Vince Russo has been removed as the head writer?!
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Sorry about that. You know, under most circumstances I would find this unfortunate, what with the guy moving his entire family down south for a job that he only had a few months... but seeing as how Russo made contact with WCW himself and wasn't lured away by Turner's deep pockets and promises of grand happenings, I really have little sympathy for him here. Lie down with pigs and you get dirty, Vinnie. Of course, my opinion and 50 cents won't even get you a cup of coffee.

A quick recap of the pre-game show: the injuries to Jarrett and Hart were mentioned with the new main event of Sid vs. Chris Benoit announced. It's nice they didn't wait until the PPV started, like the time Nash bailed out of Starrcade, but in my area (and many others, so I'm told) you don't GET the pre-show until you buy the show itself... so if you didn't know by now, it's too late. Anyway... Sid made it through an interview, Konnan wasn't so lucky as he was jumped by the Revolution, and Vampiro got beat down by David Flair and Crowbar. Vamp then issued a 2-on-1 challenge.

And with that, we're underway!

WCW logo shot. If this logo could talk, do you think it'd say "I've lasted longer than Russo"?

We fade into the arena as we are LIVE from the Firstar Centre in Cincinnati, Ohio! Hey, there's a TitanTron! Or a TurnerTron, I suppose.

We meet our hosts for tonight's extravaganza, TONY "INTERNET KING" SCHIAVONE, MIKE "TALK TO THE HAND" TENAY, & BOBBY "THE BRAIN" HEENAN, who fill us in on the main event change. Video clips show us Goldberg drilling Bret with a superkick at Souled Out, causing his injury. Then we see Benoit's cave dive onto Jarrett. I thought it was the Snuka dive that hurt him. Oh well. The world title and US titles are both vacant, making this the FOURTH straight WCW PPV that has seen someone stripped of a belt.

Our hosts dejour continue with the rest of the re-vamped card. The pre-game show footage of Konnan being attacked is replayed, with the mention that Konnan is too injured to compete. The Triple Threat Theater will now consist of Kidman against Dean Malenko in a "catch as catch can" match, Kidman against Saturn in a bunkhouse brawl, and Kidman against the Revolution's mystery partner in a "Caged Heat" match. How is THIS fair? Kidman has to wrestle three separate people?

The Vampiro attack from the pre-game show is shown again. Vampiro wanted both guys in the ring, so they made it a 3-way match... as calling it a "handicap match" might offend somebody.

The other matches on the card remain the same, with the added bonus of Big Vito and Johnny Da Bull meeting the Harris Boys. YES! Talk about a potential classic! Let's stop wasting time and get this shindig underway!

KID-MAN vs. DEANO MALENKO in a "Catch As Catch Can" match - Kidman enters to one of Konnan's themes. What's wrong with Kidman's old music? Bobby sneaks one in early: "I saw Pete Rose earlier and I said 'what a great PPV this is gonna be!' He said 'wanna bet?'" Dean enters and adjusts his wrist tape, as is the norm. Just think... BOTH of these guys could be out of WCW in a week, if rumors are true. It appears the "catch as catch can" match is a "dungeon match" with ropes. Pinfalls, submissions, or a ring exit will end the match. Dean takes an early advantage by knocking Kidman flat. Dean takes Billy down and outwrestles him some. Kidman springs up and Dean ducks his head out between the ropes. Kidman misses a dropkick, but ends up wailing on Malenko. Dean... ROLLS OUTSIDE! Huh? Shouldn't that be it? The ref orders Dean back in, then calls for the bell. Sure enough, Dean has lost by leaving the ring. The crowd boos the decision. It looks as if they'll keep going for a second, but Kidman runs off 'cause he's a punk. Judging by Dean's face as he leaves, I think he messed up. Ah well... there's no stips like this in the WWF, Dean! As long as you don't mind "pink slip on a pole" matches.

Your winner: Kidman (match time: 2:35)

Video clips show us Vampiro beating Crowbar on Thunder.

Back in the arena, we see the crowd as we talk more about Vampiro, Flair, and friends.

Here's a video package of David and Daffney's reign of wackyness. I hear "bitch" uttered in there somewhere... I think by that potty mouthed Vampiro.

Scott Hudson speaks with Vampiro. Before he can speak, someone interrupts. It's MASA HIRO CHONO! What the hell is he doing? Chono mumbles in Japanese, I assume, before Vampiro shoves him.

