WCW Fall Brawl
My name is Chris Jones and I've got a question for you. Do you feel goose bumps all over your arms? Do you feel a tingling going up and down your spine? Is your heart pounding so loud in your chest that you can hear it? If you said yes then you've either partaken in some bad clams in the past 24 hours... or you're psyched for another World Championship Wrestling pay-per-view!!
For your sake, I hope it's the clams.
Anyway... welcome to YOUR Fall Brawl recap! The first WCW event since Eric Bischoff got his walking papers! I'll comment no further on that matter except to say... wouldn't it be ironic if Bischoff was told of his removal over the phone? Or via FedEx? And hey, despite the fact that Eric's only been gone for a few days, perhaps this event will be a sign that WCW's moving on to bigger and better things! Finally, the young stars will get their due while the company looks forward into the coming years. Tonight starts WCW's return to glory! Well... it's that or the harsh realization that this is going to be the same old crap. And I choose to think positive!
Before we get going, thanks to everyone who commented on my most recent contribution to the [slash]. It's on par to be the column I've gotten the most mail about EVER. Although I have no idea why a piece called "Terri Runnels' Nipple" would inspire so many people to read. Thanks to those who've pointed out that it's a printer, not a fax machine, used in the field scene in Office Space. You say potato, I say tomato... or something like that. And for love of all things holy, if you read it, thought I shafted you with no nipple picture, and DIDN'T happen to e-mail me about it... scroll down the page. It's there, man!
Oh, sorry, dude - CRZ
But enough of that. It's time for Fall Brawl! If you aren't giddy with excitement, then dammit, you're just not a wrestling fan.
An opening video package that looks like the Berlyn promos, only without Berlyn, hypes the ongoing "mystery theater" surrounding the Hogan vs. Sting main event. Who do YOU believe? Also tonight, will Sid piss off the entire internet with a US title win? Will DDP get in some token offense before he lies down again for Goldberg? Has Alex Wright gotten any better since the last time he wrestled? All that and much more... TONIGHT!
Now maybe I'm wrong... but haven't they brought up the hummer angle AGAIN for this show? I couldn't possibly fathom them not delivering on the angle at THREE consecutive pay-per-views. Wait, what am I saying? THIS is WCW!
We fade in to the... ahem... "jam packed" Lawrence Joel Coliseum in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Didn't they have under 3000 tickets sold around Thursday? But by using only half the arena and darkening out the upper decks... it feels like it's SOLD OUT!
We meet our hosts for tonight's barrel of fun, TONY "THE JABRONIE" SCHIAVONE, BOBBY "THE BRIZAIN" HEENAN, & MIKE "TOO MANY F'N NICKNAMES TO LIST" TENAY, who speculate on our main event. Can we trust Hogan? Can we trust Luger? I swear, the ONLY way this will interest me at all is if Sting ends up laying out Luger, Hogan, and anybody else on his way to becoming a major heel. Bobby thinks Chris Benoit wants to face Sid just as much as Sid wants Benoit. Something tells me Bobby's wrong on this one.
WCW Hotline shill... and again this month there's no Mean Gene to do it. Bah!
A video package details the history between the artists formerly known as the Dead Pool and the group somewhat known as the Filthy Animals. Several interview clips from WCW's Backstage Blast thing are shown in a cool touch.
