. 1, 2, no way are you pinning Test THAT easily. In fact, no way are you pinning Test AT ALL! Right by Kane, Irish whip, back body drop NO, Test kicks him in the face. Test charges but Kane clotheslines him on the top rope. Boot to the gut, GORILLA PRESS, tossing Test over the top rope to the outside like a sack of potatoes. Hey, NOBODY does that to TEST! Kane follows to the outside, right, right, right. Nick Patrick decides to tell Kane to stop - Kane doesn't like that and storms toward him, allowing Test to grab the ring bell and clock Kane into next week. Patrick didn't see a thing, and NEITHER DID I!! Test rolls Kane back in - right hand drops 'em. Test kneels down and follows with 6 more. Patrick warns Test about the closed fist - HA! Test throws Kane into the corner, right, elbow, right, elbow (Test NEVER does the same move twice! TEST IS GOD) Kane drops, kick, kick, kick (so much for the "same move twice" theory...but TEST IS STLL GOD). Test chokes Kane with his foot while the Double Feature shows us the ring bell shot again - I STILL didn't see a ring bell! VERTICAL SUPLEX by Test, who HOLD KANE UP FOR TWO FULL SECONDS before dropping him. WOW! Cover, 1, 2, no (damn!). Test is bleeding from the mouth - SEND KANE TO WWF METAL IMMEDIATELY FOLLLOWING THIS MATCH!! HUGE right by Kane, another, another, but a knee to the stomach stops all that. Irish whip reversed into a short clotheline by Kane. Elbow drop MISSES - Test to the second rope - FLYING ELBOW! Cover, 1, 2, no (crap!) Right by Test, another, another, right by Kane, right by Test, right by Kane, who rams Test's head into the turnbuckle. Boot to the gut, right, Irish whip to the corner reversed, Sidewalk Slam by Test! Test to the top rope - Flying Elbow MISSES! Clothesline by Test misses, Test goes for back body drop, which Kane turns into a neckbreaker (!). Test's right BLOCKED, Kane's ISN'T. Repeat last sentence. Another right, Irish whip, big boot to the face (GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT!). Irish whip to the corner, clothesline to the back of Test's head, but TEST DOESN"T GO DOWN! Back suplex by Kane! Cover, 1, 2, no (whew!). Irish whip reversed into a knee to the gut, Pumphandle Slam NO, Kane with an elbow, and another - Sidewalk Slam. Cover by Kane, 1, 2, no (whew!). Clothesline sends Test over the top rope to the outside. Kane follows, body slam NO, Test pushes him face-first into the ring pole. Kane turns around - WHITBY BOOT OF DEATH!! Wow, he caught Kane right under the chin with that one. Test rolls him in - immediate cover because TEST IS SMART!! 1, 2, NO!! (SHIT!) Test pounds the mat in frustration and yells "3!!!" at Patrick while holding up the appropriate amount of fingers. Test measuring Kane - Whitby Boot of Death MISSES, OH NO KANE WITH THE CHOKESLAM!!! Both men lay there for a few seconds, then Kane rolls over and makes the cover. 1....2....NOOO!!!! TEST KICKED OUT!! (YES!) Now KANE is frustrated, and holds his head and pounds the mat to show it, since it's pretty hard to read his facial expressions. Right by Test, right by Kane, Test, Kane, Test, TEST, TEST!!!! Irish whip reversed, power slam by Kane! Kane going to the top rope - Flying Clothesline BUT TEST DUCKS! Boot to the gut, PUMPHANDLE SLAM!!! WOW!! Cover! 1.....2.....NOOO! (SHIIIIT!!) Test is in UTTER SHOCK, and I'm pounding the couch in frustration!!!! Test to the top rope, RANDY SAVAGE ELBOW!!! Cover! 1....2...NOOOOO!! Test is FURIOUS, shown by him POUNDING the mat and yelling "THREE!!!!!" Test up, hands on his hips, utterly frustrated. Frustration soon turns to anger, and Test goes outside and gets a chair! Test heads toward Kane, but Kane with a STANDING DROP KICK, driving the chair into Test's face! WOW, that was DAMN impressive. Now Kane with the chair, but Patrick grabs it on the upswing becuase THE CHAIR IS ILLEGAL! Kane don't like that, so he grabs Patrick by the throat! Test charges, but Kane grabs HIM by the throat! Kane throws Patrick away, but Test with a HUGE kick to the groin - WHITBY BOOT OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cover, 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (10:08) TEST PINNED KANE!!!!!!!!!! TEST PINNED KANE!!!!!!!!!! TEST PINNED KANE!!!!!!!!!! TEST!!!!! TEST!!!!! TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YER DAMN SKIPPY, TEST!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the BEST MOMENT IN WHITBY ONTARIO HISTORY, and the streets of Whitby (but a 5 minute drive from my house) are no doubt JAMMED with people celebrating!!!! JR calls Patrick "corrupt"! WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?!?! Test leaves, tired, bleeding...TRIUMPHANT. Kane sits up, and sees Patrick still holding his throat. Patrick starts to leave, but Kane stops him - grabs Patrick by the throat, and choke-slams him. What a SORE LOSER! Kane goes to leave, stops, comes back, and choke-slams Patrick AGAIN!! WHAT A SOUR-PUSS! Kane leaves the ring take a few steps...stops....goes BACK to the ring again, and POWER-BOMBS Patrick, who was JUST DOING HIS JOB, you PATHETIC, SORE-ASS LOSER!!! Kane makes the corners explode and flame and FINALLY leaves, no doubt to CRY IN THE BACK LIKE A BABY. Best match EVER.