Mean Gene speaks with the triangle of non-terror, who plan on picking Vampiro clean like buzzards.

VAM-PIE-RO vs. DAVID FLAIR (with Daffney) vs. CROWBAR in a 3-way match - Vamp enters. David runs in with a crowbar and gets hammered. Vampiro takes an early advantage against both guys. Vamp hits a chop on Crowbar, then shows his open hand to the camera. A double-handed chop from Vamp on Crowbar echos like a gunshot. Crowbar hits a northern lights suplex... or a "bridge suplex" if you're a WCW broadcaster. Vampiro fights back and dumps both guys outside. Dive through the ropes onto Crowbar! Vamp mocks a Hogan pose. Ha! Daffney argues with the ref some. David's underwear is showing... not that I'm looking or anything. Tony wonders what Ric Flair thinks about what he's son's up to. Vamp rips off David's shirt and chops his bare chest before dumping him outside. David and Crowbar appear to lock up on the floor. Vamp hits a baseball slide to floor them both. Crowbar slides back inside and flips over the top rope to take out Vamp AND David! Vampiro gets dropped onto the apron and positioned on the floor. Crowbar hops to the apron and hits a running splash! Vamp gets rolled back inside. Now David unloads some chops... no, Vamp reverses it and tosses David outside. German suplex by Crowbar! Somersault legdrop from Crowbar! Crowbar goes up top and gets caught. Vamp climbs up to meet him... SUPERPLEX!! 1, 2, David pulls Vamp off. WCW debuts (I think) a double feature to show some replays. Crowbar grabs David and slams him onto Vampiro. 1, 2, kickout! David hits a suplex for a 2 count. Crowbar tries a powerbomb that Vampiro sort-of blocks. Back suplex on Dave! Kick on Crowbar! BIG chop on Dave! And one for Crowbar! Rock Bottom on Crowbar! David breaks up a pin attempt at 2. Daffney watches on. Crowbar with a big splash off the top! He stands and David hooks on a figure four! Crowbar hits some move but we miss it for a close-up of Daffney. Now David and Crowbar are fighting. Daffney comes in to pull them apart. Dave hits a back suplex on his partner and then kisses Daffney with the sort of passion that makes Triple H and Stephanie look like they're filming porn scenes on Raw. Vamp rolls Dave up from behind! 1, 2, Daffney pulls Vamp off! Crowbar goes to work on Vamp, who hits a powerbomb to get things going his way. Vamp holds Daffney in the corner and David rushes in, hitting her by mistake as Vamp steps aside. Nail in the Coffin on Dave! 1, 2, 3! Daffney helps David out as Vampiro celebrates. Replays show us some of the action.

Your winner: Vampiro (match time: 10:32)

So Vampiro can beat two guys on his own, but he needs several others to help him beat Ed Ferrara? Gotcha. And what was up with Chono?

Buff Bagwell has arrived. A little late, ain't ya, Buff?

Mean Gene talks with the Italians. Tony Marinara has things to take care of and he walks off. Vito and Johnny rough up Disco Inferno when he balks at interfering in their match.