THE GOTHIC ODDITIES (with catchy ICP tune) vs. LOS TRES AMIGOS (with annoying Konann tune) - why yes, we DID see this same match at Road Wild! Do we really need to see it again? Tenay claims that ICP is the most despised band in all the world. By who's standards? I can think of 10 bands off the top of my head that I dislike more than ICP. Anyway... for some reason, Rey Mysterio is dressed just like Kidman except for a knit cap on his head. Rey removes the cap... he's BLONDE now?! Oh MAN, does he look gay. Vamp shoves Rey before the bell to get everyone fired up. Looks like Shaggy 2 Dope and Kidman will start off. A big "Eddie" chant scares Vamp and ICP to the floor. They come back and we get Shaggy and Kidman. Shaggy starts quick with a kick to the gut and some forearms that knock Kidman to all fours. He throws Kidman into Vamp's boot. Whip to the ropes, Kidman hits a kick and a dropkick, then proceeds to stomp all over Shaggy. Whip to a corner, Kidman misses a splash and gets clotheslined down. Belly to back from Shaggy gets countered. Kidman gets in position for a reverse powerbomb. Rey springboards off the top rope with a legdrop for a modified Trash Compactor! What is it with Rey always coming in illegally? Now it's Eddie in without a tag with a springboard senton splash on Shaggy. The "kiss my ass" gesture from Eddie upsets Vamp and Violent J. Whip to the ropes, Eddie ducks and hits a dropkick. Tag to Rey. Rey stands on the top ring rope and splashes Shaggy. Shaggy manages to roll over and tag Violent J. J with a kick to the gut, knocking Rey into a corner. Rey tries holding the ropes but J pulls him out and drops him. Slingshot on Rey into the ICP corner. Vamp comes in behind the ref's back. Whip to the ropes, Rey hits a face slam and a dropkick. Vamp falls back into the buckles. Rey hits a Bronco buster! Tag to Kidman. Vamp tags Violent J. Kidman's all over J with punches. J hides behind the referee and then levels Kidman with a clothesline. Whip to the ropes, kick to the gut, J with a DDT! J tags Vamp. Vampiro POWERBOMBS KIDMAN!!! Eddie breaks up a pin attempt with a dropkick to the face. Kidman fights back up to his feet. Whip to the ropes, reversal, leapfrog, Vamp hits an elbow to the chops and climbs to the top rope. Spinning heel kick! Rey breaks up the pin. ICP double teams Kidman in their corner while the ref keeps Vamp and Rey's team apart. Vamp chops Kidman in a corner, then leans him against the ropes for a double chop. Tag to Shaggy. He scoops Kidman up for a powerslam. ICP isn't looking half bad. Eddie breaks up the pin as Kidman kicks out at 2. Tag to J. Whip into a corner, Kidman reverses and hits a big clothesline. Tag to Rey. Springboard vertical splash! Lionsault! 1, 2, Vamp breaks it up! Whip to the ropes, Rey does his "spin over the middle rope" move, and J clotheslines him over the top! YES! Violent J RULES! Shaggy kicks Rey on the floor while he's down. Vamp runs Rey into the barricade. Rey's favoring his knee pretty heavily. I'll say it's legit as Vampiro takes a while to help Rey up so they can talk. Vamp and Shaggy lift Rey and roll him inside the ring. Vamp puts on a chinlock to buy some time. They stand up and Vamp hooks on an armbar, then nails Eddie on the apron. Kidman's in to nail Vamp, but the ref forces him back out. Vamp puts on a front face lock while Rey tries to make the tag. He tags Eddie! Eddie goes nuts on Vamp in the corner. Whip to the ropes, big clothesline! Eddie monkey flips Vamp into center ring and Vamp can't stay on his feet. Eddie grabs Vamp's leg and gets hit with a spinning kick. Vamp tags Violent J. Side suplex by J. Then a body slam. Shaggy comes off the top rope with a legdrop! Kidman breaks up the pin at 2. Tag to Vamp. Whip to the ropes, reversal, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Eddie! ICP comes in. Clothesline on Shaggy! Hip toss on Violent J! Vamp nails Eddie from behind, then knocks Kidman off the apron. Shaggy and Vamp hit somewhat of a Dudley Death Drop on Eddie! Shaggy goes to the top. Kidman crotches him and knocks him to the floor. Kidman goes up, but Vamp catches him. Gutwrench powerbomb off the top! Eddie hits a missile dropkick from the top on Vamp! Kidman goes up. Shooting Star Press! And Kidman's knee gets Vamp RIGHT IN THE FACE! SHIT! 1, 2, 3! Rey gets carried backstage as we peep out some replays. Get some help for Vampiro! He's GOT to be hurt after that.
Your winners: Rey Mysterio Jr. Eddie Guerrero, and Kidman (match time: 14:13)
WCW.COM'S CHAD DAMIANI is talking with the Revolution on the internet broadcast. Saturn promises a clean sweep and all 4 guys drop their headsets and leave. Was it something I said?
Up next, the cruiserweight title match!
Video clips show the ambiguous fun that is the Lenny and Lodi angle.
