|Guest columnist: BrewGuy|
WWF SURV1VOR SERIES
WHO will survive? WHO will control sports-entertainment? WHO thinks Vince will get involved in the main event? Lets find out...NOW!
A Logical Addition: Watching this PPV with me is Captain Logic, better known as my friend Matt. Captain Logic, as you may have guessed, is much more logical than I am, and as we go along, he is certain to ask logical questions and comments to which I don't have the answers to. So I will include those questions, hoping that YOU have the answers, and will send them to me so I don't look bad. I knew I could count on you!
Bonus Match: You may have guessed that The Fed added a match during Heat, and you would be right! During Heat, Al Snow referred to Christian as "the jealous brother of Edge", and Christian took exception! As a result, Christian will put the European Title on the line against Al! WHAT A STORYLINE! No doubt the buyrate was just increased by a factor of.....not much. But who cares? Al's on a Pay-Per-View!
Opening Montage: ..is done to "The End Is Here" - they've used this music for a PPV intro before, but I forget which one. A shot of Classy Freddie Blassie sitting in an empty arena, followed by a few old pictures and videos. A shot of Gorilla Monsoon's eyes, while his voice says: "Vince McMahon Sr. certainly is a legend as far as our sport is concerned". Lots of flashback shots - Muhommed Ali as a guest ref, Cindi Lauper leading Wendi Richter out to her match in the first WM, Hulk and Andre staredown at WM3, Roddy Piper and Mr. T staredown, Andre riding the wrestling cart back with a shocked Bobby Heenan after losing to Hogan, the Ultimate Warrior running to ringside at WM6, Randy Savage winning the belt, Hogan tearing his shirt off, Sgt. Slaughter coming to ringside dressed like an Iraqi, Bob Backlund in the cross-faced chicken wing by Bret Hart, Savage running away from George "The Animal" Steele, Sean Michaels coming down the zipline, Michaels holding the WWF belt, Austin in the Sharpshooter while blood pours down his face. Various new and old shots and new voice-overs are then mixed together, ending with Heyman yelling "Death to sports-entertainment! Death to the WWF!" and Blassie walking out a door by himself.
Plenty O' Pyro and Puddle Of Mudd inform us that we are LIVE from Greensburo, North Caralahna, y'all! (well - the people at the arena are, I'm not) as JR welcomes us to the 15th Survivor Series - "the most important, most significant PPV sports-entertainment extravaganza of all time". He ALWAYS says that! JR's with Paul Heyman "for the last time", and both guys couldn't be happier about it! Enough pre-talk, let's get it ON!
WWF European Championship - Christian vs. Al Snow
Christian comes in first, because he's got a few words for us! "Greetings to all my fans in South Carolina!" JR: "This is NORTH Carolina, you goof!" "...and how psyched are YOU people because you get to see the Champion of Europe live and in person! And how fitting is it that we're in Greensburo! The place where all of your hopes and dreams, and tonight, the WWF, has come to die!" Crowd chants "You Suck". Al Snow comes down to the Tough Enough theme they used for Maven, and we're ready to go.
Cristian tries a clothesline but Al goes behind and takes him down with a forward Russian Leg Sweep, climbs on his back, and rides him rode his students. Al with a headlock, Christian to his feet, throws Al off the ropes. Al with a shoulder block, quick cover, 1, no (wow, a ONE count!). Christian's clothesline misses, schoolboy, 1, 2, no. Christian, stunned, backs off into the corner. Al moves in and gets a boot to the stomach. Christian puts him in the corner and lands a couple of rights, a boot, a knife-edge, another right, Irish whip into the corner but Al stops halfway while still holding his hand, slides between his legs, and into the pumphandle position - pumphandle back suplex! Nice! Rights by Al, but the ref warns him about the closed fist, which allows Christian to grab Al's tights from the front and send him head-first into the second turnbuckle. Stomp, stomp, stomp, choke with the foot. Crowd chants "We Want Edge"(!) Irish whip by Christian into the corner, and Al backs up right into a Russian leg sweep. Cover, 1, 2, no. Side headlock by Christian, and the crowd cheers Al to get up, which he does! Elbow to the gut, another, a third breaks it. Exchanging rights, until all traps both of Christian arms and grins sadistically. Headbutt, but Christian drives a knee into the gut, another - hooks the arms himself - overhead suplex! Cover, 1, no (ANOTHER 1 count!). Repeated rights, and chokehold - the ref yells at him for this, so Christian raises his arms to show how great he is! Boot, another, "c'mon Al!", so Al lands two shots to the stomach and another to the face. Boot by Christian, right floors Al. Head into the turnbuckle, right, "c'mon Al! C'mon! You tough enough, huh?" Chokehold, ref yells at Christian again. Boot by Al, right, another, Christian with a forearm. And another. Irish whip into the corner, but Al baseball slides, Christian tries a clothesline but misses, Al with three lefts and a right boxing-style, sending Christian to the mat. Double underhook - 6 rifle-like headbutts! Christian sent sternum-first into the turnbuckle, clothesline to the back of the head. Second clothesline misses, Slop Drop Backbreaker NO, Al with lefts to break it up, cresent kick to the chest. Cover, 1, 2, no! Irish whip into the turnbuckle by Al, but he rushes and eats foot. Christian charges, spinebuster but Al holds on for the pin, 1, 2, NO! Al thought that was 3 for sure! Al picks Christian up, but gets his face raked - Slop Drop (JR calls it the Unprettier - yikes.) Christian trash talking Al, but while he's doing that, Al applies a small package! 1, 2, no! Al charges, dives between the legs to the outside, grabs a leg, and flapjacks Christian. Al to the top rope - high cross body, 1, Christian rolls through! 1, 2, no!! Body slam NO, Al drops behind him - SNOW PLOW!!! And a VICIOUS one! 1, 2, Christian BARELY puts his foot on the rope!! Al thinks he's won until the ref tells him different, so he chases Christian outside. Christian back in the ring, Al follows, and runs into a NASTY kick to the neck - and THERE's the Unprettier (and a JR correction) - 1, 2, 3! (6:28) Christian keeps his belt, and lets Snow know it. Good, solid match, especially since it was just announced on Heat.
Meanwhile, Debra (carrying the WWF belt), and Stone Cold Steve Austin arrive to find Shane McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, and the rest of Team Alliance waiting for him. Booker: "Look at him!" Austin: "Look at who?" Steph: "Look at you!" Austin: "Yeah, look at me!" Steph: "Why didn't you return our phone calls?" Austin: "I didn't want to!" "Why didn't you want to? Listen we've got a question that we all need an answer to. Are you turning on the Alliance and joining the WWF and here's why I'm asking! Last Thursday on SmackDown!, you were returning our father's smile, you sat there and smiled right back at Vince McMahon, and I hope you understand the Alliance has everything riding on this match! If we lose we all lose our jobs? Are you joining the WWF?" "Hell NO I ain't! Just because I smile at Vince McMahon you guys are worried?" "Yes!" "Is that how frustrated and shaken up you are, huh? You worried about your jobs?" Angle: "Yeah, maybe!" Austin: "You scared?" "Yeah, maybe!." Shane: "Damn right we're scared! You understand what Stephanie and I have put into this?" Steph: "Everything!" Shane: "Everything!" Angle, RVD, and Booker all both offer their leadership, but Austin tells them all to shut up. "Y'know what my watch is saying, Shane? It's time for you guys to stop being so damn paranoid, and follow the leader! Stone Cold Steve Austin came here to whip somebody's ass, and that what we're gonna do! Are you with me or not? I'm taking down the World Wrestling Federation, if I have to do it myself! The Alliance is goin' on top! Stone Cold Steve Austin is leading the charge! THAT's all I got to say about that! Don't worry about no rumours, don't be para..." looks at RVD - "Don't be paranoid. Stone Cold Steve Austin is your leader. Thankyou. I got nothin' else to say to ya. You can leave. Thankyou. GIT!" They all start to leave. "Don't look at me like that, Booker! Don't look at me like that! KURT! Get your ass out!"