NOT THE DOUBLEMINT TWINS (with a longing for suits and ties) vs. A COUPLE GOOMBAS (with Disco Inferno) - The Harris Boys enter to NO CROWD RESPONSE WHATSOEVER. The Creative Control thing was sort of cool, but do we really need to see them in ANOTHER lame biker-type gimmick? The goons make their entrance. I thought they were stooges sent to collect from Disco... why are they STILL wrestling now that Disco is working off his debts? Tony slips in that Arn Anderson will still be the referee in the main event. Why? We start with Johnny and one of the Harris twins. Tony says it's Ron. Ron dominates early but quickly gets knocked to the outside to regroup. Tags are made on both sides. Vito works over Don and yells at Disco to do something. Disco fakes like he can't hear. Johnny gets a tag and Don gets double teamed. Vito gets a tag back right away and hits a neckbreaker. Tony hasn't noticed the earlier Harris tag and is still calling the man in the ring "Ron". Vito makes some suggestive movements before elbowing Don between the legs. Tag to Johnny. Don takes control and dumps Johnny outside, where Ron works him over. Big side slam on Johnny! Tag to Ron, who Tony calls "Don". I kid you not, Bobby asks how Tony can tell them apart and Tony claims he can tell by the tattoos. Yeah, bang up job so far, Tony! Chinlock on Johnny, who fights out and hits a big clothesline. Spinebuster on Johnny for 2. A few more covers only get 2 counts. Roll-up on Ron for 2! Ron tags his brother. Disco argues with Vito. Don goes low on Johnny and claims it was a shot to the knee. Tony, of course, refers to Don as "Ron". Some elbows keep Johnny down for a 2 count. Tag to Ron, or "Don" if you're Tony Schiavone. Vito tries coming in as Johnny gets choked by Don in the Harris corner. "Boring" chants ring out about 5 minutes too late. Johnny gets slammed into the railing on the outside. Disco and Vito continue arguing. Don scoops up Johnny for a big slam. Johnny tries a sunset flip that ends up in the ropes. Tag to Ron. I think I hear a "DOA" chant. Vito breaks up a pin attempt and says "Fuck you, too! Piece of shit!" to Don. Don takes Vito outside and posts him as Ron sets Johnny for a spike piledriver. Vito knocks Don of the top rope and climbs up himself. Disco shoves Vito forward... but Vito lands on Ron with a cross body! 1, 2, 3! The Goombas escape and call for Disco, thinking that Disco assisted them. But WE know the TRUTH! Yawn.

Your winners: Big Vito and Johnny The Bull (match time: 9:33)

Backstage we find Madusa, her massive rack, and Spice talking about how sick they are of Oklahoma. I think it's jealousy because Ed's breasts are bigger than Madusa's. Speaking of breasts, it seems so unfair for Madusa to have that freakish rack while a babe like Spice is stuck with the equivalent of fried eggs stuck to her chest. (Man, if THAT one don't get me some mail...)

MADUSA (with grotesque breasts and Spice of Nitro Girls fame) vs. FAT, HAIRY, PETTY BITCH ED FERRARA (with BBQ sauce) for the WCW Cruiserweight title - Oklahoma enters first with the title belt around his waist. Video clips show us the devastation Okie has caused the past week. Ed runs down women. How original. Madusa enters wearing her husband's football jersey, but she quickly removes it. More of her chest is covered than usual, thankfully. She enters the ring and we're underway! Some big kicks take Oklahoma down for a 2 count. Okie grabs her hair for a few snap mares. I think he's ALREADY out of breath. Madusa chops Ed in the corner, then ends up headbutting him in the balls. She climbs to the second rope and barely hits a dropkick. Up to the second rope again... she hits it full this time. Madusa tries a dropkick off the ropes, but the camera doesn't pick up if she connected. Ed hits a DDT and slides Madusa towards the ropes. He climbs outside and grabs his bottle of BBQ sauce, which Spice rips away from him. Here's ASYA out of nowhere! She waylays Ed, who gets thrown back inside. Madusa grabs him and gets her tights pulled into a roll-up! 1, 2, 3. I don't believe it. Madusa knocks Oklahoma outside and pours the sauce on him as Spice and Asya hold him still. I guess sistas are doin' it for themselves. Or something. Who cares?

Your winner and new Cruiserweight champion: Oklahoma (match time: 2:56)

Mean Gene talks with Brian Knobs, who actually finishes the interview without using the word "nasty".

SOLDIER OF SUCK BRIAN KNOBS vs. HARDCORE WARRIOR NORMAN SMILEY vs. FIT FINLEY vs. KING MENG in a "four the hard way" match for the Hardcore Championship - Norman enters in riot gear, complete with a plastic shield. Video clips show us Knobs winning the belt on Thunder. Finley enters in camouflage pants that he must have borrowed from the No Limit Soldiers. Video clips from a hardcore match with Knobs and Finley are played. Meng enters with his massive 'fro. Knobs has on the same pants as Finley. Hootie Hoo! Before Knobs can reach the ring, we're underway! Don't expect serious detail here. Garbage cans are used. Norman screams. Knobs and Finley work together on Meng. Norman has a police baton that he uses to his advantage. All 4 end up on the outside. Norman screams some more. Knobs and Finley pull a table out from under the ring, then do nothing with it. Norman tries escaping through the fans but Finley follows him and brings him back. Knobs props the table up against the ring apron. Norman gets beat on. Out of nowhere, Meng is covering Knobs inside the ring and Finley breaks it up. Norman grabs his shield and sneaks up on Knobs, tapping him with is toe. Headbutt to the balls by Norman! He picks up his baton and starts to dance. Norman dives off the second rope, but Knobs hits him with the plastic shield! 1, 2, 3! Meng helps Norman up and Norman hugs him, only to be heaved over the top rope. Knobs and Finley leave together. Replays show us that the table WAS used, we just didn't see it.

