WARNING: The following program, and its subsequent recap, contains material that may offend some viewers. Discretion is advised!
WARNING 2: If you intercept this transmission, it's bad - real bad! So if you're doing it, stop - or I'll say 'stop' again!
Opening Montage - Ezekiel 25:17 - The path of the righteous is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of Good, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brothers' keeper, and the finder of lost souls.
Undertaker, Rock, Kurt Angle - all take turns quoting Samuel L. Jackson liberally. I hope he's getting royalties or somethin' - and you will know he is the one when he lays his Vengeance upon thee!
And now, Subway presents WWE VENGEANCE!
Plenty O' Pyro and Trust Company inform us that we are LIVE from Dee-troit Michigan, in the Joe Louis Arena! Michael Cole (yes, Michael Cole!) tells us about the Triple Threat while the very first sign I see says "TEST". BEST PAY-PER-VIEW EVER! And THERE are the best three hand-drawn signs I've seen in an audience! If you spend THAT much time on your sign, you'd BETTER get TV time!
In case you missed Heat, Tazz and Cole came out and said "Hey, WE wanna call PPV's too!" So JR and the King (grudgingly) said "alright - you do the first half, we'll do the second!" So there you go - and just after Tazz finishes explaining what I just said (just not as eloquently as ME - ME - MEMEMEMEME), there's some Dudley Pyro!
Tag Team Table Match Chris Benoit and Eddie Gurerreo vs. Spike and Bubba Ray Dudley
Howard Finkel reminds us that BOTH men must go through tables in order for a team to be declared the winner. Bubba and Spike bring their own table, 'cause damnit, this is THEIR type of match. There's already a table set up on the outside, and the arena is lined with 'em. There's the bell!
Benoit and Spike will start - kick by Benoit, right, whip, back elbow. Back suplex. This is Benoit's first PPV action in 13 moths, and I've missed him, yes, I have. Kick, short clothesline. Back breaker! Whip to the corner, Guerrero holds him while Benoit lays in some chops and rights. Irish whip, hiptoss NO Spike holds on and turns into an armdrag, then rushes over and tags Bubba. Drop toe hold by Benoit, and Eddie dropkicks him in the face for good measure. Eddie will now take over, even though there was no real tag. Right, right, right, right, kick, right, right, tag to Benoit, lots of kicks, double Irish whip, double elbow. Whip by Benoit, big-time clothesline. Snap suplex! It's all Eddie and Chris here. Eddie's in, step on the hand, right, snapmare, 360 Foot on the face. I the corner, right, whip is reversed, but Guerrero dropkicks Bubba in the knee and tags Benoit. Bodyslam, off the ropes, drops the elbow. Whip is reversed, clothesline misses Benoit but hits Eddie, but Bubba backs right into a German Suplex! Kick, whip into the corner. Tag to Eddie. Kicks by Benoit. Eddie with a shot to the back, then leaps over the ropes and drops Bubba's throat on the second rope - nice! Eddie getting cocky now - big right. And another. Bubba looks stunned. Here's an extended eye rake- Bubba makes sure his eyes still work. Benoit now kicking Bubba while Eddie stands on him, but Spike's in to break that up. Ref sends Spike back to the corner while Benoit works over Bubba. Whip, baaaack body drop! It's ALL Benoit/Guerrero here. Forearm, Bubba with a chop, forearm, chop by Bubba, kick, kick, kick, choke by Benoit. Here's Eddie over to help the choke while Spike complains to the ref. Right, Bubba fires off an elbow to Eddie but Benoit with another kick - now bubba explodes out, throwing rights and elbows at both guys, but the two of them beat him right back down into the corner again. Whip to the corner, and Bubba bounces off the turnbuckle right into a front bump, sellin' the whip like the true pro he is. Eye rake, kick, another big whip. And there's a quick elbow for Spike. Benoit tells Eddie to get a table as he kicks Bubba continuously. Big elbow by Benoit as Eddie struggles a bit with the table - now he's got it set up outside the ring. Spike comes charging in, Benoit's clothesline misses but Spike keeps going, uses Bubba's back as a springboard, and lands a nice somersault plancha on Eddie!! Benoit with a double axe handle on Bubba, then goes outside to ram Spike into the barrier, then whips him BIG TIME into the steps. Benoit back in the ring now. Clothesline Benoit picks up Bubba but Bubba breaks free, right, left, right, chop, whip is reversed, Eddie trips Bubba from outside, and Benoit drops an elbow! Eddie gets another table, and slides it into the ring. Eddie starts beating on Bubba as Benoit gets the table set up. NW it's up - bubba's n the corner - he's up on the top turnbuckle - looks like a double superplex - and they Do, but Spike moved the table! Now Spike beats on Benoit, and now Guerrero, but Benoit nails him from behind. Guerrero brings ANOTHER table into the ring - there's a gourdbuster by Benoit on Spike. Now Eddie and Chris set the table in the corner - Benoit rams Spike into the corner - both men beat him down - whip to the table but Bubba catches him before he goes through! He earns some punches from Eddie and Chris for that - double whip but Spike grabs Eddie's leg, and Bubba clotheslines Benoit! And again! Whip, baaaack body drop! And a baaaack body drop for Eddie! Sidewalk Slam on Benoit! Guerrero kicks Bubba, twists his arm, goes to the top, but Bubba slams him off! Now Bubba drabs Benoit - slam - And Spike with the Top Rope Stomp! Three lefts, crotch grab - big elbow n Guerrero! Slam on Benoit - whasssuuuuuuuup drop! "Spike - Get the tabled!" But before he can, Benoit slaps him in the Crossface!! Spike taps, but that don't matta here - and Bubba breaks it up. Whip by Benoit reversed - Samoan Drop! Bubba grabs the table in the corner and sets it up properly - Benoit