Meanwhile, Vince McMahon is talking to his wife Linda, having just entered the arena. He's smiling. "Before he take another step inside this arena Linda, you've got to understand, you can't have it both ways! You can't risk everything that we have on one hand, and be concerned for someone's personal welfare and safety on the other." Linda: "But Vince, there is risk of SERIOUS injury tonight, the stakes are SO high, I AM concerned." "Let me put it a different way - this is kinda crude, OK? In a situation like this, there's an old expression - that old expression goes like this.....sh*beep* happens. (Captain Logic sez: "Why are they censoring Vince? It's a Pay Per View!" I sez: "Because it's a BAD WORD") "Just be prepared for what's gonna happen - maybe you can look at it from a standpoint of business and not sensitivity.." at this point, Michael Cole interrupts. "'Scuse me, Vince, Linda - I would just like to get some thoughts if I may, and" "Pardon me? That's Mr.McMahon?" "Mr. McMahon, Mrs. McMahon, excuse me but, I'd like to get some thoughts and comments on tonight, it's an emotional night, I mean, this may be the last night that your stories WWF is in business!" "You seem....concerned, Michael Cole, you....you seem like you're a little dejected almost, like uh, like maybe you might be out of a job after tonight, ha ha ha ha ha.....you're right. If the WWF doesn't win, you could very well be out of a job. But, I got news for you. The World Wrestling Federation WILL win, and I'll tell you why. Give me credit for being a good businessman, right? I mean, I built an EMPIRE, ok? I did that...I built that empire by taking risk...calculated risk, not risk like flipping a coin, not risk like I have 5 WWF Superstars against 5 Alliance guys - that's a game for fools. That's just risk for risk's sake. But if you're on my team, you have to understand, there's always an ace in the hole, alright? I take calculated risk, which means my 6 team members tonight, will beat the 4 team members of the Alliance. THAT is a calculated risk, THAT, is damn near a guarantee. Feel better about yourself." Vince turns...and there's William Regal. "I'd just like you to know for one second, Vince McMahon, that I am not buying into your hogwash, into your mind games! Stone Cold Steve Austin is as loyal to the Alliance as I am to Her Majesty The Queen. And will take great pleasure AND I MEAN GREAT PLEASURE in watching everything that you've toiled and sweated for go STRAIGHT DOWN THE TOILET! Team Alliance is going to do to your WWF what I am going to do to that miserable little toerag Tajiri! And by the way, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night, to the first Alliance Raw, to watch you both publicly humiliated. Cheerio." Regal leaves. "That proves my point....sh*beep* happens." (ANOTHER beep of the BAD WORD!)
Outside shot of the Greensburo Coliseum Complex, while Heyman reminds us that tonight's "final WWF Pay Per View" is brought to you by X-Box. How could we forget? Heyman tells us that after tonight, it'll be WRESTLING, not sports-entertainment. Ahh, Paul, yer such a tease.
Vignette of evil things done to Tajiri and Torrie done by Regal to set up the following...
William Regal vs. Tajiri (without Torrie)
Regal's got black and red tights now. JR bills this as "mentor vs. protégé", and away we go.
Tajiri starts with a VICIOUS-lookin' right-kick to the leg of Regal - wow! Left-kick is blocked, right-kick is blocked, right-kick is caught, forearm by Regal. Tajiri stumbles to the ropes, then NAILS Regal with a back cresent kick. Tajiri charges, but Regal picks him up in a fireman's carry - forward Samoan Drop! (I guess..if anybody knows the real name, please tell me). Stomp by Regal - knee to the stomach, another, off the ropes - running knee to the head. Regal appears to be bleeding from the nose already. Off the ropes, elbow misses, Tajiri with a dropkick to Regal's left knee! Series of 6 kicks to Regal's leg, but Regal stops him and backs him against the ropes with forearms. Right kick is caught, Regal's clothesline misses, Tajiri looking like he's going for the Tarantula, but Regal kicks in him the leg. Irish whip into the corner, Regal charges, Tajiri leaps over him, and THERE's the Tarantula! And yep, Regal's nose is definitely bloody now. Tajiri lets him go at the 4-count, picks him up, Irish whip reversed, handspring elbow! Cover, 1, 2, no! Tajiri charges but Regal throws him over the ropes, but Tajiri's head gets caught between the second and third ropes and as a result he's caught in the hangman by the neck! Regal rolls to the outside and pulls on Tajiri's legs, making it worse! Referee Tim White finally gets Tajiri free, who collaposes. Regal poses with an evil face while Tajiri recovers. Regal picks him up - double-underhook - goes for the power-bomb but Tajiri reverses it into an arm-drag! NICE! BIG right-kick by Tajiri and both men are down! Ref starts counting....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....7.....Tajiri is up! Final Kick Of Doom MISSES, Regal with a head-butt to the stomach! Double-underhook, power-bomb NO, Tajiri twists out of it, but his clothesline is blocked, double-underhook again, and THIS time the power-bomb hits! Regals drops down for the pin - 1, 2, 3! (2:58) Wow, that was short. Stiff, too. Regal's bleeding heavily from the nose now. He leaves the ring, stops, smiles, gets back in the ring, and double-underhook-powerbomb's Tajiri again! Heyman calls it "a farewell". Regal leaves the ring and is half-way up the ramp, and Torrie Wilson comes sprinting out from the side of the ramp to check on her Japanese Buzzsaw. Regal sees this, and heads back to the ring! He grabs Torrie and gives HER a double-underhook powerbomb!!!! Regal finally leaves for good, with an expression on his face which says "My nose hurts".
Vingettes showing the build-up to the Test/Edge matchup - JR says "these two have QUITE the history" ...well, they have *A* history. Mick Foley's unification decree is shown, and The Fed even managed to fix Foley's mix-up of who had what belt! They're MAGICIANS, I tell you!
Afterwards, The Greatest Wrestler Who Ever Lived Test is in front of a mirror, carefully examining his body, while a woman SOMEHOW manages to contain her emotions as she applies oil to The God Of Whitby, Ontario. And then....TEST SPEAKS! "Uhhh, Janet? When you're rubbing oil on MY body, you gotta make sure all the oil is rubbed in! Or the light out there doesn't catch my body the right way! And you can't see how truly defined I really am! Y'know what I mean?" We pan left and and there's Stacy Keibler ogling Test because she CAN'T HELP HERSELF! "Test, you are soooooo right." She shoots a "you're pathetic!" look at Janet, and moves to stand beside The Man. Test SPEAKS AGAIN! "Y'know Stace, I was thinkin'....tonight? After the Dudleyz beat the Hardyz? And I OF COURSE beat Edge....and we're all unified champions? I thought maybe we could all go out, y'know...and par-tay." Only COOL people say "par-tay"! Stacy nods approvingly, while trying not to JUMP HIM RIGHT THERE. Test KEEPS SPEAKING, albeit this time to Stacy's chest: "And I thought, uh...." Test smiles confidently as he looks her up and down. "....maybe later tonight...you and I could unite, huh?" "Maybe. Good luck!" Stacy is doing a fantastic job of not fainting in ecstasy right now. Test grins and turns away to look at himself in the mirror. Stacy stares as Test's ass and finally, unable to help herself any longer, drags her hand across it as she leaves. $5 says every woman watching this PPV is SCREAMING WITH ENVY. "Yeah.....she wants me." Test leaves, and Janet rolls her eyes and shakes her head in an OSCAR-WINNING PERFORMANCE.
Meanwhile, The Coach is with Edge! "Well Edge, tonight a true all-or-nothing scenario for you. On the one hand, if you defeat Test and become the unified champion, you'll be guaranteed of a job - but on the other hand, if you lose, and the WWF loses, you'll be out of a job." "Yeah, it's pretty heavy. And on paper, it must seem pretty even. I mean, Test and I are both tall...athletic...have long blonde hair, and have pretty unique first names. The only difference between Test and I is that he's been dumped by virtually every chick on the planet! And no I'm not worried about losing, because tonight...I'm gonna win! Test isn't gonna hit me with his (slap on the leg) Big Boot. Instead, I'll be hearing him say (Edge assumes a dopey expression) 'I lost! What the hell's that all A-boot?'"...If Edge weren't Canadian, and one of my favorite guys, and hundreds of miles away, and in much better shape than I am, I'D KICK HIS ASS MYSELF!! You're LUCKY, Edge! LUCKY!!