....I didn't show too much bias in recapping that match, did I? Oh, good.
Meanwhile, The Coach knocks on the dressing room door of Steve Austin, which is answered by Debra. "What do you want, Coach?" "Well, I was hoping to get a word with Stone Cold, if that's possible" "I don't think Stone Cold wants to talk to you, but wait a minute, let me check." Debra looks behind the door. "Hey! Do you wanna talk to Coach?" We hear Stone Cold's voice: "No, i DON'T wanna talk to Coach. But you can tell him that I think Kurt Angle is a sorry sunovabitch!" Debra repats verbatim, changing "sunovabitch" to "S.O.B". "Debra!" "What?" "While you got 'em out there, tell 'em RVD is a big piece of trash!" Debra does so, while Coach does a very poor job of not laughing - not that I blame him. "Debra! While yer at it, tell him as far as Mr. McMahon's concerned, he's an even bigger piece of trash than RVD, and there ain't NO WAY - there ain't NO WAY I'm losing my WWF Title tonight!" Debra obeys, then says "Anything else?" "Tell 'em thankyou, and to get his ass outta here". She does no, substituting "butt" for ass. She's sooo polite.
Meanwhile, Stacy Keibler is walking around in a frilly black robe, and runs into Jeff Hardy. "Hi Matt! Ummmm...." "Hi...Stacy..." Matt looks her up and down. Attaboy. "You wouldn't happen to know where the Dudleys ro......it doesn't matter anyway, you're a Hardy, so, uh....but uh, I uh, I was wondering....you know, you're a guy, and I was wondering what you think of my lingerie." Stacy turns her back to us and opens the robe to show Matt the goods. Matt stares, as he should "It's uh....good." He snaps his head up to look at her face. "It's uh...REAL good. You look great." "K...thanks" Stacy walks away smiling. As Matt's eyes follow her, Lita shows up. "Hey Matt." "HEY!" "What are you looking at?" "Uhhh.....nothing! Uh, I just wanna tell you that you did great tonight, and you look great, as always." "Thankyou!" Matt gets a kiss and a hug, while making a face of man who just got away with something baaaad.
Lingerie Match: Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler.
We're told the ladies will compete as normal, but will be in lingerie, as we see all the events which led up to this moment. Does it really matter how we got here? We're here, so let's go! Stacy comes out with a cigar......is Clinton in the audience? Stacy take off her robe to reveal....ANOTHER ROBE! Torrie comes out in a red night-shirt and stocking. Wow. Jack Doan apparantly "won the referre's lottery" to get assigned this match. Torrie takes off her shirt, and I'm not telling you what she's got on because I PAID to see it, and YOU DIDN'T!! Sudden clothesline by Stacy misses, boot to the gut by Torrie, big slap, Irish whip, but Stacy does a groovy cartwheel to counter! Another Irish whip, another cartwheel. Stacy smacks her ass - attagirl. Starts to take off her robe, but Stacy clotheslines her. JR: "Torrie's wrestling in her bare feet tonight. I noticed her feet - how sick am I?" HAAA! Stacy's in the corner, Torrie charges but Stacy raises her foot, and THEN takes off her robe, revealing an outfit which makes her look like something that rhymes with "Matrix". Big slap by Stacy, who pulls out a cat-o-nine-tails from betwixt her mammaries, and proceds to spank Torrie. I'm not one for bondage - are you? Don't answer that. Jack Doan stops her, so HE gets spanked. Torrie takes down Stacy and they proceed to roll all over the ring, steamrolling Doan in the process, the lucky jerk. Heyman: "I wanna be Jack Doan when I grow up!" Head into the turnbuckle by Stacy, who then chokes Torrie with her foot while JR admires her 'flexability'. Irish whip, sunset flip by Torrie, 1, 2, Stacy reverses, 1, 2, Torrie reverses, 1, 2, Stacy reverses, 1, 2, Torrie reverses, 1, and that's all. Now I'm REALLY aroused. Stacy whipped into the corner, Torrie charges, but Stacy raises her legs and chokes Torrie with her thighs, much to the delight of everybody. Stacy to the second rope - shakes her booty - picks Torrie up, but Torrie slaps her and snapmares her off the second rope to the canvas. Cover, 1, 2, no. Irish whip by Stacy, clothesline misses, Tajiri Springboard Elbow by Torrie. Torrie pins in a very erotic manner - 1, 2, 3! (3:05) Torrie adds a slap to Stacy's buttocks to boot.
Meanwhile, Cole tells Kurt Angle about Mr. McMahon supporting RVD on SmackDown and how he's vowed to make an impact tonight. "Well Michael, we all know Mr. McMahon marches to the beat of a different drum. And obviously, he has his eyes set on Rob Van Dam for SOME good reason. But tonight, I've got my eyes on Stone Cold Steve Austin AND Rob Van Dam, because tonight.." "Kurt!" Mr McMahon enters stage right. "How you doin' pal? Good to see you." He offers his hand, which Kurt slowwwwly takes. "I just wanted to drop by and, uh.....wish you the BEST of luck tonight!" "Well thanks Mr. McMahon. But quite frankly, I don't think I'll be needing luck. Because tonight, I'm gonna go out there and win the World Wrestling Federation championship one more time! Oh, it's true! It's....oh HELL YEAH, it's true! As a matter of fact, it's VAN DAMN true!" Kurt leaves, while the crowd...doesn't do much at all.