A GAY LOOKING CHRIS JERIC... NO WAIT, THAT'S LENNY (with Lodi, Ace, and Gary) vs. KAZ HAYASHI for the WCW Cruiserweight championship - Kaz is sporting the evil Japanese goatee that's all the rage these days. Well, if you're evil and Japanese, I suppose. Even with the glitter and pink frills, Lenny and Lodi don't look as gay as Rey Mysterio did. Lodi's signs include "West Hollywood Blondes" and Lenny is actually announced as being from West Hollywood. Tenay confirms that and says that it's fine with him if they want to call themselves the West Hollywood Blondes. That whirring sound you hear is Brian Pillman spinning in his grave. Lenny ducks away from a lockup and applies a waistlock. He lifts Kaz up and drops him on all fours, still holding the waistlock... and now GRINDING it. Not a minute in and we're mimicking sodomy. THIS is WCW! Kaz makes it to the ropes and complains about the ass contact. I don't blame him. Now Kaz gets the waistlock, which Lenny turns into an armbar. Kaz shoves Lenny to the ropes, Lenny responds with a shoulderblock. Lenny then begins skipping around the ring. He STILL doesn't look as gay as Rey did! Kaz misses a clothesline and gets hammered. Lenny straddles Kaz's arm with an armbar and grinds his ass into Kaz. Come ON! Kaz punches him right in the ass to break it. Heh! Lenny ducks through the ropes to escape. Lodi plugs LODIPAGE.COM, so I will also. Kaz gets the advantage. Whip to the rope, reversal, sunset flip by Kaz. He has to kick Lenny in the ass a few times, but Lenny drops and kicks out at 2. Kaz with a dropkick. Kip up! Head scissors! Lenny scurries to the outside and jumps into Lodi's arms. Kaz with a corkscrew plancha on both guys! He throws Lenny back inside and hits an elbowdrop. Lodi trips Kaz up as he comes off the ropes again. Lenny misses three straight elbowdrops. Kaz is up. Whip to the ropes, reversal, Lenny ends up with a reverse powerbomb! 1, 2, Kaz is out. Lenny hits repeated scratches to Kaz's back and chest. A snap mare takes Kaz down for a 2 count. Whip to a corner, Lenny charges in and eats a boot. Kaz catches an elbow to the chops, but manages to drop toehold Lenny into the turnbuckles. Kaz to the outside. Lenny avoids a springboard attempt and slams Kaz onto the mat. Lenny crawls over to him and gets a 2 count. Whip to the ropes... no, a few whips into Lenny's knee. A gutwrench powerbomb on Kaz gets a 2 count. Kaz slips out of a bodyslam and pulls down the top rope, sending Lenny to the floor as he runs in. Kaz hits the ropes... HUGE somersault plancha! Lenny gets rolled back inside as Lodi nails Kaz from behind. Kaz gets whipped into the steps and thrown in himself. Lenny covers! 1, 2, Kaz escapes. He pulls Kaz to his feet and runs him into the turnbuckles, then stomps away at him. Lodi fans Lenny with his signs as Kaz tries to recover. Kaz has a bloody nose, it appears. Lenny applies a reverse chinlock. Kaz fights up and gets hammered back down. A German suplex attempt sees Kaz land on his feet! He jumps up for a victory roll, spins around Lenny's head, and ends up with a Frankensteiner! 1, 2, Lenny kicks out! Whip to a corner, reversed, Lenny hits a running bulldog just like Dustin Rhodes! Stick him with these guys, I'm telling you! Kaz kicks out of a pin at 2. Whip to the ropes, Kaz ducks a clothesline and slips out of a belly to back suplex, hitting one of his own. Both men are down! They stand and Kaz fires a few punches. Whip into a corner, reversed, Lenny misses a splash. Kaz with a springboard bulldog! Kaz does the 2 Cold Scorpio "spinning fists" signal but then pulls Lenny to his feet. He puts Lenny in superplex position, then climbs up to the top behind him. Lenny turns around and Kaz flips over him for a sunset flip. No... running Liger Bomb! 1, 2, Lodi puts Lenny's foot on the ropes! Kaz climbs up again but Lenny crotches him. Lenny runs in and gets a boot to the face. Then another. Kaz jumps and hits a flying head scissors! 1, 2, Lenny escapes! Lenny hits a chinbreaker. He calls Lodi onto the apron, then whips Kaz towards him. Kaz reverses but Lenny stops in time. Lenny and Lodi hug. Awww. Kaz hits a dropkick! Victory roll! 1, 2, Lenny kicks out! Kaz with a backbreaker. He goes to the top rope but nails Lodi, who's climbed onto the apron. Lodi snaps Kaz's head over the top and Lenny rolls him up! Kaz kicks out at 2! Kaz tries to jump up for another victory roll, but Lenny ducks under it. Full nelson... into a front face slam! 1, 2, 3! Lodi runs in to celebrate. Replays show us some of the highlights.