WWF Intercontinential and WCW United States Ttitle Unification Match And For Immunity
The Greatest Wrestler Who Ever Lived Test vs. Edge Who Is Awesome, Just Not As Awesome As Test
The Greatest Wrestler Who Ever Lived Test vs. Edge Who Is Awesome, Just Not As Awesome As Test
WHEN SMALL TOWN ONTARIO WRESTLERS COLLIDE!! It's Whitby vs. Orangeville, and the stakes couldn't be higher! We are also given a no-doubt-to-be-seen-only-on-this-PPV Unification graphic! Edge enters second because Test entered first - the BEST guys ALWAYS enter first! Test is also wearing new pants, no doubt a gift from Stacy Keibler. When is Test going to get new music, already?!? Heyman also tells us that the U.S. was born in this very arena, while the IC title wasafter being established in 1979 with Pat Patterson being the first champ. Don't say this recap isn't educational. Ref holds up both belts and we're underway!
Lockup to start - Test slowly backs Edge into the corner, and breaks cleanly. What a sportsman. Lock-up again, and this time Edge backs Test into a corner, and breaks cleanly. Unhappy at being put in the corner, Test shoves Edge. Edge looks mad, and now they're nose to nose, trash talkin'! Test goes for a right but Edge ducks under and lands a forearm. And another! A third! Irish whip is reversed, clothesline misses, high cross body! Cover, 1, no (ANOTHER one count! I love it!). Another lockup, Test backs Edge into the corner, breaks clean, then hammers Edge with rights. Shot to the back. Suplex NO Edge drops down, Test's clothesline misses, but his second one does not! Stomp, stomp, Test chokes Edge out with his foot. Rolling to the outside, Test picks Edge up and clotheslines him on the protective barrier. Test rolls in to break the count because TEST IS SMART! Picks him up for ANOTHER clothesline on the barrier! Rolls him back in. JR refers to Test as "rather cocky tonight". He's not cocky - he's confident! Big right by Test. Irish whip reversed, arm drag by Edge. Drop-kick! Test heads outside, but is caught with the baseball slide! Edge rams Test's head into the barrier a couple times, rolls in to break the count, rolls out, and lays the boot to him. Rolls him back in, but Test nails him as he's comin' in. Big right hand. Irish whip no, boot to the stomach, off the ropes, neckbreaker by Edge! Cover, 1, no (ONE COUNTS RULE!) Big forearm by Edge - another. Irish whip is reversed, Test telegraphes the back body drop and gets caught with a boot. Edge charges but Test picks him up and clotheslines him on the top rope! Big clothesline and repeated rights. Test FIXES HIS HAIR! Head into the turnbuckle, big right, elbow, another right, another elbow. Whips into the corner, followed by a clothesline. Test chokes out Edge with his boot. Edge is TEST'S BITCH. Snapmare, side headlock, then Test locks his fingers under Edge's chin and drives his knee into his back. Test: "ASK HIM!" Refs checks the arm...it falls! Checks it again....falls again! Checks it for the third time...but Edge's left hand catches the right one before it falls! How come nobody thought of THAT before? He probably stole it from Test! Edge breaks the hold by bringing his knee up into Test's face a couple times. Right by Edge, Knee to the gut by Test. Whip into the corner, Test charges but Edge dodges. Test goes in sternum first. Edge to the second rope - missile dropkick! 1, 2, no! Test's clothesline misses, but he picks Edge up for a big slam - cover, 1, 2, no! Test looks angrily at the ref. I'll bet the ref just soiled his underwear. Test picks Edge up, big right is blocked, right by Edge. And another. And a third! Whip into the corner is reversed - Test charges but eats boot. Edge to the second rope - High cross body but Test DUCKS! Test places Edge on the top turnbuckle. A right hand, and Test goes up too. Edge with a right, Test with a right, Edge with a right, Test with 3 rights, setting Edge up for the suplerplex, but Edge blocks! Test with a couple rights to Edge's gut, superplex blocked again! Now Edge with a four rights to Test's gut, flips over Test, going for the powerbomb but Test nails him with a right! Edge heads back in, but a big kick floors him! Up to the top goes Test - jumps off but Edge drop-kicks him in mid air (more or less)! Both men down, so the ref starts counting! 1...2...3....4....5....6....7....8....they're both up! Right by Test, right by Edge, Test, Edge, Test clothesline misses, big right drops Test! Off the ropes, clothesline! Test's clothesline misses - spinning heel kick! FACEBUSTER!! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Irish whip is reversed, knee to the gut by Test! Pumphandle Slam NO, Edge reverses into the Edge-O-Matic!! 1, 2, NO! Test remembered to keep his legs up so Edge can grab them, which makes the move look much, much better! TEST IS GOD!! Edge clothesline misses, back suplex NO Edge lands on his feet, Test's clothesline misses, off the ropes - SPEAR BY TEST!!! Cover, 1, 2, NO!!! Test can't believe he kicked out! Test waits for Edge to rise - Whitby Boot Of Death MISSES, Edge goes for the spear but Test dodges, and Edge hits the second turnbuckle, PUMPHANDLE SLAM!! Cover, 1, 2, NO!!!! Test can't believe he kicked out of THAT, either! Test with a boot to the stomach - Powerbomb NO, Edge counters with flying head-scissors! SPEAR BY EDGE!! Cover!! 1! 2! NOOO!!!! Edge waiting for Test to rise - kick to the stomach - Buzzkiller NO, Test reverses - Full Nelson Slam NO, Edge hooks his legs behind Test's on the way up and rolls forward into a pin! 1, 2, 3!!!! (11:18) Edge beats Test, Orangeville beats Whitby, and I begin to convice myself that Edge MUST have hooked the tights as The Fink announces Edge as "The Undisputed Unified Champion". Test goes from furious to disbelieving. So do I. But seriously, that was an EXCELLENT match.
WWF Fanatic ad - The Hardy Boyz "Leap Of Faith" - all this month on PPV! Jeff says that the perfect description for him is "weird". For a split second, I could've sworn he was going to say "gay", which would've been great 'cause it would be nice to clear up all those rumours....I guess.
Stephanie paces in the back, clearly stressed out, when Kurt Angle happens along. "Hey Steph, what's wrong, you seem stressed out." "I AM stressed out, Kurt." Told ya! "After what Stone Cold said in the Alliance locker room, and none of you guys are getting along, and now EDGE winning the unified championship?? Kurt, do you understand what's on the line?" "Yeah." "I have all of my money, all of my investments, absolutely everything in the Alliance. And if we lose tonight....well Kurt, I'm going to level with you, OK? If the Alliance loses tonight....I'll become a REGULAR PERSON. Do you understand what that means? Being a regular person means I'll have to go out and do my own grocery shopping! I'll actually have to wash my own car, I'll have to clean my house, I'll have to CLEAN MY BATHROOM." "You're kidding." "Scrub my toilet! Kurt, it's the worst thing in the world I ABSOLUTELY" She's thumping on Angle's chest now "CANNOT BE A REGULAR PERSON!" "Steph, hold on, easy! Hey...don't worry! Don't worry about a thing! You are NOT a regular person! Stephanie, in case you didn't know.." his hand's on her shoulder "..you are special! And as far as Stone Cold Steve Austin - I think he's telling the truth, I think he IS with the Alliance." "You do?" "Yeah, I do. But, if he's not, I'll make sure that he doesn't screw us. So don't you worry, Steph, Ok? Everything's gonna be ok. I'll see ya." "Thanks Kurt" Steph breathes a sigh of relief.
Meanwhile, the dramatic music which accompanies cage-lowering starts, because the cage is lowering!