Meanwhile, Christian's with Lillian Garcia. Lillian starts talking about event leading up to tonight, but Christian interrupts. "Remember when Edge and I were a tag team? And everybody was saying 'How GREAT is Edge? He's gonna be a huge star someday!'. Well the thing that people fail to realize is no matter how good you are.." Christian points at his Intercontinental belt "there's always somebody just a little bit better. And if anybody knows that, it's the people right here in St. Louis. Just 3 years ago, Mark McGwire set the home record, but now look at him - beaten, broken-down, and his precious record shattered....by a better man. And just last week, the Cardinals were beaten...by a better team. And tonight, I'm gonna prove to Edge and the entire world, that Christian...is just plain better."
Ladder Match for the WWF Intercontinental Championship and The Battle Of Orangeville, Ontario II: - Edge vs. Christian
I can't WAIT for this. Christian entered first because Stone Cold said so, but at least Christian is WEARING his belt like a good champion should. HEY, a new graphic tells us this is for the I-C title - I like it! Edge comes out, doffs his jacket and glasses at the top of the ramp, and looks really pissed. Christian meets him half-way down the ramp, they start trading punches, and there's the green flag to get this one underway!
Edge wins the punch war, and lands 3 more big rights, sending Christian to the floor. Head rammed into the stairs by Edge, who then throws Christian into the protective barrier. Big right, rolls him into the ring, but Christian catches him with a boot coming in. Another boot, right, Irish whip, reversed by Edge, back body drop. Edge grabs Chrsitian's hair and rams it into the canvas. A lot. Kick to the back of the leg, and Christian does a COMPLETE 360 before he falls - and there's ANOTHER one. Right hand, Irish whip, Christian grabs the ropes and slides outside for a breather. Edge grabs him and hauls him back up by the hair, but Christian clothesline him on the top rope. Christian grabs the ladder, and is sliding it in, but Edge dropkicks it, sending the end of the ladder into Chrsitian's gut! Edge follows him out and throws him OVER the protective barrier into the crowd. Trading punches until Edge throws him into the hockey boards. Rights by Christian, he charges, but Edge back body drops him back over the barrier. Edge leans the ladder up against the ring and rams Christian's head into it, then throws Christian down like a sack o' potatoes. Monkey flip into the ladder! Edge grabs a SECOND ladder and lies it on the stairs and the barrier. Eye rake by Christian - flapjack onto the ladder! OW! Christian pulls Edge up so both men are standing on the ladder, until a series of Edge rights makes Chrsitian crotch himself REALLY HARD onto one of the rungs!! Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!!!! That's just WRONG! Double Feature shows...yep, he really hit hard. Hope Mrs. Christian didn't see that. JR says "There will be no Uncle Edge". HA! Edge rolls Christian (who's holding his nuts) into the ring. Edge pounds Christian into the corner, then goes out and gets a ladder, but as he's shoving it in, Chrsitian jumps on the other end, sending Edge's end flying into his face!! Double Feature of THAT, too. Christian sets up the ladder and starts to climb! Edge pushes the ladder down, but Christian lands on his feet and clotheslines Edge! Nice! Christian wields the ladder like a lance, and rams Edge into the corner with it! And again! Rams Edge's head on the ladder - twice. While Edge is trapped in the corner by the ladder, Chrsitian goes under the ring and comes out with....a steel chair. This is not a chairs match!! Chrsitian climbs to the top rope, but Edge elbows him in the stomach, and SNAPMARES HIM RIGHT DOWN ONTO THE LADDER!! Holy Christmas in July!!! Edge leans the ladder diagonally on the rop rope, puts Christian ON HIS SHOULDERS, and shoves him off, causing Christian to CROTCH THE ENTIRE LADDER!!! Holy shit - If Chrstian is able to walk tomorrow, I'll be amazed. Edge slowly picks up the ladder and leans it between the second and third ropes in the corner. Irish whip, but Christian reverses, sending Edge crashing stomach-first into the ladder!! Stomps by Christian. Edge is still under the ladder, which is still between the ropes. Christian MONKEY FLIPS EDGE'S FACE INTO THE LADDER!! Both men are down for quite a while, and I don't blame them. Chrstian goes and drags ANOTHER ladder into the ring, sets it up but falls on his butt because he's so tired and hurt. Finally he starts to climb again, but Edge sets up his ladder and starts climbing right beside him. A few rights by Edge - EDGE-O-MATIC OFF THE LADDERS!!! Wow. Now Edge very slowly starts to climb - Chrsitian finally gets up and starts to climb the other one - rights by Chrsitian - SLOP DROP OFF THE LADDERS!! Man oh man oh man, they're destroying each other. Christian slides out of the ring, goes underneath, and gets two more chairs - barely. Christian can barely stand, and if he's selling, it's a damn good job. Christian puts a chair underneath Edge's head for the One-Man Con-Chair-to, but Edge pushes the other chair back into Christian's face!! Edge brings a THIRD ladder in, sets up the two chairs, and lies the ladder horizontally on them. What's he gonna do NOW?!? Rams Christian's head into the ladder - a few rights, then he lies Christian on the ladder. Edge is going to the top rope - ohhh my - SPLASH ONTO CHRISTIAN ON THE LADDER!!!! That's it, Chrsitian's dead, and Edge ain't far behind. Edge very slowly starts climbing a ladder, but Christian picks up the ladder he was splashed on and rams it into Edge like a battering ram, sending Edge crashing to the canvas. Christian needs the ladder to help him stand, and he's STILL holding his nuts from earlier - not that I blame 'em. He managed to set the third ladder up perpendicular to the other two, then starts climbing one of the original two ladders. Edge hauls himself to the top rope - Christian reaching for the belt - SPEAR OFF THE TOP ROPE!! Christian is spasming on the canvas, and the look on his face shows he's somewhere in next week. Slowly, both men start to climb the perpendicular ladder - trading dramatic punches - the ladder tips, and BOTH MEN GO FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE FLOOR!!! The entire BUILDING chants "Holy Shit". Christian manages to haul himself back into the ring first, He crawls to the ladder, and is barely able to start climbing. He slips on the second rung and starts again - how the hell is he even standing? He's literally hauling himself up the ladder with nothing but his arms now. Christian using both ladders to climb now - Edge finally gets back in the ring with a chair, and RAMS IT RIGHT INTO CHRISTIAN's CROTCH. And SOMEhow, Christian is still standing on the ladder! Holy fucking shit. Edge somehow climbing the ladder with both chairs - laying Christian atop both ladders - putting one chair underneath his head - ohhh boy - Edge standing on the third ladder, an evil look on his face - ONE-MAN CON-CHAIR-TO!! Christian falls to the ground, a dead weight. Edge reaches up, grabs the belt, and is the NEW Intercontinental Champion to a standing ovation from the crowd (22:14). Edge stands upon both ladders and holds up the belt with one hand, yelling, while Christian just lays there, dead. JR: "These guys are gonna be sore for weeks!". Ain't THAT the truth. Fantastic match - I just hope they're both ok.