Your winner and still WCW Cruiserweight champion: Lenny (match time: 12:10)
We cut back to the ring... why, it's GENE MEAN! A mid-ring interview? What is this, Nitro? Gene introduces BACK, BACK IN BLACK STING, who makes his way to the ring. Gene wants Sting's thoughts on Luger. "The Total Package Lex Luger is about that far away from losing any friendship we ever had, first of all." If Luger gets involved tonight, he gets what he got "last week". And what would that be? Sting claims Hogan's proven himself as a good guy week after week, then asks the crowd to agree. A nice mixed reaction follows. Sting will be a 9 time world champion with a win tonight. Sting closes with his "back, back in black, it's showtime folks" routine that just won't catch on.
Video clips show us highlights of the war between the First Family and the Revolution.
DEAN MALENKO & DEAN DOUGLAS (with recycled Raven t-shirts) vs. BRIAN KNOBS & HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart) in a no DQ match - Is this really the way to get the Revolution over? Oh well. The First Family enters without incident. "Saginaw, Michigan!" Uh, not even close, Shane. "Winston-Salem!" That's better. "Are you ready for a revolution?!" A sign shown close up has both "evolution" and "revolution" spelled incorrectly. Douglas and Malenko roll inside and the Family attacks! Malenko and Knobs pair off, as do Douglas and Morrus outside the ring. Shane gets whipped into the barricade on the outside. Knobs holds Dean as Hugh comes back in, but Dean breaks free and nails both of them. Shane's in. Whip to the ropes, reverse atomic drop on Hugh. The Family goes to the outside and poses. Double baseball slide dropkicks! Shane puts Hugh against the railing and beats on him. Knobs eats the steps. Then Hugh gets a mouthful of 'em. Shane lifts the steps and drops them on Hugh's back. Dean gets whipped into the steel! Knobs NAILS Douglas upside the head with something that flies away. Douglas rolls Knobs back inside as Dean beats on Hugh. Shane hits the 10 punches of doom in a corner. Whip to the other corner, Shane eats a boot and a clothesline. Now it's taken on a tag team format. But it's no DQ! Knobs gives Shane the pit stop, which fires Shane up. A clothesline takes Knobs down. Tag to Malenko. Shane hits a drop toehold and Malenko dropkicks Knobs in the face. Hugh breaks up a pin at 2. Knobs goes to the eyes and makes the tag. Hugh runs into an arm drag. Tag to Shane. He backs Hugh into a corner and works him over. Hugh reverses things and whips Shane to the other side. Morrus runs in and gets caught with a boot. Shane hits a reverse snap mare! Hugh manages to make the tag. Knobs runs into an arm drag. Tag to Malenko. Dean takes Knobs down and pounds on him. A cover gets him 2. Dean dumps Knobs to the outside, where Douglas whips him into the railing. Shane tries it again but Knobs reverses and Shane crashes in. Dean throws Knobs back inside as Jimmy Hart runs for cover. Tag to Shane. Knobs fires back with some elbows. Whip to the ropes, Shane slides under the bottom rope and pulls out Hugh's feet so his head hits the ring apron. Knobs falls outside the ring but the camera doesn't catch why. Knobs runs back into a drop toehold. Shane hooks on a side headlock. Whip to the ropes, Hugh kicks Douglas in the back but Shane turns and nails him. Shane goes for Jimmy Hart and gets nailed by Knobs. Douglas falls to the floor and Hugh works him over. Back inside, Knobs slams Shane and says "that's it". Knobs to the second rope! Douglas raises a boot and catches Knobs in the chops. Tag to Hugh. Tag to Dean! He's a house o' fire! Hugh and Knobs get wailed on. Whip to the ropes, dropkick on Knobs that knocks him outside! Jimmy Hart gets nailed off the apron INTO Knobs. Dean hits the ropes and Knobs trips him. Elbow by Hugh. Hugh to the top rope! Moonsault! 1, 2... THREE? You've got to be shitting me! Were the Revolution Bischoff's "boys" or something? So much for the clean sweep. Replays show us the death of Douglas and Malenko's heat.
Your winners: The First Family (match time: 9:23)
Video clips show us the problems between Rick Steiner and Saturn, as both men fight for the title "ugliest mofo in wrestling".