Meanwhile, Lita talks with Jeff and makes sure he's ready for tonight. "I know this is not the best time to bring this up and I don't mean to put you in a bad position but...is there anything that you know that I don't know about Matt? 'Cause he's just been acting so strange recently.." Matt walks out of the Team WWF locker room to join them - hey, his WWF Tag Team belt has no colour in it! Jeff: "We're all acting strange...there's a lot of pressure" Matt: "What'cha guys talkin' about?" Lita: "Nothing really..." Matt: "Talkin' about me?" Lita: "Just 'cause you haven't been acting like yourself lately.." Matt: "I've been acting strange? Is that what I heard you say? I think you should be acting strange! I think you (pointing at Jeff) should be acting strange! I mean look what's all on the line tonight! If Team WWF loses, we're all out of a job, each and every one of us. I don't know about you two, but this been my dream, ever since Day 1, this is what I wanted to do and I don't wanna be out of a job when it's not my fault. Y'know what, we can beat them tonight. We're in a Tag Team unification match, and if we win, we've got a job regardless - there's no-one who can take away my dream. Tonight, you've got a match for the WWF Women's championship, and when you win that match and become the champion, then nobody can take away your dream. Y'know what, we're gonna do that - we're Team Extreme, and we're gonna keep our dream, you understand what I'm saying" "You guys are next - you know I'll be watching." "Of course you will, baby" A quick smooch for luck. "C'mon Jeff - let's go survive." Man, Matt talks fast. Lita crosses her fingers and heads into the Team WWF locker room - and runs right into a slightly Trish Stratus, who is slightly flustered to see her. "Oh, Lita, hey. Uh, big night tonight, and I just wanted to say good luck. I'm not even ready, I gotta go - good luck, I"ll see you out there." "Good luck" Lita watches her go, then looks at the locker room door, and as she slooowly puts the pieces of the puzzle together, she sighs in frustration.
WWF/WCW Tag Team Title Unification Steel Cage Match
The Hardy Boyz (without Lita, so they're DOOMED) vs. The Dudley Boyz (with Stacy Keibler)
The Hardy Boyz (without Lita, so they're DOOMED) vs. The Dudley Boyz (with Stacy Keibler)
Finkel informs us that victory is achieved either by pinfall or by climbing out of the cage. Leaving through the door is not an option. I can see CRZ's smile from here. Both teams lay their belts on the mat while jawin' back and forth. The ref scoops them up, and gives them to Nick Patrick, who locks the cage door (under Stacy's supervision), and we're underway...waitaminute, Captain Logic notices that they're going to have to tag in and out and exclaims "Since when do tags matter in a cage match?" He's got me.
Matt and Buh Buh will start. Buh Buh charges but Matt dodges, and Buh Buh does sternum first into the corner. Rights by Matt - whip into the corner - another whip into the corner - clothesline. Repeated rights, a quick shot for D-Von, right hand, whip into the Hardyz' corner, tag to Jeff. JR proclaims that there aren't too many surprises these two teams can lay on the other, but Heyman disagrees, saying they've never wrestled a cage match against each other before. Double Irish whip, double elbow, simultaneous elbow drop/splash. Cover, 1, no (They're EVERYWHERE!!) Right by Jeff, another, Irish Whip is reversed, Rock Bottom by Buh Buh (but JR calls it a Side Slam, 'cause Buh Buh aint the Rock, nor is he fighting him) Cover, 1, 2, no. Tag to D-Von. Right, right, right, Irish whip, clothesline misses, drop kick by Jeff. Tag to Matt. Doublt boots in the corner. Right by Matt - Irish whip is reversed, arm drag blocked, into a backslide! 1, 2, no. D-Von with half a reverse overhead suplex (like Golddust's Curtain Call), but then D-Von turns and drops him down on his back. If you know the real name for this move, please tell me. Cover, 1, 2, no. Right by D-Von, Irish whip, Torpedo Elbow. Tag to Buh Buh. Big rights. Matt with two rights, but Buh Buh stops that with a double axe handle. Neckbreaker, BIG elbow, another, and a double axe handle! Cover, 1, 2, no! Tag to D-Von. D-von going for the head-ram into the cage but Matt blocks, Matt tries it but D-Von blocks, knee to the gut, right hand, another, another. Right by Buh Buh. Tag to Buh Buh. Big right to the kidneys. Buh Buh puts Matt on his shoulder and goes to ram him into the cage, but Matt reverses into a Slop Drop. Tag to Jeff! Clothesline on Buh Buh! Shot to D-Von! Another clothesline to Buh Buh! Dropkick to D-Von! Flying double-axe handle on Buh Buh! Cover, 1, 2, no! Matt in now - double whip to the corner - Poetry in Motion on Buh Buh! And again on D-Von! And they're both climbing the cage! But Matt is stopped by D-Von and gets a Russian Leg Sweep off the top rope!! Jeff gets the Buh Buh Bomb of the top rope!!! Everybody's down! Now Buh Buh's up and climbing but he's stopped by Matt and is body slammed off the top(!) Cover, 1, 2, no! Another cover, 1, 2, save by D-Von! Right to D-von by Matt, nother, a third, now Buh Buh over to help out. Double Irish whip on Matt, who is then propelled face-first into the cage! Buh Buh with an Irish whip on Jeff, tries to do the same thing, but Jeff grabs the top of the cage and starts climbing!! Buh Buh quickly latches on to his ankle, now Buh Buh climbs up and pulls him off, puts Jeff on his shoulders - meanwhile, D-Von is on the top rope - DUDLEY DEVICE! Heyman: "What a rush!" HA! Here's a replay of Jeff trying to get out of the cage. Both Dudleyz lay the beats down on Jeff, then pose! More boots, chokehold on Jeff by D-Von. Matt is lying there, out of it. Buh Buh picks up Jeff - double neckbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, Matt saves! D-Von whips Matt into the cage. Matt's caught between the cage and the ropes, so Buh Buh whips D-von right into him, then charges himself and splashes Matt right into the cage at about Mach .6! OW!! Matt collapses - I guess so! Buh Buh poses again - Stacy is pleased. Jeff is rammed into the cage. Replay of the splash into Matt by Buh Buh. Buh Buh whips Jeff into the cage again. Series of rights by D-von. They place Jeff in the middle of the ring and both ascend to the top rope(!) - D'von's flying headbutt MISSES! Buh Buh's senton MISSES! Now Matt on the top rope - double clothesline! Rights to D-Von by matt - Irish whip, elbow. Buh Buh charges, and Matt rams his head into the cage! Kick to the gut - neckbreaker on D-Von! Cover, 1, 2, Buh Buh drops the elbow, but it misses and hits D-Von! Matt with a DDT on Buh Buh - Cover, 1, 2, no! Replay of Buh Buh hitting the cage. Jeff with the Right Angle Leg Drop to the groin on D-Von. Double irish whip on Buh Buh - double back body drop! Matt with an elbow - now both Hardyz goin' to the top of opposite corners! Matt yells aaaahhh - Matt drops the leg and Jeff splashes! Cover, 1, 2, D-Von saves! Now Matt climbing the cage - he's almost out, but D-Von's got him and hauls him down by the hair - but Matt's foot is hooked in the top of the cage in a Tree of Woe position! Whassup Drop on Jeff! Buh Buh slams Matt head into the cage, which dislodges him. "Stacy...get the tables!!" Huh?? Stacy gets a table from under the ring - Nick Patrick protests, but Stacy lifts up her skirt and shows half her ass to stun Patrick. Stacy now hugging Patrick, whispering sweet nothings, while reaching into his pocket and getting the key to the cage! Stacy unlocks the door ad slides the table while Patrick distracts the WWF official in the ring. Patrick complains half-heartedly after the table is in the ring, then locks the door again. 3D through the table NO, Matt clotheslines Buh Buh, and Jeff reverses the drop into a SICK looking DDT! Matt's climbing the cage - he's over the top - but Buh Buh catches him! Exchanging rights - a big right sends Buh Buh to the canvas! And Matt climbs out of the cage! Jeff covers Buh Buh - 1, 2, no! Exchanging rights with D-Von, kick to the stomach by Jeff, who rams D-Von's head into the cage - and again! One more time! Jeff climbing the cage, while D-Von...climbs onto the table and lays there? Jeff on the top - Matt SCREAMING for him to come down, but Jeff sees D-Von on the table! He stands up...looks at the crowd....no damn way.....SWANTON BOMB FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE - MISSES!!!! Jeff goes crashing through the table! Buh Buh crawls over and drapes an arm on Jeff! 1, 2, 3!! (15:41) The Dudley Boyz are the "Undisputed Tag Team Champions"! Matt was climbing back into the cage but only reached the top when the pin was made, and he holds his head in frustration while the Dudleyz and Stacy celebrate and the EMT's come to collect Jeff. Lita's in the ring - mega-concerned, and so is Matt. Captain Logic notices what an OUTSTANDING job the EMT's do by not using a backboard and end up HAULING Jeff out of the ring like a sack of potatoes before putting him on the stretcher.