JR and Paul tell us that Survivor Series will be in North Carolina in the Greensboro Coloseum on November 18 - seats still available!
Meanwhile, at WWF New York, Spike Dudley does a tequila shot and sips a beer while we see a replay of him go flying over a tope rope through a table, thanks to his half-brothers. Spike proclaims that he "feels like a hundred bucks" and is looking forward to Big Show and Tajiri laying a beating on the Dudleys. Heyman starts to ask him about Molly when a hot babe walks up and leans on 'em. "Hi Spike." "I'm sorry Paul...Molly who?" Spike points at her and says "You're a Sagitarius, aren't you?" You go, Spike.
WWF Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz vs. The Big Show and Tajiri
Champs enter first to make CRZ mad. Tajiri and Buh Buh will start us off. Aaaaaaand....GO!
D-Von's barking at Tajiri - Tajiri tries to kick him but misses, and Buh Buh attacks from behind. A few rights, big chop, Irish whip, clothesline misses, Tajiri with a kick to Buh Buh's left side, a kick to Buh Buh's right side, then Buh Buh stops him with a knee. Rammed head-first into the second turnbuckle - tag to D-Von. Irish whip - double shoulder block. Stomps by D-Von. Right, right, right MISSES, Deadly Back Kick by Tajiri! Standing Senton! Cover, 1, 2, don't be silly. Front facelock, yelling something in Japanese while pointing at the Show - Tajiri makes the tag. Big elbow, Big right, Andre The Giant butt to the stomach in the corner - and another - Show shaking it Stacy Keibler style (yikes!) before adding one more. Heyman proclaims "that's a whole lot of ass comin' at ya", and he ain't lyin'. Not that I double-checked. Thumb to the eye by D-Von! Double Irish whip - double clothesline by show. Big body slam on Buh Buh while he yells "NO!", Big body slam on D-Von. Both Dudleys on the outside. Tajiri off the ropes, SOMERSAULT PLANCHA (I think that's right) on both Dudleys, and Tajiri NEVER TOUCHED THE TOP ROPE - wow. Tajiri celebrates, then throws D-Von in. Big sidewalk slam by Big Show (yes, I know I'm calling everything Big Show does "big", but....it IS big!) Cover, 1, 2, no! Tag to Tajiri, nasty kick to the ribs drops D-Von. Irish whip but Buh Buh blind tags, Tajiri runs over D-von right into a Buh Buh Bomb. Buh Buh says "LOOK AT HIM NOW!" while staring angrily at him. Buh Buh RULES. Stomps, tag to D-Von, who whales on Tajiri in the corner. Tag back to Buh Buh. Double Irish whip, HUGE flapjack. Big-time beating by Buh Buh - cover, 1, 2, no. Tag to D-Von. Snapmare, headlock on the ground. Tajiri tries to break free, but D-Von beats him into the corner. More beatings. Big punch misses, elbow doesn't, D-Von to the second rope, but Tajiri NAILS him with a kick to the head on the way down. Both men down, Big Show REALLY wants that tag. Both men crawling - Buh Buh comes in to distract the ref, and it works, 'cause Tajiri tags but the ref doesn't see it! And while Big Show complains, the Dudleyz hit the Whassup! Buh Buh yells "DEAD!" Powerbomb attempt reversed into a DDT by Tajiri! Both men crawling towards their corners.....and both make the tag! Big clothesline, another, one for Buh Buh, Irish whip, Big boot (why is everybody stealing Test's boot?), Big avalanche on Buh Buh. Big cresent kick (!) on D-Von! Show does the Razor Ramon shake, then yells "AHHHHHH!", but it chop-blocked before he can choke-slam Buh Buh. Tajiri makes the blind tag, goes to the top rope, but Buh Buh catches him and slams him. Both men nail Show, sending him to the floor. Tajiri with a foot sweep on Buh Buh - spinning heel kick to D-Von! Irish whip reversed, D-Von charged - TARANTULA! Buh Buh breaks it up, Irish whip - double handspring elbow! GREEN MIST, but Buh Buh ducks and it hits the ref! D-Von dumps Tajiri out, Show back in and he dumps D-von out - CHOKESLAM on Buh Buh!! Cover....but there's no ref! Show goes over to try and wake up the ref - but wait, there's Rhyno!! GORE GORE GORE on the Big Show!!! Rhyno runs off, celebrating! D-Von and Tajiri back in, Irish whip by D-Von, clothesline misses 'cause Tajiri somersaults under it! Enziguri, which sets up for the TAJIRI DEATH KICK, and boy did it look vicious! Cover - ref crawls over! 1.......2.......NO!!!!! Tajiri can't believe it! Buh Buh back in, back suplex but Tajiri lands on his feet - pushes Buh Buh to the ropes for the roll-up but Buh Buh hangs on. Buh Buh: "SONUVA..." Big punch misses, Tajiri off the ropes - 3-D!! Cover, 1....2....3! (9:18) Dudleyz retain! Buh Buh goes and yells at Heyman that they did it for the Alliance, and tells us all that thou shalt not mess with The Dudleys. Buh Buh RULES.