DOGFACE RICK STEINER vs. PERRY SATURN (without a dress) for the WCW Television Championship - Let me wax philosophical for a moment. The Revolution called a clean sweep and then quickly walked off... 2 of them already lost, and you just know Benoit ain't beating Sid. I'd go as far as to say that the outcome here is a forgone conclusion! But hey, let's see what happens. Saturn enters. The blonde stripe in Rick's beard looks like a... well, I won't say. But needless to say, it doesn't make him look tough. Steiner takes Saturn down with a tackle and ends up on his back, hitting a few crossface shots. Whip to the ropes, Steinerline! Tony announces that the championship committee has said Buff Bagwell hasn't arrived for his match. What does the championship committee care? Steiner gets a 2 count. Another wrestler has stepped up to face Berlyn, but nobody knows who it is. PLEASE let it be Barry Horowitz! Imagine the multi-leveled irony! Whip to the ropes again, Saturn slides under Rick and superkicks him down. Scoop slam on Rick. Springboard legdrop! Bobby "smells chicken" in relation to Bagwell. Rick goes outside and Saturn dives through the ropes on him! He throws Rick back inside and hits the 10 punches of doom in the corner. Whip to the other corner, no... Saturn throws Rick into the SAME corner and hits a release German suplex! 1, 2, Rick gets out. Rick throws ref Nick Patrick into Saturn, then nails a low blow behind Patrick's back. Elbowdrop by Rick. Tenay points out a black armband on Nick Patrick that all the referees are wearing for Brian Hildebrand. Rick throws Saturn over the top to the floor. Saturn gets thrown into the steps! Rick pulls up the mats at ringside and hammers Saturn. DDT on the concrete! Rick throws Saturn back inside. Saturn gets run into the turnbuckles. Now Rick hits a release German suplex. A cover gets 2. Rick gets in the ref's face. Saturn with a roll-up! 1, 2, Rick's out and he hits a clothesline. Rick with a Steiner Recliner of sorts, which he breaks so he can put on a half crab. Saturn reaches the ropes. Rick kicks him in the face and reapplies the crab. He lets go and hits a belly to belly suplex. Saturn stands up and is met with another belly to belly! Rick lifts Saturn onto the top rope. Saturn with a missile dropkick! Springboard high cross body! Some sort of suplex! 1, 2, Rick kicks out. Whip to the ropes, Rick ducks a clothesline, Saturn tries a leapfrog but Rick catches him in a powerslam! A cover gets Rick 2. Whip to the ropes, Saturn reverses it into a DVD! 1, 2, Rick kicks out! Saturn calls for the Rings of Saturn. Another DVD attempt fails. Rick lifts Saturn in powerbomb position and runs him into the turnbuckles! Rick to the top rope... Saturn superkicks the ropes! Rick gets crotched! Superplex attempt by Saturn fails as Rick tosses him off. Rick stands up... top rope bulldog! 1, 2, 3! And the hopes of the Revolution rest on Chris Benoit beating Sid. Steiner walks off. What, no replay?
Your winner and still WCW TV Champion: Rick Steiner (match time: 9:24)
Mean Gene is standing backstage with Hulk Hogan. Hulk swore to his kids that he won't stab Sting in the back. And besides, if he wanted to take out Sting it would have happened a long time ago. Oh, THAT'S comforting. Hulk's gonna train, say a prayer, and kick some ass 'cause he's sick of all the accusations.
We're taken back to the commentators, who have black ribbons on. I didn't notice that before. A "We Want Flair!" chant fires up. Bobby points out that Hulk seems unusually worried. Buff still hasn't arrived yet, but we'll still get to see Berlyn wrestle! Thank goodness!