Your winner and still Hardcore champion: Brian Knobs (match time: 6:11)

Just to sum up, the only two singles champions in WCW right now are Brian Knobs and Ed Ferrara. Viva WCW!

KID-MAN vs. PERRY SATURN in a bunkhouse brawl - We come right into this one after the hardcore match. Both men enter without incident. We're underway! Saturn gets the early advantage. A press slam keeps Kidman down for 2. Kidman fights back and hits the 10 punches 'o doom in a corner. A clothesline gets Kidman a 2 count. An acid drop bulldog attempt sees Kidman get crotched on the top rope. Saturn shoves him to the floor and gets a 2 count on the outside. They go back in the ring and Saturn hits a Van Daminator sans chair. Another double feature shows us a replay or two. Saturn hits a springboard legdrop for 2. Kidman gets his wifebeater t-shirt torn off. Saturn nails a superkick and applies an arm hold. Saturn goes outside and pulls a table out from under the ring. Kidman leaps over the top rope and nails Saturn, then sets up the table but they both get back in the ring before it can be used. Saturn climbs to the top... BIG elbowdrop! 1, 2, kickout! Kidman gets a quick sunset flip for 2. Another double feature... okay, we get it, you're doing replays now. Saturn hooks Kidman for a powerbomb. A powerbomb on KIDMAN?! Surely you jest! Kidman slips free, of course, but Saturn hooks him again... and POWERBOMBS KIDMAN!!! 1, 2, kickout! Saturn goes up top and misses a moonsault. The acid drop bulldog connects this time! Sky High by Kidman! 1, 2, kickout! Saturn gets Kidman in a waistlock by the ropes and DUMPS him over the top... THROUGH THE TABLE!! Saturn goes outside, pulls Kidman from the wreckage, and gets a 2 count. A double feature shows us a replay of the table spot. Saturn puts Kidman back inside and goes up top. Kidman catches him and climbs up to meet him. Saturn looks to be going for a TOP ROPE POWERBOMB... but Kidman backdrops him off the top! Powerbomb attempts on Kidman are exercises in futility! Saturn gets to his feet and tries ANOTHER powerbomb... but Kidman hits his face slam! 1, 2, 3! Well, shit, Perry... if you totally ignore my advice, what do you expect? Kidman quickly heads backstage as Perry has to be thinking "Another powerbomb attempt on Kidman?! What was I THINKING?!"

Your winner: Kidman (match time: 10:05)

So now that Kidman has won 2 of the matches, why is there a third? I thought the point of the Triple Threat Theater was that it was a "best 2 out of 3"? Oh well.

The terrible threesome discusses matches that are yet to come.

Footage appears of Stevie Ray "returning to the hood". Hey, that's MY neighborhood! Stevie says he hasn't forgotten the ghetto where they came from, but he knows Booker wants to forget it. Proof of this point is offered as Stevie meets people on the street who greet him and ask where Booker is. Isn't Booker T supposed to be the FACE here? How is this helping that notion along?

Mean Gene speaks with Stevie Ray backstage, who's gonna give his little brother a lesson. Fruitbooty! Eggsucka!