Meanwhile, Rhyno's walking backstage after some successful interference, and runs into Regal. "Bloody good job, Rhyno, that's the kind of inititive we nee more of in the Alliance!" "Y'know why I did that?" "Why?" "Becuase I'm tired of people looking and treatin' the Alliance like it's some kind of joke. I'm gonna change the way people look at the Alliance...even if I have to do it single-handedly." Regal nods his approval and says "Bravo".
Meanwhile, Shane, Booker and Test celebrate Test's victory over Kane. Last I heard, there were 5,500 people in the streets of Whitby, singing songs of joy. Shane says it's all about respect, and if Booker can "take out the Taker", the entire Alliance will have respect. Test also changes the name from the Spinnerooni (spinn-er-oo-nee) to the Spinneroini (spinn-er-oon-eye)! So shalt Test says it, so shalt it be done! Booker says "Tonight, there will be one....dead...sucka...walkin', now can you dig THAT?!"
It's now 4:05, and I still have three matches left to do. And CRZ does TWO two-hour shows EVERY WEEK. Wowzers.
Heyman reminds us that the No Mercy theme is "Click Click Boom" by Saliva. Thanks Paul.
Booker T vs. The Undertaker
'Taker parks his bike, and Booker's there waitin' for him. Booker whalin' away with rights - 'Taker with a right, another, another, another. Booker staggering around, Taker chasing him, another, right, Booker verses the Irish whip and sends Taker into the protective barrier! Taker responds with a clothesline. Knee by Taker, rolls T into the ring, Booker's right BLOCKED, right by Taker, another, Irish whip, big boot (ANOTHER guy stealing Test's move!!!). Cover, 1, 2, oh c'mon, but 'Taker says "Ah, shit!" anyway. Knee to the gut by T, right, Irish whip, clothesline missed, flying chop by Booker! Cover, 1, 2, oh please. kick to the gut, T with a series of rights sending Taker to the ground in the corner. Kick, picks Taker up, series of shoulder blocks into the mid-section. Irish whip into the corner, T goes for a running shoulder block but Taker dodges and T eats pole. Hammerlock by Taker (!), ramming T's head into the turnbuckle. Taker beating on the left arm of Booker in a big way, picking T up by his arm ino the air! Taker with a short arm scissors(!), T rolls forward into a pinning combination - 1, 2, Taker reverses, 1, 2, Taker releases the hold(?). Series of forearms to Taker, Irish whip into the corner, T charges, but 'Taker drops him with an armbreaker! Old Skool Rope Walkin' shot! Clothesline! Cover, but the ref is late in getting into position, which illicits a one-count from him, and a very audible "Shit!" from the Taker. T rolls outside for a breather, Taker follows, T with a kick to the stomach, and a whip into the stairs! Lame-looking head into the steps. Booker with a series of punches and kicks leaves Taker on the ground, and he goes off to find a weapon. He grabs the ring bell, but Tim White grabs it before he can use it - what's with THAT?! Series of rights from Taker, clothesline over the barrier into the crowd. There's a guy sitting in the first row with two HUGE full beers - what is he, nuts? A female security guard isn't doing much stay between him and the combatents, and as a result, after a Taker right, T goes flying into the guy, who spills BOTH his beers all over himself. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - well, if you double-first in the front row, yer askin' for it! More rights, Taker tosses T back over the barrier before any more beer can be spilled. Kick to the face by Taker drops T. Taker approaches, kick the stomach by T, then T rams Takers head into the pole! Right, T rolls Taker in and heads for the top rope! MISSILE DROPKICK!!! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Booker's right hand is BLOCKED, and followed by three Taker rights. Irish whip, reversed into a high side kick to Taker's face! Late cover, 1, 2, no. Sidewalk slam by T. Cover, 1, 2, no. Booker drops the knee and poses for the Spinerooni (remember the new pronunciation!), but doesn't deliver just yet. Kick by Booker, Irish whip into the corner, but Taker kicks him in the face on the way in. Right, right, Irish whip into the corner, scoop up, powerslam NO, Booker pushes Taker into the corner - neckbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, no! On the second rope, but drops right into a boot. Exchanging rights until Booker knees him in the gut, off the ropes, Taker STEALS TESTS MOVE AGAIN! Cover, 1, 2, no, because that move ONLY WORKS FOR TEST! Right by Taker, another, off the ropes, spinning kick by Booker! Cover, 1, 2, no! Irish whip, Booker lowers his head, so Taker DDT's him. Cover, 1, 2, no! Big beating in the corner by Taker, Irish whip followed by a clothesline, ANOTHER Irish whip, ANOTHER clothesline. JR tells us that the Undertaker "won't surprise us a lot". Thanks, JR. Irish whip off the ropes, clothesline misses, second clothesline does not. Hulk Hogan-like leg-drop - cover, 1, 2, no! That move ALWAYS worked for Hogan...hmmmm. Taker puts T in the corner, backs up, charges, but T picks him up and rams his head into the turnbuckle. Side Heel Kick!! Taker rolls out side so Booker can give us the Spineroon-eye!! Taker coming back in, but Booker catches him with the scissors kick!!! Cover, 1, 2, Taker puts his foot on the rope! Rights by Taker, Irish whip reversed, clothesline misses, GOOZLE, but Booker lands a low blow to escape! In the corner, series of kicks by Booker. Up on the second rope, a whole bunch of punches! Booker poses, but Taker picks him up, right into the Last Ride! That's it, cover, 1, 2, 3. (12:13) JR says "A Texan beat up another Texan, and I can't say that's all bad". Whaaa??