WWF events promo - There's nothing like the WWF LIVE!
Here's WWF New York, and here's Mick Foley. JR asks why he's there and not in Greensburo since he's the WWF Commish and all. "JR, that's a pretty good question, one I've asked myself a lot. You would think now being that this is a fairly important night in our sport's history to say the least, the WWF Commisioner should be right there in Greensburo, and my heart IS in Greensburo, unfortunately as the Commisioner, I've got to answer to Vince McMahon, and Vince McMahon has ordered me here. So although I'm having a good time in New York City, I'm piling up a helluva bill and billing it to Vince McMahon, the truth is I'd rather be there in Greensburo, and as long as the WWF Commisioner has to answer to the owner, Vince McMahon, then the truth is the Commisionership is kind of a joke." "Alright Mick, thanks very much.." "Oh JR, if I can tell you one this, people want to know who I'm pulling for, truth is I've been in both those organizations, 3 years with WCW, 6 great years in the WWF, so inside, I am pulling, I'm still a WWF person, I'm pulling for the WWF. But regardless of who wins - if it's the Alliance, I'm out of a job, but if it's the WWF, I'll tell you this - I'm on the first place to Charlotte, and I've got some choice words for Vince McMahon" "So you're going to be in Charlotte tomorrow night!" "I'll make it a point to be in Charlotte tomorrow morning."
Meanwhile, Scotty's running up stairs when he's stopped by...TEST! "Hey Scotty, you're in that Immunity Battle Royal, aren't ya?" "Yeah, I'm in the Battle Royal - what's it to ya!" Test SMOKES Scotty from behind!! He follows with FIFTEEN big right hands and leaves Scotty layin' like a stepped-on worm!!! "NOT ANYMORE YOU'RE NOT!!!" YEEAAAHHHH!!!!!
20-Man Over The Top Immunity Battle Royal
"let the bodies hit the *tss tss* FLOOOOOOOOOOOOR!" plays and here comes Raven, Billy Kidman, Steven Richards, Sean Stasiak, DDP, The Hurricane, Tommy Dreamer, Justin Credible and Lance Storm. As they file into the ring, Test, looking pissed, makes HIS way down, because he's too GOOD to enter with everybody else!! Don't even bother having the match NOW, because THERE's your winner!
Puddle Of Mudd plays, and the APA, Crash, Funaki, Perry Saturn, Billy Gunn, Chuck Palumbo, and Albert come down. Albert pauses....then hauls Test down under the bottom rope! Stasiak charges Bradshaw, who immediately tosses him over the top rope before the bell even rings (0:00, I guess), and everybody attacks everybody and we are underway! Where's Tazz? Oh THERE he is, just making his way down now while Stasiak heads back to the locker room. Heyman is NOT happy to see him. Albert's back in now after whipping Test into the pole. A stunned look on Heyman's face is shown as he stares at Tazz. Test is up and waking around the outside - now he's back in and goes to work on Farooq. The Hurricane puts on his cape and flies from the top - and is caught be Farooq who clotheslines him on the top ropes. Bradshaw with the Clothesline From hell, and the Hurricane is Hurri-gone (1:33). Here's a replay of that. Albert gorilla presses Perry Saturn down to the floor (1:59). Test dumps Farooq over (2:06). DDP clothesline Billy Gunn and poses, allowing Palumbo to clothesline him from behind and over the top (2:28). Justin Credible super-kicks Palumbo and sends him over (2:35). DDP, who hadn't gotten out of the way, takes a nasty accidental boot to the head from Palumbo. Geez, how low can it GET for that guy? Hey, here's Hugh Morris and Chavo Guerrero Jr. joining the fray! Nobody really knows what side they're on. Chavo dumps Credible (2:53), while Morris dumps Funaki (3:00). Morris then chucks Raven over the top (3:08), and goes to work on Albert. Here's a replay of DDP getting dumped. I guess the only thing lower than being DDP disposed of by Chuck Palumbo is seeing a replay of DDP getting disposed of by Palumbo. While that's happening, Albert dumps Hugh Morris (3:31). Billy Gunn gorilla presses Chavo onto Morris (3:43). Tazz dumps Crash AND Tommy Dreamer, who were battling with each other (3:57). Lance Storm enziguri's Spike Dudley over the top (4:09). Steven Richards eats a Clothesline From Hell, then is dumped over (4:40). Tazz slams Billy Gunn face-first to the canvas, then looks over at Heyman. "Hey big-mouth! Why don't you come on, you big fat bastard?" Unfortunately for Tazz, talking with Heyman has allowed Billy to recover and dump him over the top from behind (4:55). Heyman cackles uncontrollably - Tazz is PISSED and runs at Heyman, who yells "C'mon!" while hiding behind JR. JR: "Look at yourself - you just wet your pants! You just soiled my shirt! Sit down!" Heyman: "....is he gone?" HAAA! Storm nails Gunn with a beautiful dropkick while Test and Kidman manage to eliminate Albert (5:22). Albert is MAD! Kidman Irish whips Bradshaw who reverses, clothesline misses, high cross body NO Bradshaw caught him, and is fall-away slammed RIGHT OUT OF THE RING! (5:43). Your Final 4 are Lance Storm, Billy Gunn, Bradshaw, and, of course, Test! Storm catches Bradshaw with a dropkick before Bradshaw can bring his foot up for a big boot. Test is working on Billy Gunn, and Storm on Bradshaw. Irish whip on Bradshaw by Storm is reversed - and THERE's the boot Bradshaw meant to throw. Gunn tries to eliminate test - yeah, RIGHT! Neckbreaker by Bradshaw! Test throws Gunn over, but he grabs the top rope and slides in underneath! Bradshaw back body drops Storm over the top, but lands on the apron, and while they're fighting, Test nails Bradshaw from behind, eliminating both men! (7:28) Test celebrates, but doesn't see Gunn behind him! NOW he does - Whitby Boot of Death MISSES, kick to the gut, signal for the Famouser, off the ropes, but Gunn EATS THE WHITBY BOOT OF DEATH and is propelled over the top (7:42)!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, YOUR WINNER, AND IMMUNE FROM LOSING HIS JOB FOR ONE YEAR, TEST!!!!! Test climbs the turnbuckle and slooooowwlly raises his arms in VICTORY....like there was ever any doubt.
WWF Desire - "My Sacrifice" vignette by Creed - this one's almost the full song, and it's the best one yet. I still cringe seeing Angle bounce off the canvas after the missed moonsault off the cage against Benoit.
In the back, Booker and Shane are worried. Shane says "What's up?" Booker: "Let me talk to you for a second man. Shane, I trust you, there's something you need to know though bro - I don't trust Austin. Look man, this guy DTA - don't trust anybody, everybody knew about that - I've been here since Day 1, I'm all about the Alliance. I'm not about to lose my job because of Stone Cold Steve Austin, you understand what I'm sayin'?" "Oh I think I absolutely understand. Do you know what I have riding on this Booker? It's not just your job, it's your livelihood - it's my entire life! I gotta tell ya, I looked in his eyes, Austin's the GUY! Austin is the guy that came over! Austin is the guy that will lead us to the promised land tonight! You've gotta trust me - you've gotta trust me. One thing I know - we have to stay together as a team. We don't do that - we don't have a shot." " Y"know what? I hope you're right" "I know I'm right."