charges but eats elbow, then has his head driven in to the table a couple of times. Bubba to the corner - DON'T DO THE SENTON - Guerrero tries to break it up but fails - Bubba drops but Benoit moves and Bubba goes crashing through! But, no offensive move put him through, so he's still in it! Guerrero not lays a beating on Spike. Whip, head scissor by Spike! Benoit charges, Spike dodges, and Benoit and Guerrero go flying over the top rope! Eddie gets back in the ring, sees the table outside - looks at spike - table - spike - he tries to suplex him through but Spike lands on the apron - DUDLEY DOG THROUGH THE TABLE! Actually, Spike took the MUCH worse brunt of that move. Nevertheless, Eddie is eliminated! Benoit throws Spike into the ring and gets another table from underneath the ring. Tazz and Cole does a good job of covering for Benoit's struggling with the table by saying how this isn't their kind of match. Spike grabs Benoit - Dudley Dog NO Benoit flips him over his head - right BLOCKED, right by Benoit, whip, kick - gorilla press - RIGHT OUTSIDE THROUGH A TABLE. Spike is eliminated! Bubba's in but gets a clothesline from Benoit. Benoit now setting up a table in the middle of the ring - waiting for Bubba to get up - German NO shows to Benoit's back - BUBBA BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! Dudleys win! (15:00) Bubba screams in pain/victory, and Spike comes over for a big hug. Eddie is OUT on the outside and Benoit's not much better. Bubba can barely make it back as Cole says "that's what a table match will do to you". Here's a replay of all the table crashin'
Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff is looking at YOU! And, he's with the Coach. He's very pleased with the Raw superstar's performance in that match - they were all about ruthless aggression, and that's why he's here to sign the most ruthless athlete he knows of, Triple H. Eric spots H walkin' and races off. H is heading for the SmackDown GM's office. Bischoff asks him what he's going - H says he gave him an opportunity, now he has to give Steph one. "What, are you negotiating?" "Eric, it's like you always say - Negotiating? Always!" H enters. Eric looks upset. Coach says he's stayin' there until H comes out to get the scoop. Back to ringside!
WWF Cruiserweight Title Match Jamie Noble (champ) vs. Billy Kidman (challenger)
Here's a replay of Kidman's victory on Tajiri, and the subsequent misting and SHOCKING powerbomb on Kidman. Kidman's lost the tights, to the relief of many, I'm sure, and is back to his black and green shorts, since Noble stole his jean-shorts.
Lockup, Kidman backs Noble to the corner, they struggle - and go flying out of the ring! They get up, look at each other, race back into the ring, and lock up again! Kidman backs Noble into the ropes, Ref wants a break, Noble with a kick to the gut - and another. Whip, kitchen sink NO rollup by Kidman 1 2 no! Backslide 1 2 no! Noble clothesline misses, Kidman off the ropes and now on Noble's shoulders, victory roll NO Noble doesn't roll 1 2 NOW he rolls, 1, 2, no! Noble rolls outside and he's MAD Kidman makes the belt movement while he waits. Now Noble is back in. Lockup, knee by Noble, shots to the back, snapmare, Off the ropes, Kidman drops down, then a leapfrog, flying head scissors! Right, whip is reversed, baaaack body drop but Noble lands on the apron - shoulder block to Kidman! Second attempt but Kidman jumps and drops a leg on 'em! Nidia checks on her baby. Kidman launches himself over the top but Noble pushes him off and he lands on his feet - Noble grabs Nidia and throws HER into Kidman - Kidman catches her and sidesteps but this lets Noble land a NASTY armbar takedown! Noble rams Kidman into the post! Rolls him in, cover, 1, 2, no! Here's a replay of the armbar. Noble with a Northern Lights (release) suplex - cover, 1, 2, no. Noble works on the arm - ref asks Kidman if he wants to quit, he says no. Kidman fires off rights, , off the ropes, slides underneath, tries to lift him up but Kidman's arm gives out, and Noble takes advantage and rams him into the pole! Noble out to collect Kidman, rolls him back in. There's an there's an armdrag but he holds on to the arm - Tazz calls it a "keylock". Kidman trying to build momentum - he's on his feet - right to the stomach, Noble twists the arm but gets an elbow, tries again and gets punched, tries again and gets a clothesline. Kick, right, right, right, whip is reversed - hurricanrana by Kidman! Dropkick! Whip is reversed - fireman's carry into a neckbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, no! Right by Kidman, whip to the corner, Noble comes out backwards, Kidman charges but gets a kick to the stomach - Now Kidman throws Noble off, but Noble grabs the arm - another armbar takedown, and Noble immediately jumps on Kidman with a Fujiwara armbar! Kidman yelling in pain, but he makes it to the ropes. Kick, kick, powerbomb NO Kidman reversed into an X-Factor - 1 2 NO! Kidman with a kick, and an enziguri (sorta). Setting him up - Shooting Star NO NOBLE caught him - they're both on top - but Kidman powerbombs him from the top! That's the move that beat him on SmackDown -1, 2, NO!! Nidia applauds her man. Kidman up first - headlock, Noble shoves Kidman in but Kidman stops himself and catches Noble with an elbow - Kidman on top, Noble catches him - Tornado DDT NO Noble drops Kidman on the apron, so Kidman drops Noble on the top rope! Now Kidman's back up top again - Shooting Star MISSES!! Here's a rollup by Noble - 1, 2, NO! Kick by Noble - Suplex NO Kidman floats over, then Noble goes behind, elbows by Kidman, clothesline misses - double-underhook - TIGER BOMB by Noble! Cover, 1, 2, 3! (7:35). Nidia jumps up and down and hugs her man - the trailer will be rockin' tonight! Here's a replay of the Shooting Star miss, and then the Tiger Bomb.