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is walking the halls, when he runs into Coach. Y2J says it's time to put up or shut...the hell...up and as much as he'd love to chat with you, Coach, he has to go win the big one.
4:45 - can I finish before 6? I doubt it!!
WCW Championship - The Rock vs. Chris Jericho
Challenger enters first so CRZ is happy. Jericho's tights look kinda DX'ish, don't they? But I digress. Competitors stare at each other with looks that would burn lead. Heeeere weeee goooo!
Both men slowly circle the ring, never unlocking eyes. Lockup...break apart. Another lockup....headlock by Rock, into a hammerlock. Y2J reverses into a headlock of his own. Rock pushes him off the ropes, shoulder block drops Rocky. Jericho off the ropes, Rock drops down, off the ropes again, arm drag by Rock right into the armbar! Rock twists the arm some more - back into a headlock. Jericho pushes Rock off the ropes, shoulder block by Rocky this time. Off the ropes, Jericho drops down, off the ropes again, arm drag by Jericho! And another! Into the armbar! Dropping the knee right on the bicep! Jericho twists the arm and yanks it a couple times - Irish whip, Rock with an elbow as JR says Jericho follows in a Canadian tradition going all the way back to "Whipper" Billy Watson. Jericho stands up, holding his jaw....and hauls off and SLAPS Rocky! Follows with a forearm which drops Rock, and a series of right hands. Jericho chokes Rocky on the second rope while pounding on his back. Right by Jericho, knife-edge chop (whoo!), another (whoo!), and another (whoo!), Irish whip, clothesline misses, Jericho leapfrogs but Rock hangs on to the ropes and drops Y2J with a right hand, and now it's Rock in the mounted position, firing off rights! Irish whip but Jericho catches him with a kick. Another Irish whip, Rock Bottom NO, off the ropes, Jericho with a takedown, going for the Walls of Jericho, but Rock VERY quickly makes it to the ropes! Springboard dropkick sends Rock to the outside! Jericho right on Rock with some kickc, and ramming his head into the steps. Picking rock up - dropping him neck-first on the protective barrier! In to break the count, then out again, now both back in the ring, Jericho on the top rope - flying elbow! Cover, 1, 2, no! Rights by Jericho., elbow to the back of the head, kick, right BLOCKED, Rock with 3 rights, Irish whips, flying forearm by Jericho, and Rock sells it like a king! Cover, 1, 2, no! Little cocky slap by Jericho - HA! Knife-edge chop, another, cocky kick to the face, ANOTHER chop, Rock reversing, and firing off 4 quick knife-edge of his own(!!), Irish whip into the corner reversed - spinning heel kick by Jericho!!Cover, 1, 2, no! Backbreaker by Y2J. And another! Senton splash! Cover, 1, 2, reversed by Rock! 1, 2, no!! Ground drop-kick by Y2J. Right elbow drops The Rock. Chop, Irish whip, flying clothesline by Rock! Rock charges, but Y2J picks him up and clotheslines him on the top rope! Kicks and punches by Jericho. Body Slam. Y2J to the top, but Rock shakes the rope and Y2J crotches himself! Knife-edges by Rock while Jericho it perched on the top - Rock climbing the ropes - SUPERPLEX!!! Ref starting counting, and the crowd counts with 'em! 1....2....3....4.....5.....6.....7.....8.....9.....both men up! Y2J right BLOCKED, Rock with a right Jericho blocked again, 3 rights, Irish whip, belly to belly overhead suplex by the Rock! Samoan Drop!! Cover, 1, 2, NO!! Right by Rock, whip is reversed, clothesline, but the Rock flips up! Right, right, right, spitting on the hand, big right sends Jericho flying to the outside! Rock rams Jericho's head into JR's and Heyman's table! And again! Rolls him into the ring - series of kicks by Rocky. Rock's right BLOCKED, right by Jericho, another, knife-edge, off the ropes, clothesline by Rock! Cover, 1, 2, no! Overhead suplex by Rock(!) Cover, 1, 2, no! Right by jericho, knife-edge, another, off the ropes, Rock clothesline misses, but Rock tosses Jericho over the top on the way back. Rock follows him out, then rolls him right back in. Cover, 1, 2, no! Snapmare, big right, headlock slows things down. Jericho going out? Ref checks the arm..goes down once...goes down twice...but not the third time! Y2J to his feel, elbow, forearm, irish whip, dropkick but Rock grabbed the rope, monkey flip into the corner, clothesline! Head into the turnbuckle by Rock, perching him up on the rop again - big right hand, another - Rock up, going for the suplerplex again, but Jericho lands some punches and shoves Rock down! Jericho to the rop - MISSILE DROPKICK! Both men down, and the ref counts again! 