Women's Six-Pack Challenge for the WWF Women's Championship
Trish Stratus vs. Jaqueline vs. Lita vs. Ivory vs. Mighty Molly vs. I Dunno
Trish Stratus vs. Jaqueline vs. Lita vs. Ivory vs. Mighty Molly vs. I Dunno
We're told that it's everybody for themselves, regardless of what side they're on. Anybody can tag anybody. Everybody's in the ring now waiting for the mystery guest. And the mystery guest is.....Jazz! The crowd.....DOESN'T MAKE A SOUND upon seeing her TitanTron! Jazz sprints to the ring and sidewalk slams Lita, and we're underway!
Jazz stomping away on Lita - double- underhook overhead suplex!! And Jazz tossed Lita like she weighed 20 pounds. Double axe handle, boot, forearm, irish whip, sidewalk slam NO, head scissors by Lita! Jazz tags Molly, Jackie blind-tags Lita. Molly shows her muscles, and wants a test of strength! Jackie agrees, locks up, then kicks one of Mollys hands and sweeps her leg, cover, 1, no (EVEN THE WOMEN'S MATCHES!) Molly's right misses, knife-edge by Jackie, another, irish whip, shoulder block by Molly. Mighty Pose! Off the ropes, Jackie drops down, then leapfrogs, then hiptosses Molly. Dropkick! Molly tags Ivory, who is greated with a dropkick. Irish whip is reversed, sunset flip by Jackie, 1, 2, reversal, 1, 2, reversal, 1, 2, reversal, 1, reversal! They're reversing so fast the ref can barely keep up! Catapult by Ivory, clotheslining Jackie on the second rope! Jackie tags Trish, and the crowd cheers for the first time! Clothesline misses, takedown - catapult into the second rope! Flapjack! Off the ropes, but Molly kicks Trish in the back - boot to the gut, forearm to the back, Ivory runs over and hammers Lita, double axe handle on Trish - now all three Alliance ladies are hammering Trish! Lita in, throws off Ivory, hits Molly, hits Jazz. Jackie in, and she hammers Jazz with a right Jackie and Lita double-clothesline Ivory, Lita whips Jazz into the corner. Lita gets Jackie to get down on all fours - Lita In Motion clothesline! Lita and Jackie Hi-5. Lita whips Molly into the corner - Jackie down again - Lita starts running, but Jackie hops up and nails Lita with a clothesline! I'm glad SOMEbody remembers it's every girl for herself! But Molly to the top - Molly Go Round on Jackie! Trish kicks Molly down, but Ivory kicks Trish - X-Factor (JR: Poison Ivory). Twist of Fate on Ivory by Lita! Up to the top - moonsault HITS! Cover, 1, 2, Jazz saves! Molly and Jazz hammer away on lita - double Irish whip, double clothesline misses, Lita with a double clothesline of her own! "Lita" chant. Lita with a right to Molly - right to Jazz - dumps Molly outside - Jazz with a rake of the face, forearm, Irish whip right into Trish, who back-drops Lita to the outside! Jazz waiting for Trish to turn - she charges but Trish yanks the second rope down and Jazz goes flying to the outside! But Ivory's up and boots Trish in the gut - back suplex NO Trish lands on her feet - SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG (JR: Stratusfaction)! Cover, 1, 2, 3!!! (4:23) That was quite a bit better than I expected. So JR gets all the women's names right, but not the mens...hmmmm.....
JR and Heyman continue jawing back and forth (and doing it very well), while they mention that Sunday, December the 9th is Vengence. Triple H is shown in the background. Hmmm.....
Backstange, Vince looks at the Big Show....then Kane...then The Undertaker...then Chris Jericho...then The Rock, who is jumping up and down, warming up. "Alright, before you men go out there tonight there are a few things I have to get off my chest. Firstly I have every confidence that Team WWF will be victorious here tonight. Every confidence. However, I am a pragmatist, and I realize I could be looking at a group of losers. If that were to happen here tonight- if you were to lose this match here tonight - I would like you to remember a number or things. There isn't one WWF fan anywhere in the world that would ever, ever forgive you. Not one." Rock's still jumping. "Should you lose this match tonight, each and every one of you would be personally and professionally disgraced." Someone tell Rock to stop jumping. "Should you lose this match tonight, then all of you, and each one individually, would justifiably be ridiculed by your own peers, and your own family members." Rock, PLEASE stop jumping. "Should you lose this match tonight, then what does it say for those who have precedes you. Those who have passed on, yet their spirit still lives here in the World Wrestling Federation. Names like...Buddy Rogers. Names like Dr. Jerry Graham. Names like Gorilla Monsoon. Andre the Giant!" Staring right at Rock, who is STILL JUMPING. "HIGH CHIEF PETER MIAVIA!" Rock sniffs - and goes right on jumping. "What would that say? Now collectively, individually, you might be saying 'I know you've got something for us, Mr. McMahon! I've been hearing you talk about how Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna jump to the World Wrestling Federation tonight. Well for the purposes of that notion, I want you all to consider that notion total and complete utter BS." For the LOVE of GOD, Rock, STOP JUMPING!!! "Because tonight, all of you...fight for the highest stakes you've ever faught for! It doesn't get any higher than fighting for survival. And tonight, each and every one of you will fight for survival. And you'll feel that exhilaration that you can only feel by laying it on the line!" If Chris Jericho was to turn and clothesline The Rock RIGHT NOW and yell "STOP JUMPING! In fact, Never...eeeever....jump agayne!", he would surpass even Test as my favorite wrestler. Unfortunately, Rock KEEPS JUMPING. I'm blown up just WATCHING him. "So tonight, I've chosen each and every one of you...I've chosen you to participage in this Survivor Series elimination matchup. And by you joining this team, tonight you will honor the World Wrestling Federation. Now go out there...and do it." Rock runs off screen - THANK GOD. Vince looks worried.
Team Alliance is walking around backstage! Here's a big vignette showing how we arrived at this, the moment everybody's been waiting for! We've waited long enough, lets GO, already!
Survivor Series Elimination Matchup For Control Of Sports Entertainment
Team Alliance: Shane McMahon, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Kurt Angle, and Stone Cold Steve Austin
Team WWF: Kane, The Undertaker, Big Show, Chris Jericho, and The Mexican Jumping Rock
Team Alliance: Shane McMahon, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Kurt Angle, and Stone Cold Steve Austin
Team WWF: Kane, The Undertaker, Big Show, Chris Jericho, and The Mexican Jumping Rock
Alliance enters first - Shane, then Booker, RVD, Kurt, and finally, Austin. Then the WWF - Big Show, Kane, Undertaker, Chris Jericho, and finally, The Rock. Both locker rooms are shown packed to the rafters with everybody, and they all look worried. During all the entrances, Captain Logic completely DESTROYS Kanes ENTIRE GIMMICK by saying "If Kane's face is so scarred, how does he grow a beard?" After I stop laughing, The Rock and Austin spot each other and start trading rights, and we're underway!