Here's a VERY intense Kurt Angle with Mark Lloyd. Lloyd says something about "If you win the title" - but Angle stops him and says he only deals in "when"s. "And when the Rock or Undertaker taps to my anklelock, THEN" ".THEN IT'S ON TO SUMMERSLAM!" The last line is provided by Paul Heyman, with Brock Lesnar in tow. Heyman is pleased to introduce Brock to Kurt. "Oh really, The Next Big Thing. Well I'm Kurt Angle, Olympic Gold Medallist and the NEXT Undisputed Champion." They shake hands. Heyman starts spewing on about Brock but Kurt won't have it. "Brock, I'd love to face you at Summerslam. I-C champion vs. Undisputed Champion. But if you even think about messin' with me the way you did Taker last week, I will take you down so fast, you won't know what hit you. See this isn't the Summer of Brock, it's All Year Angle, got it? " Brock leans in OH MY GOD THEY'RE GONNA KISS "Good luck tonight..Kurt." Lesnar and Brock leave. "Boy, he's full of himself. I hate pompus people"
WWE European Championship Jeff Hardy (champion> vs. William Regal (challenger)
When did they add THIS match? Let me guess, the first half of Heat when I was out buying my dinner, right? Figured as much. Here's a replay of Jeff's title win, and Regal's crying afterward from 2 weeks ago.
Circle, lockup, Regal forces Jeff into the corner, Jeff reversed - Regal with a head butt, forearm, forearm, whip to the corner but Jeff jumps over him - Jeff gives him a look, and earns himself a slap from Mr. Regal. Headlock, Jeff shoots him off - shoulder block by Regal. Cover, 1, no. Another, 1, 2, no. Yet another, 1, 2, no. Regal with a headbutt to the stomach - back body drop NO sunset flip NO Regal picks him up by the green hair and turns him over and drives the knee down into his head. Cover, 1, 2, no. Whip to the corner reversed - Jeff charges but eats boot. Regal's knee is WAY late. Kicks to the leg, off the ropes, flying forearm (sorta). Jawbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, no! Jeff takers Regal down - catapults him out of the ring (with Regal doing a noticeable jump). Jeff does for a dropkick through the ropes but Regal grabs him - trying to pull him off the rope for a powerbomb but Jeff converts it to a head scissors! Barricade Run but Regal ducks and Jeff crashes to the ground. Regal rolls him back in - cover, 1, 2, no. Whip to the corner, Whisper In The Wind! Right by Jeff, whip reversed, Jeff dives through the legs head first but Regal caught the leg - but Jeff nails the reverse mule kick! There's the Leg Groin Drop! Jeff heading for the top - Swanton HITS THE KNEES BIG TIME! OW! Cover, by Regal, 1, 2, NO! Backbreaker by Regal, and a NASTY kick to the back. Regal's slightly bleeding from the mouth. Regal picks up Jeff but Jeff counters and throws Regal to the crowd, there's a quick rollup, 1, 2, WOW 3!! (4:16). Jeff retains! Regal is very upset again. Cole says "Look at the joy, the elation, and how much that title means to Jeff Hardy!" - actually, Jeff don't look too excited, but that's just my opinion. Regal is LIVID in the ring, and yep, he's crying again. Here's a replay of the Swanton hitting the knees, and the quick counter by Jeff (which Tazz calls an "armlock spin" - Tazz RULES), and the rollup for the victory. Regal continues to cry.
There's Ric Flair, and he shakes Jeff's hand. And there's Hogan to do the same thing! Jeff says thankyou very much - and leaves the two legends to talk. Hogan thinks he should do his own Swanton - Flair makes fun of him for that. They two of them lament what's going on in the company - Hogan says it's either the best or the worst thing that's ever happened in the business. Hmmmmmm.. Flair says Steph better watch her back, because Bischoff will either own the company, or run it own of business. "Out of business...tell me about it." Huh?
Here's an outside shot of the Joe Louis Arena! WOW!
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
This too, was added (or re-added) during Heat. Jericho comes out wearing the COOLEST TIGHTS EVER. Here's a replay of last Thursday when Jericho landed the low blow and many, many chairshots. Cena comes out and Jericho IMMEDIATELY grabs a chair - ref tries to grab it but Jericho grabs it and heads to the outside - takes a swing at Cena but misses - Cena gets the chair and NAILS Jericho in the back! Ref grabs it and says take it in the ring, so they do! There's the bell!