1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....7.....the Rock is up, but back down again. Ref starts over, but Jericho is up. Now both men are. Rock's right hand BLOCKED, Y2J with a right! Another block, another right! Knife-edge! Irish whips reversed, elbow by Jericho! Shoulder block! Swinging neckbreaker! Hurricanrana into a pinning combination!!! 1, 2, NO!! Kicks to the head by Y2J. Knife-edge. Irish whip into the corner is reversed - Jericho bakcs out - Back suplex but Jericho lands on his feet - ROCK BOTTOM BY JERICHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lionsault LANDS!!!!!!! Cover, 1, 2, NOOOO!!!! Jericho is SHOCKED, and can only raise three fingers in outrage!!! Bulldog by Jericho - uh oh! Jericho kicks the arm in!!! And drops the elbow pad on The Rock!!! People's Elbow MISSES!! Jericho kick is caught, Dragon Leg Whip (sort of) by Rock, into the Sharpshooter!!! Jericho reaching for the bottom rope - can't reach it! He slowwwwwly crawls toward it....Rock keeps it locked on - Jericho reaches the bottom rope!!!!! Crowd reaction is almost 50-50, I think. Both men on the oustide now - Rock tearing apart the Spanish Announcers Table! Jericho tries to go back in the ring, but Rock won't let him - ROCK BOTTOM THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCERS TABLE!!!! Rock manages to roll in to the ring to break up the ACTUAL COUNT that the ref is doing, then goes back out. Rock measures rock - BIG right hand, rolls Y2J back into the ring. Rock picks up Jericho's elbow, stares at it angrily, throws it out of the ring, and sets up for the Rock Bottom. Rock says "Get up!!" Rock bottom NO, Jericho throws some elbows to save himself, Jericho charges - Spinebuster! Now the ROCK kicks the arm in and takes off the elbow pad! Off the ropes, but Jericho GRABS ROCK'S LEG BEFORE HE CAN DROP THE ELBOW, AND PUTS ON THE WALLS OF JERICHO!!!!! Rock screaming in pain!!!! Rock crawling toward the bottom rope - Y2J: "Tap, you sunovabitch!!!" Rock close to the bottom rope but JERICHO PULLS HIM AWAY!!! AWWW wait a minute, Stephanie's come down to ringside, throwing a chair into the ring! Jericho charges Stpeh, but misses, comes off the ropes - DDT by Rock!! Steph's on the apron, CHEERING FOR THE ROCK!! But the Rock brings Steph into the ring the hard way - ROCK BOTTOM ON STEPHANIE!!! But Herucho from behind - Facebuster RIGHT ON THE CHAIR!!! Jericho throws the chair out of the ring (or tries to) - Cover, 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The crowd goes WILD, the glass ceiling SHATTERS, and Chris Jericho is YOUR NEW WCW CHAMPION!! (23:41) The Ref gives Jericho the belt - Jericho puts up three fingers in shock, then grabs the belt and hugs it. Jericho TAUNTS STEPH with the belt, and Heyman declares this the worst day in the Billion Dollar Princess' life. Jericho continuing to celebrate, but The Rock is standing right behind Jericho with the offending chair, a very angry look on his face! Jericho turns and sees him - eyes locked - Y2J looks scared. The Rock slowwwwly hands the chair to Jericho...says a few choice words....and leaves the ring, angry. Jericho continues to celebrate in the ring, and his grin would light up Winnipeg! Matches don't get much better than that, folks. Hunter-Hearest WHO? :)
Quick shot of Mr McMahon's dressing room - what will he be up to tonight? Jr declares that Stephanie "really stepped in it, and tracked it right into the house". HAA!
WWF Championship: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. RVD. vs. Kurt Angle
It's gonna be really tough for these guys to follow THAT match, but I have no doubt they'll do their best. Lets see what happens....NEXT! It's 5:40am now - I wonder if the sun will be up before I finish? That'd be....strange. Sign in the crowd: "Touched by an Angle". HAAA! Angle out first, then RVD, then Austin. Let's get it ON!