Knee to the gut by Austin, puts Rock in the corner, 3 knife-edges, Rock ducks the fourth, right, right, right, right floors Austin. Irish whip reversed, elbow misses, Lou Thesz by Austin, followed with right hands! Austin off the ropes, fingers for everybody, then he drops the elbow! Cover, 1, 2, no. Rights by Austin, Irish whip is reversed clothesline misses, Lou Thesz press BY ROCK! Right hands, fingers for everybody by the Rock, double axe handle! Cover, 1, Shane saves! Austin tags Booker. Series of rights and kicks. Big knife edge chop! Irish whip, clothesline misses, Rock's doesn't. Cover, 1, 2, Shane saves again! Rock rams Booker's head into Taker's foot, and tags Y2J. 3 big knife-edges, Irish whip, back body drop NO kick by Booker, Booker charges and gets flapjacked! Dropkick to Booker's back! Booker tags RVD, and the crowd likes that! Lockup, side headlock by Jericho, Irish whip, shoulder block by Jericho, RVD flips up. Y2J off the ropes, RVD leapfrogs, then rolls off Jericho's back, then runs Jericho into the ropes - Jericho grabs the top rope and RVD somersaults off - RVD's spinning heel kick misses, Jericho's does not. Big suplex by Jericho. Knee to the head, another, right, forearm byt RVD. Exchanging punches, 3 knife-edges by Jericho, Irish whip, dropkick but RVD holds the ropes! Cartwheel Splash! Cover, 1, 2, no! Forearm, kick, punch, Irish whip to the corner is reversed, Jericho charges, RVD jumps over him and does a back flip. Hurricanrana NO, Jericho reverses into the Walls of Jericho!! But Shane saves AGAIN! I sense a pattern. Rock is in and mad at Shane's interference. RVD tags Booker, but Y2J tags Kane! Booker doesn't relish the idea of messin' with the Big Red Machine, but Kurt Angle blind-tags! Kane's right misses, right by Angle, 2 more, Kane grabs him by the throat, throws him in the corner, and unleashes a flurry of punches. Whip into the corner, followed with a clothesline! Right, boot to the gut, suplex NO, Angle drops down - GERMAN SUPLEX on Kane! But Kane sits up! Angle unloads with punches, whips into the corner is reversed - sidewalk slam by Kane! Kane to the top - Big Red Clothesline!! Cover, 1, SHANE SAVES AGAIN! Rock is FURIOUS, and JR calls Shane "the boil on the butt of life". Meanwhile, Kane tags the Taker. Big boot to the gut sends Angle down, right, right, right, Taker scares the ref away. Head into the turnbuckle, elbow, whip into the other corner, Taker charges but eats elbow. Angle tags Booker, who is greeted with and a right. Irish whip, big boot to the face. Big leg drop! Cover, 1, 2, and guess who saves AGAIN and sprints out of the ring just as fast! Taker working on Booker's arm, and calls for the Old Skool - up he goes, there he walks, and there's yer Old Skool. Taker lifts up Booker by the arm he's working on - flips Booker over, leg drop on the arm, armbar by Taker. Booker somersaults backwards into a pinning combination, 1, 2, no! Taker clotheslines Booker, cover, 1, 2, and Shane just can't stop this thing he's started. Tag to Austin, right, right, Taker in the corner, Austin stompin' a mudhole in 'em. Choking Taker on the second rope - Shane holds him there while Austin goes off the ropes but Taker dodges! Clothesline! Taker with Old Skool on Austin, and nearly slips off the top rope this time. Cover, 1, Shane saves yet AGAIN! Austin heads to the wrong corner and gets a right from Kane, and a right from Taker drops him. Austin pushes Taker into the wrong corner, and the all get their blows in. Tag to Booker and Angle lays some punches down on the Taker. Angle decides to stay in the ring, so Booker gets out of the ring. More rights by Kurt, Taker fires back with 3 of his own, Irish whip, neckbreaker by Kurt! Cover, 1, 2, no! Right by Kurt, three by Taker, clothesline misses, Angle tries a German but it's no go, elbows by Taker, Angle clothesline misses, DDT by Taker. Ref starts counting while both men crawl to their corners! Taker tags The Big Show! Clotheline on Angle, and another! Into the corner, HUGE chop, knee, knee, Whip is reversed, then reversed again by Show. Down comes the Show's straps! Show tosses Angle across the ring like a sack of potatoes. RVD in - he's clotheslined. Gorilla press - flapjack! Right hands for all of Team Alliance! Goozle on Angle - but Angle lays a kick - ANGLE SLAM! Tag to Booker - SCISSOR KICK - SPINAROONI! Tag to RVD - 5-STAR FROG SPLASH! NOW Shane wants in - Flying Savage Elbow! Shane covers - 1,2,3!! (12:35) It's 5-4 for the Alliance, and the Alliance locker room celebrates, while the WWF's locker room does not. Shane's dancing around the ring, but doesn't see the Rock behind him - Shane slowly turns - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, spit, BIG right! Clothesline! Rock pauses - and then tags in Kane, and signals for Kane to chokeslam him - which he does!! Kane tags Taker! He motions to the other corner - picks up Shane - TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! That's illegal!! Tag to Jericho - Lionsault! Cover, 1, 2, 3! (14:25) Now the WWF locker room celebrates, 'cause it's 4-4! Angle in - Jericho with rights and forearms, irish whip, belly to belly NOJericho with elbows, off the ropes, Angle's clothesline misses, flying jalapeno! Double-underhook backbreaker!!! Cover, 1, 2, Austin saves! Jericho takes a shot at Austin, but turns and Angle takes him down and lands a series of rights. Shane is being assisted out of the area. Tag to Booker. Body slam! Another! A third!! Robotic Knee Drop! Tag to RVD! Kicks to Jericho while we watch a replay of the Tombstone. Steph is scared! RVD works on Jericho in the corner - whip into the opposite corner, shoulder block! Another! Back flip, shoulder block NO, Jericho over the top and rolls him up! 1, 2, NO! Clothesline by Jericho! Tag to Kane! Right, right, Irish Whip, big boot. Clothesline! Another! Irish whip, RVD rolls off Kanes back, RVD throws a punch but Kane catches it and crushes his hand until RVD kicks him in the head. Kane backs into the corner - kick, kick, shoulder block, another, back flip, HUGE clothesline by Kane. You'd think RVD would learn the first time! Big slam by Kane - off the ropes but Booker hits him, so Kane brings HIM in the hard way - Big bootfor Booker, Spinning heel kick by RVD - up to the top - 5 STAR FROG SPLAH CONNECTS!! RVD slowly over for the cover, but Kane goozles him and stands up!! Booker saves with a big side kick! Taker in to throw Booker outside, Angle hits Taker and how ALL HELL has broken loose with everybody fighting each other on the outside except RVD and Kane. RVD to the top - one-legged drop kick! I hate that move...he's gonna break his ankle some day, I swear. Cover, 1, 2, 3!! (18:14) It's 4-3 Alliance, and their locker room likes it! Taker in with rights to RVD in the corner. Booker in, Taker nails him with a right - Austin in, he throws ustin in the third corner, Angle in, Taker throws him in the other corner! Running clothesline for all four guys in the corner! Clothesline sends Booker T outside, and there's one for RVD, sending him outside! Snake Eyes on Angle! Off the ropes, Big Boot for Angle! Clothesline for Austin! Taker signals for the Last Ride - and it HITS!! Booker with a chair in the ring, and gets a big boot for his troubles, but Austin's up - STONE COLD STUNNER! Austin drapes Angle over taker, 1, 2, 3!!! (19:56). It's 4-2 Alliance! Alliance locker room - very happy! WWF locker room - very worried! Heyman smells victory! Booker rolls Rock into the ring - Angle tags Booker. Big stomps, forearm, Irish whip, clothesline misses, right, right, right, right, Irish whip reversed, BEAUTIFUL Side Heel Kick! Here's a replay of that - man, that was AWESOME. Booker picks up Rock, but Rock explodes with a boot and a DDT! Cover, 1, 2, Kurt saves! Both men down, so the ref counts! 