Takedown and mounted rights by Cena. Whip to the corner, another, big clothesline! Whip, Jericho grabs the ropes and takes a break 'cause he's SMART, but Cena follows and chases Jericho back in the ring, Jericho off the ropes, Cena clothesline misses, but his elbow doesn't! Hiptoss! Whip is reversed, Jericho jumps right into a spinebuster! Cover, 1, 2, no! Cena right misses, he charges, but Jericho drops him on the top rope. Kick, trash talkin', kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Back suplex by Jericho. Dropkick to the face. Now Jericho drapes him on the ropes and chokes him - and Jericho does the Boss Man legdrop on Cena's back. Jericho goes to untie the turnbuckle but the ref stops him - while the ref checks the turnbuckle, Cena rolls Jericho up! Ref races back, 1, 2, no! There's a quick spinning heel kick by Jericho. "C'mon, Cena! Get up Cena!" Big right drops him. An Ali Shuffle from Jericho - haaaaaaaaa, Jericho is the shiznit. Another big right drops Cena again. Big chop, another HUGE chop, whip to the corner, Jericho charges but eats boot, Cena clothesline misses - Breakdown! Jericho goin' to the top - "I'm the king of the world!" but Cena catches him! Couple of rights - SUPERPLEX!! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Jericho right misses - right, right, whip, head down and Jericho catches him - Jericho charges, right into a tilt-a-whirl slam! Cover, 1, 2, no! Whip to the corner - Cena going for his corner splash but Jericho hops to the second rope and drop-kicks him in mid-splash!!! NICE!! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Jericho's unhappy with that. Here's a replay of the dropkick. Chop, whip to the ropes - Jericho jumps but Cena catches him - catapult into the corner but Jericho landed on his feet on the second rope - Jericho off the rope but Cena catches HIM - belly-to-belly suplex! Cover, 1, 2, no! Whip by Cena, Dropkick but Jericho holds onto the ropes - Lionsault MISSES! Cena with an Oklahoma roll, 1, 2, NO! Elbow by Jericho, right, whip to the corner, Cena backs out - right into the Flashback! Cover, 1, 2, NO, even though Jericho had his feet on the ropes! "NO!" yells Jericho! That's what I just said, Chris! There's an open-handed SLAP, and another! Whip to the corner, Cena walks out - right into a bulldog! And THIS Lionsault HITS! But Jericho doesn't cover! He's wavin' his finger - he wants more! Jericho applauds the fact that Cena is getting up - takedown, Walls Of Jericho attempt, but Cena rolls him up, 1, 2, HOLY SHIT, 3!! (6:16) Cena WINS, and runs for his life before an ENRAGED Jericho can get his hands on him! Cena is a little stunned that he won - now there's a smile. Jericho however, is LIVID! And I mean LIVID! Here's a replay of the rollup, and Cena's VERY quick exit! Jericho now takes a chair and is beating the steel post with it in pure anger - now he upends the stairs as he screams. He is MEGA-PISSED.
Meanwhile, Eric and the Coach (sounds like a good name for a sitcom) wait outside the door. Somebody walks to the door - Eric asks him what he's doing here. It's Steph's attourney with legal documents for Steph, and he's not at liberty to discuss them. Eric thinks about barging in.but doesn't.
Tazz and Michael Cole wonder if Steph has the upper hand and hype SummerSlam - but there's the Oklahoma Fight Song, and apparently it's time for JR and The King (sounds like a good name for a sitcom, too) to take over. But we're only an hour in! That's HALF the show?! JR shakes Cole's hand, and after a long pause, Lawler shakes Tazz's hand. For the record, Tazz is improving by leaps and bounds, and I think he called almost every single move tonight - especially the more obscure ones. Great job by Tazz, and even Cole wasn't too bad. But Tazz is quickly becoming my favorite colour-man.
Meanwhile, Rob Van Dam stretches in a strange way, and Lesnar does some exercise himself, as we watch the story that led to this night.
WWE Intercontinental Title Match Rob Van Dam (champion) vs. Brock Lesnar (challenger)
RVD's in his home state, "The Wolverine state of Michigan", which immediately angers Buckeye fans everywhere! Lesnar grabs the title from the ref and puts it on his shoulder to see how it feels - looks pretty good. He then throws it back to RVD and continues the Lesnar Shuffle. There's the bell!
Lockup, Lesnar turns RVD around and pushes him away, resuming the Lesnar Shuffle. Lesnar right misses, forearm, 2, 3, 4, whip is reversed into a standing fireman's carry by Lesnar. LESNAR SHUFFLE! Brock is grinnin' - RVD says "fine" or something. Kick by Brock, shot to the back, whip to the corner, thumbs up to Paul E. Right to the gut, RVD firing back with forearms and kicks all the way to the other corner, whip is reversed, Lesnar charges but Van Dam somersaults right over him, does a somersault on the ground to the other corner - Lesnar rockets in but RVD drop-toe-hold's him into the second turnbuckle - nice! There's a spin kick! Lesnar's on the outside, not smiling anymore, and RVD is celebrating! Here's a replay of the drop toe hold. Heyman tries to calm down Lesnar and seems to be partially successful. Lesnar gets back in - RVD follows in but gets a shoulder block. Foot sweep catches Brock in the leg, more kicks onto the leg, clothesline misses, dropkick to the leg drops Lesnar to his knees, and another to the face drops him to the mat! RVD with a side headlock but Brock tosses him away like a sack of potatoes. Right by Brock. Whip, clothesline misses to the point where Brock goes FLYING over the top! RVD launches