BOOKER OJ (with Midnight) vs. KING O' THE HOOD STEVIE RAY - Booker enters wearing the GAYEST OUTFIT EVER! Seriously, it looks like a giant condom. Booker says it was Stevie, not himself, who forgot where he came from. As Stevie enters I notice that Midnight has some sort of piercing through her bottom lip. Booker sends Midnight backstage, 'cause this ain't no place for a female, yo. The brothers brawl around and end up outside as Booker dominates. Back inside, a flying forearm keeps Stevie down for 2. Stevie hits an elbow and a clothesline to swing the momentum his way. Booker gets dumped outside the ring, then run into the railing. Stevie tries another whip to the railing and Booker reverses. They go back inside and Booker gets caught in a powerslam. Stevie applies a reverse chinlock to slow things down. Booker tries fighting out and gets thrown back down. Stevie continues the "methodical" pace with another rest hold. Booker finally fights out but gets a backdrop for his trouble. Stevie calls for the Slapjack! Booker counters! Stevie... slows things back down. Booker lets some kicks fly that take Stevie down. Stevie's up... ax kick! Booker spins to his feet! Rock Bottom on Stevie! Here comes... somebody! He attacks Booker! Holy SHIT, it's AHMED F'N JOHNSON!!! The Human Injury LIVES! And look at that GUT! Good LORD! Ahmed continues beating on Booker. Midnight runs down, but stays outside the ring. Stevie hits the Slapjack on Booker. Ahmed hits... well, his old finisher, the name of which I can't recall. It'll come to me. Midnight can't get in to save Booker without the lights first going out, I guess. Stevie calls Ahmed "Big T". T can't believe Booker turned his back on family for "a piece of fish". Huh? I don't get it, can someone explain that? Stevie says we're looking at the NEW Harlem Heat. Lord help us ALL! C'mon, everybody... YER GOIN' DOWN!!! YER GOIN' DOWN!!!

Your winner by disqualification: Booker T (match time: 6:30)

Mean Gene talks with Sid, who has to face his "good friend" Chris Benoit tonight. Sid says nothing of note.

WORLD TITLE MATERIAL TANK ABBOT vs. PPV SUPERSTAR JERRY FLYNN in a "shootfight" - Abbot enters without incident. Video clips show us various run-ins between he and Flynn. Flynn enters and we're underway! Tank tries some punches that don't seem to connect. He lifts Flynn up and dumps him down. Jerry unloads some kicks. Tank misses a big punch and gets a kick to the back. Code Red by Flynn! Tank punches his way free and applies a hold of his own. Jerry is out quickly with his own move. Tank lifts him up and drops him once again. A big punch by Tank misses by a mile. Another punch seems to just graze Flynn. The ref drops Jerry's arm 3 times. Thank you, good night! Just think, Tank could have left as WCW champion if Russo had his way.

Your winner: Tank Abbot (match time: 1:38)

Video clips show us the heated feud between DDP and Buff. Man, they get a lot of use from that time Kimberly took off her robe in the hotel room. Who's the face here, anyway?

I guess the underlying angle in this one would be... who GOT the hummer? (Rim shot!) Thanks, folks, I'll be here all week.

KIMBERLY'S HUSBAND (without Kimberly) vs. BUFFY THE MARRIAGE VOWS SLAYER (with some sort of stuff) in a Last Man Standing match - Both men enter without incident. DDP starts trash talking right off the bad. Some shoves, a slap, it's a pier sixer! They go outside right away, brawling around ringside. Buff eats the railing and goes over it. DDP follows and they brawl into the crowd. They reach a hockey box, it appears, and they both slip and fall down between some blocked off seats and the rink boards. DDP leads Buff back to the railing and tosses him over. A reversal sees Page smash into the railing. Buff rolls Page inside, but DDP gets the advantage with a neckbreaker. A Diamond Cutter attempts fails as Buff hits a neckbreaker of his own. DDP's up first and he works over Buff. Cactus Clothesline by DDP! Both men crash to the floor. DDP: "Get up, bitch!" They brawl up the aisle towards the WCW.com location. There's MARK MADDEN and THE DELI BOY! Both men grab computer monitors, which appear to have black screens, and throw them together. Madden and friend scatter. DDP smashes a keyboard on Buff's back. DDP ends up on the internet location table. Buff climbs the WCW.com backdrop... ELBOW through the rickety, break-away table! Buff crawls off as a double feature shows us the replay. Buff gets up to ringside when DDP catches him and sends him into the steel. Back in the ring, Buff hits a low blow. Buff's dancing is interrupted by a DDP flurry. Page gets Buff in position and racks him on the ringpost! A "DDP" chant rings out. Buff hits a quick elbow and a VADER BOMB! With both men down for the 10th time, the ref decides to suddenly start counting. They both get up around 9 with little drama. They collide again and reach their feet at 9. Buff hits a DDT but can't get up. The ref counts them both down. At 9, surprisingly, they both stand. Buff hits a suplex of some sort and goes to the second rope. DDP rises up... Buff Blockbuster!! Buff pulls himself up as the ref counts DDP. DDP gets up just in time. Buff pulls off a boot and takes out a riot baton, which he uses to smash down Page. More counting... DDP's up before 10, bumps into Bagwell, and hits a Diamond Cutter out of nowhere! The ref counts. Here's KIMBERLY'S RACK leading Kimberly to ringside. Back in the ring, Buff has stood up by 10... but Page hasn't! Buff wins! Kim stands on the apron and looks at Buff, who says something before getting smashed with his own baton. Page hammers Buff a little more as Kimberly watches with a vacant stare and no emotion... or, in other words, how she normally looks. DDP and Kimberly walk off.