RVD and Austin start jawing back and forth, which allows Angle to sneak up on Austin from behind - German Suplex! German on RVD! Another German on Austin! Belly to belly overhead on RVD! Austin with the RODDY PIPER EYE POKE OF DOOM, and RVD and Austin beat down Austin together. now RVD and Austin stare at each other - but both of them rush Angle and knock him ff the apron. RVD and Austin continuing to jaw - double bird by Austin, which makes RVD do the same, after which he points....to....self. Angle from behind on RVD - Russian Leg Sweep! Austin immediately starts beating on Angle, THEN starts beating on RVD. Clothesline on Angle, followed by a few kicks and a bood choke. Boots to RVD! Finger to somebody in the crowd! Angle in the corner - Austin with more kicks - flips off the crowd AGAIN - Austin is GOD. Running over and beating down RVD - now Angle with some right hands, but Austin stops him cold with the EYE POKE OF DOOM AGAIN, double flip - KICK WHAM, Austin yells "SHIT!" because he knows what's coming - the ANGLE LOCK!! But RVD breaks it up with a dropkick to Angle's face. Series of rights to Angle by RVD, but Austin breals it up - Irish whip by Austin reversed, spinning heel kick! RVD hops to the second rope - One-Legged Drop Kick! RVD beating him down, but Angle comes in and breaks it up. Back suplex but RVD lands on his feet - Super kick! Rolling Thunder! Cover, 1, 2, Austin saves! Austin throws Angle outside. Austin with RVD, but RVD fires off some right hands - Irish whip reversed - Spinebuster by Austin! Cover, 1, 2, no! Austin goes to work on RVD left leg - RVD yells in pain! Angle back in, but Austin clotheslines him on the top rope, then chop blocks RVD! Austin stares at the crowd, which immediately starts chanting "What?" Austin says nothin'; just smiles evilly, and puts on a half crab on RVD, but Angle saves and lays the boots to Austin. Angle picks up Austin, right, right, right MISSES and Austin dumps Angle outside AGAIN. STF on RVD!! Again, Angle breaks it up, and Angle throws AUSTIN to the oustide, and follows him out! Series of rights and chops by Angle, but Austin hits the EYE POKE OF DOOM FOR THE THIRD TIME!!! Takes down Angle - Monkey flip into the pole, and HARD. RVD comes over, but Austin grabs him and smacks his knee against the pole a punch of times, pausing only to flip off a fan. Outstanding. Angle finally interrupts with a series of right hands, and dumps Austin over the barrier. Series of knife-edges, and Angle throws him back over the barrier. Boots and kicks by Angle - they tussle by the remnants of the Spanish announcer's table, but they're in perfect position for RVD, who's on the top rope. SOMERSAULT PLANCHA (I think)!! Double Feature shows he went right between them, but it don't matta! RVD up first, and he rolls Angle into the ring. Spinning heel kick to RVD - hopping up on the announcing table - leg drop! RVD into the ring - Angle clothesline misses, RVD goes for a spinning heel kick but Angle catches his foot, pulls it into his body, and suplexes RVD in a way I've never seen. Wow! MOONSAULT HITS!!! DOUBLE WOW!! Austin rolls in to make the pin while Angle recovers - 1, 2, Angle saves! Rights by Angle on Austin. Irish whip, sleeper hold - Austin pushes Angle right into RVD who goes flying to the outside! KICK WHAM NO, off the ropes, ANGLE KICK WHAM NO, off the ropes - double clothesline! Both men down - RVD going up to the top! Who's he gonna frogsplash?! Doesn't matter because both men move out of the way!!! German Suplex on RVD into a pinning combination - 1, 2, Austin saves! KICK WHAM STUNNER On Angle! Cover, 1, 2, RVD saves! Slam by RVD on Austin - Split-legged moonsault! Cover, 1, Angle saves! Angle Slam on RVD!! Cover, 1, 2, Austin saves!! Angle knees Angle in the back, sending him outside the ring AGAIN. Austin follows him out, knife edge, another, another, another, Angle back with a right, and 4 knife-edges of his own until Austin knees him. Rams his head into the table - again - and one more time! Now he's taking the announcing table apart - climbs up with Angle - going for a PILEDRIVER, but Angle backdrops Austin! The table doesn't break!! RVD with a flying clothesline OUT OF NOWHERE on Angle. All three men are lying, and here comes Mr. McMahon to the ring to survey the carnage. Angle picks up RVD, knife-edge, another, rolls him into the ring, and follws him him. MORE knife-edges and right hands - Angle WAILING on RVD now. Irish whip, reversed, Spinning heel kick! RVD to the top, but Angle SPRINTS UP THE ROPES, and lands a BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD FROM THE TOP ROPE!! Both men are lying now as Austin crawls into the ring! Angle up - KICK WHAM STUNNER on Angle, but Angle rolled to the outside due to the impact! Austin staring at RVD, and now LAUGHING, signals RVD to GET UP! But Mr McMahon is in with a chair, and he NAILS AUSTIN IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! RVD heads to the top rope for the 5 star and it HITS!!! mcMahon telling Kurt to GET IN THERE! Cover by RVD...1.....2....ANGLE SAVES! Austin has been busted open on the back of his head from that chairshot. German Suplex on RVD by Angle! And a second! And a THIRD!! AND A FOURTH!!! ANGLE SLAM!!! But here comes SHANE McMahon, who throws Angle to the outside and whips him into the pole, but Mr. McMahon charges his son and they both go flying over the annoucners table!! Austin picks up RVD - KICK WHAM STUNNER!! Cover, 1, 2, 3!!!!!!! (15:12). The champ RETAINS, Mr McMahon is SHOCKED, and Austin is bleeding heavily from the head and the mouth, and looks to be missing at least one tooth - OW, that looks BRUTAL. Wonder how THAT happened. HUGE WWF logo appears, and that's the end!!!
6:20AM - 7 hours and 15 minutes after I started. Wow. Well, it was a long road, but this PPV was sure as hell worth it. Absolutely outstanding - no bad matches at ALL, TWO Match Of The Year contenders, a great main event, and "Maximum Respect" for CRZ - how the heck he does this every week and be as entertaining as he is is simply amazing. I also apologize for my no-doubt-heavy use of CRZ-created terms - hope you don't mind.
I'm going to BED! Good morning everybody - wake me up for RAW!!