himself over the top but Brock catches him and goes to ram him into the pole but RVD pushes him off and Brock hits it instead. RVD to the apron - Asai moonsault but BROCK CATCHES HIM ON HIS SHOULDER - and POWERSLAMS RVD to the ground! THAT was impressive. Some kicks, and Lesnar rolls him back in. Here's a replay of the catch and powerslam. Here's a HUGE gourdbuster to RVD. RVD down - Lesnar kicks away. Shot to the back drops RVD. Another big gourdbuster. Paul E. smiles like a happy father. Brock's grinning, too. Overhead belly-to-belly suplex by Lesnar! Kick, scoop but RVD drops down - Lesnar tries a kick but Van Dam catches it - step-over heel kick!! There's a NASTY lookin' kick to Lesnar's face, forearm, kick, forearm, forearm, whip is reversed, Lesnar charges but eats boot - RVD to the top and flips right over Lesnar - monkey flip NO Lesnar dumps RVD all the way to the outside. Brock follows him out - rams him into the side of the ring,, then right into the steps! Lesnar rolls him back in. Bear hug, Heyman yelling "SQUEEZE!" RVD fights his way out partially, but Lesnar runs him into the corner. RVD backs out, Lesnar puts him right back in. Abdominal stretch! There's a big slap to the gut for good measure - RVD won't give up. There's another shot, and Lesnar breaks the hold. Whip to the corner, Lesnar charges and catches RVD's boot. He drops it and his right misses, shoulder block, another, backflip, Lesnar clothesline misses - second-rope back kick nails Brock! There's a quick dropkick to the side of the head of Lesnar - RVD launches himself over the top and drops a leg on the apron! Now he's on top - there's the Kick That'll Break His Ankle Someday! Rolling Thunder!! Cover, 1, 2, no! Heyman yells "don't LOSE!" Sound advice! Superkick by RVD! He's goin' up top - but Lesnar catches him - F5 NO RVD reverses into a DDT!!! What a SWEET move that was! Heyman yelling "NO!" RVD's goin' up top! 5-STAR FROG SPLASH HITS!!!" There's a cover, 1, 2, Heyman pulls the ref out!! That causes a DQ! (9:40) Heyman shoves Charles Robinson, Robinson shoves him back, and RVD baseball slide-kick's Heyman from behind! And Robinson LAYS INTO HEYMAN! Lesnar nails RVD from behind, goes outside, and tosses Robinson off of Heyman. He goes to help but Heyman says "look behind you!" RVD's on the top rope - SOMERSAULT PLANCHA OFF THE TOP! He kicks Lesnar, rolls him back in the ring - superkick!! RVD's going for a chair - Lesnar's in the corner - now RVD's in the OTHER corner - Van Terminator comin' - but Hyman grabs RVD's leg! RVD shakes him off, but it's too late - Lesnar suplexes RVD off the top! Now Lesnar lays the chair in the ring - F5 ON THE CHAIR! Brock tries to shake it off as Heyman says "You're going to Summerslam!" Here's a replay of the 5-star and Heyman's interference, and the F5 on the chair.
Bischoff's still waiting - the door opens and out walks Steph. She looks sad. Bischoff is all smiles and assumes H didn't sign with her. "He signed", says Steph. H comes out and Bischoff is pissed, until he learns that it was the divorce papers he signed, not the contract. Now don't he feel silly..
Big Show vs. Booker T NO DQ's, No Countouts
If Booker doesn't win, I'M quitting! ;) Here's a replay of Show putting Booker through a table. Booker's right into it with some kicks and we're on!
Lots of kicks - Harlem Sidekick is caught by Show, and Booker is slammed down. Head to the turnbuckle, knees to the gut, Show tosses Booker across the ring. Booker fires off punches, until show head-butts him and drops him to the ground. Big shot to the back. Show WALKS on him - OW. Scoop, Booker drops down, kick, kick, kick, left kick is caught - enzigur!! Booker charges but gets clotheslined and turned inside-out! Stomp by Show. In the corner - BIG chop. And there's a big clothesline sending Booker T to the outside. Booker's got a chair, but Show unches it away like a mosquito. Head butt - Show tosses away the top of the stairs - then tosses Booker into the post and onto the stairs. Show charges and clotheslines Booker against the pole. Booker crawling, show following slowly. Throws Booker into the pole again - charges but Booker dodges! Booker slams Show into the post three times - no, four! A whole bunch of chops start but Show pushes Booker away - now he shocked Show with a cable!! Show gets some elbows to break it free - they're behind the Spanish table now, brawling. Booker takes the top off the Spanish table, grabs a monitor, and nails Show with it! Now he takes the top off the English table - now he's on it - he jumps across - SCISSORS KICK THROUGH THE SPANISH TABLE!! That looked GREAT. "Holy shit!" chant - here's a replay - awesome. Show isn't movin'. Booker crawls into the ring - here's yet another replay. Oh man, that Chyna impersonator in the front row is WAY too real. Show, holding his back, slowwwwly gets into the ring - right, Show pushes Booker away, but Booker boots him in the head. Off the ropes, but Show GOOZLES him - but Booker fires off elbows - KICK TO THE GROIN - SCISSORS KICK and a BEAUTY! Now Booker's going up top!! HARLEM HANGOVER FROM THE TOP!!!! Cover, 1, 2, 3!! (6:11) - JR called it the "Houston Hangover" - whatever it was, it ROCKED. AWESOME finish. Booker throws his gloves to the fans and gives them what they paid them to see - the Spinn-a-rooni!! Here's a replay of the Scissors kick through the table, and the top-rope "Houston" Hangover, which nailed Show RIGHT in the face.
Meanwhile, at the World, Torrie brags about her golden thong, and Dawn Marie disagrees.
Ruthless Decision Time!