Your winner: Buff Bagwell (match time: 11:38)

Our hosts discuss this ongoing drama as Buff celebrates his win. Hey, that big cage is lowering!

PEARL RIVER PLUNGE!!! That's what Ahmed's move was called. Whew! Now I'll be able to sleep tonight.

KID-MAN vs. AN OPPONENT OF COMPLETE MYSTERY in a "Caged Heat" match - Again, why is this third match happening? The "Caged Heat" cage is nothing more than a Hell in a Cell cage with a more sturdy roof. The Revolution's music fires up, bringing DEAN DOUGLAS down to ringside. Shane runs down how the Revolution has taken out the Filthy Animals one at a time. Shane: "The big surprise that's whoopin' your ass and taking you out, you COCK....... ROACH... is none other than... THE WALL!!!" The WALL?! Are you shitting me? Jimmy Snuka would be a better partner! The Wall walks down to the ring, telling Douglas all the mean things he'll do to Kidman. Wall enters the cage and gets dropkicked as he climbs on the apron! Kidman shoots him into the cage. Heenan actually says he's never seen a cage like this before. The cage door is padlocked shut, just further making sure this is a Hell in a Cell match. Wall no sells a few chair shots and throws Kidman inside the ring. Wall to the top! Kidman meets him with a dropkick! Wall escapes a pin attempt and dominates for a while. Kidman goes outside and gets run into the cage a time or two. Wall throws Kidman back inside and basically beats on him for a while. Kidman turns a superplex attempt into a sunset flip off the top for a 2 count! Samoan Drop by the Wall. Wall goes for a chokeslam... Kidman turns it into a Frankensteiner! He pulls him to the corner! Kidman to the top... he leaps! The Wall catches him by the throat! CHOKESLAM! 1, 2, 3! Wall celebrates as replays show us the finish. Kidman still won the Triple Threat Theater 2-1, but they fail to bring it up.

Your winner: The Wall (match time: 5:02)

Video packages show us the incredible war of words waged by Kevin Nash and Terry Funk in recent weeks.

KEVIN NASH (with Bill Busch in his back pocket) vs. COMMISH TERRY FUNK in a Hardcore match - If Funk wins, the nWo disbands... if Nash wins, he's the new Commish. Who's YOUR money on? Nash enters to the Wolfpac theme for reasons unknown. Funk enters and Nash jumps him in the aisle! We're underway! Nash beats Funk around ringside a bit before grabbing a chair and smashing him on the head twice. Funk: "You muthafucking son of a..." and he falls down. Nash pulls him up... JACKKNIFE THROUGH THE BROADCAST TABLE!! The crowd pops huge, proving that Nash is the face here. Nash gets the stick and climbs into the ring. Nash says if Funk can get back inside the ring, he can keep the Commish job. Funk, now bleeding heavily, slowly makes his way back into the ring. Nash: "I'm a lying son of a bitch." Nash pulls Funk up and unloads the dreaded barrage in a corner. In a weird spot, Nash clotheslines Funk over the top but Funk teeters on the ropes before appearing to crash to the floor directly on his head. Nash follows Funk out and beats on him. Terry throws a chair into the ring and it HITS THE CAMERA! HA! Back in the ring, Funk takes a few more chair shots. Funk manages to block one and Nash takes a few shots! The crowd boos. DDT by Funk! 1, 2, kickout. They fight back to their feet and Funk takes a few more chairshots to the head. Nash sets up a chair in sitting position. Terry fights back and sets up a second chair next to the first, then grabs one from outside and drapes it across the two chairs that are already set up. If you don't see where THIS is going... well, wait a few minutes. Funk grabs Nash and takes a low blow. Nash hooks him... Jackknife onto the chairs!! 1, 2, 3! The commentators are worried about the state of affairs in WCW now that Nash is Commish. Hey, you know that Bill Busch guy that put Funk in charge? Think HE could do something? Nah. Replays show us some highlights. Nash doesn't take over as Commish until midnight, for some reason.