1...2...3...4...5...6...both men up! Jericho's hurting big-time for the beating he took on the outside. Rock's right BLOCKED, right by Booker, knee to the gut, another, a third, off the ropes, Samoan Drop by Rock! Cover, 1, 2, Austin saves!! Both men up slowly - forearm by Booker, Irish whip is reversed and Booker crashes into Angle! Schoolboy, 1, 2, 3!! It's 4-3 Alliance! The WWF locker room is happier! RVD in and laying the boots to Rock. Series of rights, forearms, and kicks. Whip into the corner is reversed, Rock charges but gets a knee to the gut. RVD jumps to the top, but Rock catches him and powerbombs him off the top with one arm - 1, 2, NO! Jericho wants the tag! Rock crawling slowly....and MAKES THE TAG! Dropkick to RVD's head while he's on the ground before he can tag! Irish whip, RVD reverses, flying elbow! Shoulder block! Neckbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Knife-edge! Another! A third! Whip into the corner is reversed, RVD charges but Jericho jumps over him - Bulldog! Lionsault - RVD dodges but Jericho lands on his feet - Spinning Heel Kick by RVD! Split-Legged Moonsault but Jericho got the knees up! BREAKDOWN, Cover, 1, 2, 3! (24:44) Man, NOBODY in the crowd expected that to keep RVD down. Nonetheless, it's 2 a-piece each, as my grandfather likes to say. Angle in laying the boots to Jericho, Austin in but Rock intercepts him! Austin and Rock tumble to the outside! Angle with rights in the corner on Jericho! Austin catapults Rock right into the ring post while Angle fireman's carries Jericho over and throws on a headlock! Jericho slowly to his feet - elbow, another, Angle grabs Jericho's foot and takes him down - series of boots - cover, 1, 2, no! Tag to Austin. Boot, right, knife edge, another, a third, Austin puts Y2J on the top turnbuckle - SUPERPLEX!!! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Irish whip is reversed, Austin runs right by Jericho - they lock up, Austin back body drops Jericho. Cover, 1, 2, no! Tag to Angle - rights, Angle choking Jericho on the second rope. Now Austin choking him on the bottom rope. Lots of boots by Angle. Irish whip, elbow. Cover, 1, 2, no. German Suplex NO, Jericho rolls over him and puts on THE ANKLELOCK! Angle rolls right out of it! Irish whip tries to be reversed but it doesn't quite work - clothesline by Angle. Tag to Austin. Body slam by Austin! Suplex! Austin to the second rope - changes his mind and stomps him! Irish whip, elbow! Choking Jericho with the boot! Tag to Angle! Elbow to the head - another! Right hand! Another! Angle stomping away! Tag to Austin! Angle holds Jericho so Austin can stomp'em! More stomps! Snapmare - headlock! Jericho slowly to his feet - right by Jericho, another, exchanging rights, knife-edge by Jericho, another, Irish whip, clothesline misses, double clothesline! Both men down! Ref counts - 1...2...3...4...5...6...Austin tags Angle - JERICHO TAGS ROCK! Rock with a bunch of rights - Irish whip reversed, boot by Angle - Rock reverses again, belly to belly throw! Right hand to Austin! Angle goes for a kick but Rock catches it - Dragon Leg Screw! SHARPSHOOTER - AND ANGLE TAPS!!!! (31:46) It's 2-1 WWF! Austin hammers Rock, and Jericho blind-tags! Knife-edges in the corner, whip out, Austin reverses, Jericho jumps to the second rope, cross body but Austin rolls through! 1,2, no! Irish whip, Lou Thesz NO, Jericho going for the Walls Of Jericho, but Austin rakes the eyes and gets free! Take-down, now AUSTIN going for the Walls!! Jericho breaks free! Kick by Austin, up on the second turnbuckle double axe handle NO, Jericho with a shot to the gut! Lionsault HITS THE KNEES!!! Cover, 1, 2, NO!!! Austin puts Jericho on the top turnbuckle - series of knife-edges! Austin up - exchanging punches - Jericho pushes Austin off! Jericho on the rop rope - missile dropkick! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Knife-edge, another, Irish whip, reversed, Jericho rolls him up, 1, 2, Austin reverses, 1, 2, 3!!! (34:24) It's Rock vs. Austin for all the marbles!!!! Rock and Austin exchange punches like madmen while the ref tells Jericho he's elminiated - Jericho ain't happy about it! Irish whip by Austin is reversed - Spinebuster! BREAKDOWN ON ROCK BY JERICHO!!!!!!!!!!! Jericho walks out, cursing!!! The WWF locker room can't believe it!!!!!! Austin sloowwwwllly crawls over - 1, 2, NO!!!!!!! Jericho can't believe it, so he HEADS BACK TO THE RING - but now The Undertaker is out to intercept Jericho and backs him up the stage into the back! Rock and Austin are lying in the middle of the ring.....Austin up, mounts Rock, a HUGE series of rights! Repeated stomps! Finger to the ref! More stomps! Hebner pulls him off - Austin flips him off and pushes him! Rock is up, right hands! Irish whip reversed, and Rock is tossed outside, smacking his leg on the announcer's table!! Austin outside, Austin shoppin' the rock down! Rock throws Austin on the Spanish announcers table and throws rights of his own! Austin ets off and whips Rock into the ringpost! And again!! Rock's head rammed into the stairs! Austin whips Rock into the Spanish table but Rock reverses, tossing Austin clean over it! Rock follows, peppering Austin with rights! Austin's head rammed into the table! Rock rolls him back in. Stomps by Rock. Knife edge! Another! A third! Irish whip, reversed, spinebuster by Austin! Austin with the SHARPSHOOTER - can't quite get it cinched - how he does! Rock yelling in pain, heading towards the rope....Hebner asking him if he gives up....Rock gets another burst of energy and reaches the rope!!! Austin won't break the hold!!!!! He finally does, shoving off Hebner. Austin to the outside - he grabs his WWF title belt!! Rushes Rock - Belt shot MISSESS - Spinebuster by Rock - SHARPSHOOTER! Austin crawls for the ropes, still holding the belt - and makes it! BUT ROCK PULLS HIM OFF! AND HEBNER DOESN'T MAKE HIM BREAK THE HOLD! Finally, Austin gets the ropes again, and Rock breaks the hold. This is a MARATHON! Low blow by ustin! Double finger KICK WHAM NO, Rock catches it, turns Austin around, finger, KICK, STUNNER BY ROCK!!!!!!! Both men down!!!! Rock crawls over for the pin! 1, 2, Nick Patrick out of nowhere pulls Hebner out and clobbers him!! Patrick tells Rock "I'M the official!" Rock goes for a Rock Bottom on Patrick but Austin pushes him off - ROCK BOTTOM BY AUSTIN!!!! Cover! 1! 2! NOOO!!!!!! Austin complaints to Patrick - then hammers him with a right hand! Austin pulls Hebner back into the ring! Rock to his feet! Stunner NO, Rock shoves Austin into Hebner! Hebner's down again! Rock set up - Rock Bottom NO, Austin pushes him off - STONE COLD STUNNER!!!!!!!!!! Austin covers......but there's no ref!!! Austin goes and pulls Hebner up - but here comes Kurt Angle! Angle grabs the belt - AND NAILS AUSTIN!!!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!!! Cover! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!!!!!!! (44:50) The WWF controls sports-entertainment, the Alliance is dead, and those who bet on Angle being a double-agent are collecting their money tomorrow!! Heyman's in complete and utter shock!! The WWF locker room goes crazy!! Stephanie screams in diebelief!!!! JR to Paul: "You're out of business!! AGAIN!!! The Alliance is out of business!!" And now Vince McMahon is out, his arms raised in victory! He takes off his jackets throws it down, and raises his arms in victory one more time while The Rock hoists his belt to the millions!!!
HUGE WWF logo, and THAT'S IT!!!
Well, the Tajiri/Regal match could've been longer, and it would've been nice to have a build-up to the Christian/Al Snow match, but there were no bad matches at all - even the women's match was better than expected. And the main event had me guessing right up until Angle smoked Austin with the belt, so you'll hear very little complaints out of me. Very good show - not absolutely AMAZING, but totally, totally solid.
So! Austin is still the WWF Champ, but he does he have a job? The Rock is the WCW Champ, but does that belt even exist anymore? What will Foley's "choice words" be? And what'll become of Jericho?? I'll wonder about all this later, because the clock struck 7:30 AM EST, and I'm going to bed happy, because TEST STILL HAS A JOB. Gooooood NIGHT!