Triple H comes out first. That takes 47 minutes. He's got a mic. But before he can say a word, Bischoff is out (to new music - guess they didn't have the rights to "Back In Black") - Bischoff wants to apologize for his actions about getting involved in his personal business. But that's his point - one clear advantage he has over his now-ex-wife is that it's all business if you sign with Raw - no personal life interfering with business. "Now I might not be the most sensitive guy in the world, but above all else, I'm a businessman, aright? As a businessman, I sent the last two years networking in Hollywood. And everywhere I go, all the movie studios, they're all talking about the Rock, and they should be! And with the Rock's success, everybody's looking for the next breakout W s.WWE superstar" Whoaa, that was ClOSE, Eric! Bischoff says the agents are all talkin' about HHH. "You sign with Raw, I guarantee you, I give you my word, you're going to get franchise screenplay opportunities, I'm talking about an A list package, you name it you got it - hell I even got a sneaker deal goin' on!" Well that brings out Stephanie McMahon to have her say. "Bischoff, shut up! Y'know, what you call a negative, HHH and my personal problems, possibly getting in the way if HHH signs with SmackDown, is what I call a positive. It is because of that personal history that I know HHH better than anybody else, and more importantly, HHH knows me. And Triple H knows that I have the utmost faith in his abilities" She goes on though say she stood behind him and they were unstoppable and they can be again - only this time, it's strictly business. "Oh wahh wahh will you please stop! Please, the sob story, up to here with it! I don't need to know Triple H personally, I know he's got talent, I know I want him on Raw" "Oh, you know Triple H has talent?" "Absolutely" "Hunter, wasn't it you who told me that when you first broke into the business, it was Bischoff who said you had no talent and weren't worth a damn?" Triple H remembers. Eric says he was young and didn't know what he had - they go back and forth a bit - H says he's stuck between the guy that most people consider an inconsiderate prick, and the woman most people consider a cold-hearted bitch. And you know, Eric I could come out here and I could look you dead in the eye, and I could say 'Screw You', and I don't think you'd like it very much - on the other hand, I can look at Steph, and I could say 'Screw You', and quite frankly, I know she likes it." Crowd eats that up - H laughs at his own joke. "I kill myself! I'm so funny, sorry - I couldn't resist it." He says he's pretty much made his decision, and he goes to shake Bischoff's hand, then pulls it away! OOOOoooo - he says he thinks he's better off with the devil he knows than the devil he doesn't, so then, this week... we hear some 'sexy' music, and Shawn Michaels makes HIS way down. What's HE doin' here? H applauds his arrival. He steals Steph's mic. "Now. " Triple H gives him the nWo Point. "Everybody knows is that the last thing I wanna do is cause any trouble. I don't wanna get in the middle of this whole lovers' triangle thing, but if I remember correctly, it was ME who said I was going to come out on Vengeance and bring Triple H home - bring him back to his buddies, the now. There is however a problem with that - Big Kev is hurt, and Vince has basically decided that the now no longer exists. That notwithstanding, I can see, hoo boy - you have quite a dilemma on your hands. Decisions, decisions. Raw, SmackDown!. SmackDown!, Raw. Boy, I wouldn't want to be in YOUR shoes. I would however like you to consider just.two things. In making your decision." "DX" chant starts up. "Those two things I'd like you to consider are friendship.and fun. Now, besides maybe Big Kev, you know there's absolutely nobody in the world that is a better friend to you that yours truly, Shawn Michaels. And, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there's absolutely nobody in this world you've had more fun with. So, picture this: Triple H - Shawn Michaels - lettin' their hair down, back in the saddle again, makin' THIS guy's (pointing to Bischoff) life a living hell. And all you gotta do is come be a part of the show that he pioneered, put on the map, and made famous.Raw!" "That's tempting..real tempting, Shawn." Crowd wants DX again. "I dunno....." He goes over and looks at Steph. ".....suck Steph!" I think that's what he says..it wasn't "suck IT".....bizarre. Anyway, Michaels and H embrace, and that seals the deal - H is on Raw. Bischoff is very happy, Steph is not - H makes wiggly fingers at Steph and leaves with Shawn. Bischoff has some cocky parting words which earns him a huge cuff in the face. This would've been fine if I wasn't paying for it.
Mark Lloyd is with Rikishi - Rikishi is shocked and disappointed that he's leaving SSD, but he's gotta do what he's gotta do, even though the young kids look up to him and blah blah blah. He hopes he's happy with his decision.
Meanwhile, Booker talks about his win with Goldust. Terri runs in and Goldust covers his crotch. Booker says yer damn skippy it was a big win, but if HHH wants to come to Raw, that's fine - and if he wants to plant one on his grill like Michaels, we'll play the game alright. Goldust makes a reference to their bigger joysticks which frightens me, and Booker says he's gonna ignore that. "Where was I..oh yeah. NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT....SUCKAAAAAAA"
WWE Tag Team Titles Match Hollywood Hogan and Edge (champions) vs. Lance Storm and Christian (challengers)
Here's the buildup which I feel I've seen 193 times now. Storm and Christian are out first, and they have words for us. First, Storm: "I'd like to take this opportunity to use your First Amendment right to speak freely to you people! Tonight Christian and I end the tag team title reign of Edge and the Real American Fraud, Hulk Hogan. Hogan's actually got a lot in common with American - he's past his prime, and living off past glory!" Christian takes the mic. "And in fact, the only solace that we'll have is after we win the tag team titles, that sweet smell of freedom is just cross the Detroit river, and we can get the hell out of this Grateful country!" Edge is out next, then Hogan. This takes 263 minutes. Hogan throws his boas at Storm and Christian, and as a result leaves small pieces of them in the ring. Oh well. Christian and Hogan will start.