BERLYN (with some other German dude) vs. EIN GEHEIMNISMANN - it means a mystery man, don't look it up. Berlyn's leather vest, facial gruff, sunglasses, and the walking stick he's twirling give me a "rogue Horseman" vibe. That whirring sound I spoke of earlier grows louder. So who's Berlyn's opponent? C'mon, Barry! No, wait... it's... HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN!! YES! USA! USA! HOOOOO!!!! Ahem... sorry. Man, Hacksaw can be gone for years and still be over when he walks out. I'd wonder where Buff really is, but I'd rather see Hacksaw. Big "USA" chant fires up. Duggan takes target practice with his 2x4. Berlyn rushes him and we're underway! Whip to the ropes, dropkick knocks Hacksaw into a corner. Whip to the other corner, reversal, hip toss on Berlyn! Hacksaw with a few clotheslines! He knocks Berlyn over the top! USA! USA! Boy, Alex looks pale. And I remember him being in better shape. He reenters and tries a kick that Duggan catches. Big atomic drop! Whip to the ropes, a double axhandle floors Berlyn. Hacksaw stomps him in a corner. Whip to the ropes, Berlyn with a kick and a clothesline to get the advantage. Berlyn unloads some shots that Hacksaw doesn't sell. HOOOOOO!!!! A snap mare takes Hacksaw down, then a sleeper of sorts keeps him there. The arm drops once... twice... but not three times! USA! USA! USA! Duggan breaks free and gets Berlyn in a corner. Whip to the other side, Duggan rushes in and gets met with a boot to the face. Elbowdrop by Berlyn. He chokes Hacksaw over the middle rope. Hacksaw jumps right up and hooks on a front face lock. Berlyn tries a fireman's carry and they try to MAT WRESTLE! C'mon, Hacksaw, don't stray from the punches and clotheslines. They lock up, Berlyn with a reverse waistlock, Hacksaw counters with an armbar. Berlyn takes him down and eventually comes up with another sleeper. Man, this sucks. Hacksaw fought back from cancer for THIS? Hey, didn't Wright have some sort of brain problem a few years ago? The fact that both guys are wrestling is pretty impressive. Hacksaw tries fighting up but Berlyn uses the hair to take him back down. Heenan breaks into a "hair/Herr" routine that ends with the obligatory shot at Gene Okerlund. Duggan breaks free with some punches. Whip to the ropes, big backdrop! Berlyn rolls outside. The other German dude pulls up the mats at ringside. Hacksaw chases Berlyn but gets nailed by the other dude, who is apparently Berlyn's bodyguard. Hacksaw is rolled back inside. Berlyn pulls him up and Duggan slumps back into the corner. Berlyn with a Rude Awakening of sorts. 1, 2, 3! Ugh, that was BRUTAL! You can actually SEE Berlyn's heat disappearing. The bodyguard hands Berlyn his shades and they leave. Backstage, it's BUFF BAGWELL! And there's MIKE GRAHAM! Buff just got here but damned if he's not too late! Bah, he didn't want to job. Buff heads down to the ring and hugs Hacksaw. Hacksaw shoves him off! YES! Put the punk in his place! But we fade out before anything comes of it.
Your winner: Berlyn (match time: 8:00)
Video clips show us the Rednecks taking the tag belts from Harlem Heat.
THE FABULOUS WINDHAM BROTHERS (with Curt Hennig and Jeff Jarrett's old entrance music) vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Breathe Right strips) for the WCW World Tag Team Championship - Stevie Ray's gonna slapjack him a sucka tonight. Hey, first Hennig takes Jarrett's old gimmick and now they take his music, too? What gives? The show has sucked my interest in play-by-play out at this point. Besides, if the Rednecks win, this doesn't DESERVE play-by-play. Booker and Kendall start off. Booker scores a kick that knocks Kendall outside. Booker follows and gets nailed when he rolls back inside. Booker regains control and Kendall tags out. Booker floors Barry and tags Stevie, causing the match to slow WAY down. Harlem Heat hits a double suplex. Stevie keeps the advantage on both brothers. Barry tags out and they double team. Now it's Kendall with the advantage. Stevie no-sells some stuff. Barry pastes him from the apron and gets the tag. Stevie gets pummeled and slammed. The Windhams tag again. Stevie escapes a pin attempt after a double clothesline. Another tag by the brothers Windham. Stevie gets a powerslam on Barry. Tag to Booker! The Windhams get hammered! Booker unloads on Kendall as Barry returns to the apron. Hennig hops on the apron and collides with Booker, who gets dumped outside and whipped to the steel. Hennig hammers Booker while the ref argues with Stevie. Kendall throws Booker back in and puts on a reverse chinlock. Booker regains the advantage and hits the ax kick! He spins to his feet and Barry's in with a clothesline. Hennig slides in and pounds Booker behind the ref's back. This match is worth a second watch just to see everything Hennig's up to. Booker is thrown outside and worked over by Curt. Kendall throws him back inside, where Barry's now legal. Barry hits the superplex! Stevie breaks up the pin. Kendall gets tagged in. If Harlem Heat wins, like Sting, they'll be nine time champions. Booker can't take back the advantage. He tags Stevie behind the ref's back, so it doesn't count. More tags from the Windhams as they dominate Booker. Another tag to Stevie behind the ref's back, but Stevie cleans house anyway! Hennig gets nailed off the apron! A Slapjack attempt fails. Hennig nails Stevie in the head with a cow bell, but the ref doesn't see the pin. Booker nails Hennig on the outside and climbs to the top. Missile dropkick on Kendall! 1, 2, 3! Didn't Booker tag out? Oh well. 9 times, sucka! Can you dig it? Replays show us the finish.