Your winner and new WCW Commissioner: Kevin Nash (match time: we'll say 10:00)

Chris Benoit and Sid are both warming up.

Scott Hudson talks with Arn Anderson, who mopes over the outcome of the last match, actually flubbing over words for the first time I can ever recall seeing. The nWo may have the Commish, but they won't be getting the world title, by God!

CHRIS BENWAA (with pending WCW release) vs. SYCO PSYD (with a pair of scissors) for the vacant WCW World Heavyweight Championship - The guest referee, ARN ANDERSON, enters first. I see MICHAEL BUFFER in the ring, also. Both men enter without incident... time for the intros! Benoit is the "master of the crippler", according to Buffer. Can he EVER get everything right? Buffer: "The former WCW heavyweight champion of the world... SID VICIOUS!" Um, when was Sid the WCW champion? Some 1 day reign I don't recall or did Buffer fuck up AGAIN? Arn reminds both men that the winner will carry the flag of WCW and we're underway! A "feeling out" process ensues. Here's PERRY SATURN and DAVID FLAIR at the entrance. What are they doing? Someone else walks up as the camera returns to the ring. Sid HEAVES Benoit to the floor with his bare hand! Another shot of the entrance shows that more people have come out. Tenay: "The locker room has emptied! That's the respect they have for these two men!" Needless to say, there's only about 8 people standing there as Tenay says that. Sid grabs Benoit and gorilla presses him. Suplex by Sid... no, he THROWS Benoit down face first! Sid peels Benoit up, misses a clothesline, and Benoit dropkicks the knee! He goes to town on Sid's leg! They go outside where Benoit sets Sid's leg between the ringsteps and the ring, then dropkicks the steps. The wrestlers at the entrance continue to watch. Benoit hammers all over Sid before rolling him back inside. 1, 2, kickout! Figure Four by Benoit! Sid refuses to give in! He reverses and Benoit gets to the ropes. Back to the leg goes Benoit. As Sid is kneeling Benoit dropkicks him in the HEAD! Yes! More leg work. Sid gets hammered in a corner. Snap suplex by Benoit! 1, 2, kickout! Sid fights up to his feet, but Benoit goes back to the legs to keep him down. A Mutalock by Benoit! But Sid won't quit! Benoit hits a few sliding dropkicks that knock Sid out to the floor. He rolls back inside and starts hulking up! Big punches rock Benoit! Sid misses a clothesline and Benoit goes right back to the leg! Sid catches a Benoit boot, but Benoit manages a German suplex! He tries for another but Sid blocks it. Powerslam by Sid! 1, 2, kickout! Benoit dropkicks Sid's leg and puts on a leg submission hold. The crowd is heavily behind Sid, who grabs the ropes. Another German suplex by Benoit! Thumb across the throat! Swandive... CONNECTS! 1, 2, Sid THROWS him off! Benoit runs into a CHOKESLAM! 1, 2... Arn stops the count! Benoit's foot is under the bottom rope! The crowd boos. Sid pulls Benoit up... CRIPPLER CROSSFACE!!! SID TAPS... but HIS foot is outside the ring!! The bell rings anyway! BENOIT WON THE WORLD TITLE!!! The Crippler celebrates with the belt and you have to feel good for the guy. Replays show us some highlights. Sid's foot is clearly outside the ring, which taints the whole thing, dammit.

Your winner and new WCW World Champion: Chris Benoit (match time: 14:52)

Mean Gene talks with Benoit in the back. Chris thanks Sid and mentions seeing the Dynamite Kid when he was 11. Arn interrupts things to congratulate Benoit. Whew, I thought he was going to reverse the decision. Here's KEVIN NASH to interrupt. Once midnight hits, Benoit's in some trouble. No, not THAT Midnight.

If you actually paid for this, send in your cable bill and get a free 3 month subscription to WCW Magazine! And watch Nitro!

Final Thought:

Well, for a PPV that got so royally screwed with the promotion's two main champions not being able to wrestle, this wasn't that bad a show. But it's nothing I'd really want to watch again, aside from the cool moment where Benoit got the belt. Since this wasn't THAT bad, I wonder how much better it could have been if Jarrett and Bret had been there.

Call this one a thumbs in the middle, but that's not too shabby when you consider the shitstorm that rained down on WCW in the days before the show.

We'll see you back at SuperBrawl!