Circle, massive Hogan chant, lockup, Hogan throws Christian right out of the ring. "USA" chant. Christian back in - circling around - waiting to lock up - Storm distracts Hogan and Christian pounces. THE DO-RAG IS OFF ALREADY after Christian lands some rights and tags Storm - Storm gets some shots in - double suplex! But Hogan is right back up while the Canadians are making fun of Edge - Edge points and they turn around and get a double clothesline. Double knocker-knocker! Right to Storm, whip, clothesline. Eye rake with the foot. Storm gets punches by Edge, then Hogan. Edge. Hogan with a little chop drops Storm. Head to the turnbuckle, right, right, right, right, whip to the corner, big clothesline. Tag to Edge. Hogan runs Storm into Edge's boot. Right by Edge, another, whip, flapjack! Flying jalapeno! In the corner, kick, mounted punches, but Christian is over to throw Edge off. Storm comes out with a nice calf kick, and tags Christian. JR then refers to Toronto as "eastern Canada", making me laugh a whole lot. Christian booting Edge, then landing some mounted punches - blatant choke. Backbreaker - cover, 1, 2, no. Headlock by Christian - Edge battles out and the crowd chants for.Hogan? He's not even in the ring! Edge battles out, but Christian hangs on and lands the Slop Drop neckbreaker - cover, 1, 2, no. Christian on the second rope - elbow MISSES. Both men down, Edge crawling to Hogan but Christian's got his foot and won't let him tag - but Edge lands an enziguri! Storm is in - punch blocked, Edge lands his facebuster right on top of Christian! And NOW he tags Hogan! Storm's right blocked, Right to Storm, Christian, Storm, Christian, Big Boot to Storm, Big Boot to Christian MISSES - Slop Drop! Cover, 1, 2, kickout WITH AUTHORITY - uh oh. Hogan's got that look (already?) Right - NO SALE! Right - he's hulking up! Another right, he's on his feet! Another - YOU! Christian throws a mini tantrum, but has no choice but to throw the right - right, right, right drops Christian, another right drops Storm. Whip, Big Boot - clap of the hands, off the ropes - LEGDROP! Cover, 1, 2, Storm saves! Hogan knocks him out of the ring. Christian with a thumb to the eye, and Storm hangs up Hogan on the top. Christian throws Hogan out..Storm lands a superkick! He celebrates. Christian rolls him back in - mounted rights....tag to Storm. Right, elbow, another, shoulder block, 2 more, tag to Christian. Kicks and punches, choke by Christian. Christian distracts the ref while they two of them double team Hogan. Tag to Storm - double whip to the corner, Christian whips Storm in but his elbow misses and there's a clothesline for Christian - Storm is back and he and Hogan clothesline each other! Edge reeeeally wants in. Both Canadians down. Hogan MAKES THE TAG! Right for Storm, Christian, clothesline for Storm, clothesline for Christian - whip on Storm, baaaack body drop! Whip on Storm, baaaack body drop! Whip Storm to the corner - SPEAR! Christian's in the other corner, so HE gets a spear! Storm charges and misses - Edge-O-Matic! Cover, 1, 2, Christian saves! Hogan nails Christian and he's on the outside - Hogan follows. Christian wants Lance to get up - goes for the Spear but Lance just jumps right over him and Edge spears the ref instead! Now Lance wants Edge to get up - superkick is blocked, spun around, kick - EDGE-A-CUTION! Cover - there's no ref! And here's TEST to beat on Hogan and whip him into the post! Now he's in the ring - WHITBY BOOT OF DEATH TO EDGE!!! Storm rolls over..makes the cover! Ref crawls over! 1....2..NO! TEST is LIVID! And here's Rikishi to beat on TEST from behind! Rikishi's new shirt is AWFUL. Storm's got Edge now - but Edge breaks loose, Storm clothesline misses - SPEAR! Edge takes a shot at Christian but misses - Christian and Hogan brawl on the outside. But here's CHRIS JERICHO with a belt shot to the head!! Storm covers - 1, 2, 3!!! (10:03). Jericho celebrates! Then he runs out through the crowd - brave guy! Hogan complains about the belt shot, and even uses his own belt to demonstrate, but the ref doesn't reverse the decisions. Your NEW tag champs are Lance Storm and Christian! Hey, I hear they're Canadian! YAY!
Angle is on his way to his match - Bischoff stops him and says he should be on Raw - Angle is flattered but he's getting ready for his match. Bisch butters him up but good.
Steph is watching - Mark Lloyd asks how she feels, and she says she lost the battle but not the war - plus she's in contact with EVERY Raw star, and blah blah blah. She's actually much less annoying in this type of role..so far..as long as she keeps her screaming to a minimum. She still doesn't seem like an equal to Bischoff - but maybe once she steals somebody from Raw..we'll see.
Here's how we got the Triple Threat match! What Triple Threat match? THIS one, silly!
WWE Triple Threat Match for the Undisputed Title The Undertaker (champion) vs. The Rock (challenger) vs. Kurt Angle (challenger)
The Rock comes out first because he WANTS to, damnit. Taker comes out last 'cause tradition RULES. By the way, I'm POSITIVE they've made the Undisputed belt a LOT bigger. Lets waste no time - I'm tired and gotta work tomorrow.
All three guys are cautious to start - Rock and Taker start to exchange words - they're ignoring Angle and he's not happy with that - so, taker and Rock decide to knock Angle down after he yells "Come On!"Lots of kicks to Angle by both men - whip by Undertaker, big boot! And Rock's clothesline sends him to the outside. Big right by Taker on Rick. Knee, elbow, right, right, kick, elbow. Whip, back body drop NO Rock drives Taker's face to the canvas. Right, whip, clothesline misses, flying clothesline from Taker does not. Taker whip is reversed, and Taker flies into Angle who was trying to get back in, then Rock's clothesline sends Taker outside. Angle lands some rights, then whips Taker right into the steps, and Taker goes flyin' over 'em! Rick brings Angle in the hard way - Right, whip reversed, Rock clothesline misses - German suplex by Angle! Angle booting away on Rock now - foot choke. Big chop by Angle - he's happy with himself. There's another one. And a third. Rock reverses and lands four quick chops of his own - whip to the corner reversed - belly to belly overhead suplex by Angle! "Wooo!" says Angle! Whip to the corner pulled back - another BTB by Angle! Another "Wooo!" Whip reversed by Rock - kick, DDT! Cover, 1, 2, no! Angle rolls outside, Rock follows. Taker is just getting up now. Rock throws Angle headfirst into the stairs. Whip is reversed by Angle who clotheslines Rocks, but Taker clotheslines Angle! Taker trying to decide who to pick on - he chooses the Rock. Knee, right, right, right. Rolls Rock in. Kick. Head to the turnbuckle. Kick, Taker measuring - big right, and MY SATELLITTE FEED GOES OUT! SHIT!!!!