Your winners and new WCW Tag Team Champions: Harlem Heat (match time: 13:07)
Up next, the US title match!
Video clips show us the insanity that is WCW booking via Sid's "win streak".
CHRIS BENWAAH vs. Y2S (79-0) for the WCW United States Heavyweight Championship - Tony: "Whether you think his streak is valid or not...". Piss off, Tony. Benoit's obviously losing to fulfill the Revolution's "streak" for the evening. Just to further complicate things, Charles Robinson is the referee. Benoit has a black armband on. They test each other out for a few minutes. Benoit ends up bailing out after getting drilled with a shoulderblock. He comes back in so Sid can beat on him. Heenan compares Sid to a big dog and Benoit to a fire hydrant. Benoit, through no fault of his own, hits the sloppiest looking dragon screw leg whip EVER. He goes after Sid's legs and applies an Indian Deathlock! Sid gets out and actually SELLS the leg injury, albeit briefly, as he beats on Benoit. The crowd chants "Goldberg" because they suck. Sid misses a splash and Benoit goes after the legs again. Sid rolls outside. Benoit puts the steps against Sid's knee and dropkicks them into his legs! And again! Sid ends up in the ring and doesn't sell the leg at all. Benoit hits a German suplex! He tries a crucifix and gets nailed with a Samoan drop. Sid shakes out his legs, just so I'd mention it. A Million Dollar Dream from Sid! Into a slam! Benoit slips out of a bodyslam and dropkicks Sid's knee. Crippler Crossface! Sid TAPS! No bell? Sid STANDS in the Crossface before falling back down into the ropes. He TAPPED! What the hell? Announcers don't mention the tapping at all, except to say he didn't. Hey, Benoit's armband has fallen off. Benoit to the top! Swandive... misses. Sid's up. Powerbomb. Aw, shit. 1, 2, 3. Robinson gives Sid the title as Benoit rolls out. Replays show us some action.
Your winner and new United States champion: Sid Vicious (match time: 11:48)
Oh yeah... the Revolution: 1999 - 1999
Up next, DDP and Goldberg!
Video clips show us Goldberg beating up the Triad on several occasions. DDP's going to kick Goldberg's teeth down his throat, apparently.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. WILLIAM GOLDBERG - DDP grabs the microphone. Man, who lets him talk? He does his "two-time, two-time, two-time" spiel. I shouldn't be so hard on him, he's just a kid from Jersey trying to have fun, right? Or is that somebody else? Goldberg does his "I need to be surrounded by security" entrance, which I don't think has ever been explained. He's got his old music and the pyro entrance. Gee, who's winning this one? DDP won't let the ref search him, but the ref finds a chain and a roll of quarters. You'd think a guy like Page could hide his weapons a little better. Goldberg throws him outside. DDP, for some reason, comes back inside so Goldberg can kick him around for a while. He gets knocked back outside again a few minutes later. "If you people don't shut the hell up and stop chantin' Goldberg, I'm outta here!" C'mon, everybody... GOLD-BERG! GOLD-BERG! Page tries to leave but Goldberg catches him and throws him back inside. Even lowering the boom on Goldie as he rolls back inside can't get the advantage for Page. A Diamond Cutter attempt fails. The referee catches DDP's hand in his eye as Page lands a low kick. I guess a kick to the balls and a stun gun are the only things that can stop Goldberg. "Goldberg" chant seems a little too loud for only a few thousand people. DDP hits some bastard version of the People's Elbow. The less said about that the better. Goldberg fights out of a reverse chinlock, only to be hammered back down. But have no fear, the no-selling begins! Page manages to hit a DDT that momentarily keeps Goldberg down. DDP tries a spear but gets caught. Here's DA JOYSEY TRIAD out to screw things up! Goldberg hits the ropes and Kanyon smashes something over his head. Rock Bottom by DDP! Goldberg's out at 2. Kanyon and Bam Bam are in while Page yells at the referee. They get double clotheslined. Spear. Jackhammer. Ho-hum. 1, 2, 3. Replays show us the Triad looking like jackasses.