Lessee.if I just turn the.SHIT THE BATTERIES AREN'T WORKING! Lets shift 'em around a bit - they're now they're working - turn the receiver off - now back on...PICTURE IS BACK (70 seconds missed) just in time to see a replay of a Rock Bottom on Taker! Meanwhile, Angle whips in Rock, Rock clotheslines him! Rock with the ANKLELOCK ON ANGLE, but Angle rolls out - ROCK BOTTOM BY ANGLE - Ref starts to count but Taker drops a leg on Angle! Taker drives Angle's head into the turnbuckle, elbow, right, right, whip reversed, kick, Angle Slam NO, kick, ANGLE SLAM BY TAKER!! Cover, 1, 2, Rock saves!! Right by Rock on Taker, whip reversed, back elbow. Rock NIPS UP - clothesline! Angle charges and Rock throws him clean out of the ring! Spinebuster on Taker! He's in position! The elbow pad is off! Off the ropes - People's Elbow!! But Angle pulls Rock outside - he drops Rock on the English table and Angle SLIDES in for the cover on Taker - 1, 2, NO! Angle with rights on Taker in the corner - kick, kick, right, kick, kick, foot choke. Taker reverses, big flurry of punches - head butt! Kick to the gut - Taker in the other corner - running clothesline! Kick by Taker, whip to the corner reversed - Angle charges but Taker dodges and Angle goes shoulder-first into the post!! Taker's outside on Angle - big right, another, head right into the post! Rock is back - he spits a big glob of water into the Taker's face and lands some rights - takes Taker to the English table and tries to ram his head but Taker reverses and does the same to Rock, who bounces off the table and almost into the laps of JR and the King. Taker makes his way back to Angle, who's cut - JR says he's bleeding like a stuck pig - I wouldn't say THAT! - Taker to the apron - BIG legdrop! Close-up on Angle, and he IS bleeding like a stuck pig - my apologies. Taker with a big headbutt on Angle. Armbar - Taker to the corner - old school!! Cover, 1, 2, Rock saves! Rights by the Rock on Taker, motorcycle driving pantomime, spit punch!! Whip, head down, ad Taker DDT's him big time! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Taker motioning for the chokeslam - Angle's got a chair on the outside - GOOZLE - but Angle's in with a chair but Taker lets go of Rock and nails Angle. Then Rock, then Taker, Rock, Taker, clothesline by Rock. Whip on Rock by Taker reversed - ROCK BOTTOM NO Taker with an elbow - GOOZLE - kick to the groin by the Rock! THAT'S CHEATING! Angle's got the chair again, and he SMOKES Taker with it!! Wow!!! A cruncher! Angle Slam on Rock!!! Angle's a bloody mess.he crawwwwwls over to Taker..he covers! 1! 2! NO! Angle covers Rock! 1, 2, NO! Angle is the first man up - he's jumping up and down!! Rock is staggering up - kick is blocked - dragon leg screw, into the Sharpshooter! Angle yelling in pain - he's GONNA TAP - but Taker saves! Boot on Rock by Taker - LAST RIDE POWERBOMB!! Cover! 1, 2, ANGLE drags him off and THERE'S THE ANKLELOCK!!! He's WRENCHING IT IN! TAKER WILL NOT TAP! Taker up to one knee - now on one foot, and he rolls forward and breaks the hold!! Taker with a boot - Last Ride NO, TRIANGLE CHOKE!! Taker trying to pin him, 1, 2, Angle rolls his shoulder up! Taker PICKS UP ANGLE in the choke and SLAMS him - but ANGLE DOESN'T BREAK IT!!! Ref checking the hand! 1 - it drops! 2 - it drops! 3 - Rock breaks it up!!! Rock measuring - ROCK BOTTOM NO - ANKLE LOCK!!!! But Rock rolls forward - VICTORY ROLL - 1, 2, NO!!! Angle clothesline misses, but he runs right into a GOOZLE - CHOKESLAM!! ROCK BOTTOM on TAKER! Cover, 1, 2, NO!!!!! Everybody's down - Rock starting to get up - Angle ROLLS UP ROCK - 1, 2, NO!! Taker with a big boot on Rock - Angle's up - ANGLE SLAM ON TAKER! DOWN COME THE STRAPS!! ANGLE IS PUMPED! He picks up the Rock - but gets a ROCK BOTTOM! Cover, 1, 2, 3!!!!! (19:37) - Taker tried to save but was a half-second too late! Your NEW Undisputed Champion and now 7-TIME WWE Champion - The Rock!! Rock gets his MUCH BIGGER belt (thanks god - looks SOOO much better bigger). Taker is upset, shaking his head. Here's a replay of a pumped Angle Olympic Slamming Taker, but we don't see a replay of the final Rock Bottom. Rock is the Undisputed Champion for the first time! Oh, HERE's the final Rock Bottom - yep, Taker was about a half a second too late. Rock poses on the ropes with his new belt - he's the champ, again. HUGE WW logo and THAT'S IT!!
Pretty good stuff from top to bottom - and for the first time in awhile, the main event was the best match like it ought to be. Not taking anything away from the other matches, but the main event really carried the show. Not an eye-popping, unbelievable show (the Ruthless Decision segment was too long, and ended strangely), but definitely good - it's something to build on, and that's what they needed.