Your winner: Goldberg (match time: 9:04)
Only one match left! Hang in there!
Video clips of Hogan, Sting, Lex Luger, an elusive white Hummer, Randy Savage, Gorgeous George, Bret Hart, and some shoving are shown.
HERO TO MILLIONS AND ALL AROUND GOOD GUY HULK HOGAN vs. BACK, BACK IN BLACK STING for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship - The intros are done by MICHAEL BUFFER, who's continued employment is a mystery to me. Both enter without incident. They shake hands and then bump fists, cause they're cool guys and that's what cool guys do. Well, that and sitting in the back eatin' fruit. Another song kicks up... why, it's BRET HART out to... well... talk to Hulk and Sting and then leave. Okay. Tony and Tenay hype the "Who can you trust? We'll finally find out!" aspect, which makes me think of how good that "who's corner will Mr. Perfect be in?" angle was. They lock up and tempers start to flare. Hulk goes from a lock up to a ROLL-UP PIN ATTEMPT! My God, Hogan's been born again! Wait, then he stalls and puts on an armbar. I spoke too soon. I think I hear a "We Want Flair" chant. Hulk gets the early advantage with a slam and a few elbowdrops. Sting counters with a slam and elbow of his own. Hey, remember when Hogan vs. Sting was the biggest possible match in WCW? Those were the days. Hulk knees his way out of a test of strength and hits a suplex! But Sting leaps to his feet in classic Hogan style. 10 punches of doom on Hogan in the corner. Hulk rolls outside and pulls Sting out with him. They brawl around ringside. Sting gets run into the railing a few times, then slammed on the floor. He regains the advantage and throws Hulk into the railing a time or two. Now it's Sting eating the steel again... and Hulk grabs a camera cable and chokes him! So much for that vow to his kid, huh? They get back inside the ring. Hulk unleashes a few submission moves. He goes to the eyes and scratches Sting's back. 10 punches of doom on Sting, then Hogan BITES him! It's okay because this is for the title, says Tony. Sting ducks a clothesline and hits a high cross body. There's a Stinger Splash! Another Stinger Splash! A third Stinger... nope, Hogan's out of there. And he's HULKING UP! Big boot! Just before Hulk hits the legdrop, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE nails the referee! The legdrop hits! Hogan's up when he sees there's no count. Diamond Cutter on Hogan! DDP drags Sting over Hogan and shoves the ref into position. 1, 2, Hogan kicks out! Diamond Cutter on the referee! Hogan's up and he's pissed. Bret runs in and lays out DDP! Hogan's hammering Sting. Here's SID VICIOUS! He gets nailed with a big boot! LEX LUGER runs in and Hogan nails him before he can do anything. Lex has bad luck in that department. Lex brought a bat that Sting picks up as Hogan mouths off to a fallen Luger. Hulk turns to the armed Sting, "I told you he's the one!". Hulk realizes Sting has a bat... and Sting NAILS him with it! The announcers are in shock! The crowd LOVES it! Luger nails Bret with the bat as Charles Robinson slides in. Scorpion Deathlock on Hogan! The arm drops once... twice... thrice! It's over! And we have the most anticlimactic heel turn in wrestling history! Sting and Luger celebrate and leave as the commentators try putting Sting over as a heel despite the positive crowd reaction. Don't forget to watch Nitro!
So who drove the Hummer? STING? Bite me.
Your winner and new WCW World Champion: Sting (match time: 13:55)
Hey, if you ordered Fall Brawl, send in your cable bill for an EXCLUSIVE Fall Brawl stadium seat cushion! Because when there's such a low turnout at a pay-per-view, we ALL benefit! The ad for Halloween Havoc features the line "watch the horror unfold". So fitting for a WCW event... it's scary!
WCW's running 3 for 3 in putting on pay-per-view events that are a bitch to sit through and recap. Aside from Sting's heel turn and a continued push for Sid/Goldberg, nothing of note came out of this show. It started off strong and then sucked the interest out of me from the third match on. I give it a thumbs-in-the-middle, bordering on down.
You know, I've got to come up with a better rating system. For example... I'd rather make out with an ugly chick than watch this again, but not a FAT ugly chick. See the distinction?
See you at Halloween Havoc!
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